Miscarriage Clubhouse

  • Thread starter Thread starter clskier
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

clskier

Guest
This is one clubhouse I hope does not get many members, but I fear there are a lot of us out there who can use any prayers we can get. It breaks my heart to say that my wife and I are dropping out of the pregnancy club. After two weeks I thought I could finally find the words, but I’m crying again just typing this message.

Some time between our babies seventh and eigth week his heart stopped beating. This is our second miscarraige and we have yet to have a successful pregnancy. To make matters worse, my wife is still carrying our child, and her pregnancy symptoms are still in full swing. If it were not for a routine ultrasound, we would still be blissfully unaware. Because the pregnancy is continuing, we have not been able to feel closure to this yet. The Dr. is offering a D&C, but I can’t stop thinking “what if their wrong and the baby is still alive”. The Dr. says that there is virtually no chance of that, but we just can’t let go.

We will be attending a support group tomorrow night. I hope that it gives us some form of comfort as the pain is still so fresh. It also hurts me to know that whatever I am feeling, my wife is experiencing so much stronger; as the baby is inside her, and the hormones are magnifying her emotions.

It’s too ealy to think about trying again, but we can’t help wondering if we are meant to be parents or not. Please pray for our two children in heaven (Belle and Jacob), and that we have the strength to accept what God has in store for us. My wife and I pray nightly for all those expecting children and those who are trying to get pregnant.
 
I am so, so sorry that you are experiencing this right now. What an awful thing to go through, I can’t even imagine. Please know that you will be included in my prayers. :gopray:
 
40.png
clskier:
but I’m crying again just typing this message.

Some time between our babies seventh and eigth week his heart stopped beating. This is our second miscarraige and we have yet to have a successful pregnancy. To make matters worse, my wife is still carrying our child, and her pregnancy symptoms are still in full swing. If it were not for a routine ultrasound, we would still be blissfully unaware. Because the pregnancy is continuing, we have not been able to feel closure to this yet. The Dr. is offering a D&C, but I can’t stop thinking “what if their wrong and the baby is still alive”. The Dr. says that there is virtually no chance of that, but we just can’t let go.

We will be attending a support group tomorrow night. I hope that it gives us some form of comfort as the pain is still so fresh. It also hurts me to know that whatever I am feeling, my wife is experiencing so much stronger; as the baby is inside her, and the hormones are magnifying her emotions.

.
Click to expand...
Include St. Gianna Molla in your prayers when you decide to try again.

I lost a baby in my 20th week and one in my 8th. I feel your pain and will pray for you and your wife and baby. It is difficult and I found that not a lot of people understand the impact it has on your life.

I pray for peace for you.
 
CL, I’m so very very sorry. Having experienced the profound loss of miscarriage ourselves, my husband and I understand the sorrow you and your wife are enduring, and its lifelong reach. My sister had a similar experience with miscarriage as your wife, where her body did not completely let go of the pregnancy. She had to take some chemotherapy drug for several weeks to complete the process. You can’t grieve properly when you still have your baby with you. My unsolicited suggestion is that you ask God to give you the gift of knowing without a doubt whether or not your baby lives, so that you can move forward, regardless. I pray that our loving God will give you and your wife comfort, strength and peace. Know that you have two precious babies in heaven who never offended God. They are as pure now as when our Lord created their souls, and they are strong intercessors on your behalf in heaven!!!
 
Last year, at 11 weeks, I found out that I had lost my baby at 8 weeks and didn’t know. I asked my doctor if I could hear the baby’s heartbeat and he couldn’t find it. I had another test later and it was true. My husband and I cried so hard over that one.

People came forward and told me their stories when they heard. One friend had had 3 miscarriages and thought that they would never be able to have any children. They have 3 children is school right now.

I am so sorry. There will be people in society who won’t understand and there will be those who will understand only too well.

I finally got pregnant a little more than a year later. I had almost given up any hope of having more children. (I am almost 43). My doctor is very pro-life and Catholic. When I found out that I was pregnant again, I called and spoke with his nurse. I told her that I didn’t think there was anything anyone could do but I was afraid of this happening again.

Well, she ordered blood tests, found out that certain hormones were dangerously low and would have resulted in another miscarriage had we not taken action. The pharmacy was very surprised at the medicine I was taking and the dosage and, at first, didn’t want to give it to me until they spoke with the doctor directly.

The medicine worked. I’m at 17 weeks right now. There is hope. Ask those dear sweet children of yourselves to go to Our Lord and ask for peace and courage for you. What a beautiful thing that they can actually go to Our Lord. Ask them to ask for more children for you to fill your hearts.

I will pray for you. Go to Our Blessed Mother for help, too.

May God bless you.

Sue
 
Count me in…

clskier - I’ve lost two children to miscarriage. First at about 6 weeks…really had just found out that I was pregnant.

Second one, just, exactly like you. Routine ultrasound, no heartbeat. I went in for the ultrasound ALONE! My mother was keeping my oldest child and my husband had some important work to do (we own our own business, can’t take like you would think you could)…I immediately called my husband, he rushed home. The good part is…I have an ultrasound picture of that child.

I totally understand your thoughts about the D&C. I had my doctor schedule mine for the next day. My mind raced and went in circles all night long thinking…maybe the ultrasound was wrong…maybe this…maybe that. I asked my doctor again…ARE YOU SURE…she said D - you are already bleeding inside (see I too had NO symptoms of a miscarriage) when you have no symptoms, to me it makes it harder to bring to reality. My first miscarriage…I had all the symptoms. Anyway, also for months, I had nightmares that my doctor was wrong…I won’t go into details of my nightmares, but let me say, I have no idea how a woman could have an abortion.

Just to add, my doctor did a simple blood test and seems that just a small baby aspirin a day will keep me from miscarrying. So, since my last miscarriage, I have had two more wonderful children. I just start taking the aspirin as soon as I know that I am pregnant. Please have your doctor run bloodwork on your wife…seems like she just may have the same “problem” as I did.

My heart goes out to you and your wife.

I agree with Sue - The Blessed Mother will see you through!
 
I had lost our baby at around 10 weeks, I did not know until the 11th week. I had had some spotting before and went into the doctor’s office. They did an ultrasound at 5/6 weeks and we saw the heart beat (my doctor and I, my husband was at sea). I still felt like something was wrong.

When I went in for my appoinment at 11 weeks, there was no heartbeat and they confirmed it with the ultrasound. However, my body did not let go. My Husband had come home from sea the day before, but I was unable to reach him when I was leaving the hospital with the news. My Commanding Officer’s wife was able to get a message to the boat, they were off loading weapons, and came to stay with me until he arrived about two hours later. My mother was on the next possible flight out, we were in Hawaii so it was two days for her to get there. The docotors scheduled the D&C for the day following my mother’s arrival. Everyone but the prep-nurse was very good and empathetic.

If your wife has indeed lost the baby, and she does not have the D&C, infection could set it and cause her to become infertile. I struggled with this, but God gave me the peace. As a matter of fact a Catholic priest just happen to be doing rounds before I went to prep and mistakenly walked into my room. He prayed over my husband and I. I felt the warmth from God and the peace I needed before going into the surgery. I know that my little Jackie is watching over me in Heaven. Also, my anesegiologist (sp?) asked me what I wanted to do, I told him I did not want to be aware of what was going on, so he gave me something to make my brain go to sleep for a short time so I do not remember anything during the proceedure. I just did not want to be crying while the doctors were doing what they needed to do.

The doctors told me to wait three months before trying again. My husband and I were very careful for the first 6 weks or so, but then I just gave it up to God. I said “God you know when I am ready and you will not let it happen before it is the right time”. I was prego with my next child a month later.

I still mourn the loss from time to time, but time does make it better (it has been 4 years). I saw the heartbeat, so I know she was there at one time. Now I have an Angel in Heaven waitting for me, and praying for me.

My heart goes out to you! But there is still hope, my sister suffered two miscarries before she delivered a healthy baby girl last Christmas.
 
My heart just aches for you and your wife. I am so terribly sorry you lost your sweet baby. I have suffered through six miscarriages. Like your wife, my body would continue with the pregnancy even though the baby had died. If there is truly no heartbeat and her HCG levels are going down, I’d trust your doctor and have the D&C. Continuing it this state is not emotionally or physically good for your wife. But please, I beg you… don’t give up hope. Although I’ve had the six miscarriages, I’ve also delivered four healthy babies. My doctor also discovered I was low on certain hormones - progesterone (sp?) being the most important. I also take the baby aspirin… but at each new pregnancy I have to mentally prepare that it’s all in God’s hands. I don’t understand why some of us have to have multiple miscarriages… it seems so unfair.

Again, I am so very very sorry. I will pray for you both.
CM
 
I am sorry for your loss. Losing a child at any stage is not easy. We lost one at 12 weeks about 4 years ago. Now we have one in heaven, two with us and one on the way. It’s hard to go into the doctor and tell them that this is the fourth pregnancy but only two at home. I still have heartache but am gratefull for our little angel in heaven and for the ones I am able to love and care for.

My prayers are with you!
 
This is one clubhouse I hope does not get many members
Click to expand...
Sadly, I think you’ll be surprised to find out how many members you’ll have. Many of us here have experinced this loss.

I was shocked to find out I was pregnant. Literally. My doc didn’t want to let me drive home from the office 'cause he was afraid I’d drive into a wall or something. He made me sit there for like an hour, before he’d let me leave. I didn’t even have an OB at that time. So I found one and made an appointment. I suppose I should have known something wasn’t right, but I wasn’t expecting to be pregnant either. But (as typical in my family) nothing ever goes according to “The Book” for me. I wound up going for blood tests every 2-3 days for about a month +. I told them to just install a spigot in my arm. It was an emotional roller coaster. I was a wreck. My HCG levels were going up, but not the way they should have been. I had three or four ultrasounds, but they couldn’t find anything. They suspected ectopic, but I didn’t have any of the normal “symptoms”. Finally, they decided to do exploratory surgery. The night before my surgery I woke up around midnight in serious pain. DH drove me to ER. Didn’t get much sleep, ran some tests, they moved my surgery up to first thing in the morning. Then just before the surgery, the nurse came in to check me again, and I felt fine. I was feeling stupid for making such a fuss, false alarm, but the nurse was concerned. I didn’t understand that my “feeling fine now” was a Bad Thing. They rushed me in, and found exaclty what they suspected. Ectopic in the tube. The pain was because the tube was tearing open. I woke up in the recocery room to have the doc tell me a was about an hour away from bleeding to death internally without ever knowing. I would have just slipped off to sleep and died. DH was more concerned than I’d ever seen him. But then we knew there was no chance. The roller coaster finally stopped, from thinking maybe it’ll work out, maybe it won’t, what will we do? We could start coming to grips with it and try to heal.

Only someone who has been there can truly understand, (even though others can sympathize) especially in this culture where it is so easy for people to say, well it wasn’t very far along, you can’t have “bonded” much yet. Or, it wasn’t planned anyway.

Don’t let them get to you. Grieve as you can, and don’t expect to follow anybody’s timetable of when you should feel better. We’re all praying for you.
 
I am so so sorry for your loss…I have no idea what it is that you are going through, but my heart and prayers are with you…

much love,
Jamie
 
I am very sorry for your loss. I went thru the same experience at 11 weeks of pregnancy (the doctor found no heartbeat at a routine visit) and chose to have the D&C. The miscarriage has been the saddest experience of my life. Thru lots of prayer and support from my husband and by God’s grace, I’ve been slowly healing from the loss.

These are some of the things we’ve done: We named the baby, Gabriel Guadalupe and we obtained the remains from the hospital and had a burial and memorial service at a Catholic Cemetery that donates space for the burial of unborn babies. I’ve been to a couple of retreats and to a Eucharistic Healing service. Also, I recommend 2 books, one of them is by Kimberly Hann, Life Giving Love, it has a chapter on Miscarriage from the Catholic perspective. The other book is called “Miscarriage, Women Speaking from the Heart” by Marie Allen and Shelly Marks. Before the surgery, my husband and I said the sorrowful mysteries of the rosary and I offered up my sufferings, uniting them to the sufferings of Jesus on the Cross and with our Blessed Mother at Calvary.

I am also creating a website in memory of our baby Gabriel. I am adding links that have helped me and put the text for our Catholic memorial service (and links to other memorial services) in case in can be of help to anyone else going thru this.

May God grant you peace and strength.

Hope this helps,

Lydia
 
I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

My husband and I have struggled with infertility for five years. We have had two pregnancies and two miscarriages. The first, three years ago when I was just 6 weeks. The second one happened in June. We had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and saw the heartbeat. About 95% of the time when a heartbeat is detected things go well. But 10 days later the repeat ultrasound showed no heartbeat. I was feeling “more pregnant” with our second child. I had bought some exercise DVDs for pregnant women, gotten books from the library, and was planning on FINALLY being able to use our spare room for a baby room. It was a very difficult time for my husband and I. We didn’t expect it to happen again.

The thing that helps to bring us comfort is our goal on this earth as parents is to help raise Godly children and get them to heaven. We’ve already accomplished this twice.

We pray for an end to abortion. Both elective and spontaneous.

My husband and I will lift you and your wife up in prayer. Prayer helps to bring peace to a hurting heart.

God bless.
 
Hello
I can unfortunately join you in this club as well. I am so sorry for your loss. I went through the same thing last Feb. I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and there was no fetal pole or heartbeat. I had another one at 8 weeks. This time there was a baby, but no heartbeat. I was told there was no chance for this baby. We were devesated as it took us 4 years to get pregnant with this child.

I waited for a natural miscarriage as taht is what they thought was best for me. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but like you did not trust the U/S and wondered if maybe this baby did have a chance? I have also read that that baby can be hard to find in those with a tipped uterus. About 4 days later I started spotting and then went into full labor a couple of days after that.

Four months later we got pregnant again for the second time in 4.5 years. This time I was cautiously happy, but did not feel the pure joy that I felt with the first pregnancy for the fear of losing again overwhelmed me. At 6 weeks I started bleeding again. After a lot of back and forth and being told very different things by different doctors, I was finally diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. It took 2 months for the HCG to fully go back to zero and a lot of blood tests. Luckily I still have my tube and we hope to try again in a few months when we get the all clear.

Please know that you are not alone. I really feel for you during this time and for your wife. There is nothing worse than carrying around your baby knowing that the doctors have no hope for him/her. I am still grieving over my babies and although I know there will come a day when the pain will lessen, I am not there yet.

You can register your child’s name in the Book of the Holy Innocents. It gave me a lot of comfort. innocents.com/

Take care and may God bless you,
PCR
 
40.png
clskier:
The Dr. is offering a D&C, but I can’t stop thinking “what if their wrong and the baby is still alive”. The Dr. says that there is virtually no chance of that, but we just can’t let go.
Click to expand...
If the doctor is saying virtually, I personally would not have the D&C. I have 5 saints waiting for me in Heaven. I know I will be re-united with them one day.

I figure God felt our family needed all the help it could get as my six living children have lost the Faith. Those 5 in Heaven are my consolation now, although it broke my heart each time.
 
I don’t know if anyone is still following this thread, but I think this is something that so many people deal with. I had a nervous breakdown after my first miscarriage, all the guilt and pain and no one to talk to. I gained some perspective, but after my 7th miscarriage (that is NOT a typo) I was again on the verge of a breakdown. I turned it over to God and dealt with it. It wasn’t until my 9th miscarriage (now with 2 children) that I found friends who would talk about it and I found out how common miscarriages are. I had someone to talk to who understood and hope for the future. As it stands now I have 5 loverly children here with me and 13 (again, no typo) waiting for me in Heaven. When I get depressed I think that at least I have some powerful prayer warriors who are on my side completely in Heaven praying for me and their siblings who survived.
 
Luckily I still have my tube and we hope to try again in a few months when we get the all clear
Click to expand...
Just FYI, loss of the tube does NOT mean loss of fertility. I am short a tube after our first pregnancy and I am a couple of weeks away from delivering #3 (4 if you count the one in heaven).
 
No offense, y’all are great, but I wish I wasn’t part of this clubhouse. 😦

Mine was earlier this year, at 5 weeks, after months of trying. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone, and not a bad mother because I lost my child so soon. God bless you all and I’ll keep you in my prayers.
 
40.png
TAS2000:
Just FYI, loss of the tube does NOT mean loss of fertility. I am short a tube after our first pregnancy and I am a couple of weeks away from delivering #3 (4 if you count the one in heaven).
Click to expand...
True, but losing a tube would make it even harder especially for someone like me who already has other infertility issues aside from the tube.
 
40.png
SeekerJen:
No offense, y’all are great, but I wish I wasn’t part of this clubhouse. 😦

Mine was earlier this year, at 5 weeks, after months of trying. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone, and not a bad mother because I lost my child so soon. God bless you all and I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Click to expand...
I am so sorry to hear about all of these miscarriages but I’m not surprised. Nobody wants to belong to this group but we can take comfort in knowing that we are still a witness to life.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top