Meeting with Catholic Priest and Fiance

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I have a question about something that I am going through and would like to get some answers. First off I am not Catholic and live in Misissippi, I was attending a catholic church with my fiance, I have been attending this church for about 4 years. My Fiance and the catholic priest are very good friends, he even eats Christmas and Thanksgiving with her family.
We have a 3 year old together and I have 50/50 custody of another kid in a previous marriage. I have been seeing sporadic behavior from her the past 5 months. Being mean to the kids, whipping them for not good reasons, and making them cry at times for no reason. I brought this to her attention quiet a few times and even started documenting them last month to show her what I was angry with her about. She continued with the behavor and I pulled my engagement ring from her hoping she was straighten up.
She went out the night before mothers day and was on drugs sending me text that made no sense. She would never admit it to me or her family but refused to take a drug test by stating she had nothing to prove to me or anyone else. A few days later she stated she would take a drug test if I signed over full custody rights of our 3 year old daughter. I moved out the next day after mothersday because of her behavor. Also because I have split custody of another child that I did not want to risk being around drugs and getting him pulled from me.

I scheduled a meeting with her priest, he thought it would be a meeting about my annulment and agreed to meet with me and my fiance. I laid everything out in front of him, the way she was acting, the suspicion of drug usage and wanted him to ask her if she was on drugs and what kind. He realy didnt want to ask her and wanted us out of this meeting. But I let him know that a 8 year old and a 3 year old was at risk with her and I needed answers. He finally did ask her and she stated she has been doing weed that might be laced in something. She also threatened my life in front of this Catholic priest if I was to take her 3 year old away from her.

So now I am looking at a custody battle and wanted to know if I could call upon the priest for everything he witnessed because this woman is in a very unstable state. Everything online states he cannot if it was a confession. So would this be considered a confession or just a meeting?

Thanks,
rbook
 
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It’s a meeting, it was not just between a Priest and a penitent. Any good priest would also advise you strongly not to get married unless things truly changed.
 
Any professional clergy will not divulge the information from a counseling session in a custody battle.

My advice, you have two innocent children who will grow up in broken homes. Stop any thought of romance and focus on being a great dad for the next 15 years.

Work out the best shared/joint custody you can for the good of the child. NEVER talk bad about their mom in front of either child. Don’t use the kids as weapons against your exes.
 
Well whats strange in the whole matter, the priest wanted me to work it out with her. He never told me not to marry her but things could work out. I thought that working things out is the Catholic way, never give up.
I have spoken to child protective services already, they want me to proceed that route but I do not want my 3 year old to go through all of the video conferences etc, etc. It is a very long process and I do not think it is good for the children.
So my answer is the priest will likely not go to court and tesifiy anything that was in the meeting.
I am doing my best with my 8 year old, he doesnt quiet understand and it makes it more difficult with the finace sending him text messages stating “She is doing everything she can to try and work things out.”
 
rbook said:
I am doing my best with my 8 year old, he doesnt quiet understand and it makes it more difficult with the finace sending him text messages stating “She is doing everything she can to try and work things out.”
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That’s emotional manipulation, which would be child abuse.
 
Wow, this sounds like a tough situation. Honestly, I would pursue the legal course of action, and if your fiance is able to quit drugs and straighten out her life, then consider being with her. Sounds like the priest is too close to this situation, to be honest.
Wishing you the best - - you’re going to have to be the (only) grownup, sounds like. Hopefully there are some grandparents / other family that can be supportive. I’ll say a prayer for you and the family! Take care!
 
Yes, I have really been on some trials lately. Thanks for the prayers!
 
rbook said:
I thought that working things out is the Catholic way, never give up.
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Not for unmarried people.

But perhaps he was focused on your 3 year old’s needs for a mother and father.

You are wanting this priest to act in a capacity he isn’t qualified for— mental health professional. A secular counselor familiar with drug abuse might have been a better choice. He might be out of his depth here.

Also, while it was not confession it may be considered counseling and that would fall under whatever your state law has to say about confidentiality.

You need to talk to a lawyer.
rbook said:
the finace sending him text messages stating “She is doing everything she can to try and work things out.”
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Um, why does your 8 year old have his own cell phone???

Take it away, block her, get him a new number.

There are many solutions to this particular issue of unsupervised texting.
 
I don’t know about US law but under Irish Law the priest would have a duty to report this to the authorities.
It was a meeting, not confession. So he’s not bound by the seal in this instance.

He would be negligent not to offer this information, especially as it sounds like this concerns the physical welfare of the children.

And yeah, don’t get married if this is happening.
 
The US reporting laws vary by state. Whether the priest has some specific obligation to report to the authorities in this case, would be an issue for lawyers to work out. In any event, I can see why he wouldn’t want to be involved. As 1ke said, this is a situation the priest didn’t see coming, isn’t qualified to handle, doesn’t want to somehow make worse for the children (ideally he would like to see the kids have a stable, married mother and father and he would also like to help his parishioner, not throw her under the bus) and doesn’t want to incur any bad publicity or liability burden for his church.

If you are concerned about the safety of the children, you should call child protective services yourself and not be trying to push this off on a priest who is not a mental health or family services professional. I also agree with getting a lawyer and following his or her advice.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
mental health or family services professional
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My kid has a ipad with an email tied to it for itunes. She sends text through the email to the ipad. He has no phone or no celluar data on the ipad.

And actualy the priest is licensed as a family services professional. Although we had never used him before.
 
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You need to talk to a lawyer about this. The priest being licensed is a factor the lawyer will consider, along with many other factors.
 
rbook,

I am praying for you and all your loved ones. And the following stands out to me in prayer: if you will seek fault, you will find bitterness, resentment and anger, whereas if you will seek love (patience and kindness), you will find peace and joy for all.

May the Lord bless you and yours with the strength to love amidst an easy time to hate. May the Lord let his face shine upon you, and may he grant you pardon and peace.
 
I pray for you and your family and may you be able to.protect the kids from the mom when she is not ok. I also think that taking legal.action against her now may be beneficial. Of course the connection between the child and the mother is unique and there is always deep love involved. But now she is not being herself, the drugs talk not her. Maybe your action will scare her and she will begin to want a way out of this herself and get motivated.
What does the mother of the 8 year old think about all this?
 
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