I’ve posted some of this here in the past, so apologies to those who’ve read it before.
I met DH on Ave Maria Singles. We’ve been married for about three years now.
I went into it with the attitude that AMS wasn’t a magic pill that would “fix” my singleness. I had discerned that marriage was my vocation, and while I knew a number of single Catholics IRL, I hadn’t really “clicked” with any of the guys. I saw AMS as a way to expand the number of people I would meet–sort of like attending a party hosted by a friend at which I might expect to meet a lot of new people.
Similarly to the party scenario, I did initiate contact with several guys–DH among them! I figured that if we were at the aforementioned party, there would be nothing wrong with my saying, “Isn’t the wine good? So, how do you know Susan?” and seeing where the conversation went from there. I have to say that I’m glad I did.
I also saw it as a way of honing both my communication/social skills and a way to narrow down what, exactly, I wanted in a spouse. Before I got into online dating, yes, I knew I wanted to find a practicing Catholic husband, one who attended Mass on every Sunday/holy day of obligation, believed as the Church teaches on birth control, NFP, etc. I hadn’t considered that my personality is really not cut out for, for example, the life of a military spouse. I need a certain amount of stability, and I realized after thinking about it for a while and very briefly talking to one or two military guys that I would not make a good military wife, especially if it would involve moving regularly, so it wouldn’t be fair to guys making a career in the military (who, needless to say, I respect and admire enormously!) to lead them on only to have some sort of breakdown around move #5 in 3 years with several small kids.
Don’t take it too seriously. Be kind and considerate of the person you’re dating, but don’t assume that he/she is The One after two dates, or assume that you’ll never find The One because a couple of dates didn’t work out.
Do be safety-conscious, especially if you’re a woman. I always let a friend know where I was going, with whom (including contact info), and when I planned on being home, and checked in with the friend over the course of the evening. Nothing dramatic, just “I’m home safe,” or “we decided to go for coffee after the movie, talk to you later.”
Do stay in separate rooms/buildings. DH and I dated long-distance. We’d stay in hotels when we’d go see each other. Smarter and easier, fewer temptations. By the same token, though, never spending time alone with one another was impractical. We were both grown adults with our own apartments and no family in the area. What was simplest for us was to make a rule about no physical contact in private. Hug/kiss hello/goodbye at the open door, yes. Cuddling on the couch alone in an apartment…nope. We’d hold hands and be physically more affectionate in public, but that way we didn’t have to worry about temptations in private.
Do be honest, but don’t disclose too much information until the relationship is serious. I didn’t know how much DH made per year until we were engaged, and vice versa. I did let him know late in the dating process that my family has alcoholism and general dysfunction in it, as I thought that was important information for him to know when making a decision about who to marry. I didn’t mention it on the first date.
I may think of other things in a bit and post them as they come up.
