B
BlestOne
Guest
It has been almost 16 years since I lost my baby and not a day goes by that I am not reminded of this loss. You see I lost one of a set of twins, my middle child is the other half of this set. Even with all my pain and sorrow, I had to force myself to go on for the sake of the living child. I knew I couldn’t even think about mourning my loss until I safely delivered the surviving twin. The first year was absolute torture. People were so cruel to me about it. One woman would not talk to me because she was afraid she would miscarry like it is contagious. Another woman exclaimed very loudly, “Ewww, you mean you have a dead baby in there?” But I think the worst was when people said, “It is God’s will.” What a horrible thing to say! At the time you are going through a miscarriage, you are angry and hurt; you don’t understand what happened and for people to say it is God’s will just makes you angry at God. I think everyone who has experienced this kind of loss knows that there isn’t much that can console a mother at the loss of a child, but saying it’s God’s will is definitely the wrong thing to say! I had such a hard time of it for all the firsts…first tooth, first step, first day of school, first communion etc. All I had to do is look at my son and think, “Which one would have done this first?” and I was in tears all over again. Then there was the really bad times, the times I didn’t think I would make it through and I really didn’t know if I wanted to either; my marriage was ripped apart from the loss, I was pregnant again and totally paranoid, after that birth I suffered from post partum depression…it just got worse and worse. I made the mistake of not turning to God but suffering in silence and it was too much to bear! Finally, I turned to God, I was angry, how could he take away my baby afterall? God waited patiently for me to get over the anger, once I did I realized that God didn’t take my baby away, he called her home to him. The comfort of knowing that my baby was in a much better place is really what saved my sanity. I will never know why this was God’s plan, I did know (from an autopsy) what happened to my baby, but that had never helped, so then I started thinking about all the times life didn’t go by my plan…was life ever as good as I thought it should be? The answer is yes!!! Much better in fact! What I learned is that:
Mothers…it does get easier with time, just be sure to be comforted in the arms of our Father, where true comfort lies. You will never forget, nor should you, but the pain gets better. Take the time to grieve, don’t bottle it all up inside.
May God bless every mother, but especially those who have felt the pain of losing a child, they have had a glimpse into the way our Father must have felt when his only son died to give life to all of us. My pastor tells us that we all need to be the Christ of Easter more and less the Christ of Christmas. If you have ever gone through loss of a loved one, you know that you always come out of the experience valuing human life all the more. This to me would be that experience of Christ on the cross, suffering for all of us.
- God doesn’t make bad things happen, they just do.
- When I follow God’s plan, in the end it is much better for my family and I.
- I am not supposed to understand God’s will, I am supposed to trust in it.
- Even when bad things happen, I am strengthened by them if I turn to God and trust in him alone.
Mothers…it does get easier with time, just be sure to be comforted in the arms of our Father, where true comfort lies. You will never forget, nor should you, but the pain gets better. Take the time to grieve, don’t bottle it all up inside.
May God bless every mother, but especially those who have felt the pain of losing a child, they have had a glimpse into the way our Father must have felt when his only son died to give life to all of us. My pastor tells us that we all need to be the Christ of Easter more and less the Christ of Christmas. If you have ever gone through loss of a loved one, you know that you always come out of the experience valuing human life all the more. This to me would be that experience of Christ on the cross, suffering for all of us.