MERGED: Confessing Horrible Sins/First time confession/Absolved

[COLOS]

You are so awesome! I’m speechless. Thank you so much for your help! I feel so much better now.
Yes, I will set up an appointment with the priest and tell him everything I said on here. You are so right, there’s no reason to hesitate really cause as you said God is always looking for us to move us closer to him. I’m gonna start my Novenas today, and I’m now actually looking forward to going to confession. Thank you so much! :hug3:

Thank you for you kind words, but to be honest, I don’t think I’ve really said anything at all. If you have found some benefit from these posts, then it is more than likely that the Holy Spirit has condescended to use a bent and broken man to help you return to God through His Spotless Bride, the Church.

God is the one we should both thank for His kindness to the two of us and to everyone else!


Peace to you!
Andrew

 

[Liraco]

I wish I could say the experience was totally uplifting… the truth is, I still feel very, very low for the things I’ve done, and find it difficult to accept that I can truly be forgiven. But I will try.

It’s hardest to forgive ourselves because we know all the details of what we did, but God knows your heart even better and He DID forgive you. Remember those words of absolution are Christ’s through the priest. His death was to atone for EVERY sin, so long as it is repented of, and that’s what you did.

You don’t have to feel forgiven to be forgiven, just like you don’t always “feel” love to love someone. Imagine a fight with a sibling and you “hate their guts” but if something very serious happened to her you’d swallow that anger and be at her side. Love is an act of the will, you choose to love, not feel love. God’s forgiveness is also an act of the will, He chooses to forgive you because you asked.

A few things kept this from being the life-changing experience I prayed it would be.
The priest had to come out and open the door: of course he saw my face.

God gives us what is best for us, not what we think we need (which could in fact be very bad). Sometimes the best medicine tastes really bad.

Remember what everyone else has said, the seal of confession is there for all our benefit, he cannot reveal anything. I’m not sure if you listen to Catholic Answers live, several apologists have known priests that have been given the grace of forgetting, and the priest will honestly not remember a word you spoke in the confessional. Regardless though, there’s no need to feel shame as you’ve been forgiven.

Don’t let fear or shame get between you and Christ. Pray for strength to defeat that shame, and offer your current suffering to Christ in reparation for what you did (that’s what penance is), and not just that, but for the conversion of a sinner that he repent and come back to the Church. We are all one body and our prayers are to help those members in trouble.

The priest, of course, not knowing this, suggested I seek counseling for these issues. I’m not sure if this was penance, or mandatory.
Am I doing something wrong by NOT seeking the counseling?

The priest didn’t know, so he suggested counseling thinking you were still struggling. If he said “I want you to seek counsel” would be one thing, but a suggestion is just advice for your own good. So I’d think it’s not a sin if you choose to not go.

Perhaps you could seek out a spiritual counselor or a good priest to talk to about your issue of shame and not feeling forgiveness though. It’s not only free but very beneficial so that you can get the peace you need. It can be some other good priest in the parish, another parish, or even that same priest. Pray about finding a good one.

Also, he suggested I make amends with my parents.
Do I need to do anything?

I’d say something similar to what I just said applies. He didn’t know, so he gave you counsel based on what he did know. So… keep up that good relationship and all is fine.

I’m still on a journey…

We all are, but we’re not alone. That’s what we’re all here to do, to help each other out.

Not sure if this’ll help but on March 21, 2011 there was a very interesting show on Catholic Answers Live: catholic.com/radio/calendar.php
Click on “The pursuit of happiness” and download the mp3, and have a listen.

God bless you and may you find the peace you need.

 

[NPalmby]

This afternoon, I went to Reconciliation for the first time in seven years. It was a long time coming, but something I struggled with for a long time. Last Sunday at Mass, the father’s homily really convicted me to go to Reconciliation, so I did.

I feel SOOOOO much better! The priest put me at ease immediately. When I told him it had been seven years he said not to be nervous because I was in “the mercy room not the judgment room.” He thanked me for my honest confession. He was wonderful, and I feel so much lighter now! I’m so, so glad I went!

For those who are struggling with going to Reconciliation after a long time, please go! It may be nerve-wracking (and I certainly had some doozies to tell after seven years!), but the absolution you get so far outweighs any anxiety that it’s not even on the same scale!

I urge you to use this Lenten season to go to Reconciliation! Don’t wait!

How blessed we are to have such a loving and merciful God!

 

[jtodisco]

I’m glad you decided to seek the Lord’s forgiveness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It is both sad and worrying that so many Catholics (at least in the US) do not frequent this Sacrament. We are all in need of God’s mercy and the Church asks us to at least go to Confession once a year. However, I don’t know many people who can go a whole year without messing up and needing the Lord’s forgiveness. Personally I think most people could really benefit by going to Confession at least once a month. If you haven’t read the diary of Saint Faustina I think you would both enjoy it and benefit from it. She speaks regularly about the Lord’s love and mercy and of the value of Confession.

 

[NPalmby]

Thank you. Her diary is on my reading list…I just have a few things I’m working on first.

Now that I’ve gone back, I can’t imagine waiting so long again. My plan from now on is to go at least once a month unless I feel the need to go more frequently.

 

[kimmielittle]

This afternoon, I went to Reconciliation for the first time in seven years. It was a long time coming, but something I struggled with for a long time. Last Sunday at Mass, the father’s homily really convicted me to go to Reconciliation, so I did.

I feel SOOOOO much better! The priest put me at ease immediately. When I told him it had been seven years he said not to be nervous because I was in “the mercy room not the judgment room.” He thanked me for my honest confession. He was wonderful, and I feel so much lighter now! I’m so, so glad I went!

For those who are struggling with going to Reconciliation after a long time, please go! It may be nerve-wracking (and I certainly had some doozies to tell after seven years!), but the absolution you get so far outweighs any anxiety that it’s not even on the same scale!

I urge you to use this Lenten season to go to Reconciliation! Don’t wait!

How blessed we are to have such a loving and merciful God!

 

[odile53]

I know exactly what you mean. I went to confession after only two years, and the relief I felt afterwards, and the gratitude, made me feel at least twenty pounds lighter. I felt like running down the aisle of the church yelling “Woot! Woot! I’m absolved!” but middle-aged decorum kept me from embarrassing myself that way! After that, I started going once a month.

I think the great thing about doing regular confession is that it is giving me a whole new self-awareness about when I’m about to let myself get sucked into sin (getting involved with the office politics is a recurrent theme for me, and I’ve been able to sidestep some of it just by following the advice I received in the confessional.)

 

[tradcathconvert]

Thank you for posting this, I am so glad you went to confession again.
The priests are really there to help us. Even though I go at least every other week -often every week- I sometimes have sins I am uncomfortable confessing. Recently there was one detail I decided to mention because I thought it might make a difference as to whether or not the sin was mortal or venial. And told the priest I had not mentioned that part in the past when confessing the same sin. In any event, even if the sin was just venial, I was glad I had mentioned that bit of information. The priest had some very good advise for me. We really do need to not worry about what the priest will think of us, and have the humility to confess often and not leave out anything we should confess.
So, like the OP said, “I urge you to use this Lenten season to go to Reconciliation! Don’t wait!”

 

[504Katrin]

Thank you for you kind words, but to be honest, I don’t think I’ve really said anything at all. If you have found some benefit from these posts, then it is more than likely that the Holy Spirit has condescended to use a bent and broken man to help you return to God through His Spotless Bride, the Church.

God is the one we should both thank for His kindness to the two of us and to everyone else!


Peace to you!
Andrew

You’re probably right , I believe so, too. Your posts have given me so much comfort and courage! I do indeed get a lot of help from above that guides me on my way back to God and our church.
I’m so glad I found this site. I had a question and googled it and this site popped up. I’m so glad I found it.

I don’t think I’ve really said anything at all

these words show me that I have yet a loooong way to go.
God bless you!

 

[puzzleannie]

Y
Those sins are killing me and I long for confession but there’s a problem. If I go to confession I have to confess everything, right?
I must admit there’s one thing that even tho I try hard I can’t stop doing, and it does not make any sense to confess a sin that I will probably commit afterward again
So can I just admit the other sins and leave that one out?

that is why you confess it because among other sins the sacrament, along with Eucharist which you can finally receive worthily, confers the grace to combat habitual sin and all sin. Yes it makes sense to confess this sin above all others you have. What makes no sense is staying away from the very remedies for your condition.

An analogy would be “I have several serious health concerns that need immediate medical treatment, but one is chronic and probably won’t go away any case, so I have not been to the doctor.” You are refusing not only treatment for the chronic condition which can lighten the symptoms and even improve long term prognosis, but allowing other serious conditions to threaten your health.

 

[Occidental]

If one goes to confession, after 5 years of apostacy, and tries to make a good confession, but unknowingly omits a mortal sin, is he still absolved?

And when the priest says “ego te absolvo”, does that forgive you of all, or only some sin?

 

[Samuel63]

You are absolved but must go to confession again as soon as you can to repent of what was missed.

The key is “unknowingly.” If you had knowingly missed one mortal sin, then the confession would have been void.

 

[thistle]

If one goes to confession, after 5 years of apostacy, and tries to make a good confession, but unknowingly omits a mortal sin, is he still absolved?

And when the priest says “ego te absolvo”, does that forgive you of all, or only some sin?

Assuming your Confession is sincere and you genuinely forget to confess a sin your absolution is valid.
If you later remember a sin you forgot you should mention it at your next Confession but you are not again in a state of mortal sin the second you remember because you have already been absolved for the sin you forgot.

 

[Bookcat]

Right if one forgets a mortal sin…but were intending to confess all ones mortal sins with contrition etc…such is absolved…one is obliged though to confess it when one remembers it.

 

[504Katrin]

that is why you confess it because among other sins the sacrament, along with Eucharist which you can finally receive worthily, confers the grace to combat habitual sin and all sin. Yes it makes sense to confess this sin above all others you have. What makes no sense is staying away from the very remedies for your condition.

An analogy would be “I have several serious health concerns that need immediate medical treatment, but one is chronic and probably won’t go away any case, so I have not been to the doctor.” You are refusing not only treatment for the chronic condition which can lighten the symptoms and even improve long term prognosis, but allowing other serious conditions to threaten your health.

yes that makes sense. I understand.
thank you so much for your response
I’m waiting on the church to give me a call back for an appointment. I asked them if I could talk to the priest who celebrated mass last Sunday. He looks so kind of even tempered, as if nothing could surprise him anymore, so I think he’ll be the one to make me feel most comfortable.

Thanks again to all of you for your helpful replies

 

[Incomplete]

I’m so glad you’re doing the right thing!

 

[LaceButterfly]

My grandmother, a devout Catholic, and very important person in my life, recently passed away. Since then, I have regularly attended Mass and prayed the rosary daily.

I want to renew my commitment to Catholicism, but I do have a heavy burden pulling at my heart.

I have not confessed since I was very young; almost a decade ago.

In the time since my last confession, I have committed some horrible, heinous, heinous acts which haunt me daily. These are not common sins at all.

I have asked God in prayers many, many times for forgiveness over the years, but never feel better.

I don’t know how I could ever speak out loud some of the awful things I’ve done in my life.

I try to be a better person, and pray daily for forgiveness and the opportunity to help more people than I’ve hurt.

If I had to write down the sins I’ve committed since my last confession and read them all to a priest, I honestly believe he would be horrified and not stand the sight of me again.

The truth is, I don’t think I could ever confess my sins to another person. But I never feel the forgiveness I ask for in my prayers.

I don’t know what to do.

I understand. I had taken my first communion and was about to start the journey toward confirmation when my parents left the church. I was 12, so there wasn’t anything I could do about it. They joined a fundamentalist church and though I tried to get into it, I never felt comfortable with the style of worship (if it could even be called that). I hope this doesn’t make me sound mean-spirited, but after the quiet dignity of catholic services, I found the yelling in gibberish and twitching utterly embarrassing. I also felt that there was something wrong with me for years because I didn’t ever feel called to do that. This (along with some painful personal issues within my family) pretty much killed my faith for a long time.

Fast forward 30 years. I’ve been married twice and had three children. My first marriage was to a man who had already been married and divorced once. My second (and current) marriage is to an atheist and I have been practicing witchcraft since 1997. I have had an abortion. I have done so many other things too terrible to list here. A few years ago I started feeling the call to return to christianity but failed three times because I just couldn’t scrape up the faith after past traumas and hurts to stick with it, and now I’m wondering if this was because I was going to church with my family instead of going on my own. I now know that I’m being called back to catholicism.

There are many obstacles. My two youngest children have autism and there’s no way I can bring them to mass. If I miss mass I’m sinning and if I bring them their constant (noise) echolating and inability to sit still will make it impossible for anyone else to enjoy the service. I have no doubt we will not be welcome back, as there are some very severe behavioral issues here, which we are constantly working to overcome. I will need to annul my first marriage, which I simply can not afford financially. Our children require a lot of care/therapy/doctor visits (autistics have immune issues that leave them open to pretty much every bug they come in contact with). Since I am unable to receive the sacraments I will be unable to to take RCIA classes, which I wouldn’t be able to do anyway because my husband works late and my child care options are practically nil. My husband and I get out for a few hours for a ‘date day’ maybe twice a year because one of our children is mostly non-verbal (though improving), and we don’t trust many people to sit with them.

I recently spoke with a person online who is about to be made a priest and he assured me that if I was sincere in my desire to reconcile with God, God is patient and will wait for me. I hope so, because he’ll have to be very patient indeed. It may be years before I can even attempt to annul my first marriage or try to attend mass regularly. I realize I am not in a state of grace but there’s nothing I can do right now.

In the meantime I pray the rosary, ask for forgiveness and for help for my children, and hope that it is not too late (or won’t be later) if things ever stabilize to the point that I can attempt to mend my relationship with God and return to the church.

Too late to make a long story short, my sins are many, they are horrible and if the time ever comes to reconcile, I may not even be able to. There’s no guarantee of annulment and if I can’t receive the sacraments I’m not sure where to go from there.

I have never confessed, as my parents left the church before I got to that point and I am scared to death. There are over thirty years of sins weighing on me and I feel the same fear that you do about the priest turning away in disgust. I wouldn’t blame him, really. When I look back I’m pretty disgusted with myself.

My advice is to go while you’re still able. It’s terrifying, I understand, but if you take someone with you to wait in the pews while you confess, it might not be as frightening. It’s my understanding that confession lifts away the guilt, shame and trauma that have been stabbing at someone and you leave feeling new, loved and forgiven. If you have to take someone with you that’s okay, but please go. Lives can (and do) change in an instant and something may happen that will set up a huge series of obstacles in your path. Once you get past that first step, it’s my understanding that you’ll wonder why you waited. Please don’t wait any longer. You have a chance to make things right, if you’ll just take it.

~Shannon

P.S. - Sorry this was so long, I’ll try to keep them shorter from now on.

 

[LaceButterfly]

My grandmother, a devout Catholic, and very important person in my life, recently passed away. Since then, I have regularly attended Mass and prayed the rosary daily.

I want to renew my commitment to Catholicism, but I do have a heavy burden pulling at my heart.

I have not confessed since I was very young; almost a decade ago.

In the time since my last confession, I have committed some horrible, heinous, heinous acts which haunt me daily. These are not common sins at all.

I have asked God in prayers many, many times for forgiveness over the years, but never feel better.

I don’t know how I could ever speak out loud some of the awful things I’ve done in my life.

I try to be a better person, and pray daily for forgiveness and the opportunity to help more people than I’ve hurt.

If I had to write down the sins I’ve committed since my last confession and read them all to a priest, I honestly believe he would be horrified and not stand the sight of me again.

The truth is, I don’t think I could ever confess my sins to another person. But I never feel the forgiveness I ask for in my prayers.

I don’t know what to do.

OOPS! Reading through the rest of the thread I see that you went. Good for you!! That was a very courageous thing for you to do and the priest didn’t judge you at all. I hope over time you’ll be able to accept forgiveness and feel better. Sounds like it’s about time you had some peace.

 

[jwinch2]

catholicnews.com/data/stories/cns/1101214.htm

The Holy Father speaks of the sacrament of reconciliation. I found it to be a good article…

 

[baltobetsy]

There are many obstacles. My two youngest children have autism and there’s no way I can bring them to mass. If I miss mass I’m sinning and if I bring them their constant (noise) echolating and inability to sit still will make it impossible for anyone else to enjoy the service. I have no doubt we will not be welcome back, as there are some very severe behavioral issues here, which we are constantly working to overcome. I will need to annul my first marriage, which I simply can not afford financially. Our children require a lot of care/therapy/doctor visits (autistics have immune issues that leave them open to pretty much every bug they come in contact with). Since I am unable to receive the sacraments I will be unable to to take RCIA classes, which I wouldn’t be able to do anyway because my husband works late and my child care options are practically nil. My husband and I get out for a few hours for a ‘date day’ maybe twice a year because one of our children is mostly non-verbal (though improving), and we don’t trust many people to sit with them.

Shannon, it’s possible that the obstacles you see are not as large as they appear.

The annulment process is not the huge expense that many people fear. Generally, the costs are a few hundred dollars to cover clerical expenses, etc., for the tribunal. If there is a problem, most will work with you to assure that finances do not keep you from receiving the services you need.

Care of children is a legitimate reason to miss Mass, so you would not be committing a sin if you had to stay home with the young ones.

Anyone may take RCIA classes. They are for inquirers, people who wish to return to the Church, people who have never been baptized, other Christians who wish to become Catholic, and even Catholics who simply want to learn more about their faith. At some point in the program, you figure out whether or not you will be receiving sacraments at the Easter Vigil, but you are always welcome to come to the classes to learn. In your case, you may need more time than others, perhaps going through a couple of years of the program, but don’t think you’re not welcome.

You have a beautiful heart and an obvious call to return to the Church. Please, after Easter, find a Catholic parish near you and meet with the priest to see what the real obstacles are to your return home. He may have a lot of help and some pleasant surprises for you. When you call, be sure to ask for an appointment with the priest about an important pastoral matter. Don’t let yourself be passed around from staff member to staff member, or you could find all your fears realized, and unnecessarily at that!

Welcome home, dear. It will be sooner than you think.