MERGED: Must go on a retreat to be confirmed?

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Castillo562

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Hello people,
I am a 15 year old boy who is doing his first year of conformation and we have a retreat coming up that I do not want to go to because I am not comfortable and just really don’t want to go (plzz respect that) But, my youth minister said i have to do it in order to confirm it gets me mad to think just for not going to a retreat i cannot be with god i am a nice person go to church do my part to be a great citizen and i just want to find out a way to get ut of going to this retreat and still able to confirm because from my point of view a retreat shouldn’t be the decider if you confirm or not it should be if your one with god you believe in him and if you trust him that should be the reason to confirm not a RETREAT!!!
PLLLZZ help any person out their that has been in my shoes or anyone out their that thinks i have a point i would really appreciate that PLZZ help!:mad::mad::mad::mad:
 
Hello people,
I am a 15 year old boy who is doing his first year of conformation and we have a retreat coming up that I do not want to go to because I am not comfortable and just really don’t want to go (plzz respect that) But, my youth minister said i have to do it in order to confirm it gets me mad to think just for not going to a retreat i cannot be with god i am a nice person go to church do my part to be a great citizen and i just want to find out a way to get ut of going to this retreat and still able to confirm because from my point of view a retreat shouldn’t be the decider if you confirm or not it should be if your one with god you believe in him and if you trust him that should be the reason to confirm not a RETREAT!!!
PLLLZZ help any person out their that has been in my shoes or anyone out their that thinks i have a point i would really appreciate that PLZZ help!:mad::mad::mad:
 
I see your point in that a retreat should not be the deciding factor in your own Confirmation. But in reality, the parish isn’t going to budge on this issue unless the Pope himself talks to them (I joke. But it would take a lot of work to get out of it). My advice is to suck it up and go. I remember my Confirmation retreat- it was lame, yes. But it pays off because at least you get Confirmed.

And also, please try to use better grammar and punctuation. :o I was able to read your post, but I would imagine most people would have a hard time. Using correct grammar/puncuation will probably increase the number of responses you get on each thread. Just a friendly suggestion 🙂
 
i thank yo for helping me but i will not quit on this issue until i get my own jusstice for not being confirm for a dumb retreat !
 
Just as a reminder, beware of putting your own wants in front of God’s.
 
The best you could probably hope for is getting your pastor to allow you to substitute another retreat for this retreat. If the problem is with certain people making you uncomfortable then you should just explain that and be done with it, arrangements can likely be made to have you go somewhere else. If it is just a matter of you being uncomfortable doing any retreat then you are going to need to go a little more in-depth with your reasoning. As you come of age you will quickly realize that there are going to be a great number of things you don’t want to do that you won’t have a tremendous amount of choice in. Most of the kids going on the retreat probably don’t want to be there, so no one is going to take you seriously if your excuse is nothing more than “I don’t want to!”

Again, if your reasons are serious then an alternative of some sort can probably be arranged. If your reasons are simply not liking the idea because it seems lame or boring then an unwillingness to accept a short period of boredom is just going to demonstrate a lack of maturity to the Priest and allow him to further justify not allowing you to be confirmed.
 
Hi Castillo. Welcome to CAF. You did not mention if you have ever been on a retreat, or what your understanding is about the purpose of going on retreat. A retreat can be a real eye opener for you and a turning point in your faith as well. It will be a chance for you to grow in your faith, something we all strive to do. Can you see that this time away from the normal everyday grind will give you more time to pray and ponder what God’s will could be for your life? This could be a blessing in disguise for you. I will pray for you so that you will be able to overcome whatever obstacles are making this so difficult for you to accept. God bless you.
 
What is it about going on a retreat that you are so opposed to and that makes you uncomfortable? I ask because this is important - you could have a perfectly good reason or you could just be indifferent to it (not that I’m suggesting you are), so our advice can only go so far without knowing why you don’t want to go.

I understand why you’re upset about this but do also remember that they’re not just dragging you on a retreat for no good reason, there is a good purpose for it and maybe they cover important things in the retreat and that is why they do not want you to miss it - always try and see it from the other side as well as your own.

When I took Confirmation I didn’t really want to go on the retreat. I’m very shy and didn’t really know anyone, plus I was 16 or 17 in an adult RCIA and felt really awkward. But in the end I went and it was worth it - even if the only benefit is that you get Confirmed, then that’s sure worth spending one day on a retreat.
 
speak to your pastor. If it is a requirement of the parish only he, not the CCD director or confirmation catechist can waive the requirement.

if this is a requirement of the diocese you may also have to ask your parents to call the bishop’s office.

be ready to explain why you should be exempt when it is required of all other candidates
comfort level is rarely an excuse unless there is a real reason behind it.
 
Castillo562 said:
Hello people,
I am a 15 year old boy who is doing his first year of conformation and we have a retreat coming up that I do not want to go to because I am not comfortable and just really don’t want to go (plzz respect that) But, my youth minister said i have to do it in order to confirm it gets me mad to think just for not going to a retreat i cannot be with god You are with God and He is telling us always to be obedient, and that you don’t have anything to be mad at.i am a nice person go to church do my part to be a great citizen and i just want to find out a way to get ut of going to this retreat and still able to confirm Ever heard the saying, I want to have my cake, and eat it too? Well if you eat it, you no longer have it, do you?because from my point of view Your POV doesn’t matter, your bishop is the shepherd of souls in your diocese, not you, sorry.a retreat shouldn’t be the decider if you confirm or not it should be if your one with god Are you really one with God if you cannot be obedient to the bishop?you believe in him and if you trust him that should be the reason to confirm not a RETREAT!!!
PLLLZZ help any person out their that has been in my shoes or anyone out their that thinks i have a point i would really appreciate that PLZZ help!I do help, I convince them that they should be obedient and go, or I recommend to the pastor that they’re not ready for confirmation.:mad::mad::mad::mad:
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You ask us to respect your “just really don’t want to go” attitude, but you refuse to respect your pastor and/or your bishop. Why are you different than anyone else in your group?

I am a confirmation teacher, have been for about 6 years. Every year we have a certain few who should be exempt from the requirements of the bishop, our bishop requires an overnight retreat, which ours is two nights at a diocesan retreat house, and a one day “bishop’s retreat”. We get the same excuses every year, work, family crisis, scared of the dark, can’t be away from mommy, etc. I believe you get the picture.

This is quite simple; you do not NEED to be confirmed. If you do not want to go through the process that the bishop and pastor have established, then tell your parents you want out. If they allow you to drop out, you can go later in life when you are mature enough to follow directions, and be confirmed through the RCIA process. If they don’t allow you to get out, be obedient and go through the process like you should and receive the grace that God has in store for you.

Most importantly, stop crying about going to a retreat that will help you understand God, and His Church and especially the sacrament of confirmation. As I said, I have been a part of our confirmation team for about 6 or more years. I have seen kids just like you complain about this retreat requirement then attend, because their parents force them, and they are transformed on these weekends. Total life changing events in many cases, just need to give Him a chance to make a difference in your life.
 
I think that the whole idea of a mandatory retreat in order to receive a sacrament is bogus. This past Sunday I was told by a director of youth ministry that next year not all the applicants for confirmation will be accepted because we do not have enough room in the main auditorium and we cannot support such a large retreat; so we will tell them to go parish shopping to find a place where to be confirmed. At that point my blood was boiling. I think that a lot of people involved with sacrament preparation should really study the catechism and basic theology before opening their mouths.
 
Wow, talk about no respect for the young generation. And the catholic church wants people “To COME BACK” maybe they need to ask why they left in the first place.

It would be a shame for you to miss out on the sacrament of confirmation. Talk to your pastor, I’m sure if your reason for not wanting to go is legit, you’ll be excused.
 
thomasf said:
Suck it up and go on the retreat.
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Would you tell this to an adult?

There is no canonical requirement for a retreat. It is the bishop’s call on how his congregation is prepared. Perhaps there is another way.
 
Spirithound said:
Would you tell this to an adult?

There is no canonical requirement for a retreat. It is the bishop’s call on how his congregation is prepared. Perhaps there is another way.
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Yes, if this is the process laid out by the bishop, then yes I would tell adults this same thing. In fact we pretty much do, marriage prep. Couples are required to go to a pre-canna weekend. Isn’t this basically a required weekend retreat?

These couples can refuse and get married in a cival ceremony.

This is a pet peeve of mine I guess because we get the same thing every year, even though they know what is expected years before they get to the confirmation year. In our diocese kids are confirmed in the 11th grade. 8th through 11th is considered “confirmation” prep years. So these candidates and families are aware of these requirements, which are the right of the local ordinary, years before they are expected to attend. In my opinion, if you want to be confirmed, or have your child confirmed, then suck it up and go to the retreat. Quite simple.👍
 
Lapey said:
Yes, if this is the process laid out by the bishop, then yes I would tell adults this same thing. In fact we pretty much do, marriage prep. Couples are required to go to a pre-canna weekend. Isn’t this basically a required weekend retreat?

These couples can refuse and get married in a cival ceremony.

This is a pet peeve of mine I guess because we get the same thing every year, even though they know what is expected years before they get to the confirmation year. In our diocese kids are confirmed in the 11th grade. 8th through 11th is considered “confirmation” prep years. So these candidates and families are aware of these requirements, which are the right of the local ordinary, years before they are expected to attend. In my opinion, if you want to be confirmed, or have your child confirmed, then suck it up and go to the retreat. Quite simple.👍
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However, the OP might have a concern about the manner in which the retreat is being handled. Even though the OP didn’t state it, perhaps there might be issues with a lack of orthdoxy on the part of the retreat planners or some other underlying issue involved with the planners.

Just because someone so young is raising objections to the retreat, that might not necessarily mean that he simply does not want to go. There could be more involved to this.

I know that if I had a confirmation-aged child and there were issues with the way the retreat was being handled (poor catechesis, lack of orthdoxy), I would be meeting with the Chancery about this retreat requirement.

I believe that there have been cases where Rome has intervened concerning this issue.
 
benedictgal said:
However, the OP might have a concern about the manner in which the retreat is being handled. Even though the OP didn’t state it, perhaps there might be issues with a lack of orthdoxy on the part of the retreat planners or some other underlying issue involved with the planners.

Just because someone so young is raising objections to the retreat, that might not necessarily mean that he simply does not want to go. There could be more involved to this.

I know that if I had a confirmation-aged child and there were issues with the way the retreat was being handled (poor catechesis, lack of orthdoxy), I would be meeting with the Chancery about this retreat requirement.

I believe that there have been cases where Rome has intervened concerning this issue.
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The OP said nothing of the sort…you are adding to the story. Even if it would be the case, the requirement of obidience is still there.
 
Lapey said:
The OP said nothing of the sort…you are adding to the story. Even if it would be the case, the requirement of obidience is still there.
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The student did not make any promise of obedience to the Bishop. Catholics are also supposed to use reason to support our faith. I have been involved with a few of these “retreats” and some of them are quite reasonable while other are just a fad to show that something is done. Please show me the proper theological requirements for the sacrament of confirmation. I am asking that because I work in a parish where a lot of this stuff is done and sometimes it is so poorly organized that even the children realize how bogus these events are. I think that often the people that organize the events do not see the forest because of the trees, they just want to put a check mark on their list.
 
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