Minor Rant - From a Non-Believer, No Less

[WillyAL]

As others have indicated already, there could be any number of reasons why they arrived late and left early.

Of course. I have no first hand knowledge of what their circumstances were. That said, I know what bed-head looks like. And I know what a guy being dragged unwillingly to Mass by a woman looks like. I suspect that my assessment of the situation was correct. But in the interest of being charitable, I am willing to concede that they may have been the victims of some unfortunate circumstances.

To put it another way, would you rather they’d stayed away?

I don’t think I ever suggested such a thing. The fact that they attended that particular Mass at that particular time on that particular day made no difference to me. As a non-Catholic, the fact that anyone does or does not attend Mass is not my concern. But if it was me in that situation, and if I felt an obligation to attend Mass, I probably would have found a later one to go to where I could fully participate. But if the circumstances were such that I REALLY had no choice but to arrive after the Mass was more than half-way over and leave as soon as receiving communion, the situation would probably be pretty dire and I wouldn’t particularly care what any one else thought.

Going to mass is a bit like ripping off a bandaid. You delay it for as long as you can and then when it’s over you’re relieved. I suppose that the young couple was just trying to survive the mass as best they could.

OK…I admit it. I LOLed at that. There are probably more than a few folks on here who can relate. But, it’s going to be interesting to see what kind of responses you get to your remark.

 

[baliano]

Maybe their alarm clock didn’t go off or something, and they barely made it - but they did make it! Coming to Mass is the most important thing they’ll probably do this week and doing it at all is wonderful.

Assuming this was the only Mass at this parish and there were no alternate choices within a reasonable distance, perhaps.

 

[27lw]

As a new Catholic of almost 7 years, I have had many of the same thoughts as you WillyAL. At this point in my life, I have found one of the keys to happiness is “don’t compare”. Don’t compare my income to other people’s, don’t compare the size of my house, the fanciness of my car, etc. Don’t compare the well-dressed singing people of my Lutheran background to my current parish, etc.
Somehow the Catholic culture is VERY different compared to what many Protestants are used to. After 7 years of feeling like “am I really in the right place?”, I have just chosen to “enjoy the journey” and lighten up. Maybe those people did just wake up, and for some reason they HAD to attend that Mass. Maybe they did leave right after communion for no good reason. I think it is best to hope that they keep attending Mass, and their habits will improve in time. Just be glad you’re not responsible for them.
Thanks for your service to the Church - - I hope you observe many other things that are beautiful, meaningful, and positive!!!

 

[WillyAL]

Somehow the Catholic culture is VERY different compared to what many Protestants are used to.

Yes, I have found that to be the case too. The casual attire, the lack of singing, the missing coat rack. (What’s the deal with that anyway? Whenever I mention coat racks to a Catholic they get kind of glassy-eyed and just stare off into space.) But as you’ve also observed, it’s a whole different culture. For example, I have a relative who is a member of the protestant clergy and she (yes, you read that right…she) has observed that Catholic priests seem to view their role very differently than a protestant minister. I think she’s probably right and I suppose there are good reasons for that. But, if you’re someone who has converted to Catholicism from a protestant denomination, you might feel that something is amiss.

Just my random observations.

 

[WillyAL]

Thanks for your service to the Church - - I hope you observe many other things that are beautiful, meaningful, and positive!!!

Although I have yet to find much meaning in it (other than making a very small sacrifice for the woman I love), I have found attending Mass with my Catholic wife to be a generally positive experience. I have to wonder at the guys (especially the Catholic ones) who send their wives off the Mass by themselves. If nothing else, attending with my wife is a painless way to earn a few brownie points.

 

[27lw]

Although I have yet to find much meaning in it (other than making a very small sacrifice for the woman I love), I have found attending Mass with my Catholic wife to be a generally positive experience. I have to wonder at the guys (especially the Catholic ones) who send their wives off the Mass by themselves. If nothing else, attending with my wife is a painless way to earn a few brownie points.

Yes, I especially feel bad for the moms who are trying to wrangle a few kids, and Daddy is not there! Another unique thing about Catholicism: having a good number of kids, and then trying to keep them quiet during Mass. That is one of the beautiful things I see every Sunday though, beautiful kids who are gifts from God. Even when they are noisy!
I think you definitely get points for showing up - - and ushering!

 

[OraLabora]

If something troubles me, I make up a story in my head, like perhaps they were with a critically ill child at a hospital and ran over to the closest parish for Eucharist…Or they had car trouble; that has happened to me before!!!

…or, I remember the time I was a young woman in the '90s. Early twenties. Suicidal. Driving around looking for a place to off myself. I’d been up all night and looked awful, I’m sure. I have NO idea why I pulled into a church parking lot. Snuck in, just to be near people. Heard a hymn, a Protestant hymn, my grandmother’s favorite (and I loved her like you love your mother), “Bringing in the Sheaves.” I stood near the back and prayed. Little purple-haired, nose-ringed, eyebrow-pierced, dirty, five feet tall me. Yeah. I quietly stood there, an atheist, and prayed. I didn’t drive my car off a bridge, or take a bottle of pills. I prayed.

Someone grabbed my arm and told me to get out of “their” church because I looked “like trash.” Okay. I did.

I never forgot that lesson. I stayed out of Christian churches for a few more years, but I went in to be near Him, not his children. The lesson I got, and hard, was, “Don’t assume.” For me though, it’s usually “Don’t assume the person dressed nicely is going to judge you!”

This post caught my eye. Praise the Lord you’re still around! I’m so sorry you were so poorly treated by a “christian” (and I use that term with the greatest reserve in this case). We are to treat everyone as if Christ himself was present in him or her (Rule of St. Benedict).

God bless you and thank you for sharing.

 

[jmcrae]

I didn’t get a “Oh my gosh, we overslept” kind of vibe from them. But, you might be right.

I grew up in a mainline protestant family, and we went to church every Sunday. During my teens I was an altar server and from my vantage point sitting up front I had a very good view of the congregation. It was an extremely rare event for someone to arrive after the first hymn. In my experience at our Catholic parish, however, it is not at all uncommon for the size of the congregation to grow by 25% between the first hymn and and the Gospel.

So let me ask: Is this a Catholic thing? As long as you’re there for Communion it’s good enough? Or do you think it’s a generational thing? Back in the day did Catholics think it was important to arrive on time? Or is something else at play here?

I grew up the same as you; nobody dared arrive after the minister ascended the pulpit to make the opening remarks.

There is definitely a culture shock coming into the Catholic Church - people are way more lax about arriving on time and remaining to the end.

 

[schaeffer]

My first thought was basically the story of the prodigal son.

I do understand the disappointment that it showed a lack of respect to arrive late, disheveled and leave early. Maybe that’s the best they can do right now.

Hopefully with time and grace the best they can do will grow.

 

[baliano]

At risk of being uncharitable, I am reading a lot of rationalization in these posts. With the rare exception of an extreme situation there is usually a later Mass or neighboring parish Mass that would eliminate the disruption and rudeness, to God, the Celebrant and congregation, of arriving so late. I do not subscribe to the idea that anything is acceptable because there might be some excuse for it, such behavior indicates a total lack of personal discipline.

 

[WillyAL]

While looking for another post I stumbled across this thread from a few months ago.

Update: This couple has been coming to Mass every week, always arriving late looking like they just rolled out of bed, and always leaving right after receiving communion - just as I described in my OP. It has become kind of a hobby looking for them. When I’m not ushering I typically sit toward the front of the church, so I don’t know exactly when they arrive, but when ushering and sitting at the rear of the church, I have never seen then arrive before the homily.

We recently got a new pastor who doesn’t waste any time celebrating Mass. This past Sunday the cantor was on vacation, so the Mass went even faster with very little music or singing. This couple arrived so late that the woman had to run up the aisle to catch the end of the communion line. If nothing else, I have to give her a C for consistency.

 

[WillyAL]

Anything could have happened.
Maybe they were up all night with a sick child…maybe they had driven all night…perhaps they were in an accident on the way there…anything.
I think it’s healthier not to jump to the conclusion that they were just being disrespectful and have one’s first default thinking be when they see such a couple that they had difficulty getting there and did everything possible to be there anyway, even if they didn’t look right or act “right”. Others may have just stayed home.

.

Is it better that they do not come at all?

.

I can’t figure out if you read only the original post or only the last one. You certain don’t seem to have read anything in between.

 

[AKDee]

I have a tendency to be judgmental and would have questioned, like you did, their actions.

But knowing that I’m called to charity, I would also have tried to think of a reason beyond that they were disrespectful. There are a lot of things that could cause people to be in a rush. Someone may be in the hospital, they may have had a plane to catch, there’s just no way to know.

The bottom line is it is between them and God. You just have to take a deep breath and keep doing what you’re doing.

 

[27lw]

I still get a kick out of this thread. I was tempted to write a “You might be a redneck” style joke, but wasn’t sure what to call it. We have certain folks at my church who have a weird mix of piety and “trashiness”, so that when the gals show up to Mass wearing their halter tops, you can see their scapular, as well as their tattoos all over their backs / arms. It’s an odd mix.

 

[jmcrae]

I read the first, the last, and all the ones in-between.

I still say: Anything could have happened to this couple on the way to mass. Maybe they have a fight every Sunday morning about going, maybe they have a sick child,–who knows?

I still ask: Is it better that they do not come at all, in your opinion?

Does knowing I have read the posts now enable you to answer the question?

.

If “something happens” every single week, then either they are the unluckiest people on earth (since even the most starving Africans manage to get to Mass on time every Sunday, walking for hours through wilderness, and avoiding being eaten or trampled by wild animals) or they are just disorganized.

 

[maryjk]

I read the first, the last, and all the ones in-between.

I still say: Anything could have happened to this couple on the way to mass. Maybe they have a fight every Sunday morning about going, maybe they have a sick child,–who knows?

I still ask: Is it better that they do not come at all, in your opinion?

Does knowing I have read the posts now enable you to answer the question?.

Maybe they are like I was for 4 months back in the beginning of 2011. Or for three months near the end of that year.

My mother was dying. Then my father. Many nights were spent at the hospital. Days not spent at the hospital were spent either with my father before his illness or maybe trying to catch up on some sleep.

There were many times I rolled into Mass just in time, or late. And quite a few where I wasn’t dressed like I would normally be. More than once, I tried to sit in the hallway, and just listen to Mass. Most of those times, someone would pull me in.

Thankfully, most of the people at Mass knew what was going on in my family so they didn’t comment on my shorts or t-shirt. They weren’t worried about my unwashed hair. They understood that I needed that time with Christ.

 

[HelenRose]

I am really trying to sort this out.

I have the solution. For people who are concerned about late comers, my advice is to come early and sit in the front rows. Then you will be unaware that people often come late. That is unless your neck swivels often.

 

[Denise1957]

As an agnostic who attends Sunday Mass with my Catholic wife, I make an effort to be respectful and relatively inconspicuous. If you saw me at Mass you might notice that I don’t cross myself and I don’t present myself for communion, but otherwise I think I blend right in. I even do some volunteer work around the parish. Today, for example, I was an usher. OK…with that out of the way……

I was an usher today and was stationed at the rear of the church. If someone arrived late, I was there to make sure they got a missal and found a seat. I typically take my seat after the second reading, assuming that anyone who is going to come to Mass is already there. Today however, about half way through the General Prayer, this couple came in. Age-wise I would guess they were early-30ish. Now, I am not a judgmental kind of guy at all, but these two had obviously just rolled out of bed, grabbed the first articles of clothing they could pick up off the floor, and ran out the door without even dragging a comb through their hair. The man was doing very little to cover up the fact that he had no interest in being there and was dragged there by his wife/girlfriend. When it came time to go forward to receive Communion, the man turned and walked out, and the woman went forward, received, and ducked out the side door.

As I said, I’m a pretty laid-back, non-judgmental kind of guy. And as a non-Catholic, I have no dog in this fight anyway. But the way these two comported themselves this morning just struck me as being extremely disrespectful. As I watched the woman make a beeline for the side exit, the first thing that popped into my mind was, “This probably means less to her than it does to me. Why did they even bother?” Then, my second thought was, “After this poor performance, they better not even THINK about going to the parish hall and eating any of the cream filled doughnuts.”

Rant over. Blood pressure returned to normal.

I recall that when I attended my local parish about ten years ago, before I converted even, that the priest made an announcement at two or three Masses that the faithful were not to leave after communion, but that they should stay until after the last hymn is sung. I always remembered that.

It may be that the two who left after communion aren’t aware that it isn’t appropriate to leave after communion. Of course there are extenuating circumstances in some cases, such as having to deal with children, a call of nature, having to go to work, etc., but generally, it’s not appropriate to leave after communion.

 

[WillyAL]

I still ask: Is it better that they do not come at all, in your opinion?

Does knowing I have read the posts now enable you to answer the question?

Knowing that you read all the posts makes me wonder why you keep asking a question that I answered two months ago in post #21.

 

[marbleartist]

I pray that people in the congregation are kind, non-judgemental and welcoming to those who attend Mass, whether properly dressed or on time! The OP could have been posting about my son and his wife. Both are very devout Catholics, doing residencies (my son, emergency room and his wife, surgery). On most weekends, one of them will be finishing with an overnight call and one of them will be preparing to go into the hospital for work. Sometimes, they just meet up at church! Once, surgery went so long that my daughter-in-law made it in time for the Gospel! I assure you that after a long night on call, or after a surgery with one’s hair contained, my daughter-in-law most definitely looks like she has “bed head” and my son, after a long night of call, is clearly unshaven and no doubt in need of a shower. Attending Mass is a priority for them both- and they so love to attend together whenever possible. Of course, many times it isn’t possible, so they each attend alone. Last Sunday, they met at the church, as my son was going directly to the hospital and his wife was just getting off of a long night of call. They were both wearing scrubs. They wanted to attend together, since it was Father’s Day and my daughter-in-law is 5 months pregnant. The usher asked them to bring down the gifts!!! It made me thankful that their church seems to welcome and include them, no matter how they look!