Millennials: How Do You Make Peace With How You Were Raised?

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I left home at 16. Over time, that was the best thing that ever happened to my relationship with my parents. Fell away from Catholicism shortly after and returned some years ago. It takes awhile, sometimes years, but one must forgive one’s parents. Oftentimes, they were doing the best they could with what they had. What they did with their kids often reflected the times they grew up in, lived in, learned from. Have to set that baggage down for oneself even if the parents are not doing the same. Daily prayer, weekly Mass, Reconciliation as needed, volunteering, all of that helps.
 
So…can someone tell me what age people are that are considered milennials? Or what year they were born? 😊 I am not clear on that.
 
Irishmom2 said:
So…can someone tell me what age people are that are considered milennials? Or what year they were born? 😊 I am not clear on that.
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The Milennials were born in or shortly after 1982, and came of age to vote in the very early 2000s.

They would be around 33 years old right now.
 
MadetoLove said:
OP, I am sorry for your struggle, but I am thankful that you have shared it because I can greatly understand how you feel :o

I’m very slowly learning how to accept my life for what it is, how to internalize that my worth is decided by God and not by how many “amazing” things I do in this life. I feel quite insecure when I compare myself to the people I graduated high school with. Many of my peers have bachelor’s degrees (some even have a Master’s now) plus stable families and what not. I am a single mom, with a “measly” associate’s degree, sick (cancer) and living at home with my parents. Certainly being ill isn’t my fault nor is it something I can just zap away but I nonetheless feel like a societal “reject.”

One of the things I am trying not to do is compare myself to others. We are all on our own paths which were intended to be unique according to our Loving Lord. 😉

This quote from Blessed Mother Teresa gives me strength: “God has not called me to be successful; He has called me to be faithful.” (Faithful, not successful )

These precious words remind me that through my weaknesses, Christ is made strong and as long as I continue to have faith I will be successful through God’s grace and in God’s eyes and that’s all that matters.

I suppose in the meantime it’s just going to take lots of prayer and time before people like you and I can recover from feeling like failures simply because we aren’t like “that guy” or “that girl.” You’ll be in my prayers ❤️
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I think going on a social media fast can help regain perspective. Sometimes I think Facebook warps our perception since everyone is always presenting a bit of a false image. I tried this and I helped a lot.
 
I’m Generation X (70s baby, 80s kid, 90s young adult, 00s mom, etc.) and my kids are millenials or post-millenials.

I had a somewhat different situation, as I grew up in a lower-middle class (but educated) household that was probably a lot poorer than it really had to be. As a kid, I found a lot of romance in the life my Baby Boomer parents had chosen for us: ranching, building a house out in the country, etc. Eventually, they made the transition over to a more conventional and materially comfortable lifestyle, but by that time I was off to college. My growing up happened during the switchover to “activities” for kids. We had a set of four upper-middle class cousins that did a million sports and instruments, and how ridiculous it seemed and how we laughed at them! But by the time my youngest sibling hit high school, my parents had finally caught the bug and were going to his out-of-town track events.

Similarly, my husband was brought up very economically by immigrant parents while some years later (in more prosperous days) they were able to spend huge amounts of money on a younger sister’s music.

Years later, my husband is a professor and I’m an SAHM. We have three kids and we spend a small fortune on private school, music lessons, therapy, summer activities and our home is literally twice as big as the house my parents built for the same sized family. Our kids definitely lead a materially much softer life than I ever did (when I was a kid, Saturdays were often devoted to chasing cattle all day under 39 degree rain), but at the same time, we run a much tighter ship with regard to stuff like room cleaning, homework and music practice and my 7th grader can do a lot of stuff that I will never be able to do in a million years. There are a lot of things and opportunities our kids have that I would have killed for as a child. Our medical and dental care was also sometimes subpar. (At some point late in high school, it turned out that my sister needed around 10 fillings done–that did not happen overnight.)

There are also interesting ways in which material goods can translate into non-material goods. For instance, my 7th grader is very much like I was as a kid, if not more so. As a younger child, I was more or less left to my own devices and wasn’t really starting to make friends until high school and I didn’t make real friends until college and later. Meanwhile, my daughter (who is very much like I was) has an autism spectrum diagnosis, she’s had lots of therapy, we’ve done lots of meetings with school, she’s been in a small and very academic private school for the past 8 years, and she’s now (as a 12-year-old) head and shoulders socially and academically above where I was at the same age. She comes home with so many jokes and so many stories of friends. I know we parents are not supposed to live vicariously through our children, but it’s been really enjoyable to see how much better a life is possible, given better resources.

With regard to the issue of ambition and you-can-be-anything, we have encouraged a lot of activities just for enjoyment and general utility. I’ve put our oldest in a cooking class, just to teach her to cook, not because I think she’s going on the food channel. We got her a sewing machine just for fun, not because we think she’s going to be an Olympic quilter (!). There are definitely interests that I think may well be the beginning of a lifetime career (I think she may have the makings of a mathematician), but our general philosophy has been to provide the kids with lots of varied educational and enriching experiences, rather than focusing laser-like on one or two extracurriculars.
 
TexasCatholic13 said:
Its more than just financial. Its a whole lifestyle. Ive never had to share anything or live with someone else. I am used to living a carefree lifestyle and living on my own schedule. I clean when I want, do laundry when I want and I have never had to live with another person. When you get married, you need to share a bed, share responsibilities, arrange life around kids and live responsibly. You cant easily go to the bar for drinks every night or tell your wife you are going to dinner with your best friend as she cares for kids.
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It’s an adjustment, for sure, but people manage it all the time. I lived on my own from age 18 to age 25, when I got married, and it didn’t take long to get used to living with another person and working with his schedule.
 
I was blessed to be raised Catholic. Fortunately my parents weren’t pushy in career choices.
My issue is that I can never find something that I would want to do for the next 20 years.

Then again I’m still in college.
 
For whatever this is worth to you (in my 20s in the fashion industry)…I have posted before about the temptation of over abundance and trying to remain humble. So my sincere advice is be successful but only enough to make YOU happy. Having and receiving too much at once can change a person. I still struggle with that now but I’m getting better.
People who don’t have money seem to think once they acquire it, everything is solved. If anything, your problems become greater.
 
Thomas1981 said:
I think going on a social media fast can help regain perspective. Sometimes I think Facebook warps our perception since everyone is always presenting a bit of a false image. I tried this and I helped a lot.
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You are absolutely right. I think a Facebook fast is in order for me too…
 
adawgj said:
I was blessed to be raised Catholic. Fortunately my parents weren’t pushy in career choices.
My issue is that I can never find something that I would want to do for the next 20 years.

Then again I’m still in college.
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I don’t know if this is good news or bad news for you, but the current economy (which doesn’t look like it’s going away any time soon) won’t allow for you to do any specific one thing for more than five years, at best - you’ll probably be changing companies and job descriptions about once every three to five years, and changing occupations (from graphic artist, to engineer, to computer programmer, to educator) at least once every ten years. You’ll also be in summer school and weekend training seminars for the rest of your life, assuming the current economic model holds - and you’ll probably also take time out to complete two more college degrees, along the way somewhere.

If things get worse, of course, you may find yourself becoming a hunter/gatherer, or a farmer/rancher. I don’t think the prosperity of the 1950s and 1960s, where people could stay at the same company and do pretty much the same work day in and day out for 35-40 years is ever coming back.Those days are gone.
 
jmcrae said:
I don’t know if this is good news or bad news for you, but the current economy (which doesn’t look like it’s going away any time soon) won’t allow for you to do any specific one thing for more than five years, at best - you’ll probably be changing companies and job descriptions about once every three to five years, and changing occupations (from graphic artist, to engineer, to computer programmer, to educator) at least once every ten years. You’ll also be in summer school and weekend training seminars for the rest of your life, assuming the current economic model holds - and you’ll probably also take time out to complete two more college degrees, along the way somewhere.

If things get worse, of course, you may find yourself becoming a hunter/gatherer, or a farmer/rancher. I don’t think the prosperity of the 1950s and 1960s, where people could stay at the same company and do pretty much the same work day in and day out for 35-40 years is ever coming back.Those days are gone.
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I wouldn’t go that far, but I think you are correct that one can’t expect to do a four-year degree in buggy whip manufacturing or travel agenting and expect that that one four-year degree will see you through 40+ years of employment.

This is an argument for 1) flexibility 2) double majors (two degrees for the price of one!) and 3) not going all-in on education spending and debt, as you may need to do it again much sooner than you think.
 
Xantippe said:
I wouldn’t go that far, but I think you are correct that one can’t expect to do a four-year degree in buggy whip manufacturing or travel agenting and expect that that one four-year degree will see you through 40+ years of employment.

This is an argument for 1) flexibility 2) double majors (two degrees for the price of one!) and 3) not going all-in on education spending and debt, as you may need to do it again much sooner than you think.
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Just don’t do what I did and put that second major on something completely useless (in my case, Women’s Studies. :rolleyes:) I mentioned on another thread that I would hide that I had a MA when looking for part-time jobs. Well, the WS major has been permanently dropped off the resume, too. That thing is a liability, big time.

I’m not opposed to liberal arts (actually very pro, and I think they can be an asset in the job market because the underlying skills can be used for a variety of jobs), but there are some fields of study that are just absolutely useless. Too bad as a starry eyed undergrad I got caught up in being part of the “revolution.”
 
pensmama87 said:
Just don’t do what I did and put that second major on something completely useless (in my case, Women’s Studies. :rolleyes:) I mentioned on another thread that I would hide that I had a MA when looking for part-time jobs. Well, the WS major has been permanently dropped off the resume, too. That thing is a liability, big time.

I’m not opposed to liberal arts (actually very pro, and I think they can be an asset in the job market because the underlying skills can be used for a variety of jobs), but there are some fields of study that are just absolutely useless. Too bad as a starry eyed undergrad I got caught up in being part of the “revolution.”
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Oh dear! At least you had the other major! Otherwise you’d be really stuck.

Amy
 
Xantippe said:
Oh dear! At least you had the other major! Otherwise you’d be really stuck.

Amy
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Yes, Women’s Studies (now probably “gender studies” since women and men don’t “really exist” anymore in that world) majors are designed to provide jobs for Women’s Studies PhDs.
 
Thomas1981 said:
Yes, Women’s Studies (now probably “gender studies” since women and men don’t “really exist” anymore in that world) majors are designed to provide jobs for Women’s Studies PhDs.
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I recently saw (but didn’t read) an online discussion devoted to the question, is it true that only girls and women have abortions?

Apparently, that’s a hot topic these days. Oh my goodness.
 
This is getting a bit off topic, but I recall someone criticizing the Vagina Monologues because it discriminated against women without vaginas. Yes, Western civilization has completely lost its marbles (though that phrase might discriminate against men without marbles :D).
 
Thomas1981 said:
This is getting a bit off topic, but I recall someone criticizing the Vagina Monologues because it discriminated against women without vaginas. Yes, Western civilization has completely lost its marbles (though that phrase might discriminate against men without marbles :D).
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I remember that, too. It reminds me of a scene from “Blackadder” (which originated as a farce, but is more and more becoming a documentary) - “It’s a miracle! A boy without a winkle!” "Ma’am, a boy without a winkle is a girl. " "Oh, drat. "

Just so, a girl without a vagina is a boy, I think?🤷
 
jmcrae said:
I don’t know if this is good news or bad news for you, but the current economy (which doesn’t look like it’s going away any time soon) won’t allow for you to do any specific one thing for more than five years, at best - you’ll probably be changing companies and job descriptions about once every three to five years, and changing occupations (from graphic artist, to engineer, to computer programmer, to educator) at least once every ten years. You’ll also be in summer school and weekend training seminars for the rest of your life, assuming the current economic model holds - and you’ll probably also take time out to complete two more college degrees, along the way somewhere.

If things get worse, of course, you may find yourself becoming a hunter/gatherer, or a farmer/rancher. I don’t think the prosperity of the 1950s and 1960s, where people could stay at the same company and do pretty much the same work day in and day out for 35-40 years is ever coming back.Those days are gone.
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Last I checked the unemployment rate is at 5.5 percent
 
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