Medical School & NFP Advice [From current or past med students]

  • Thread starter Thread starter DivineMercy9
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

DivineMercy9

Guest
My Fiancee and I will be getting married during the last half of her 4th year. Residency the next three years will be incredibly demanding on her physically and time wise. She will have ridiculously long and irregular hours (med people know how it is).

I’m looking for advice from anyone who has been down this road. We have been talking about whether we would do NFP, and the implications of having the child. We both agree that we just cannot afford a child in the first three years, out of desire for both the child’s health and my future wife’s health. She cannot take time off from residency, and so it would be imprudent to have a child then anyway.

So the advice I am looking for is from wives or husbands who have gone through residency. Did you practice NFP? How did it turn out for you? Was it a tough decision? Did you abstain?

Thanks
 
This isn’t exactly the same, but I was in graduate school the first couple years my husband and I were married. We did NFP for three years and didn’t stop until my husband finished his dissertation and got his first job offer. Our first child was born the following year, as it took half a year for me to get pregnant.

Our NFP was not quite as polished as it is now, and I kept pretty weird hours, but it still worked.

Medical school is probably somewhat different, but I know a lot of graduate students and in my experience male graduate students generally do just fine dealing with academics and fatherhood, but female graduate students tend to flatline academically for 3-4 years beginning with pregnancy, even really bright hardworking ones.
 
FYI, some women have a lot of issues with temperature readings with interrupted or irregular sleep. My temperature patterns have been pretty robust, but it’s something to bear in mind when choosing an NFP method.

Also, starting to gather data during engagement is a good idea. The more information, the more effective NFP will be.
 
Also,
Have a plan if a pregnancy comes along. Surprises that no one planned for mentally are not good.

My wife got her MBA while working full time as a scientist while pregnant with our 5th.

It’s doable.
 
The consistent sleep for her and the temperature readings is one thing I am worried about.

The more stories I hear of people making it years and not getting pregnant on NFP makes me more willing to encourage my Fiancee that we will be okay. But I’m finding all these horror story articles of women who didn’t do it right or have irregular cycles and it makes me worried.

Thanks for your responses. I still hope more come in though
 
DivineMercy9 said:
The consistent sleep for her and the temperature readings is one thing I am worried about.

The more stories I hear of people making it years and not getting pregnant on NFP makes me more willing to encourage my Fiancee that we will be okay. But I’m finding all these horror story articles of women who didn’t do it right or have irregular cycles and it makes me worried.

Thanks for your responses. I still hope more come in though
Click to expand...
Well, perhaps horror stories articles and s a bit dramatic…
Nfp was not effective for us. However it was not the readings or the methods that failed but rather the fit for uscas a couple. Nfp practiciced conservatively is effective. I feel sorry for the newlyweds that must do this.
 
This is probably not what you wanted to hear, but I know several physicians who had children while in med school or residency. It was a challenge but they made it.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
This is probably not what you wanted to hear, but I know several physicians who had children while in med school or residency. It was a challenge but they made it.
Click to expand...
We have casual friends from Church. She is in her final year of med school and set for residency. They had the cutest baby two months ago after 4 years of marriage. I have no idea if it was planned or not, nor is it any of my business. All I know is they are happy, successful, a wonderful family and she will be a doctor I’d gladly trust with my own family.
 
The more stories I hear of people making it years and not getting pregnant on NFP makes me more willing to encourage my Fiancee that we will be okay. But I’m finding all these horror story articles of women who didn’t do it right or have irregular cycles and it makes me worried.
Click to expand...
What about people who are on the pill and get pregnant?

What do you think about people using condoms who get pregnant?

Why just “worry” about NFP “worries” but ignore (here at least) the other “worries”?

Have you thought about the Billings ovulation NFP method (no temperatures there).

What about “worrys” concerning higher divorce rates among contracepting couples?

Babies are frequently happily had in medical school and residencies. I’ve known several people in such situations.

If your wife was qualified to get accepted, I’ll wager she can handle a child or children too.

My advice? Pray about God’s will. Use NFP if God is calling you to postpone childbearing, but be happily open to gifts of life that (rarely) occur with correct usage of NFP.

As an added bonus, NFP can help you GET PREGNANT too, if you put off childbearing too long and have infertility issues with your wife’s biologic clock running down.

I’ll pray for you folks.

God bless.

Cathoholic
 
So… this was my husband and I (I was the one in med school/residency). Long and irregular hours, especially overnight calls, made it very difficult. My temps were variable and the hardest part was taking them at a consistent time (eg sometimes I had just fallen asleep at 3 AM and reeeeally didn’t want to wake up for that 6AM reading). My mucus readings were still OK though and we played it conservatively, abstaining for most everything except phase 3.

Having said that, we did decide to have a baby during my first year of residency and it was fine. Since you mentioned a 3-year residency, I’m guessing she is going into FP or internal med? Those specialties are usually far more accommodating to pregnancy and maternity leaves than others. Even if she did have a baby during residency, you would probably not have to extend much more than 6 months. She could schedule outpatient rotations for the postpartum period that would make things smoother.
 
Any chance postponing the wedding until she’s closer to finishing her residency?

I have children, and I didn’t have much help. Some days when they were newborns, I couldn’t even shower. I can’t imagine if I had gone to medical school.
 
Cathoholic said:
What about people who are on the pill and get pregnant?

What do you think about people using condoms who get pregnant?

Why just “worry” about NFP “worries” but ignore (here at least) the other “worries”?

Have you thought about the Billings ovulation NFP method (no temperatures there).

What about “worrys” concerning higher divorce rates among contracepting couples?

Babies are frequently happily had in medical school and residencies. I’ve known several people in such situations.

If your wife was qualified to get accepted, I’ll wager she can handle a child or children too.

My advice? Pray about God’s will. Use NFP if God is calling you to postpone childbearing, but be happily open to gifts of life that (rarely) occur with correct usage of NFP.

As an added bonus, NFP can help you GET PREGNANT too, if you put off childbearing too long and have infertility issues with your wife’s biologic clock running down.

I’ll pray for you folks.

God bless.

Cathoholic
Click to expand...
I guess since we would never use contraception I have no worries about those forms haha. Thanks for the prayers.
 
smallcat said:
So… this was my husband and I (I was the one in med school/residency). Long and irregular hours, especially overnight calls, made it very difficult. My temps were variable and the hardest part was taking them at a consistent time (eg sometimes I had just fallen asleep at 3 AM and reeeeally didn’t want to wake up for that 6AM reading). My mucus readings were still OK though and we played it conservatively, abstaining for most everything except phase 3.

Having said that, we did decide to have a baby during my first year of residency and it was fine. Since you mentioned a 3-year residency, I’m guessing she is going into FP or internal med? Those specialties are usually far more accommodating to pregnancy and maternity leaves than others. Even if she did have a baby during residency, you would probably not have to extend much more than 6 months. She could schedule outpatient rotations for the postpartum period that would make things smoother.
Click to expand...
Hey thanks for responding! Your comment gave me some peace and was incredibly helpful. And you guessed it, she is planning on internal med.
 
DivineMercy9 said:
Hey thanks for responding! Your comment gave me some peace and was incredibly helpful. And you guessed it, she is planning on internal med.
Click to expand...
That is good to hear.

I do have to mention to folks upthread that (at least based on my observations of graduate students) it makes a big difference if it’s **mom **or dad in school as the physical toll is not the same on the non-pregnant spouse or the spouse who gets to sleep 6 solid hours a night, but medical school may be a bit different.

It’s probably worthwhile to research your family leave and childcare options. For example, every so often, it turns out that a school or workplace has paternal leave on the books–but that nobody actually uses it.
 
I got married in my last year of medical school and was pregnant as a third year resident. We lost that pregnancy, but I then had two babies during my fellowship.

It’s not easy, but it can be done if you have a lot of childcare help. My husband traveled a bit for work and being on overnight call when he was away and we had an infant was difficult. Had to hire babysitters and some of them I met for the first time as they walked in the door and I was walking out.

My particular program had a policy that you had to make up any missed time. This meant that for maternity leave you could only take vacation time (usually a max of 4 weeks). More time meant extending residency which would put fellowship plans in jeopardy since everyone starts July 1st. It was slightly more flexible in fellowship, but even then I had to make up the time and only took 4 weeks with each of my kids.

It can be done, but it just requires a lot of help and willingness to let your money go to childcare.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
Any chance postponing the wedding until she’s closer to finishing her residency?

I have children, and I didn’t have much help. Some days when they were newborns, I couldn’t even shower. I can’t imagine if I had gone to medical school.
Click to expand...
Honestly, I think this is the best advice, though probably not what you want to hear. :o

Has she started charting yet? If not, you’re in for pretty much complete abstinence until she figures things out and is confident in recognizing her fertility signs. And even then, there’s really no fool-proof method of preventing pregnancy other than abstinence.

Sorry to paint a bleak picture, but I’m a firm believer you shouldn’t get married unless you’re “ready” for kids. Or, at the very least, you shouldn’t have sex unless you’re open to a possible pregnancy. There’s a lot to adjust to as newlyweds, even without medical school. Just something to think about…,
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top