Miscarriage Clubhouse

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To make matters worse, my wife is still carrying our child, and her pregnancy symptoms are still in full swing. If it were not for a routine ultrasound, we would still be blissfully unaware. Because the pregnancy is continuing, we have not been able to feel closure to this yet. The Dr. is offering a D&C, but I can’t stop thinking “what if their wrong and the baby is still alive”. The Dr. says that there is virtually no chance of that, but we just can’t let go.
CLSKIER,
I was meditating on your situation today at mass. I realized there was more to your message.

If no heartbeat was detected, usually a couple can wait 2-3 weeks to see if the woman will miscarry on her own. If she doesn’t miscarry during that time I would recommend a repeat ultrasound. If again there is no heartbeat, I understand that a D&C would be performed to prevent pelvic infection in your wife. Another reason for a D&C could be if bleeding continues for an extended period of time after the miscarriage has occurred.

I chose to wait and let things happen naturally, and they did for me. If your wife needs the D&C you could ask if she could be “put under” during the procedure. Also, you could ask if you would be able to take your child with you after the D&C. It is a very difficult situation to be in. Again, I am sorry for your loss, and the pain that you are going through right now.

And another thing… you wife may also experience some post-partum blues on top of greiving. The hormones don’t just shut off. So, she may be extra emotional at this time.

God bless.
 
My prayers are with you two years ago I lost my son at 21 weeks, went to the doctor one day and heard his heart beat and 12 hours later he was gone, they also wanted to do a D and C I wanted to give birth to my son, so I am able to do that. I am very sorry for your loss. Please don’t give up.

God Bless you and your wife
 
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Hope75:
CLSKIER,
I was meditating on your situation today at mass. I realized there was more to your message.
I too was thinking about his situation and I want to add…

My first miscarriage…they just let me loose it on my own. It was horrible! I would say that it took me almost a month to recover. Daily seeing the process was difficult if you know what I mean.

My second miscarriage, I had a D&C. I didn’t have a daily reminder (bleeding) that I was loosing my child. They were able to put me under…I don’t even remember seeing my doctor and actually there was no pain. I had started cramping before the surgery.
 
Thanks so much for everyone’s support and prayers. My wife and I send our love and prayers to all in this club. I have the most amazing story to tell on how our little one told us it was time to let him go last night.

First a little background. After our first miscarriage we decided to name the child Belle. Shortly after naming the baby, I was sent on buisness to Belle West Virgina. I thought that alone was amazing, but while there I whent to a gift shop to hopefully find a memento to memorialize our child with. I found a christmas tree ornament of an angel called “Belle Angel” with the birthstone for December (if she had gone full term). This alone was an amazing sign.

Last night we went to a support group after praying for a sign on weather or not to have the D&C. We entered and after the preliminary introductions they handed out a gift to us newcomers. It was wind chimes…with an angel…NAMED JACOB!!! That is the name we chose for this child. My wife and I looked at eachother and started crying. We knew then without a doubt that he was in heaven with his sister.

Today we scheduled the D&C for tomorrow. They did provide us with another ultrasound today although we already knew the outcome. There had been no change in the last two weeks. Tomorrow Jacob’s physical body will leave my wife. I am investigating options for his body now, but am told this does not have to be decided immediately.

God Bless you all.
 
I wanted to chime in here too. My heart goes out to all of you on this list. I too recently lost a child. We were due to have our sixth baby in Mar. 2006 but I miscarried last month. It was so hard. We were so fertile before this – 4 kids in 4 years while trying to postpone pregnancy each time!!! – and now we’ve been trying for 18 cycles with only this lost pregnancy to show for it. There have been times over the last year and a half when I thought I might be pregnant, but this was the only one I got a positive test with. I was 7 wks. On top of that, I belong to a forum at another site that is for women with large families (4 or more kids) and are expecting/ttc another. We had 6 women, including me, due with babies in Mar. All but one has miscarried, and she lost a twin she was carrying. It’s been so sad and so difficult. The infertility has been hard enough but then to lose the one you’ve been trying for for so long. I know many think that, since we already have 5 kids we need to count our blessings, and we do, we most definitely do, but it’s still so difficult. In fact, that was what brought me here tonight. I haven’t been on CA for a while but felt compelled to come and ask about this very thing. It seems like so many women I know (both online and in real life) have been trying to get pregnant and can’t, or are miscarrying. I know it happens a lot but it just seems to be an epidemic lately. It starts making a person feel like there’s something greater at work, you know? Maybe it’s just time for us all to start a Novena to St. Gerard, patron saint of expectant mothers.

Oh, I’m so glad you were all here tonight. This has really been bothering me. Plus, it’s my first ovulatory cycle since the miscarriage and I’m just feeling a little anxious, although I’m trying my darndest to not think about it.

Anyway, my prayers are with all of you. God bless you all and may we all have very very good news to share very soon.

God bless, Jen
 
Hello Everyone, and know that you are all in our thoughts and prayers.

We lost our first baby, nearly a honeymoon baby, last December. We had been really looking forward to welcoming our little baby into our family in an even deeper way, and raising our family in the Church and all the graces afforded. Things didn’t work out that way, though. I knew that something was wrong when I started spotting-- for the third time in a month-- and we grieved for our baby throughout the day of the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. I called a friend who had had 7 miscarriages and 7 healthy babies, and she gave us hope, since I had not actually lost our child yet, so we did take heart.

Suddenly, on 10 December, I was praying the rosary for the wellbeing of the unborn everywhere, and for an end to the evils of abortion. Just before beginning the 4th Sorrowful Mystery, I ran to the bathroom and caught our perfectly formed little baby boy in my hands. I called my husband home from work as I cradled him in my hand, his tiny body was not even 2 inches long.

I think of our miscarriage, and of our contact with our tiny baby as a miracle, and an answer to a prayer. During our mourning on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, I prayed to the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Mother of us all, that my husband be able to hold our child, somehow. I was really asking for a miracle, and, in an unexpected way, we got one. I am told that in most early miscarriages (I miscarried at 10 weeks, although development had probably stopped at somewere around 7 weeks) there are no recognizable remains. Truly, we were blessed to hold our tiny firstborn in our hands, to see him.

We named our child the name we had agreed on when we first found out we were pregnant: Peter Teresa, after the two most headstrong patron saints we could think of. Afterall, a stubborn oldest child of two people like my husband and I would need all the help he could get. We decided to name the baby after St. Peter the Apostle and St. Teresa of Avila just in case my motherly intuition was wrong, and the child might have been a girl…

To add a positive note to this thread, we are due 27 February 2006, so please keep us in your prayers. Even though we have not and will not have an Ultrasound or sonogram done, I have a feeling that this baby is a boy. My husband, my sister and I have all dreamt of a boy in the past week. We are already so fortunate to have a wonderful marriage and life together, so this baby can only be a foreshadowing of the joys God has in mind for each one of us.
 
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captaincatholic:
Truly, we were blessed to hold our tiny firstborn in our hands, to see him.
You were definitely blessed. I couldn’t imagine being able to have that closure because I didn’t. Congratualations on your pregnancy! You are in my prayers as you go through these first months.

clskier - I hope things went well with you wife. We all would like to hear. You are still in my prayers as well as everyone who has lost a child.
 
I’m joining by proxy for my good friend who has lost two babies in her first 5 months of marriage.
They aren’t trying to conceive because both of them are working on masters degrees, but the pain is just as great. This more recent one may be ectopic, so prayers are appreciated.
They’re trying so hard to use NFP to avoid another miscarriage at this point, but with an untrained eye her irregularity makes it next to impossible.
I’m so heartbroken for my friend!
 
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im_wildrose:
It seems like so many women I know (both online and in real life) have been trying to get pregnant and can’t, or are miscarrying. I know it happens a lot but it just seems to be an epidemic lately. It starts making a person feel like there’s something greater at work, you know? Maybe it’s just time for us all to start a Novena to St. Gerard, patron saint of expectant mothers.
Ditto. I had lunch with an old friend last weekend. We ended up talking about my situation (16 months of active trying, one miscarriage, and we’re going to stop trying for a while before it ruins our marriage and my sanity). She mentioned that she and her husband have never tried to avoid a pregnancy in their 16 months of marriage, and she also had one miscarriage and nothing else. Then we started talking about all the other women we know who want nothing more than to have a child with their husbands, but who have been told that it will never happen and they should adopt. Or couples who have never tried to avoid a pregnancy but over several years of marriage have never achieved one.

I’m wondering if there was something in the food or water supply or in some prenatal supplement that was given to our mothers in the 60s and 70s. Lots of our grandmothers were given thalidomide, etc. DDT was still legal when many of us were children. Or maybe it’s all of the growth hormones and other chemicals that were added to our meat, produce, and dairy in the 1980s and 90s. It’s not like infertility runs in most of these women’s families: most of them are from big Catholic families, 5+ kids, no problems there. There is definitely something else going on.
 
I’m not implying this is the case for women on this board or people you know, but two of the major reasons for the rise in miscarriages and infertility are the Pill and STDs.

The Pill disrupts the fertility cycle, often for months and even years. The vast majority of women do use ABC, and may experience difficulty acheiving pregnancy after coming off the Pill.

STDs, particularly HPV, can cause infertility. The widespread use of the Pill and condoms has led to promiscuous and premarital sex, enabling the rampant transmission of STDs. In some cases, a woman may never know she has/had HPV, and it will leave her (don’t know where it attacks) scarred and unable to acheive pregnancy, or with many miscarriages before pregnancy.

Obviously these statistics to do not apply to every woman, but in looking at the entire trend, they are very applicable to the general population.
 
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vluvski:
I’m not implying this is the case for women on this board or people you know, but two of the major reasons for the rise in miscarriages and infertility are the Pill and STDs.

The Pill disrupts the fertility cycle, often for months and even years. The vast majority of women do use ABC, and may experience difficulty acheiving pregnancy after coming off the Pill.

STDs, particularly HPV, can cause infertility. The widespread use of the Pill and condoms has led to promiscuous and premarital sex, enabling the rampant transmission of STDs. In some cases, a woman may never know she has/had HPV, and it will leave her (don’t know where it attacks) scarred and unable to acheive pregnancy, or with many miscarriages before pregnancy.

Obviously these statistics to do not apply to every woman, but in looking at the entire trend, they are very applicable to the general population.
Great point, and combine that with the “I want to have children when I want to” mentality that is very prevalent nowadays (which once again, is probably not the case for the women on the board or those you are talking about), the chances to having children decrease even more. Some people spend years avoiding children, and then go nuts when they start trying and a child does not come as they had planned. (And then off to the fertility clinic, and all sorts of experiments and immoral methods to get that child they have a right to). A child comes when God wants it to come, as a gift, not when one decides one wants it, as a right.

In the old times, not everyone had a bunch of children. Some people actually only had a few, even if they wanted more. Now I bet ya that if many of those people would have been using the pill or other methods of avoiding children for an extended period in their marriage, they may have never had children (even if they tried later). No matter how you put it, 18 years of trying gives you better chances than 10, for example.
If God knocks on your door, and you say “Not now, later” He may not knock again.
 
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vluvski:
I’m not implying this is the case for women on this board or people you know, but two of the major reasons for the rise in miscarriages and infertility are the Pill and STDs.

The Pill disrupts the fertility cycle, often for months and even years. The vast majority of women do use ABC, and may experience difficulty acheiving pregnancy after coming off the Pill.
I have believed this is true for a long time.

But of course, the medical community and the media would never acknowledge it if they knew about it.
 
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masondoggy:
I have believed this is true for a long time.

But of course, the medical community and the media would never acknowledge it if they knew about it.
Yeah, 😦 Oh, and a previous abortion is another cause for infertility and miscarriages.
 
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clskier:
This is one clubhouse I hope does not get many members, but I fear there are a lot of us out there who can use any prayers we can get. It breaks my heart to say that my wife and I are dropping out of the pregnancy club. After two weeks I thought I could finally find the words, but I’m crying again just typing this message.

Some time between our babies seventh and eigth week his heart stopped beating. This is our second miscarraige and we have yet to have a successful pregnancy. To make matters worse, my wife is still carrying our child, and her pregnancy symptoms are still in full swing. If it were not for a routine ultrasound, we would still be blissfully unaware. Because the pregnancy is continuing, we have not been able to feel closure to this yet. The Dr. is offering a D&C, but I can’t stop thinking “what if their wrong and the baby is still alive”. The Dr. says that there is virtually no chance of that, but we just can’t let go.

We will be attending a support group tomorrow night. I hope that it gives us some form of comfort as the pain is still so fresh. It also hurts me to know that whatever I am feeling, my wife is experiencing so much stronger; as the baby is inside her, and the hormones are magnifying her emotions.

It’s too ealy to think about trying again, but we can’t help wondering if we are meant to be parents or not. Please pray for our two children in heaven (Belle and Jacob), and that we have the strength to accept what God has in store for us. My wife and I pray nightly for all those expecting children and those who are trying to get pregnant.
You are in my prayers. My wife and I went through this pain on four occasions. May Jesus bless and comfort you.
 
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vluvski:
I’m not implying this is the case for women on this board or people you know, but two of the major reasons for the rise in miscarriages and infertility are the Pill and STDs.
In many cases, sure. In my own case, possibly (although my mom had fertility issues as well, so there are many factors there). I took it for a few years, unfortunately.

In other cases, not. The friend of whom I wrote, and her friends, are all extremely devout Catholic women who were virgins when they married, and have never even possessed contraceptives, let alone used them.

I still think all of the hormones and chemicals they’re putting in our food are partly to blame. And of course, any drug that messes with your own body’s hormones are going to have an effect.
 
I think it is cruel and un-Christian to imply that women had their miscarriages because they were on “the Pill” at one time. I come from a large family. In addition to all of her children, my mother had miscarriages on four different occasions. This was back in the 1950’s when “the Pill” wasn’t even invented yet. After I got married, I had two kids and two miscarriages.

I have a medical book written by the Mayo Clinic. In there, it says that a very large percentage of fertilized eggs are lost before the woman even suspects she is pregnant. I have also read that many miscarriages are nature’s way of eliminating a fetus that is not developing properly. In other words, there is some kind of mistake in the genetic code.

I keep wondering whether or not in this day and age anyone ever does any genetic testing of the babies that are miscarried. I was by myself in the emergency room (in one of the rooms where the doctor examines you) when I had my second miscarriage. It didn’t look normal at all. I could see the head and torso, and buttocks, but there was nothing where the arms and legs should have been.

A few days later, they called me with the “test results.” “You had a miscarriage!!” they said. I asked if there was anything else they could tell me. The answer was no. They only did a test to see whether or not it was really a pregnancy. Needless to say, I was upset! I felt like saying, “Wow! I would never have guessed that I had really had a miscarriage!”

It seems to me that a lot could be learned if miscarriages were routinely examined for genetic defects. At least, it might set the mother’s mind at ease. She would realize that the baby wasn’t lost because she got too much exercise. Some babies are lost because they just weren’t developing normally, and the defects were to great for the baby to even develop into a full-term baby.
 
My wife is the process of miscarrying. Basically, everything you wrote above summarizes what we are experiencing. This is our third miscarriage. We have two healthy children (in the middle)- we are so thankful for them.

Our hearts are just broken. This is the 2nd loss in a year. I don’t know if my wife can handle another. She is 37- so I guess age is a factor.

Keep us in your prayers (as I will for you) that we can have the strenght to accept God’s will.

Todd
 
Todd,

I am very sorry for your loss. I said a prayer for you and your wife today. May God give you strenght and peace. Please pray the Rosary. It is a wondeful prayer that helped me a lot during my miscarriage.

God bless,
 
Hi Todd,

I too am 37 and we have lost 2 babies this last year and have no living children. I totally understand your pain. I am so sorry you and your wife are going through this. It was helpful to us to attend retreats and get more involved in our Church. NOthing will take the pain away totally. Also, I do not think that age is necessarily a factor (I hope not for my sake), so do not lose all hope.

Take care,
PCR
 
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