MIL Problems!!!!

[shannyk]

I think that your emotional efforts should be taken off of your mother in law completely…and instead concentrate them on your marriage.

Hear me out: I was in a similiar situation and this is what worked best beleive me. My poor husband had to listen to his mother…then the guy got to come home and get another “earful” from his wife (me).

I cannot tell you how many conversations we had about his mother. We talked about her, analyzed her, got stressed out on the way to visit her and talked about her all the way home. It was nuts. How often does your husband listen to you complain about his mother? How about “venting” to your sister-in-laws? I was exactly like this it took a huge toll on our marriage. My poor husband had to live with this woman all his life, now he had to listen to me try and analyze her and get her to change, I felt sorry for him looking back.

This is exactly what I had in mind when I said don’t play the game.

She knows the attention she get’s from her behavior and she KNOWS that it puts a log in between you and hubby, even if that is just talking about her, strategizing how to deal with her etc. The effort, energy and attention is on HER. So, she’s winning the game.

Game, Set, Match. Walk off the court. You and hubby aren’t playing on her court any more. Make her more than welcome to come play on yours, by your rules.:twocents:

 

[juliasmith]

I have had a similar problem, though not as drastic.

My MIL likes to torture the children into posing for photos while she learns to use her equipment. The baby doesn’t like it and I have had to step in and rescue him. There have been some other incidents. Point is…In your house, you make the rules and she is a guest and must abide or leave. You cannot give ground on this. She will be harassing you forever if you don’t. She does sound crazy. But what’s crazier is to let her get away with it.
I am certain there is a charitable way to get your point across. I don’t advocate yelling or using anger. But I would very calmly put my foot down. She will get the hint.

 

[BostonMyrtleBea]

I definitely can empathize with your situation…I don’t have much advice…after 10 years I’m still trying to figure it out.:hug3:

You and I must be two peas in a pod

 

[Liberanosamalo]

It’s just come up recently because he informed me that she had a laundry list of things about me and also because she’s moved here.

Okay, there it is again… why is he upsetting you with that little statement? He’s putting himself in the middle dispensing ammunition for both sides in this?

And his little comment about giving to your disabled mother denotes… some hostility about it?

Again, he’s trying to keep a false peace about this whole thing. He’s disregarding what you are saying so as not to make his mother erupt and she’s taking advantage of it. She knows him VERY well. She can play him off against you without him realizing it.

I’d suggest taking this to a professional who will help him set boundaries. Because your words don’t seem to be enough for him.

His mother couldn’t do any of this without his help.