I think it’s time for me to stop trying to be someone I’m not. I try and try to be a Catholic, but I fail anyway. I think it’s time to just admit that it’s just not something I believe in.
I don’t believe in a lot the dogma. I just don’t. I don’t like shutting my mind to things, but I realize there are parts of Catholicism that I just don’t believe. And the state of the church with all the scandals and hypocrisy, how could this be what God intended?
Even more general than my doubts about Catholicism, are my doubts about God. To me, God just seems so far away and unattainable. Everyone says we should look forward to eternity with God. I just don’t think I want eternity with someone I’ve never really come to know. I want be with my family and my friends forever. According to Catholicism, approximately none of them meet the standards to make it to heaven. Why would I want to go to heaven if I won’t know anyone there?
Sorry about the rant, but could anybody help to put my mind at ease?
You know, I struggle too with my relationship with the Church. I’m a convert and Catholicism was originally ‘stuffed down my throat.’ For brevity I will not post those details. Over the years I have come to love my faith, and my faith family - the Church and its leadership at times causes me considerable consternation. (I hope the ‘haters’ will leave that alone in deference to the poster’s concern and needs).
I can understand your thoughts about God being impersonal. This next thought is not going to make pure theologians happy in any way,
, but here you go. Since the time of Jesus, and much of the time before, God has worked through people. It makes sense don’t you think, since we are God’s creation, in His image, and the ‘whole point’ is for us to know and love God so well we are invited into His loving embrace in Heaven?
God rarely speaks directly to us, but through people He chooses. While I would not disagree, of course, with many of the suggestions regarding readings and praying , I would add to them and suggest seeking God and seeing evidence of Him in others. Over the years I have slowly but increasingly been more aware of God’s influence in others. In 2005 I was blessed (forced at the time
) to go to an ACTS retreat. Check out
www.actsmissions.org if you will.
At that retreat (Thursday night through Sunday mass) I was privileged to learn much more about God’s work in many men’s lives. I received a peace at that retreat that is still going strong after 6 1/2 years, and I know in my heart will never leave. There are many reasons for this, but for a large part, I finally was able to see the work of the Holy Spirit, and the impact/effect/whatever you want to call it - in the lives of people just like me. So many concerns, fears and doubts were lifted - all my choice as I was just shown God alive in others and I had to choose to to walk the path - no pressure was exerted at all.
That then openned my eyes further to God’s loving guidance and impact of those in my church. You see, I just couldn’t read the bible and pray (though we must do those things), I had to ‘see’ God in others to feel his presence. I would offer this experience to you (and those of 100’s more men I have been blessed to go on retreat with as I attend about 2 a year serving on the teams putting them on) and ask you to consider this retreat and other parish experiences to see God as alive and loving you as well as all those around you.
God bless you and good luck with my prayers for you in your search to find your Saviour in your heart.
