May Jesus be my only lover! - am I silly?

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anonymous1995

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The idea of consecrating my whole life to Jesus - for and only for Him - and making Him my only lover till Eternity has been lingering around in my head for some time. I want Our Lord to be my only spouse and offer Him every bit of my soul and body if He wishes. This idea is sometimes accompanied with slight sentimental attachment, but very often it simply is an idea which subsists in my rationality.

Am I being silly? How could I know if my Faith isn’t self-fulfilling prophecy? Am I simply being attention-seeking, seeing that my spiritual director (a young priest) is virtuous and attracts a lot of likes on Facebook and I’m envious of him? Or that I am trying to deceive myself to think about priesthood or loving Jesus so as to please him? Or am I simply too lazy and bother with insane thoughts? Or am I too ungrateful for my current medical career and think about Jesus? How could I be so audacious to yearn for Jesus’s being my only spouse when I lack piety, Faith, Love and virtues, and when I am such an ordinary guy? All that I have is sheer mercy and love of God - my academic ‘excellence’ (in the eyes of many) is simply the gift of Our Lord. I am not handsome, tall or humorous, so I don’t think I am convincing enough to preach about Jesus. I am not humble or spiritually poor enough.

But why was my brain wired in such weird fashion since late May? Well, feel free to visit my previous threads on Spirituality and Vocation forums on CAF. Is God really knocking on my door to invite me to think over something?

I don’t repeat the list of doubts which would creep into my mind when midnight arrives or when I’m free. I am otherwise fine and can fairly focus on my work.

Jesus must be laughing at me in Heaven… 😊🤷:confused:😃

Well, analysis by Reason fails to give me peace, so recently I was sort of ‘forced’ to admit the existence of such ridiculous idea in my mind. Looking high into the sky, I could not refrain from saying this to Jesus, ‘My dear Jesus! I don’t know why I want to love You, but at least I know I should, and I really really really wanna try loving You! But without Your Grace I cannot even know or love You, so please, please show me Your undue favour and love me more than I deserve! I trust You would grant me the necessary graces!’

Peace ensued…
 
I won’t address much of what you said regarding how unworthy you are, etc. None of us is worthy of anything we have – all is a gift of God’s grace. So get over all the sentimental self-effacement and focus on Him alone. 😛 😃

There are numerous vocations for men, you know.

Yes, the priesthood is the most common and visible.

But there are also brothers, monks, and even members of secular institutes. All of these profess the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience in some form. Members of secular institutes live an extremely “hidden” life – often their circle of friends don’t even know they are in vows, because they live and support themselves in the world while living out their vows to the Lord.
 
+I’m reminded of the beautiful portion of Scriptural guidance below . . . and wondering about the poster’s understanding of the several facets of the mystery of genuine heartfelt Godly “love” . . .

:bible1::“And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy **heart ❤️ *, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the First Commandment. And the Second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other Commandment greater than these.” * - Matthew 12:30-31​

Doctrinely based upon of the above portion of Sacred :bible1: Scripture . . . as Catholics we are taught that there are three kinds of love imparted to mankind by God our Gracious Heavenly Father. . . Who is wholly holy Love Himself and mankind was created in His image . . . *able to love perfectly *. . . before the free will falling from grace through the deliberate transgression (sin) of Adam . . . which cast everyone into disordered relationships with both God and all our fellow man , . . . and the harmony of man’s life in relation to love in all its aspects was tragically destroyed and perverted and cast into grave disorder and the . . . sinful self . . . of man . . . became the center of mankind’s disordered distorted love relationships . . . rather than centering on our LORD and His purpose as the source of life & health, through the true nature and harmony of genuine holy love in all its three (3) aspects.

Doctrinal Teaching on Love:
  1. **** Agape - God’s infinite love for mankind and man’s reciprocal love (which falls under the First Commandment as related above) and
  2. Philial - love of one’s fellow-man/neighbor and
  3. Eros - intimate love exclusively created for relationship between man and woman as spouses** within marriage** . . .
*(both of last fall in the category of the Second Commandment *as related above) . . .​

The marvelous God fearing :nun1: Benedictine nuns :nun2: in the European convent . . . through whom **He **graced my soul with a portion of my education . . . have a discipline they both practiced and which was well taught called the . . . Holy Discipline of Detachment . . . Essentially it is that genuine love is a CHOICE . . . not just emotion . . . which emotion can carry us away is all kinds of “not marvelous” directions if not disciplined by God’s Love with caution and reason . . .

One is to discipline and detach ones **heart ❤️ ** and emotions from anything . . . *people, places and/or things *. . . that might take precedence over our heart’s first love. . . which should always be God and His Ways . . . and if one’s **first love **IS God . . . and one’s soul endeavors to stay in prayerful constant communion with **Him **. . . then healthy well-ordered love for one’s mate/children/fellow man/neighbor, etc. . . . can . . . and will . . . flow and follow . . . *in a wonderfully blest holy orderly fashion *. . . and as the Reverend Mother Emmanuel encouraged all her nuns:

“Leave a little leeway for the graces.
It’s a never-ending affair trying to be good
but never forget
when God orders,
He gives.”
Should the calling of a religious . . . or the priesthood . . or lay-person . . . be the calling and vocation our Wonderful God has for you Anonymous1995 . . . all the graces/gifts of the . . . Sweet Spirit of our Holy God . . . are abundantly available to all of God’s children . . . whatever their vocation . . . as long as the heart ❤️ of the soul is cooperating in earnest communion with it’s . . . LORD and Saviour Jesus Christ . . .
. . . all for Jesus+
. . . thank You Blessed Lord+
. . . thank you Blessed Virgin Mary+
​
 
anonymous1995 said:
The idea of consecrating my whole life to Jesus - for and only for Him - and making Him my only lover till Eternity has been lingering around in my head for some time. I want Our Lord to be my only spouse and offer Him every bit of my soul and body if He wishes. This idea is sometimes accompanied with slight sentimental attachment, but very often it simply is an idea which subsists in my rationality.

Am I being silly? How could I know if my Faith isn’t self-fulfilling prophecy? Am I simply being attention-seeking, seeing that my spiritual director (a young priest) is virtuous and attracts a lot of likes on Facebook and I’m envious of him? Or that I am trying to deceive myself to think about priesthood or loving Jesus so as to please him? Or am I simply too lazy and bother with insane thoughts? Or am I too ungrateful for my current medical career and think about Jesus? How could I be so audacious to yearn for Jesus’s being my only spouse when I lack piety, Faith, Love and virtues, and when I am such an ordinary guy? All that I have is sheer mercy and love of God - my academic ‘excellence’ (in the eyes of many) is simply the gift of Our Lord. I am not handsome, tall or humorous, so I don’t think I am convincing enough to preach about Jesus. I am not humble or spiritually poor enough.

But why was my brain wired in such weird fashion since late May? Well, feel free to visit my previous threads on Spirituality and Vocation forums on CAF. Is God really knocking on my door to invite me to think over something?

I don’t repeat the list of doubts which would creep into my mind when midnight arrives or when I’m free. I am otherwise fine and can fairly focus on my work.

Jesus must be laughing at me in Heaven… 😊🤷:confused:😃

Well, analysis by Reason fails to give me peace, so recently I was sort of ‘forced’ to admit the existence of such ridiculous idea in my mind. Looking high into the sky, I could not refrain from saying this to Jesus, ‘My dear Jesus! I don’t know why I want to love You, but at least I know I should, and I really really really wanna try loving You! But without Your Grace I cannot even know or love You, so please, please show me Your undue favour and love me more than I deserve! I trust You would grant me the necessary graces!’

Peace ensued…
Click to expand...
Personally I would not use the word lover. That normally has sexual connotations even though you do not mean it that way.
I would use the word love.
 
anonymous1995 said:
The idea of consecrating my whole life to Jesus - for and only for Him - and making Him my only lover till Eternity has been lingering around in my head for some time. I want Our Lord to be my only spouse and offer Him every bit of my soul and body if He wishes. This idea is sometimes accompanied with slight sentimental attachment, but very often it simply is an idea which subsists in my rationality.

Am I being silly? How could I know if my Faith isn’t self-fulfilling prophecy? Am I simply being attention-seeking, seeing that my spiritual director (a young priest) is virtuous and attracts a lot of likes on Facebook and I’m envious of him? Or that I am trying to deceive myself to think about priesthood or loving Jesus so as to please him? Or am I simply too lazy and bother with insane thoughts? Or am I too ungrateful for my current medical career and think about Jesus? How could I be so audacious to yearn for Jesus’s being my only spouse when I lack piety, Faith, Love and virtues, and when I am such an ordinary guy? All that I have is sheer mercy and love of God - my academic ‘excellence’ (in the eyes of many) is simply the gift of Our Lord. I am not handsome, tall or humorous, so I don’t think I am convincing enough to preach about Jesus. I am not humble or spiritually poor enough.

But why was my brain wired in such weird fashion since late May? Well, feel free to visit my previous threads on Spirituality and Vocation forums on CAF. Is God really knocking on my door to invite me to think over something?

I don’t repeat the list of doubts which would creep into my mind when midnight arrives or when I’m free. I am otherwise fine and can fairly focus on my work.

Jesus must be laughing at me in Heaven… 😊🤷:confused:😃

Well, analysis by Reason fails to give me peace, so recently I was sort of ‘forced’ to admit the existence of such ridiculous idea in my mind. Looking high into the sky, I could not refrain from saying this to Jesus, ‘My dear Jesus! I don’t know why I want to love You, but at least I know I should, and I really really really wanna try loving You! But without Your Grace I cannot even know or love You, so please, please show me Your undue favour and love me more than I deserve! I trust You would grant me the necessary graces!’

Peace ensued…
Click to expand...
St Ignatius of Loyola’s advice:
“Never make ANY life changing decision without a lengthy process of discussing and praying about it with a HOLY competent and wise priest.”
While being open to anything that may be God’s plan.

Don’t close a door.
Be open to marriage, single life or religious life.

Our Lady was called to marriage and is the highest Saint in Heaven.

Jesus was called to single life and then priesthood.

Both are Holy paths.

God’s plan for you could change in 5 years or ten years time.
He might send you a wife. He might call you to religious life. He might call you to a certain career.

We can’t rely on emotions or the mind only in decisions.
I would believe, if you are single, be open to each vocation.
 
Salutations, brother inChrist.
The Song of Solomon was always confusing to me. It is so sensual. But, getting hit w
That whammy talked about in the movie, THE GODFATHER, is the passionate, all inspiring love He wants from us. You mentioned a medical career. ?? Doctors become priests.
You mention your looks. Some people are graced w more external beauty than others.
Have you noticed, as you socialize w them the beauty of their soul shines through and
You,now, see an attractive person. It sounds like you are being called in service to God.
Check your Spirit and make sure you are not running to seminary because you are ashamed of your looks. I know this: I had wanted to be a nun. I never tried it. I met
My husband and my direction changed. There are times, I wish I’d gone to the convent and tried before I married. Four children and no one goes to church!! Where will their souls go??
An ordination is years after signing into seminary. If it isn’t your calling, you can leave.
At the end of the two great commandments. God commands us to love our neighbor as
WE ARE TOLOVE OURSELVES. If your finances allow it, get dental work done. Get lasik
Surgery done. These are health reasons, not just vanity ones. Get a skin care program
If you have acne scars. Be healthy in mind,body and spirit. Jeremiah 29/11
I HAVE A PLAN FOR YOU… ITIS A GOOD PLAN WITHOUT EVIL.IT HAS A FUTURE
AND A PURPOSE.
You are to start an exciting journey. Reading St John of the Cross= DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL. Might help you. He’s chasing his lover who comes in the night. He has to follow through 7 doors whereby the journey elevates you to higher levels of spiritual maturity.
Don’t run to the seminary, to hide your looks. Assess your sexuality. If celibacy is a problem,
Don’t go.
in Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
P.S.
Noticed someone said, Don’t use Lover.as it is sexual sounding. St John of the Cross using Lover bothered me. The scandals had started. He was Spanish and I felt he chose lover because it, also, inspires a DEEP ABIDING, ALL ENCOMPASSING LOVE. The Holy
Spirit guided me to that thought.
 
anonymous1995 said:
The idea of consecrating my whole life to Jesus - for and only for Him - and making Him my only lover till Eternity has been lingering around in my head for some time. I want Our Lord to be my only spouse and offer Him every bit of my soul and body if He wishes. This idea is sometimes accompanied with slight sentimental attachment, but very often it simply is an idea which subsists in my rationality.
.
Click to expand...
I think it’s good. Like people say, I would seek spiritual guidance before making any permanent commitments. And I would pray to Mary constantly for guidance. If you haven’t read True Devotion to Mary, which describes total conscration to Jesus through Mary, I have found it to have saved my life… And I would encourage you to read it.
 
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
Oh, Devine Master, grant that I may not:
SEEK:
To be consoled, as to console.
To be understood, as to understand.
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving, that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
It is in dying, that we are born to eternal life.

Go forward in the grace of God.❤️😇
-In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
 
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