Medical School & NFP Advice [From current or past med students]

[bitterhope]

Speaking realistically, how many ardently Catholic couples do you know who had chaste 3-4-year-engagements starting in their mid or late-20s?

I think it does happen for young couples to meet in college in their late teens and then get married soon after graduation (so 22 or 23ish) and that does make sense, but I’ve really never come across a seriously Catholic young couple who had a 3-4 year engagement starting in their mid or late 20s.

That must happen once in a blue moon, but I personally can’t recommend doing something that I’ve never seen or heard of happening successfully. I have heard of faithful Catholic couples having an “oopsie” pregnancy just before getting married, or couples successfully using NFP for several years (my husband and I did that during graduate school), or couples having a baby or two in medical school–but what I have never heard of is chastely doing a 3-4 year engagement starting in the mid or late 20s.

Of all the possible plans, I think that one has the lowest chance of success.

If they can’t remain chaste while dating I really am not convinced NFP will be a good fit for them. And since the OP stated they could remain abstinent after marriage or at least nearly abstinent, staying chaste while dating shouldn’t be that hard on them. It’s much tougher to be chaste after marriage for the majority of couples–even those that found it not at all difficult while dating. But since the OP has stated they aren’t willing to wait to marry then he should start preparing in case of a baby.

 

[Xantippe]

If they can’t remain chaste while dating I really am not convinced NFP will be a good fit for them. And since the OP stated they could remain abstinent after marriage or at least nearly abstinent, staying chaste while dating shouldn’t be that hard on them. It’s much tougher to be chaste after marriage for the majority of couples–even those that found it not at all difficult while dating. But since the OP has stated they aren’t willing to wait to marry then he should start preparing in case of a baby.

I think they should a) feel free to do NFP as long as she’s in training and b) make sure to be prepared for a baby.

 

[SusanneT]

Doubtless what many couples (even those who regard themselves to be Catholic) is to have pre-marital sex probably using contraception. Get married when it fits in with their lives and continue to use contraception until they are ‘ready’ for a baby. But that doesn’t make it right.

Sex before marriage is a sin - always and contraception is a sin - always !

Abstinence before marriage is perfectly possible but abstinance at the start of a marriage would be very difficult and certainly arguably wrong (unless completely mutual etc etc).

It’s very simple if you are not ready for children the answer is to wait to get married until you are !

 

[Xantippe]

Here’s an important non-sex/non-kid issue.

Based on my experience in grad school, it’s very difficult to find time to spend time with each other if you aren’t living with each other. There were many times during those years where I was either working/studying or sleeping, with virtually no “free” time. A lot of “dates” involved me studying in the library while holding my future husband’s hand.

I would imagine that residency is even worse in terms of finding time for each other when you aren’t living under the same roof.

Just the cohabitation aspect of marriage would be a major perk.