Mentoring program for immature adults

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Does anyone know or can recommend a mentoring program for immature adults? This has been on my mind for some time now for someone I know. The thing is, no one around these people, including myself, know how to deal or give training or whatever. Encouragement, kinds words didn’t work. It just led to enabling. Rebuking and reprimanding didn’t. I need someone from the outside, a stranger, because maybe, hopefully, these people would come to their senses and be less immature, selfish, etc.

Please don’t laugh at my question; this is serious. I know that therapy and counselling is most often advised, but I’m talking about the lack of availability in the area. I have already looked up catholictherapists.com

If anyone could suggest anything, it’s most welcome. I don’t know what to do anymore. We’re simply carrying our cross and dealing with the status quo. Praying, that’s what I do.
 
I belonged to a parent support group, and one parent had good results with a Life Coach.

I gather that usually life coaches are used by business people who want to improve their business lives, but there are also coaches who deal with adolescents who need help getting their lives on track, I suppose you could find a life coach for almost any kind of situation or age group. And the nice thing is, they work by phone – my friend’s coach called her son once a week. So they don’t have to be in your area.

Try googling life coach in your general area-- for example Pacific Northwest, or something similar.
You could consider having the coach give the person a call just to see how it went.

God bless.

.
 
Unless you’re in a very rural area, there are counselors. There’s nobody listed nearby for me on the site you mentioned, but I’ve gotten referrals from doctors and the diocese, and then googled “Christian counseling” as well.

I’m personally nervous about “life coaches” because I don’t know their qualifications, but maybe that would appeal to someone insulted by the idea of counseling.

One problem you might run into.is that a highly immature person will flake out on appointments.

You can always go as well to work on strategies to avoid enabling.

Unfortunately, sometimes the best strategy is to let someone fail. 😦
 
fin said:
Does anyone know or can recommend a mentoring program for immature adults? This has been on my mind for some time now for someone I know. The thing is, no one around these people, including myself, know how to deal or give training or whatever. Encouragement, kinds words didn’t work. It just led to enabling. Rebuking and reprimanding didn’t. I need someone from the outside, a stranger, because maybe, hopefully, these people would come to their senses and be less immature, selfish, etc.

Please don’t laugh at my question; this is serious. I know that therapy and counselling is most often advised, but I’m talking about the lack of availability in the area. I have already looked up catholictherapists.com

If anyone could suggest anything, it’s most welcome. I don’t know what to do anymore. We’re simply carrying our cross and dealing with the status quo. Praying, that’s what I do.
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Are you looking for a program to recommend to an immature adult, or a program to train you in how to best deal with an immature adult?
 
This IS very interesting. How do you intend for the immature adults to attend what ever counseling sessions will be available? Are these people who want to change, will the attend on their own free will? Also who are these people in relation to you?

A little background info about why I for one think this is so interesting which may help you: I never considered myself an immature adult and most of the people around me didn’t either. If you had told me that I could be doing better with my life I would have laughed at you and responded with some sort of relativistic rhetoric.

It wasn’t until I found Christ that I realized the weight of those arguments, which is strange to me because the people who might have made those arguments did not do so with any religious objections to the way I was living but argued that I should have cared about money and status a lot more. If you want this to happen from a Christian point of view they might have to either want to convert for some reason or have had a personal encounter with Jesus.

The closest thing I could think of to what you might be thinking of is a therapist or a life coach, something in that vein.
 
Setting young people up to fail can be very helpful even tho it sounds mean. For example, my parents set me up with a checking account and put my month’s allowance and lunch money in it. I wrote very small checks each day for lunch, so didn’t bother to write them down… 20 days’ of $3 checks, tho, added up to a bounced check! I learned…

So while they may seem too irresponsible to delegate to, well, they’re not going to learn until they realize they need to learn (like by going without lunch for a week to pay a bounced check fee!).

And, tbh, I was totally irresponsible as a kid, but so were all the other kids I knew. If they are not too old, maybe involve them in activities with different peers?
 
It may help here to have some idea of the immature behavior that is being exhibited. Do they need a therapist or just a reality check?:confused:
 
I’m interested to know WHO gets to tell them they are immature ???

I can’t see many people responding well to this. 😊
 
St_Francis said:
I suspected the father of the immature young adults 😉
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If that’s the case…why are others involved?Seems like a family issue.
Young and adult don’t exactly fit together. Either way, they ate supposedly adults. 🤷
If I were not a relative, I’d be hesitant to say anything about immaturity. People get offended so easily and then leave the church.
Just seems problematic. :twocents::
 
I’m with the posters that would like to know who gets to call someone an immature adult. For that matter please define immature adult. When I went into the military service many years ago I was 17, I got married at 18 to another 18 year old who already had a child. Yes we were immature and probably(definitely) ruled by the senses. Many years and a lot of growing up later our son(mine by adoption) went into the military and I really didn’t think he would make it through bootcamp as I believed he was so irresponsible and immature. The same with my future son-in-law. Our son did well in the service and it did him wonders. Our son-in-law is retiring this year from 20 years in the army and what a great son-in-law he has been. I’m still immature-I laugh at farts-laugh at stupid jokes from the absolutely nonsensical sitcoms or movies when I watch them. On occasion I will ask myself if my kids are really serious when they ask a question that any mature adult wouldn’t ask-or would they?
I have a grandson graduating high school this year and is going into the military. His parents believe he is clueless. He is. So were his parents. So was I and so was my wife. Guess what, we still are.
When my wife and I go out she will ask if what she has picked to wear is okay. Then turn around and ask me" are you going to wear that?" She can’t pick out her clothes and I can’t pick out mine. I would think two mature adults should be able to dress themselves.
I am always telling my wife we are all stuck in the 4th grade. I’ll stop now as I really could rant on this forever. Blessings to all the immature adults that they/we may someday get it and become mature.
 
My apologies for the previous post/rant. Another example of my immaturity. I was judgmental, arrogant, and impatient. I should have taken a few breaths before posting instead of afterwards. Blessings to all.
 
While I have no experience with it, many would say that the best mentoring program for immature adults is the military.
 
I was going to say the United States Marine Corps has a pretty effective program.
 
Depending on the circumstances, I think one way to become more responsible in general is by feeling the consequences of your failures, instead of others (like parents) picking up the slack. 🤷

Sometimes, we learn from the mistakes of others. And sometimes, we just have to learn from our own mistakes (sometimes even repeatedly).
 
Thank you for the responses. Yes these are people related to me. Yes you’re right to question, who am I to say that they’re immature? But I’m basing this from what’s happening and my observations. I can assure you, the parents are not bailing them out. In fact, these are people that you might say failed several times. Nobody bailed them out. In fact, nobody helped them out.

I think it’s a combination of childhood hurts, bullying, their own temperaments… But I don’t want this to be a blame game. Everyone has a part for the blame. They themselves, parents, teachers, classmates, other experiences.

I want to suggest help to them; this is not about forcing them.

As for wanting to change. I think they do, but they don’t know how, and the people around them, including me, don’t know how. You might know people in your life who self sabotage, who have a difficult time getting out of some unhealthy habit in your life.

That’s why I mentioned a mentoring program or something similar. A fellow adult, or group of adults, who are understanding, patient, and aware of their struggles and past experiences. Someone who can help them be confident, have a healthy sense of self esteem, someone who can help them get over whatever hurts they experienced in the past.
 
fin said:
Thank you for the responses. Yes these are people related to me. Yes you’re right to question, who am I to say that they’re immature? But I’m basing this from what’s happening and my observations. I can assure you, the parents are not bailing them out. In fact, these are people that you might say failed several times. Nobody bailed them out. In fact, nobody helped them out.

I think it’s a combination of childhood hurts, bullying, their own temperaments… But I don’t want this to be a blame game. Everyone has a part for the blame. They themselves, parents, teachers, classmates, other experiences.

I want to suggest help to them; this is not about forcing them.

As for wanting to change. I think they do, but they don’t know how, and the people around them, including me, don’t know how. You might know people in your life who self sabotage, who have a difficult time getting out of some unhealthy habit in your life.

That’s why I mentioned a mentoring program or something similar. A fellow adult, or group of adults, who are understanding, patient, and aware of their struggles and past experiences. Someone who can help them be confident, have a healthy sense of self esteem, someone who can help them get over whatever hurts they experienced in the past.
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Well, if the person in question is male, the men in the Knights of Columbus certainly will mentor him, give him a task to excel at, a small responsibility, etc.
You might try it.
 
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