MEGED:Help! Don't Like My Priest/Criticism of Priests

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I’m new to this site and here seeking some insight and perspective on something that isn’t too deep of a subject. If this is the wrong section to post this, please give me a heads up and I can repost. Thanks!

I strongly dislike one of the priests at my church. I try to overlook all the little things that bother me during mass, but it always takes over most of my attention. He seems a bit young and cocky and arrogant. He creates this southern baptist sounding accent when addressing the church even though he wasn’t raised in an area with such accents. He tends to yell to incite passion, but I’ve always been one to tune out people who cannot speak to me in a respectful tone. He never wants to start a homily on a light note.

There’s more but I’m not trying to vent as much as I am seeking some advice, encouragement and perspective. The priest is the only thing I dislike about this church. I love the area, the people, the church itself. I don’t want to find another church just because I dislike this one man. I’m well aware is doing what he feels is right to serve God. I have lots of respect for his choices. Just, in general, he’s the type of person who would get on my nerves.

Give me perspective please!
Melissa
 
catholic1982 said:
I’m new to this site and here seeking some insight and perspective on something that isn’t too deep of a subject. If this is the wrong section to post this, please give me a heads up and I can repost. Thanks!

I strongly dislike one of the priests at my church. I try to overlook all the little things that bother me during mass, but it always takes over most of my attention. He seems a bit young and cocky and arrogant. He creates this southern baptist sounding accent when addressing the church even though he wasn’t raised in an area with such accents. He tends to yell to incite passion, but I’ve always been one to tune out people who cannot speak to me in a respectful tone. He never wants to start a homily on a light note.

There’s more but I’m not trying to vent as much as I am seeking some advice, encouragement and perspective. The priest is the only thing I dislike about this church. I love the area, the people, the church itself. I don’t want to find another church just because I dislike this one man. I’m well aware is doing what he feels is right to serve God. I have lots of respect for his choices. Just, in general, he’s the type of person who would get on my nerves.

Give me perspective please!
Melissa
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Advice: Have you approached him on it? Before you let your emotions take over,first find out about his background and see where he might be coming from. Do not jump the gun. More important,pray for him instead of disliking him.

Remember,we are there for God,not to like this priest or dislike that priest.
 
catholic1982 said:
I’m new to this site and here seeking some insight and perspective on something that isn’t too deep of a subject. If this is the wrong section to post this, please give me a heads up and I can repost. Thanks!

I strongly dislike one of the priests at my church. I try to overlook all the little things that bother me during mass, but it always takes over most of my attention. He seems a bit young and cocky and arrogant. He creates this southern baptist sounding accent when addressing the church even though he wasn’t raised in an area with such accents. He tends to yell to incite passion, but I’ve always been one to tune out people who cannot speak to me in a respectful tone. He never wants to start a homily on a light note.

There’s more but I’m not trying to vent as much as I am seeking some advice, encouragement and perspective. The priest is the only thing I dislike about this church. I love the area, the people, the church itself. I don’t want to find another church just because I dislike this one man. I’m well aware is doing what he feels is right to serve God. I have lots of respect for his choices. Just, in general, he’s the type of person who would get on my nerves.

Give me perspective please!
Melissa
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You said though he’s ONE of the priests at your parish. Most parishes have only ONE priest. I highly doubt you’re going to find a parish where you love everything about it. And maybe this is suppose to be a lesson in tolerating those that make us irritable. You said you agree with his choices, just not his style. Unless his actions are in direct contrast to Church teachings, I think you need to find a way to tolerate this priest.
 
Several years ago, we had a priest at our parish that I just couldn’t stand.

My dislike for him was based on personal encounters, and things he said in small group encounters, and not when I encountered him during Mass, or Reconciliation.

I addressed it with him personally, and humbly, and needless to say, we still didn’t see eye to eye.

Whenever I would encounter him during the Mass, or Reconciliation, I would treat him with the respect due to his ordination, etc. However, outside of those situations, I did my best to avoid him at all costs. I only had to wait until he got assigned to his next parish. (God granted me alot of patience, and caller ID)

He was a newly ordained priest, and thought he was going to change the world. It is something I refer to as “New Priest Syndrome”, or “His collar is on too tight.”

The years have mellowed both of us, and while it is highly unlikely we will invite each other over for dinner, we can tolerate each other much better than we did in the beginning.

Just be patient with this priest, to me it sounds like he is just trying to fire up his congregation instead of having a bunch of pew warmers.
 
catholic1982 said:
I’m new to this site and here seeking some insight and perspective on something that isn’t too deep of a subject. If this is the wrong section to post this, please give me a heads up and I can repost. Thanks!

I strongly dislike one of the priests at my church. I try to overlook all the little things that bother me during mass, but it always takes over most of my attention. He seems a bit young and cocky and arrogant. He creates this southern baptist sounding accent when addressing the church even though he wasn’t raised in an area with such accents. He tends to yell to incite passion, but I’ve always been one to tune out people who cannot speak to me in a respectful tone. He never wants to start a homily on a light note.

There’s more but I’m not trying to vent as much as I am seeking some advice, encouragement and perspective. The priest is the only thing I dislike about this church. I love the area, the people, the church itself. I don’t want to find another church just because I dislike this one man. I’m well aware is doing what he feels is right to serve God. I have lots of respect for his choices. Just, in general, he’s the type of person who would get on my nerves.

Give me perspective please!
Melissa
Click to expand...
If he is following the teachings of the Church - the “Catechism of the Catholic Church, Second Edition”, and the Roman Missal for the Mass, you should consider yourself lucky.
If he is not, talk to your Pastor, and if that does not work to your Diocese Bishop.

If he distracts from your attention to God, go to Mass at a different time.
 
If this priest is clearly doing something WRONG then there are steps you can take to try and resolve the issue.

But if this is simply a mismatch of styles or personalities then perhaps you can take consolation in the fact that this is probably the best priest to “reach” some of the other parishioners.
 
A priest is ordained to offer Sacrifice. He must not be seen as some sort of ‘‘personality’’. He may be irritating or a complete numpty, but the grace of Christ flows through him at his word.
 
My father always told us: When you get to judgment, God isn’t going to ask who said the mass; He just wants to know if you were there. 😉
 
Since he isn’t your only priest you probably will only get him for mass half the time. My suggestion is to grin and bear it with patience. At the beginning of each mass offer up all the annoyances to God in a spirit of sacrifice for the good of this priest, that he will be a holy priest and happy in his priesthood. That will benefit both of you. Also, pray for him daily. I find that there’s something about praying for someone that makes them more bearable to me. And consider that God has brought the two of you together for a good purpose so don’t give up.

I had a pastor (we only have one priest, you’re lucky) who always did something very odd in the way he held the Host at the elevation, not forbidden (because who would have imagined a priest would hold it as though he were framing it with his fingers?) but definitely distracting and annoying. We had quite a few conflicts during his first years, and he also did with many others. But we both were committed to the parish; he was my pastor and I was one of his flock and was not going to leave. Over the years we both mellowed or rubbed off some of our rough edges against each other. He changed. When he left I, along with the whole parish, was sorry to see him go. But I was just as annoyed and distract by his little quirk as I had always been.

As Catholics, we receive the priest the bishop sends us and he comes to us in obedience to the bishop. What came across as arrogance and an authoritarian attitude turned out to be a result of his shyness and, I think, being unsure and quite sensitive to rejection. He had to learn to be a good pastoral pastor and how to deal with people.

Given time and the acceptance of the parishioners the priest you dislike may change too. Or you may gain insight into why he behaves the way he does and will tolerate him with less difficulty. Maybe God will even change your feelings. If not, you can try to avoid his mass. But in the end, we have to try to love one another, including those who rub us the wrong way. This must be especially true when it comes to priests because without them we wouldn’t have the sacraments that give us God’s life.
 
I remember being driven mad by the grotesque mouth movements and grimaces (so it seemed to me) of a certain priest when he said Mass. As each Sunday went by, I got more and more sensitive to it, and had to avoid looking at him…

It was only some years later that I discovered he had been Chaplain to the Deaf of the Archdiocese, and so had developed this way of speaking to help them with lip-reading, and did it without thinking.
 
I can soooo understand. It’s so funny how he fakes an accent, I used to have a friend do that. If you like the parish though, I would really consider sticking it out there. You know, if he’s young, maybe he’s really excited and confident about his position. He’ll learn a lot as he matures. I’m older and just remember how cocky I acted sometimes when I was younger and I didn’t even have any kind of position or reason to be that way.

If God has seen fit to have him ordained to the priesthood , then no matter his personality, God will bless others through him and use him beyond what we can see just from his outward actions. Pray a lot for him, it’s gotta help. God bless you.🙂
 
I would love a priest that speaks with passion as long as it was inline with Catholic teaching.
 
try to separate his personal mannerisms from his role as a priest. When he is preaching listen to the words and ignore the delivery. There is a message for you, a word for you, in every Mass. Cultivate the habit of listening to the entire Mass in an attitude of intense inward participation and you will soon be able to blot out the preaching style, lacks in the music, delivery of the lectors and so forth.

And get down on your knees every day and thank God for the priests he has sent to serve your parish, and offer up any personal disappointments for those Catholics who are without priests at all. Years ago we had a pastor who had the chilliest demeanor and coldest personality of anyone I have ever encountered but we had to stay in that parish because of the school. I took a part time job with a housing agency, during the course of which I found out this priest was a one-man advocate for the homeless and those who suffered from bad landlords, an endemic problem in our neighborhood. He was credited by those who worked with him as the prime reason the poor had access to better housing opportunities in our ward, and was respected throughout the city for his tireless work on their behalf.
 
I am totally ambivalent about this.

I grew up in Florida in the 60 and 70s, mission country for the Catholic Church. We endured our priests. That’s the only way to put it. That we learned later that one was abusing the altar boys wasn’t unexpected.

We’ve had times at our present parish when everything clicked and the homilies were good, reconciliation was good, and everything hummed. Lately, it’s been a struggle. Just a real struggle. The pastor won’t lead; he doesn’t know how to manage. He won’t address issues. He seems afraid of women. The parochial vicar thinks the Mass (and everything else) is all about him. Every homily is about his latest looney escapade, with a smattering of bad theology thrown in.

I want to think of my priests as more than just “sacrament dispensers”, but there isn’t a lot there. I do not subscribe to the “cult of personality” in anything, so it’s not that I want a famous Catholic personality for a priest. Just someone who is engaging, humble, and able to connect the sacred to the secular.

Sorry this is a bummer post. I really am a faithful Catholic.
 
PatriceA said:
You said though he’s ONE of the priests at your parish. Most parishes have only ONE priest.
Click to expand...
Varies widely by diocese. Plenty of dioceses, particularly in major cities, continue to have more than one priest at many parishes. Let us not over-generalize.
 
Eight yrs ago I moved( my home) and was thrilled that my new parish was in my backyard.
At the time I was doing Catholicism “my way”. My new pastor infuriated me to the point of my returning to my former parish. God has a funny sence of humor!!
Not long after returning to my former parish, our Archdiocese was restructured and our parish became a mission of another parish.- New Mass schedule didn’t work for me.

So I reluctantly had to go back to the church in my new backyard. As the Holy Spirit led me deeper into conversion, I realized that my new pastor was so offensive because he was speaking the truth I didn’t want to hear. When I was truly ready to be reconsciled to my God and Church, he was amazing. I couldn’t have dreamed that he would be as loving and compassionate as he was during that sacrament.

Since then, I have “fallen in love” with my new parish and pastor. As a man, I don’t think I would hang out with this guy. Our personalities are really–different. But as my priest, as the one who stands as Christ present to me in the sacraments, I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have as a pastor.

Its also interesting to me, that because of the priest shortage, he had to cut out our 6am daily mass. We now only have 6pm. That doesn’t work with my schedule. So I attend morning mass at a neighboring parish! The priests there are also amazing. And I have been given the opportunity to experience"different gifts, but the same spirit".

We never know what God has in store for us.
 
In light of all the media coverage of Priests etc., I thought I would post the following excerpt from the Pieta Prayer Book, (Our Lord’s Revelation to Mutter Vogel).

"One should NEVER attack a priest, even when he’s in error, rather one should pray and do penance that I’ll grant him My grace again. He alone fully represents Me, even when he doesn’t live after My example!

“When a Priest falls we should extend him a helping hand through prayer and not through attacks! I myself will be his judge, no one but I! Whoever voices judgment over a priest has voiced it over me; child, never let a Priest be attacked, take up his defense. Child, never judge your confessor, rather pray much for him and offer every Thursday, through the hands of My Blessed Mother, Holy Communion (for Him). Never again accept an out-of-the-way word about a priest, and speak no unkind word (about them). Even it were TRUE! Every Priest is My vicar and My Heart will be sickened and insulted because of it~ If you hear a judgment (against a Priest) pray a Hail Mary.”

“If you see a Priest who celebrates the Holy Mass unworthily then say nothing about him, rather tell it to Me alone! I stand beside Him on the altar! Oh pray much for my priests, that they’ll love purity above all, that they’ll celebrate the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass with pure hands and heart. Certainly the Holy Sacrifice is one and the same even when it’s celebrated by an unworthy priest, but the graces called down upon the people is not the same!”

God Bless All!
 
Thanks for posting this. You wouldn’t believe how often I hear negative comments about our priests. Sometimes even in church! And most of the time it is not about an “abuse” but rather how they don’t personally like the priest. They find lots of things lacking in him, but tend to forget we should respect, love, and pray for our priests. After all without them, we cannot receive the Eucharist. I wish more people thought about that.
 
👍 Excellent post and reminder for all of us!

There is very little that upsets as much as when people criticize our priests. Whether it be their homily, their decisions, or even rumors…
 
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