L
Lookingforjoy
Guest
My mom was working as a nurse after she and my dad got married. She was working all different shifts, long hours…and that’s how she got pregnant with me!
Medical School & NFP Advice [From current or past med students]
- Status
R
Rau
Guest
With a stay at home husband I presume?
D
DivineMercy9
Guest
Marriage is about much more than sex for us, so we definitely are not going to wait to get married another 4-5 years of our lives. It’s not really a matter of not wanting to hear it, because worse comes to worse we will be abstinent for 4-5 years. If marriage were only about sex and kids then old people shouldn’t be married. Open to a possible pregnancy means we will take care of the child if it comes, which is the openness required for NFP not to be sinful. Openness doesn’t mean wanting a child, otherwise no one would do NFP. I’m a firm believer that a career should not stop a couple that God has brought together from getting married. That is one of today’s biggest problem in society is people putting off marriage for their careers. The church’s requirement is only that you have children at some point in marriage, not right away. In today’s world it’s harder and harder to support a family at a young age when your career path doesn’t pay you well for your choice, and those people should not be struck down to wait to get married when they are 30 when they met when they were 21. Love and relationship is far more than just kids, and it will be nice to get a firm grasp on what marriage and relationship is before kids allow us the joy of finding out what love and relationship mean beyond everything we already found. I apologize if I offended you by coming across so strongly. I just feel very strongly about the subject. Waiting to get married when we are ready for children makes marriage seem like a means to an end to me. Maybe it’s because I’m a millennial and have an idealistic understanding of what marriage is theologically and romantically, and have only ever heard the “only get married when you’re ready for children” from the older generation. But that was also a generation that could get a job that paid a households living right out of high school and could afford to have that mindset. Or maybe it’s just because it seems to make marriage seem so Utilitarian. Thank you for your advice, I don’t mean to pounce when you’ve taken the time to respond. I do appreciate it. God Bless.Honestly, I think this is the best advice, though probably not what you want to hear.
Has she started charting yet? If not, you’re in for pretty much complete abstinence until she figures things out and is confident in recognizing her fertility signs. And even then, there’s really no fool-proof method of preventing pregnancy other than abstinence.
Sorry to paint a bleak picture, but I’m a firm believer you shouldn’t get married unless you’re “ready” for kids. Or, at the very least, you shouldn’t have sex unless you’re open to a possible pregnancy. There’s a lot to adjust to as newlyweds, even without medical school. Just something to think about…,
F
faithsmind
Guest
Newlyweds abstaining for that amount of time? 
Especially when you’ve just discovered… well, never mind. 
It’s going to be a huge temptation once you’re living together.
God bless you. You both are in my prayers. I was just able to have the pleasure of holding a newborn yesterday!
Especially when you’ve just discovered… well, never mind. It’s going to be a huge temptation once you’re living together.God bless you. You both are in my prayers. I was just able to have the pleasure of holding a newborn yesterday!
Mary_Gail_36
New member
I brought up waiting.
You don’t think it’s prudent, then fine.
I would recommend waiting to my own kids when they are old enough to go to college and grad school.
DH has two graduate degree, I’m glad he was done by the time we married.
You don’t think it’s prudent, then fine.
I would recommend waiting to my own kids when they are old enough to go to college and grad school.
DH has two graduate degree, I’m glad he was done by the time we married.
D
DivineMercy9
Guest
I wasn’t responding directly to you! My apologies if I offended you. I’m glad it worked out for you. I was responding to someone who didn’t understanding getting married when you’re not ready for kids. I appreciated your respond
D
DivineMercy9
Guest
You’re definitely right! Haha. That’s why I am seeking stories of those who’ve gone through med school to see how they managed and what they decided. I don’t want to end up in that situation. But that is better than not being united with the one I love on a day to day basis in marriage, even if it is lacking a component for a while. Spending our lives apart would be a greater purgatory.Newlyweds abstaining for that amount of time?
God bless you. You both are in my prayers. I was just able to have the pleasure of holding a newborn yesterday!
K
kptrs
Guest
Well, it’s your decision. I’m just offering advice based on five years of marriage. Marriage is most certainly about more than sex, but living as brother and sister isn’t exactly the way God designed marriage either. Sex isn’t the only part of it but it’s definitely part of it. As I think other married folks will tell you, 4-5 years of abstinence as newlyweds would be very difficult. We don’t know your situation but do just want to share our experiences since we’ve been there. Best wishes!Marriage is about much more than sex for us, so we definitely are not going to wait to get married another 4-5 years of our lives. It’s not really a matter of not wanting to hear it, because worse comes to worse we will be abstinent for 4-5 years. If marriage were only about sex and kids then old people shouldn’t be married. Open to a possible pregnancy means we will take care of the child if it comes, which is the openness required for NFP not to be sinful. Openness doesn’t mean wanting a child, otherwise no one would do NFP. I’m a firm believer that a career should not stop a couple that God has brought together from getting married. That is one of today’s biggest problem in society is people putting off marriage for their careers. The church’s requirement is only that you have children at some point in marriage, not right away. In today’s world it’s harder and harder to support a family at a young age when your career path doesn’t pay you well for your choice, and those people should not be struck down to wait to get married when they are 30 when they met when they were 21. Love and relationship is far more than just kids, and it will be nice to get a firm grasp on what marriage and relationship is before kids allow us the joy of finding out what love and relationship mean beyond everything we already found. I apologize if I offended you by coming across so strongly. I just feel very strongly about the subject. Waiting to get married when we are ready for children makes marriage seem like a means to an end to me. Maybe it’s because I’m a millennial and have an idealistic understanding of what marriage is theologically and romantically, and have only ever heard the “only get married when you’re ready for children” from the older generation. But that was also a generation that could get a job that paid a households living right out of high school and could afford to have that mindset. Or maybe it’s just because it seems to make marriage seem so Utilitarian. Thank you for your advice, I don’t mean to pounce when you’ve taken the time to respond. I do appreciate it. God Bless.
F
faithsmind
Guest
Life in general is very purgatorial. Just wait till you have kids. :dts:
I think, in this situation, it will be impossible to have your cake and eat it, too. NFP is to be used for grave matters. Children need their mummies and their milk, in my opinion, and to go against nature is like learning to swim in 12 foot waves. Is this how you want to live your life? I am not opposed to women becoming doctors, but there a great many harrowing sacrifices that a young, newly married woman must learn to make if she wants that type of career, and if she wants it now.
H
Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
This post seemed odd to me.Marriage is about much more than sex for us, so we definitely are not going to wait to get married another 4-5 years of our lives. It’s not really a matter of not wanting to hear it, because worse comes to worse we will be abstinent for 4-5 years. If marriage were only about sex and kids then old people shouldn’t be married. Open to a possible pregnancy means we will take care of the child if it comes, which is the openness required for NFP not to be sinful. Openness doesn’t mean wanting a child, otherwise no one would do NFP. I’m a firm believer that a career should not stop a couple that God has brought together from getting married. That is one of today’s biggest problem in society is people putting off marriage for their careers. The church’s requirement is only that you have children at some point in marriage, not right away. In today’s world it’s harder and harder to support a family at a young age when your career path doesn’t pay you well for your choice, and those people should not be struck down to wait to get married when they are 30 when they met when they were 21. Love and relationship is far more than just kids, and it will be nice to get a firm grasp on what marriage and relationship is before kids allow us the joy of finding out what love and relationship mean beyond everything we already found. I apologize if I offended you by coming across so strongly. I just feel very strongly about the subject. Waiting to get married when we are ready for children makes marriage seem like a means to an end to me. Maybe it’s because I’m a millennial and have an idealistic understanding of what marriage is theologically and romantically, and have only ever heard the “only get married when you’re ready for children” from the older generation. But that was also a generation that could get a job that paid a households living right out of high school and could afford to have that mindset. Or maybe it’s just because it seems to make marriage seem so Utilitarian. Thank you for your advice, I don’t mean to pounce when you’ve taken the time to respond. I do appreciate it. God Bless.
- I don’t think you should presume to pontificate what you think marriage is to those of us who live it every day. Who have had marriage give us many fruits and who have gone through what you have not yet. Played no the millennial card is not a good idea because perhaps no generation in history has had a more flawed education and view of marriage. And considering the entirety of all of history, that’s saying something.
- The poster who suggested postponing was spot on. But they also would be silly to think that’s even under consideration. You are young, in love, naive, idealistic. Face it, this is going to happen!
- While you are correct that marriage is more than sex, sex is a HUGE component in a new marriage. To deny, or delay or frustrate that design will be stressful and a burden on your marriage. As will the stresses of the whole phd process. You will indeed suffer in your marriage because of it. That does not mean that it’s a bad idea, only that it isn’t as easy as you seem to think.
- I’m going to be really not PC here. NFP for a newlywed couple will be incredibly frustrating and hard. And dollars to doughnuts you will have a baby in arms celebrating the doctorate or the end of residency. As long as you can accept that JOYFULLY then please, by all means, go right ahead!!! With our blessings!
We used ABC in our early marriage. It was gravely sinful and put our souls at risk. We would never do that again if we could change it. That being said, my wife in college, us away from family, just focused on ourselves. The first five years were incredible. So has been having 6 kids. And 5 of them when she was doing graduate work.
G
goatmom
Guest
We had a baby at the end of 2nd year and 4th year of medical school. Then we had a baby during second year of residency and another during fourth year of residency. Was it easy? Of course not. We didn’t even try NFP - we thought we could handle it. We were not the only people in our medical school and residency programs that had families. We had some great mentors - older Catholic physicians that really encouraged us and helped us to see how beautiful a marriage can be when you put the focus on the important things.
G
gracepoole
Guest
Has anyone here suggested speaking with your priest? 'Cause that should be happening and it’s normally been suggested by this point in a thread… Your priest can help you determine if your use of NFP is justified. No one here can tell you either way, but you shouldn’t decide it’s justified without consulting with your priest.
If you decide to get married (I’m on the side for waiting but it doesn’t sound like you’re open to that), my advice is DO NOT plan to spend 4-5 years being abstinent. I’ve been married for 20+ years (that’s 7300+ more days married than you ) and you could completely destroy your marriage with that kind of plan. Being abstinent while dating is one thing. Being abstinent while married is another. Required periods of abstinence for NFP purposes? Totally doable. Planning before the wedding to have multiple trips around the sun in that state? :nope:
If you decide to get married (I’m on the side for waiting but it doesn’t sound like you’re open to that), my advice is DO NOT plan to spend 4-5 years being abstinent. I’ve been married for 20+ years (that’s 7300+ more days married than you
) and you could completely destroy your marriage with that kind of plan. Being abstinent while dating is one thing. Being abstinent while married is another. Required periods of abstinence for NFP purposes? Totally doable. Planning before the wedding to have multiple trips around the sun in that state? :nope:
R
Rau
Guest
Perhaps a priest can help, perhaps not. The difficulty is that individuals, including individual priests, all perceive a slightly different basis for judging the appropriateness of NFP. Ultimately, only the couple can decide, and I would not argue that consulting a priest is a necessary step.
H
Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
Eh, that first paragraph… you know I love to point out talking to a priest. But very few priests can speak to the intricacies of nfp.Has anyone here suggested speaking with your priest? 'Cause that should be happening and it’s normally been suggested by this point in a thread… Your priest can help you determine if your use of NFP is justified. No one here can tell you either way, but you shouldn’t decide it’s justified without consulting with your priest.
If you decide to get married (I’m on the side for waiting but it doesn’t sound like you’re open to that), my advice is DO NOT plan to spend 4-5 years being abstinent. I’ve been married for 20+ years (that’s 7300+ more days married than you
The second paragraph is spot on! I suppose I could get behind the idea of speaking to a priest in the capacity of dicernment if one has the luxury of having a priest who is involved in thier faith lifevsnd knowledgeable about the couple and nfp, otherwise…:
G
gracepoole
Guest
Otherwise…we decide in isolation without spiritual guidance. No thanks. I’m NOT trying to start an argument here, but it should at least be entertained that perhaps the Church doesn’t mean that one should use NFP for 4-5 years at a time while one is in school. Marriage involves being open to life. I’d consult with a priest to determine whether a) we should get married and practice NFP for that length of time, or b) wait to get married until we can be *reasonably *open to life. Please, before anyone yells at me, I’m not attempting to read anyone’s heart here and it may well be justified to use NFP for this length of time for all I know. I think it would be prudent to investigate. For someone who isn’t yet married, it might be easy to think of NFP as Catholic birth control. That’s not really supposed to be its function.
H
Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
I don’t think there is an argument to be had. I agree, I just know in my area very few priests would even be able to discuss nfp at all.
G
gracepoole
Guest
It’s a sad statement on where we’re at with this topic these days.
P
paperwight
Guest
Well, given how fully stretched priests are just providing the Sacraments, and given how complicated nfp can be, requiring medical knowledge that the average priest hasn’t enough time to study (and perhaps feels uncomfortable doing so, who knows) is it really surprising?
You say ‘these days’. I’m curious, was there ever a time when priests felt qualified to talk about nfp/rhythm method, and even if they felt qualified, were they any good at it?
Besides, it seems to me that rather than encouraging family planning, the priests of the old days were more likely to be censorious if the family was ‘too small’. Indeed, an Irish friend tells me of her parish priest berating parents when more than a year or so had gone by between a birth and another baby being conceived.
- Status