Met your spouse online? Advice for those of us searching?

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Kelfa28 said:
Your opinions are your opinions in terms of wanting a chaste-virgin…but this is not a fact.

So…if they confess and are absolved it doesn’t matter?

Hubby and I weren’t virgins when we met. We were both with other people.

We also converted and confessed our sins.

Actually my husband was actually baptized a Catholic only 2 weeks before we got married.

Is our Marriage illegitimate?

None of the priests or the deacon we spoke with thought so.
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I think he means that a marriage to a person that lies about virginity would be invalid.

Be that as it may, what a thing to drag your hypothetical children through. And what a thing to put yourself through. Plus, you may never find out.

And yes, people do lie or fudge just about everything under the sun when dating (there were some examples upthread). I have a funny story that I’ve told a number of times on CAF from a culture loving male friend who had women lying to him about a love of ballet and theater. And he almost literally didn’t have a bean at the time.

pragmatisto1, you’re setting yourself up to be lied to.

Plus, on what date are you planning on making enquiries? Most virgins (and women in general) know enough to run screaming away from men who show premature interest in whether they are new-in-box condition.

I suggest reading this:

seraphicsinglescummings.blogspot.com/2011/04/white-dress-thing.html
 
When my daughters are old enough, I hope to teach them a chilly “I don’t think that’s any of your business” to anybody rude enough to ask about their virginity who isn’t either a doctor or pretty close to being a fiance.

I understand that young people these days are given to oversharing and overasking, but part of chastity and modesty is keeping private things private.

Asking, “Are you a virgin?” is like asking, “How much money do you have in the bank?” There are actually people who have a right to ask, but that isn’t true of 99.99% of the population.
 
OP, this is exactly what I was talking about. As long as your relationship goals don’t involve anything sexually deviant/sinful, don’t let anyone tell you that your relationship goals are wrong. I didn’t post any evidence in my first post because I had a feeling that the evidence would come to me. When you find someone you wish to start dating, ask the person what their relationship goals and deal-breakers are. Then, tell the person what your relationship goals and deal-breakers are. These discussions are normal to have at the beginning of a relationship so that neither of you are wasting time. With online dating, you can list your goals and deal-breakers directly on your profile.
 
pragmatist91 said:
OP, this is exactly what I was talking about. As long as your relationship goals don’t involve anything sexually deviant/sinful, don’t let anyone tell you that your relationship goals are wrong. I didn’t post any evidence in my first post because I had a feeling that the evidence would come to me. When you find someone you wish to start dating, ask the person what their relationship goals and deal-breakers are. Then, tell the person what your relationship goals and deal-breakers are. These discussions are normal to have at the beginning of a relationship so that neither of you are wasting time. With online dating, you can list your goals and deal-breakers directly on your profile.
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A lot of people would find that approach really crude and off-putting, even if they did actually meet the criteria.
 
Xantippe said:
A lot of people would find that approach really crude and off-putting, even if they did actually meet the criteria.
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Exactly.

There are so many men online who lament that they can’t find anyone who meets their rigid criteria…yet don’t realize their approach is totally unattractive.
 
Xantippe said:
A lot of people would find that approach really crude and off-putting, even if they did actually meet the criteria.
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There’s also the fact that things that might be thought to be deal-breakers actually aren’t, and vice versa.

If you’d asked me five years ago, I’d have told you that I could never marry someone who’s messy. As it turns out, DH is a slob. 😛 Love him anyway.

(Of course, some things should be dealbreakers–say, serious sexual issues, immorality with no interest in changing, and so on, but that’s all a pretty short list and one that a lot of people would take for granted.)

Similarly, I thought when I entered the dating scene that I would be able to handle the life of a military spouse. After getting a bit more experience and talking to people either in the military or married to someone in it, I revised that idea, to the point that career military would probably be a deal-breaker for me–but back then, I would have thought, incorrectly, that it wasn’t.

People change, develop, and (especially at younger ages) get to know themselves better. That’s normal human behavior.
 
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