Wow. Reading this has been very enlightening.
I am getting married in about six and a half months, and we started our NFP classes last month. I just finished my first cycle of charting and I am already frustrated. My signs are difficult to interpret (I accept that this might be because it is my first month), they don’t seem to logically align and I have an infertile time of 5 days per cycle.
I really have deep sympathy for the people who are struggling with health problems, depression, etc - I hope you can find the proper resources. Searching06, it really sounds like, in some ways, your problems are beyond NFP and NFP may be what is highlighting them. As somebody who has struggled with depression and suicidal impulses in the past, I really hope you can get some kind of counselling and comfort.
Anyway, these are my thoughts so far:
I think NFP needs to be viewed not just as a method or technique but as a philosophy and THAT is what is critical for Catholics to adopt. Thankfully, for the past four years I have been developing this philosophy, when somebody happened to introduce me to TotB. But I can honestly see how terribly difficult all of this would be for somebody who has always viewed sex, marriage and children the secular way, and is trying to apply NFP for that.
I think there are big problems in the way NFP is promoted and supported. After my third class this Saturday, I will have no more access to an NFP instructor, and I feel like it is when I’m married that I’ll really need answers. Luckily I do have a few friends who are instructors or users but others are not so lucky. Also, I do have heard the ‘la la la, NFP Is so great and wonderful’ talk…I think we need to be more upfront that this is going to be a STRUGGLE, and it isn’t going to magically make your marriage better. If anything, it may highlight any other faults in the marriage.
As for abstinence, my fiance and I have discussed that we may not have a ‘normal’ sex life because I have so few infertile days…but we are okay with that, because we are very intimate already without having any kind of sex or ‘arousal’. We have worked very hard on this, the way we view each other. We know that marriage is not a pass for all the sex we want and it’s not just about what makes us happy. Also, we know that eventually this time will pass; within a few years we will be definitely ready for children and can just have them as they come. Ideally we would like to have one within our first year, but we just aren’t sure if we will be able to handle it yet for various reasons.
I do have a question though - what is allowed during the abstinent times? Obviously no genital stimulation or deliberate arousal, or anything leading to orgasm. And I know we could still do anything we do now (ie, snuggling, light kissing, holding hands, talking) But what about other forms of affection are not sexual, but that we don’t practice right now out of prudence, or things like being naked? (I like to sleep in the nude, and it would be nice to do once we get married, whether or not we are going to have sex, just for the nonsexual affectionate feeling of the other person close by) I don’t see that as an issue with us in terms of driving us to lust or needing to have sex.
And yeah, it’s going to be frustrating when we want it but can’t have it, and having children will also be it’s own struggle…but I can see how with a lot of work this WILL help us to holiness.
I’m glad I found this forum though, because it will be nice to have somewhere to go to get help and education on these struggles. I do Sympto-Thermal right now, and that works fairly well for me because I have a very regular schedule (the temperatures really help because I have a LOT of trouble with my mucus signs) but I didn’t know it is so difficult when you are breastfeeding, etc.
I have one other question…the reason I have such a short window of infertile days is because I had a high temp (luteal) phase of 8 days. This is seen as abnormal, and actually an indicator of poor ovulation if it turns out to be a consistent observation for me. Basically it means that my body doesn’t produce enough progesterone to sustain a pregnancy favoring state until implantation. Does this mean that I should never have sex at all? It seems to me that any egg that does get fertilized will die, and therefore, since I KNOW this, I will just be having abortions month after month. I’m not sure what the teaching is when you know you are prone to miscarrying or can’t sustain pregnancy.
The message I meant to convey is that some people give up on NFP when they run in to difficulty because they lack access to practical support. I have a tough time using it myself, but I am actively seeking practical information and trying new things to facilitate my own NFP use.
Some people in the infertility thread suggested B supplements, and if that doesn’t work I can go to my OB/GYN for hormone supplements.