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Allegra
Guest
A narcissist.
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Allegra
Guest
There I agree. The OP needs to communicate the boundaries and stand by them. She needs to stop apologizing. She needs to learn the word “no”.
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PaulinVA
Guest
I just read this, and I am flabbergasted.
Three people can not be in a marriage.
In a few years, when the husband wonders about how the divorce happened, maybe he will reflect on this first year and gain some perspective.
I think the husband has probably given up fighting his mother’s intrusiveness into his life.
Three people can not be in a marriage.
In a few years, when the husband wonders about how the divorce happened, maybe he will reflect on this first year and gain some perspective.
I think the husband has probably given up fighting his mother’s intrusiveness into his life.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
And she did not have to accept $$ from the MIL for the wedding, but, the OP cannot unring that bell. (Heck, might be a good idea to get a part time job simply to pay MIL back for the wedding so she cannot hold that over your head!)
What can be changed is today on. Sadly, our OP may have to decide if standing up to MIL is worth losing her husband.
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Talitha712
Guest
I think she paid for the wedding
Edit: the OP and her husband, I mean
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TheLittleLady
Guest
That is more troubling, I can understand wanting to give someone (name removed by moderator)ut if they are signing the check, but, to have allowed that sort of control just because - yikes.
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Talitha712
Guest
I know. It’s going to be really hard to undo 
but with a baby on the way, she can’t let this continue
but with a baby on the way, she can’t let this continue
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angel12
Guest
I understand she was trying to keep the peace with her husband. But unless she wants to be miserable for the rest of her life, she’s going to have to start putting her foot down.
I’d start with telling hubs that the OP working part time isn’t what they agreed on. That’s a big one.
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TheOldColonel
Guest
I trust your expertise on the topic.
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TheOldColonel
Guest
It sounds like you have some experience with what you describe. So, I defer to your assessment.
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TC3033
Guest
If I read the OP right, she didn’t. The couple paid for the wedding themselves (unless I missed something…?)
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Allegra
Guest
According to the OP, she and her husband paid for it.
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tweedlealice
Guest
Well, I’m sorry. It is a handful. You have been trying… Congrats. The only way to change it is to embrace her. Take her out to lunch. Let her pick where. Take her baby shopping for clothes. She’ll buy out the store… Keep your heart in as much Christian love as you can. He’ll grace you w His love for her. (God). You married a Mama’s boy. The way to keep the boy happy is to love his Mom.
That doesn’t mean, she gets her way always…
Some of those shopping trips, you get to make comments. Training her to let you know. It’s not a rejection of you. YOU ARE GIVING HER HER FIRST GRANDCHILD. Don’t make this a power struggle between you and her. That’s not fair to your husband. If you love him, DO NOT PUT HIM IN THAT SITUATION.
Why is she like this? She’s lost and insecure. This is her baby. I know a grown man. When your daughter is older, you’ll understand.
She’s losing a son, not gaining a daughter. Let her see you include her and have you as a daughter. “Mom, I’m wanting to be the daughter you never had. I love you b/c you gave me HUBS. WE BOTH LOVE HUBS! “
Your dress is sad. If money isn’t an issue, get your dress and have an anniversary/ recommit ceremony. Take your Mom shopping w you. By the way, all of you need to do lunch, shop, etc. Girls day out. If your Mom lives nearby, that is.
The doctor lets husband in and your Mom. Some birthing rooms let in more.It would be no problem is 2 Moms and Hubs is in the room. THE ISSUE WILL BE WHO GETS TO CUT CORD! HUBS or if he’s passed out your Mom. She’ll be taking care of Hubs. Maybe, you want it private, just the two of you… That’s cool.
It’s jyst a new thing. You’ll live her one day. Super-Grand Mom.
You’ll need and Want her babysitting. You’ll thank God for her. Your Hubs Picked you out of all women he met. She didn’t fight you getting married to him. You are his #1. Just know it. You’ll laugh at all this one day. He’ll learn to calm his mom down. It’s too soon. You will win this war. Your enemy will surrender.
Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.
PrYer of St. Teresa of Avila.
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
That doesn’t mean, she gets her way always…
Some of those shopping trips, you get to make comments. Training her to let you know. It’s not a rejection of you. YOU ARE GIVING HER HER FIRST GRANDCHILD. Don’t make this a power struggle between you and her. That’s not fair to your husband. If you love him, DO NOT PUT HIM IN THAT SITUATION.
Why is she like this? She’s lost and insecure. This is her baby. I know a grown man. When your daughter is older, you’ll understand.
She’s losing a son, not gaining a daughter. Let her see you include her and have you as a daughter. “Mom, I’m wanting to be the daughter you never had. I love you b/c you gave me HUBS. WE BOTH LOVE HUBS! “
Your dress is sad. If money isn’t an issue, get your dress and have an anniversary/ recommit ceremony. Take your Mom shopping w you. By the way, all of you need to do lunch, shop, etc. Girls day out. If your Mom lives nearby, that is.
The doctor lets husband in and your Mom. Some birthing rooms let in more.It would be no problem is 2 Moms and Hubs is in the room. THE ISSUE WILL BE WHO GETS TO CUT CORD! HUBS or if he’s passed out your Mom. She’ll be taking care of Hubs. Maybe, you want it private, just the two of you… That’s cool.
It’s jyst a new thing. You’ll live her one day. Super-Grand Mom.
You’ll need and Want her babysitting. You’ll thank God for her. Your Hubs Picked you out of all women he met. She didn’t fight you getting married to him. You are his #1. Just know it. You’ll laugh at all this one day. He’ll learn to calm his mom down. It’s too soon. You will win this war. Your enemy will surrender.
Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.
PrYer of St. Teresa of Avila.
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
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Allegra
Guest
This is disgusting. Your encouraging her to spend the rest of her life as a bullying victim. You actually think its acceptable to tell someone that they should let someone who treats them this way into their delivery room?! I think I’m going to throw up!
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Lou2U
Guest
I’m sorry, but I don’t agree with that at all. The OP is not the one causing a power struggle, it’s her mother in law and her husband.
In an ideal world, the OP’s mother in law should grow up. Stop seeing “her baby” and see an adult man with his own family that he needs to cleave to, not a man trying to railroad his wife into plans she’s never agreed to. If the OP does get counselling, hopefully she will be able to address these issues with her husband. Until then, she needs to create boundaries with her mother in law and stick to them, not indulge her. The OP’s husband needs to back her up and stop being a “mama’s boy”.
In an ideal world, the OP’s mother in law should grow up. Stop seeing “her baby” and see an adult man with his own family that he needs to cleave to, not a man trying to railroad his wife into plans she’s never agreed to. If the OP does get counselling, hopefully she will be able to address these issues with her husband. Until then, she needs to create boundaries with her mother in law and stick to them, not indulge her. The OP’s husband needs to back her up and stop being a “mama’s boy”.
You’re missing the part where the OP doesn’t want her in the room, for very good reasons. She’s under no obligation to have her there, and if I were the OP I would be fighting tooth and nail to make sure she wasn’t. As for babysitting, I find it very hard to believe the OP would be glad her husband and mother in law have engineered a plan behind her back, which she has never agreed to. The attitude of “suck it up, buttercup” from her husband is appalling. The OP should come first as his wife.
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Trishie
Guest
No it isn’t always.
With some people no matter what is tried, there is no getting through to them.
They want what they want.
I speak from experience.
I’m a good conciliator, and usually can see both sides, even empathize with both,
which means I sometimes have extra skill in negociation
but some people are intractable.
You’re lucky if that hasn’t been your experience.
With some people no matter what is tried, there is no getting through to them.
They want what they want.
I speak from experience.
I’m a good conciliator, and usually can see both sides, even empathize with both,
which means I sometimes have extra skill in negociation
but some people are intractable.
You’re lucky if that hasn’t been your experience.
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tweedlealice
Guest
Your life is special in your way. In delivery room,
Husband first. Second w her Mom and HUBS. Third, if they allow a party(exaggeration here). She can be in there. It’s how comfortable the sweet wife is w her situation.I never said she had to have her in there. I’m not confrontational. I have insecurities but my place as wife, nothing scared me. My MOM IL was from Ireland, God bless her soul. My first kid, I was breast feeding and not being a great cow. Baby was fussy. I was tired. MIL took Baby & rocked him w the confidence of a Mom who birthed and raised 6 kids. BUT, she’s crooning to my baby,”WHAT DID YOUR MEAN, OLD MOTHER DO TO YOU.!”
It was only 2 wks since delivery. We drove from Tenn to Philly for Baptism. I was tired, boobs were sore. Her words did sting. I shed a little tear and went to sleep…MUCH NEEDED SLEEP. Over time, her mannerisms were not being mean, just not phrased well. We loved each other very much.
I’m all inclusive. I see good in all. I’m not a Saint but life has a few curves. Humor helps turn the corner. I, isn’t my dominant word. We or Us. It’s cosier
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
Husband first. Second w her Mom and HUBS. Third, if they allow a party(exaggeration here). She can be in there. It’s how comfortable the sweet wife is w her situation.I never said she had to have her in there. I’m not confrontational. I have insecurities but my place as wife, nothing scared me. My MOM IL was from Ireland, God bless her soul. My first kid, I was breast feeding and not being a great cow. Baby was fussy. I was tired. MIL took Baby & rocked him w the confidence of a Mom who birthed and raised 6 kids. BUT, she’s crooning to my baby,”WHAT DID YOUR MEAN, OLD MOTHER DO TO YOU.!”
It was only 2 wks since delivery. We drove from Tenn to Philly for Baptism. I was tired, boobs were sore. Her words did sting. I shed a little tear and went to sleep…MUCH NEEDED SLEEP. Over time, her mannerisms were not being mean, just not phrased well. We loved each other very much.
I’m all inclusive. I see good in all. I’m not a Saint but life has a few curves. Humor helps turn the corner. I, isn’t my dominant word. We or Us. It’s cosier
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
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tweedlealice
Guest
She doesn’t have to have her in the room. She may feel differently when it’s time. Embracing her project w OP being in control may have changed mechanics. I’m from a dysfunctional family and learned to coast. As Christ says, love your enemy. Forgive seventy times seven. Put others before you. Give. Sacrifice. Taking and demanding and power struggles are not my way. What I was able to do by God’s grace helped build relationships.
Thank You Lord.
In Christ’s Love
HONOR FATHER AND MOTHER
WHEN PARENTS ARE IN OLD AGE AND ADDLED, Take care of them…
Tweedlealice
Thank You Lord.
In Christ’s Love
HONOR FATHER AND MOTHER
WHEN PARENTS ARE IN OLD AGE AND ADDLED, Take care of them…
Tweedlealice
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His_helpmeet
Guest
This is commonly referred to as a “come to Jesus” meeting. 99.9% of the time it doesn’t work. What’s likely to happen is that MIL will turn it around and accuse them of being mean and unreasonable, that all she wants is to help, they’re ruining her grandma experience, etc. I have seen these scenarios before. I have literally seen people get divorced because one spouse was too married to Mommy and Daddy to be married to the other spouse.
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His_helpmeet
Guest
It sounds as if this mother doesn’t know where she ends and her son begins. Feeding into her behaviour will only make it worse. There must be firm boundaries set. As an example, Hubby and I don’t have contact with his father. The man financially abused us and tried to destroy our marriage. He will never meet any future children unless he changes his attitude.
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