. My job was to catch people who would “fall in the Spirit”. I remember seeing a big guy and praying “Please God, not this one …”.
Well, I’ve “fallen out.” I didn’t mean to. I mean, I’d heard of it but never been to any of those kinds of churches. I just went to what was called a “healing service” in the bulletin at my Parish. It’s a very long story, but I was completely shocked when I realized what was going on. I was also in the midst of a pretty intense spiritual experience just being there.
Briefly, I can tell you that when he started to pray over me, I could feel something start to “push” against my body. I actually rocked back and pushed back. It was like having the edge of a big invisible sphere meet your chest/stomach. I decided I would not fight it, but let whatever God sent me happen. (Understand, we’d already had Mass, first, then started this.) When I made the surrender choice it came back and over/through me and I cannot describe the immensity of the power. I fell because it was like being a puppet with the strings cut. Or having someone unplug me. I fell back instead of down in a heap because it pushed me back as it passed. In a few minutes I felt perfectly normal again.
I did not lose consciousness. I have no idea what it was. It was not the experience I sought. It was overwhelming. And real. He did not touch me. He was not himself a very charismatic guy, as in his personality. He was, in fact, a fairly dour curmudgeonly type. If I knew he was around doing this near me, I wouldn’t seek it out. I have no idea what it was. I didn’t have some sudden great spiritual insight or healing or change. I did have a miraculous healing a few months later, and maybe this set that stage, I don’t know.
I’ve always wished I could talk to some others and see what their subjective experience is of falling out and see if it matched mine. There was a Japanese researcher who reported that people emit electromagnetic waves from the palms of their hands and foreheads, it was a brief blurb in
Discover. Now, maybe some folks can direct that, I don’t know.
People would fall all over the place, speak in “tongues” (99% of which were clearly gibberish),
Again, BTDT. I have no idea if it was some sort of “language” because I believe myself it’s gibberish. But it has purpose as that. Let me explain - going very far back to childhood, in my non-church going, nominally-Protestant, Father in the Masonic Lodge childhood - I would have this urge to speak in gibberish to God. I also would have the urge to lie facedown and the floor to do that. Which I resisted because how stupid and crazy is that? But I very often wanted to.
After I converted in my 40s and began a serious prayer practice, this urge came back strongly. I gave into it, but never in front of anyone. Here’s what I think. I think our soul knows exactly what we need a but we don’t. I’m a coward, I’m not praying for suffering, but maybe I need that. When I prayed in this way, I was just engaging my whole self, physically and mentally and in this surrendering way, to speak what God already knew that I didn’t. So, if I needed to suffer, I’d be praying for that. I have no idea how to ask for what I need. God knows. I didn’t need to do this very often, but at one point, it seemed to come up regularly in the empty church I prayed in. Then it was pretty much gone. If it comes back, I’ll do it again.
I don’t know what other people are doing. What happened in Acts was not them speaking a variety of languages, I don’t think. What happened was them speaking and everyone hearing in their own language. I have read of someone who was lost in the African wilderness in the 50s and stumbled onto a tribe that seemed like they were going to kill her and she prayed and spoke and they understood and she did not. I believe that happened.
I think if you don’t want it or feel it, then you don’t do it. I think it’s true that there are people “faking” it - but even they don’t know that. I think we can’t judge this from the outside.
I don’t like “movements.” I liked my Parish where all these things were part of the normal Parish life, which was actually pretty Traditional. I think they should always be part of every Parish and there need to be very active pray-ers in all Parishes and also structures within which to operate so folks don’t go off on their own in love with some experience instead of Christ in the Eucharist.
Cardinal Suenens said: “To interpret the [Charismatic] Renewal as a movement among other movements is to misunderstand its nature; it is a movement of the Spirit offered to the entire Church and destined to rejuvenate every part of the Church’s life. The soul of the renewal—Baptism in the Spirit—is a grace of Pentecostal refreshment offered to all Christians”. - Cardinal Suenens