Met a girl at church…sorta

[LotusCarsLtd]

So lately I’ve noticed more ladies checking me out . In particular, there was this one girl giving announcements today at Mass who seemed to be looking at me over and over (or so it seemed). I had run into her earlier when I held a door for her, so maybe that is what prompted it.

Anyway, after Mass I happened to walk past her as she was standing in the vestibule promoting some upcoming event. I looked straight at her and said hello, at which point she replied but sorta shyly looked away and smiled; she seemed happy at the greeting.

I got her name from her little announcement at Mass, but I otherwise have no clue who she is (although I think I’ve seen her around before). A part of me definitely wants to try chatting her up some more, but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do that in a non-creepy manner…I’m not too good at that. I have no “in” so to speak to get stuff started.

So I’m turning to you guys for advice. If I see her again, how do I approach her and chat her up in a non-creepy manner?

 

[Aelred_Minor]

So lately I’ve noticed more ladies checking me out . In particular, there was this one girl giving announcements today at Mass who seemed to be looking at me over and over (or so it seemed). I had run into her earlier when I held a door for her, so maybe that is what prompted it.

Anyway, after Mass I happened to walk past her as she was standing in the vestibule promoting some upcoming event. I looked straight at her and said hello, at which point she replied but sorta shyly looked away and smiled; she seemed happy at the greeting.

I got her name from her little announcement at Mass, but I otherwise have no clue who she is (although I think I’ve seen her around before). A part of me definitely wants to try chatting her up some more, but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do that in a non-creepy manner…I’m not too good at that. I have no “in” so to speak to get stuff started.

So I’m turning to you guys for advice. If I see her again, how do I approach her and chat her up in a non-creepy manner?

Well, I’m no proficient at approaching girls, but my only advice is to be casual and normal, confident but not cocky. And don’t “check her out” or stare at her or compliment her in a weird way. As for an “in”, well you obviously have the Mass. Next Sunday if she’s there you could start by talking about the liturgy, the priest’s homily that day, that sort of thing. Approach her as just another person and a potential friend at first.

 

[Alder]

So lately I’ve noticed more ladies checking me out .

The best start to a CAF thread ever

 

[bmullins]

Be yourself. If they are interested they will let you know. Introduce yourself, let them know your name, and find ways to be involved in the parish so that people get to know you. Also, don’t assume they are checking you out If you are staring at them while they are reading announcements, they might just be happy to have someone to make eye contact with as they read. (Or if your staring a lot, they might think it creepy too.)

If you are a good looking single guy though, there is a good chance they are looking at you. Which is a good thing for the most part. If you are certain of her name, just make sure to use it. Let her know you know who she is. Smile and say hello, every time you see her at mass so she knows you remember. That goes a long way.

 

[chevalier]

So lately I’ve noticed more ladies checking me out . In particular, there was this one girl giving announcements today at Mass who seemed to be looking at me over and over (or so it seemed). I had run into her earlier when I held a door for her, so maybe that is what prompted it.

Okay, from experience, knowledge etc.: speakers will sometimes choose a single person to focus on when speaking. This is a recognised speaking technique, it helps the speaker keep the focus. There may be a reason but the selection of the right “victim” of the speaker may be random. Having seen you before would be a natural incentive to focus on you in such a manner.

Anyway, after Mass I happened to walk past her as she was standing in the vestibule promoting some upcoming event. I looked straight at her and said hello, at which point she replied but sorta shyly looked away and smiled; she seemed happy at the greeting.

Well, she replied. And that’s normal, anyway. Especially when she’s young, traditionally brought-up, with good morale etc., she might get shy in such situations.

I got her name from her little announcement at Mass, but I otherwise have no clue who she is (although I think I’ve seen her around before). A part of me definitely wants to try chatting her up some more, but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do that in a non-creepy manner…I’m not too good at that. I have no “in” so to speak to get stuff started.

Hmm… My relationship with creepy is complicated, but I could give you some advice, I guess. A bold approach will often not be considered creepy. Just walking up and asking. Certainly less creepy than whatever falls under stalking, like watching and thinking for extended periods of time. Try to be natural but you don’t have to fake a casual attitude. Just be polite, kind and somewhat warm, in good humour. Should work on a reasonable girl.

So I’m turning to you guys for advice. If I see her again, how do I approach her and chat her up in a non-creepy manner?

Something along the lines, “Hi, I’ve noticed you around,” leading to, “would you like to chat some time?” and maybe finally, “how about we meet at…” etc. Not too casual but you aren’t asking her to marry you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

So lately I’ve noticed more ladies checking me out . In particular, there was this one girl giving announcements today at Mass who seemed to be looking at me over and over (or so it seemed). I had run into her earlier when I held a door for her, so maybe that is what prompted it.

Anyway, after Mass I happened to walk past her as she was standing in the vestibule promoting some upcoming event. I looked straight at her and said hello, at which point she replied but sorta shyly looked away and smiled; she seemed happy at the greeting.

I got her name from her little announcement at Mass, but I otherwise have no clue who she is (although I think I’ve seen her around before). A part of me definitely wants to try chatting her up some more, but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do that in a non-creepy manner…I’m not too good at that. I have no “in” so to speak to get stuff started.

So I’m turning to you guys for advice. If I see her again, how do I approach her and chat her up in a non-creepy manner?

You could go to the upcoming event, unless it’s a female only retreat.

 

[chevalier]

You could go to the upcoming event, unless it’s a female only retreat.

Well, if you talked your way into a female only retreat, I guess that’d count for some practice.

 

[thetruth0flife]

So I’m turning to you guys for advice. If I see her again, how do I approach her and chat her up in a non-creepy manner?

Just approach her in a good manner and just try to speak with her calmly. Just say, “hi” and ask her how is her day going by. Afterwards just try talk about church I guess.

 

[Bezant]

The best start to a CAF thread ever

Agreed. Power to you, man!

 

[MotherAtHeart]

Most women will be very flattered if you simply say “Hi, I noticed you…” last week or giving announcements or whatever you choose to say. We like to know we stood out. (A little secret as to why: a lot of women you find at church will doubt this of themselves - they don’t believe they stand out, especially to men they find attractive.)

And as for an in, you know she’s involved enough in this parish to be giving announcements. Ask her if she’s been apart of the parish for a long time - or some good ministries she’s noticed. Or if she could help you get more involved.

I think asking her directly out on a date has the potential to come off as creepy depending on how your initial interaction goes. If it’s very comfortable and she seems comfortable with you, I would say that you could give it a try.

Good luck!

 

[CallMeCatholic]

I concur with the above statements. Let us know how it goes!

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

What type of event was it? I think asking her about/or talking to her about the event would have been a perfect way to start a conversation.

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

I concur with the above statements. Let us know how it goes!

Ah, but that’s the caveat…trying to find another occasion to approach her lol. I’m hoping to find her Sunday if I can.

 

[kelvinf]

“Oh Mann, seriously?,” I asked myself.

I was in this very kind of situation some months ago and I found myself exchanging emails with a good friend who has ‘experience’ in this field.

In the end, what he was saying–which is more or less the same advice being given here-- required me not to be myself.

Is it that complicated to talk with a girl? Seriously? I mean, he also gave me examples of sentences to use. I finally just gave up because I was more confused.

Such questions normally arise when you try to approach a stranger without it happening naturally, that is, with a preconceived intention.

My conclusion is, be yourself. You are a good person, you have good intentions but you just happen to express yourself differently. I would have loved to believe that, all of us understand that people express themselves differently. Some are more formal than others, some go straight to the point, others take a step at a time. Same destination, different routes.

If the person finds you creepy, then so be it. Trying to act or use words given to you by others might make you appear more creepy.

I wonder whether girls ever have difficulties speaking with guys. If you meet a girl today for the first time, then you guys meet again some other time and you give her a hug, it might seem creepy to some. But if she is the one who gives you the hug, it’s never creepy. Double standard?

I don’t think interacting with people of the opposite sex is meant to be complex. And I don’t think we need training for that. It happens naturally.

We just all have to be ourselves and be open-minded. If some choose to expect a certain pattern, then let them be. No stress.

 

[Cristiano]

…If the person finds you creepy, then so be it. Trying to act or use words given to you by others might make you appear more creepy. …

Just follow her when she walks to her car and if she turns around to see who follows her just jump behind a parked car. Do that several times and you will have a great opportunity to meet her while the judge signs a restraining order.

 

[Norseman82]

So lately I’ve noticed more ladies checking me out . In particular, there was this one girl giving announcements today at Mass who seemed to be looking at me over and over (or so it seemed).

What parish do you go to? Maybe I should transfer there…

 

[mdleagedguy]

It’s not rocket science. When I was younger, I thought it was, but as I get older I see how wrong I was. There’s no need to contrive a reason to talk to someone. You just do it. If you have to contrive a reason, then it looks like you’ve contrived a reason, and that makes it look awkward. Just be yourself. If you’re not being yourself, then you’re selling yourself short. You are good enough the way you are. My wife fell in love with me because I was being myself with her. We were in the same group of friends, she was my roommate’s girlfriend but they later broke up. I didn’t feel the need to try to make excuses to talk to her, I just did it, and that was the key. All of those girls I felt nervous about and tried to impress weren’t seeing the real me, and that showed.

If you find yourself feeling nervous, remember that you don’t want a woman who doesn’t want the you, so if she’s not into you it’s no loss to you. You have nothing to lose. Just find something nice to say and say it. Introduce yourself, and say something nice, and show that you’re interested in her as a person. If it works out, great. If it doesn’t then you’ve lost nothing. It could very well be that you’re going to meet the love of your life in two weeks, or this girl could decide after knowing you that you’re good husband material after all. My wife have any interest in me at first. It grew over time. Then one day we kissed, were in denial for two weeks, and then got engaged.

So don’t contrive anything, because that looks contrived. Don’t be nervous because if she’s not into you she’s done you the favor of letting you look elsewhere. And just be yourself, because you want her to be interested in you, and you’re good enough. Of course it’s easy for me to say because I’ve been married 20 years, but it’s what I would tell my younger self if I could go back in time and give myself advice.

 

[ack]

Does your church have coffee and donuts after Mass, or are there other opportunities to socialize as a parish? If so, take advantage of one of these events to introduce yourself.

It could look and feel a bit odd if you attempt to zero-in on her as she leaves the church after Mass. Social occasions are better for this.

 

[chevalier]

My conclusion is, be yourself. You are a good person, you have good intentions but you just happen to express yourself differently. I would have loved to believe that, all of us understand that people express themselves differently. Some are more formal than others, some go straight to the point, others take a step at a time. Same destination, different routes.

Second that.

If the person finds you creepy, then so be it. Trying to act or use words given to you by others might make you appear more creepy.

And at any rate, if a girl were to find you creepy for acting like you normally would, I doubt she’d be a good match.

 

[DulcisAncilla]

Does your church have coffee and donuts after Mass, or are there other opportunities to socialize as a parish? If so, take advantage of one of these events to introduce yourself.

This! I attend Sunday Mass at numerous different parishes throughout the year, but I have yet to attend an after-Mass social function at any - I always assume it will be awkward attending alone as a shy, not-so-extroverted, single twentysomething, with no one in my demographic to commiserate with. I would be delighted if a nice young man I recognized from service were to ask me whether I was heading to the social room for coffee after Mass or even approached, as an icebreaker, to ask where it was being held. After that, conversation could effortlessly segue into anything about the Mass, the homily you just heard, the event she’s promoting, etc.

Since she’s involved in your parish to the degree that she’s giving announcements during Mass, it’s reasonable that she’s knowledgeable enough about if/where the coffee and donuts are served, and it would be a completely innocent, pertinent topic to broach if you saw her in the vestibule or somewhere she could be approached in a friendly and offhanded way.

Good luck, dude! I can’t imagine any woman being un-receptive to a friendly introduction in these circumstances, given you are polite and respectful (as you seem to be). I would love to meet other young Catholics in this way, especially if they were churchgoing lads who found me attractive!