Men will love it and women will laugh, maybe

[nana3]

Someone emailed us this and it is called Man Rules:

The Man Rules*******************
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
FINALLY, the guys’ side of the story. We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now Here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note … these are all numbered "1” ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat.
   You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Sunday sports, It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Crying is blackmail.
5. Ask for what you want.
   Let us be clear on this one:
   Subtle hints do not work!
   Strong hints do not work!
   Obvious hints do not work!
   Just say it!
6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
   In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
9. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
10. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the OTHER one.
11. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
12. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials …
13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
14. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
15. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
16. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
17. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
18. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is FINE… REALLY.
19. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking ab out unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
20. You have enough clothes.
21. You have too many shoes.
22. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
23. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

 

[Reepicheep]

My comments in bold.

Someone emailed us this and it is called Man Rules:

The Man Rules*******************
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
FINALLY, the guys’ side of the story. We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now Here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note … these are all numbered "1” ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat.
   You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Sunday sports, It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Crying is blackmail.

**Well, not always: but it does feel that way to us. **

1. Ask for what you want.
   Let us be clear on this one:
   Subtle hints do not work!
   Strong hints do not work!
   Obvious hints do not work!
   Just say it!

AA-MEN!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
2. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

*Actually, a man can give you sympathy. Just make sure you tell us-explicitley!- that you want a shoulder to cry on, not a solution. *

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
   In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
   **
   Not a bad rule for both genders.**
2. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
3. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the OTHER one.
4. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
5. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials …
6. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

***Actually sometimes we do. But we’re more likely to admit it if you don’t press us about it. ***

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Not only that, but we don’t care. Make it the color you want.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

*Though we can be trained to be discreet in the presence of female company…
*

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
   We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
2. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
3. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is FINE… REALLY.
4. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking ab out unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
5. You have enough clothes.
6. You have too many shoes.
7. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
8. Thank you for reading this.
   Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

.

 

[Pacbox]

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

On an occasion when our choir had to wear red for Pentacost, our choir leader told us he was an 8 Crayola Crayon guy. While all the women were wearing red, pink, and other shades, he saw them as red. That worked well for all of us.

 

[whatevergirl]

Someone emailed us this and it is called Man Rules:

The Man Rules*******************
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
FINALLY, the guys’ side of the story. We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now Here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note … these are all numbered "1” ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat.
   You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Sunday sports, It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Crying is blackmail.
5. Ask for what you want.
   Let us be clear on this one:
   Subtle hints do not work!
   Strong hints do not work!
   Obvious hints do not work!
   Just say it!
6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
   In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
9. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
10. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the OTHER one.
11. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
12. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials …
13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
14. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
15. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
16. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
17. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
18. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is FINE… REALLY.
19. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking ab out unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
20. You have enough clothes.
21. You have too many shoes.
22. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
23. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

too cute.

 

[ironman62292]

 

[kage_ar]

Goody gumdrops, more stereotypes.

 

[Me_4rm_India]

Well said and fully approve

Wonder ‘what women will love and men would laugh’

 

[catharina]

Serious correction, regarding placement of toilet seat:

**All human beings (with toilets) use the seat-down postition on a “regular” basis. **

**This includes toddlers and pre-schoolers; they will not notice that a seat is UP and they fall into the toilet, tush first. Men, be REAL MEN! Lower the toilet seat. **

**We know you can do it. **

My six brothers learned to lower the seat. Great guys, all.

 

[aggiecatholic05]

why not be a ‘real woman’ and lower it.

i showed this to my wife back when we first started datting and told her that it was very true and i planed to live more or less by these. to this day i do.

this was so true and funny thanks for posting them i hadnt read this in years.

 

[catharina]

why not be a ‘real woman’ and lower it.

i showed this to my wife back when we first started datting and told her that it was very true and i planed to live more or less by these. to this day i do.

this was so true and funny thanks for posting them i hadnt read this in years.

we who are real women do lower it -
so the little children won’t fall in.

guess you’re one of those “real” men who don’t do potty-training.

get a clue - at least teach your sons.

 

[Della]

why not be a ‘real woman’ and lower it.

i showed this to my wife back when we first started datting and told her that it was very true and i planed to live more or less by these. to this day i do.

this was so true and funny thanks for posting them i hadnt read this in years.

Because when I’ve fallen into the toilet at 3 AM because Mr. I Forgot Again didn’t put the seat down, I get a little cranky. Wouldn’t you?

And my dh hovers over me when I doing some projects, too. I simply let him take it over if he’s really antsy about it. Otherwise I ask him how I’m doing it wrong so he can advise me. We’re both grown ups so we try to act like we are.

Sure guys need their space and they don’t think like women, still a man marries a woman not one of his buddies. Any man who doesn’t understand that ought to remain single, IMHO.

 

[catharina]

Because when I’ve fallen into the toilet at 3 AM because Mr. I Forgot Again didn’t put the seat down, I get a little cranky. Wouldn’t you?

And my dh hovers over me when I doing some projects, too. I simply let him take it over if he’s really antsy about it. Otherwise I ask him how I’m doing it wrong so he can advise me. We’re both grown ups so we try to act like we are.

Sure guys need their space and they don’t think like women, still a man marries a woman not one of his buddies. Any man who doesn’t understand that ought to remain single, IMHO.

Totally agree with you.

If the dudes can be rude about it with wives, MAYBE they learn when potty-training the offspring begins. OR - maybe not. (As for such wives? They could have done much better, IMO.)

 

[estesbob]

we who are real women do lower it -
so the little children won’t fall in.

guess you’re one of those “real” men who don’t do potty-training.

get a clue - at least teach your sons.

Women are just jealous because we can do it standing up.

 

[Nechasin]

Serious correction, regarding placement of toilet seat:

**All human beings (with toilets) use the seat-down postition on a “regular” basis. **

**This includes toddlers and pre-schoolers; they will not notice that a seat is UP and they fall into the toilet, tush first. Men, be REAL MEN! Lower the toilet seat. **

**We know you can do it. **

My six brothers learned to lower the seat. Great guys, all.

I actually learned that it also irritates my wife if I lower the lid as well as the seat. But that is the compromise that we now make. The lid is always lowered. That way no matter what the next person has to touch it.

The funny thing is I never hear her complaining how at three am she sat on the lid. oh well. so guys have fun and lower the lid as well as the seat and see the looks that you get.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Very funny

Women are just jealous because we can do it standing up.

Yeah yeah… but have you heard the joke about that one?
God’s Gifts…

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, and had a couple of left-over things left in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up and pee. “It’s a very handy thing,” God told the couple who he found hanging around under an apple tree. “I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability.”

Adam popped a cork, jumped up and begged, “Oh, give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a Man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It would be so great! When I’m working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just let it rip, I’d be so cool. Oh please, God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please…” On and on he went.

Eve just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, and it sure seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn’t mind if Adam were the one given the ability to stand up and pee.

And so it was. And it was…well, good.

“Fine,” God said, looking back into his bag of left-over gifts. “And what do we have left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms…”
*

 

[Ruthie]

Somehow I just *knew *that the lid thing would get the most comments from us women!

Falling in at 3 am is no fun, honestly. As for the lid - once as a little kid, having left things way too long, I ran for the toidy in a state of emergency, sat on the lid, and let go before I realized.

Now why don’t we talk about the right way to hang the toilet paper roll?

Ruthie

 

[Chris_LaRock]

Serious correction, regarding placement of toilet seat:

**All human beings (with toilets) use the seat-down postition on a “regular” basis. **

**This includes toddlers and pre-schoolers; they will not notice that a seat is UP and they fall into the toilet, tush first. Men, be REAL MEN! Lower the toilet seat. **

**We know you can do it. **

My six brothers learned to lower the seat. Great guys, all.

Maybe we should install urinals at home just to solve this age-old problem once and for all?

 

[Della]

Maybe we should install urinals at home just to solve this age-old problem once and for all?

Some people do. And boy do I envy them! We didn’t have the room for one or I’d have put one in. Of course, I’d make him clean it.

 

[rusty20]

Sure guys need their space and they don’t think like women, still a man marries a woman not one of his buddies. Any man who doesn’t understand that ought to remain single, IMHO.

The exact same thing can be applied to women…

 

[Della]

Originally Posted by Della View Post
Sure guys need their space and they don’t think like women, still a man marries a woman not one of his buddies. Any man who doesn’t understand that ought to remain single, IMHO.

rusty20: The exact same thing can be applied to women…

My very thoughts as I was ready the “rules” in general. Adults ought to act like adults, which means making allowances for each other’s differences. As the Spanish say: “The one who does not love the faults of his/her loved one does not love at all.”