…My son is upset that grandmom lied…
Are some of you are saying is that I should allow my mother-in-law to lie and get away with it
Another thought is perhaps I should have told my son to confront her about the lie?
Since your son is upset, your son can confront his grandmother about the lie. If he wants to “let her get away with it” by not confronting her or doing any needless broadcasting of what is already widely known by anyone who would care, then let him do that. The offense was primarily against him, so leave it up to him.
In fact, if he comes complaining to you, I would highly encourage him to confront her himself, if he thinks she ought be confronted. Otherwise, you can be an ear to vent to, but do not insert yourself into a problem that he should handle himself.
…I sorry if i seem stupid or childish about this but the gossip by this MIL and her daughter have caused many serious problems and resulted in her sister, her other daughter and her niece no longer speaking to anyone in the family. All other family have always kept their distance from MIL.
My other SIL (SIL2)is very rude to me. She screamed at me and hung up on me once because I told her I didn’t have the funds to fly to her daughter"s wedding. SIL2 addresses christmas cards to my husband and family not me. She acted offended once when I brought a cake to her home for a party. Her son took the cake and thanked me because she refused to. I bearly know this lady. I met her maybe a dozen times but she thinks she knows me. The last encounter was when after a party at SIL2 house, I stopped at Macdonald for a burger. I had eaten but only a little because it was not at my regular meal time and I wasn’t hungry. On the way home a 3 hour drive I needed a little more food to i asked to stop for a burger. My MIL was with us and she asked why I hadn’t eaten enough at SIL2 house. The next time I visit SIL2 she filled a plate and shoved it at me. I know MIL told her something that made me seem like I was unable to eat her food.And I know it is MIL has painted in a bad light over the years.
This is beginning to put a big strain on my marriage. I don’t know how much more I can take.
The real issue seems to be that your husband’s family does not work and play well with others, particularly not you, and that they let MIL poison them against you, even though by now they ought to know her a bit better than that. Still…isn’t the habit of listening to her punishment enough? Really, do you think making other people miserable with her meddling started or ends with you? Does imitating her make anyone happy? Do you think they’ll get Purgatory for their entanglements with her, after all the needless suffering they chose by listening to her? Maybe. But maybe not. Maybe they are getting what they deserve right now, right here. Maybe you would suffer less if you refused to take any plays out of her playbook. Maybe you’d be happier to stay off the field on which her games are played out, altogether.
It hurts when you find you are in an extended family on a contingency basis, but at some point you have to give up investing yourself in a word that comes out of their mouths. They don’t deserve your emotional trust. Fine. Don’t trust them.
I like this line out of the Scriptures:
While he was in Jerusalem for the feast of Passover, many began to believe in his name when they saw the signs he was doing. But Jesus would not trust himself to them because he knew them all, and did not need anyone to testify about human nature. He himself understood it well. John 2:23-25
Consider that there were people that Our Lord loved enough to die for, but he still didn’t trust himself to them. He didn’t lie in order to spare their feelings. He did grieve the state of the relationship–after giving the religious authorities quite a dressing down, he said
"Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how many times I yearned to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her young under her wings, but you were unwilling! Behold, your house will be abandoned, desolate. I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’" (
Matt. 23:37-39)–and he did care about them. But as infinitely much as Our Lord loved his enemies, he accepted what the relationship was that they chose to have with them, and sometimes he avoided them.
It will not be easy, but you need to accept that a bad relationship with a relative is sometimes a fact of life, entirely out of your control. There is only so much you can do about it and only so much that anxiety about it will accomplish. Do your marriage a favor, and do the emotional work to let go of what your in-laws think. Just arrange with your husband to see them as seldom as possible.
To the extent you can, keep your peace and live in peace with your relatives. To the extent that this is impossible, leave the battlefield. They are playing games that no one wins. Don’t join them. Life is too short, and Heaven is too precious, to waste this life on stuff like that.
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