UPDATE
Well, lots has happened since the beginning of November. The issues with my sister have come to a head. And my brothers and I have finally come up with a good plan to help my mother.
About 4 days after my father passed in October, my sister’s daughter, my niece, offered to help my mom sell my parents car (she is legally blind so the car was not needed anymore) as well as to help organize her bills. Foolishly, both my mother and I agreed to this. Predictably, things did not work out quite the way we expected.
My niece quickly turned over all the financial information to my sister. On the next business day, someone, we do not know who, tried to impersonate my mother with my parents bank and investment company. They had all my parents info, SS no., mother’s maiden name, account numbers, etc. Fortunately, this person failed because the people she spoke with actually knew my mother personally. My parents still had their account in their small bank in Anchorage. A person called pretending to be my mother and was trying to get the balance of my parents checking and savings account transferred to another account at that bank that had been opened two years previous under my sister’s name. The customer service person on the other end remembered my mother and knew she was legally blind. She told the person calling that the bank was having momentary computer problems and could she read her the closing balance on the most recent statement. This person did that, reading the correct balance. Upon hearing that, the bank employee said the computer problems prevented her from doing any worked and politely asked the caller to call back the next business day. She immediately put a freeze on the account and notified my mom at my home. We immediately went to work dealing with this and protecting my Mom’s accounts.
Meanwhile, my niece sold my parents car. We have a bill of sale for $2650. Yet when the gave my mother the check, they refused to give her the whole amount. Instead, at my sister’s and nieces insistence, they only gave her $1250. The balance was to compensate my sister even more for her personal expenses when she went to Alaska in August.
My sister has never provided a single receipt for any expenses she incurred.
When I said (admittedly not very politely, but not **too **rudely) that she needs to provide some documentation for these expenses, she exploded. Literally. First she and my niece get my Mom on the phone and, according to my Mom, start scolding, then yelling, the screaming at her, complete with profanity. According to my phone records, the call laster about 30 minutes. Sadly, I was not at home at the time. An 83 year old woman should NOT have people screaming profanities at her.
Later that day, my sister began an email rant that went on for days and can only be described as character assassination. She, her husband and her daughter were were spewing so much hate and falsehoods, and utter vulgarity, that it was breathtaking to behold. Other than a one single-sentence response to one of the message saying that it was very “inaccurate” and “defamatory”, I chose not to respond.
As a consequence, my mother has decided that she has had enough. My Mom wants no more contact with my sister, something all my brothers think is a good idea. And my mother has a new will leaving my sister only $1. We also, at the lawyer’s suggestion, have written statements from all my brothers that they have talked to Mom about this, believe her to be in her right mind and acknowledging that she wants to exclude her daughter from any inheritance.
Okay , end of painful stuff. Now good news.
Last week, one of my brothers, the professional homeless one, moved up here from the Midwest to help with my mom, at our invitation. After my Dad’s death, this brother, call him “P.”, seems to be trying to patch over whatever rifts he has with the family. So far, he has been extremely helpful and a great relief to me. He is living with us so it is an interesting situation. He is very willing to abide by the reasonable rules of the house (e.g. no smoking indoors). So far so good.
