K
Kindness
Guest
Dear OP I’m sorry to hear you are going through an emotionally painful time. I just want to encourage you not to hide behind your inner walls again. As you imply that you are hoping for a romantic relationship leading to marriage be brave and stay engaged with the world around you.
When I was an exchange student (older student I was about 25 or 26) I was studying in Washington D.C. and met a man who persued me relentlessly. By that I mean he met me outside school everyday with books he had picked out for me, wrote me letters, phoned me every night, told me that I was incredible etc. and must be the reason his work had brought him to D.C. Almost daily he planned the afternoon and took me to museums, cafes and restaurants all over D.C. When I first met him I didn’t really have any strong romantic inclination toward him but I liked him and the more intense attention he showered on me the more I grew to like him and eventually began to return his interest. Well, yes that’s when he promptly suddenly grew cold and said to me “you know we’re not dating or anything”. This was very weird and confusing to me as in my culture (Britain) what we were doing was most certainly dating (or “going out” as we call it). Everyone around us also thought we were dating! I felt guilty and still very confused that I could’ve misinterpreted things so badly but I swiftly brought that “friendship” to a close. That’s when I finally understood what all my American friends were complaining about because they seemed to have constantly confused and vague “relationships”. It was also difficult for me as I had not been looking for a relationship and had not been involved with anyone for quite some time.
Fast forward a few months, I had firmly decided there was NO WAY I would date or get involved with any American man and couldn’t wait to get back to a country with straightforward interactions. That’s when I met a man who I knew really liked me but I made it crystal clear I had no interest at all. We became good friends, he had a great sense of humor was very kind and lots of fun. To cut a long story short we have been happily married for 16 years. When I look back maybe my encounter with Mr A was to truly help me discern the real and wonderful qualities of Mr B. I can’t say my husband is the most devout but he really believes and is caring, honest, kind, reliable, hardworking, fun - those qualities that you can really build a marriage on. And I almost missed him because I kept telling myself he wasn’t my type (more introverted than me) and I’d just felt mislead by Mr A and was convinced: NO AMERICANS! God’s joke is on me as now I have three little American citizens to care for each day!
Try not to let this past experience burden you. It’s his loss right? Don’t become fearful of life and relationships. Now you have gained new insight into what you want and need in a relationship. We all make mistakes, sometimes we’re immature, sometimes the other person is. Have confidence - maybe God is preparing you to be aware when a really genuine man shows up. We have to be vulnerable to really show ourselves to another person, sometimes they don’t appreciate us in the way we expected but don’t be ashamed of being vulnerable. Jesus definitely let himself be vulnerable. Don’t nurture the pain, be brave and trust that God has wonderful things in store for you. God bless you x
When I was an exchange student (older student I was about 25 or 26) I was studying in Washington D.C. and met a man who persued me relentlessly. By that I mean he met me outside school everyday with books he had picked out for me, wrote me letters, phoned me every night, told me that I was incredible etc. and must be the reason his work had brought him to D.C. Almost daily he planned the afternoon and took me to museums, cafes and restaurants all over D.C. When I first met him I didn’t really have any strong romantic inclination toward him but I liked him and the more intense attention he showered on me the more I grew to like him and eventually began to return his interest. Well, yes that’s when he promptly suddenly grew cold and said to me “you know we’re not dating or anything”. This was very weird and confusing to me as in my culture (Britain) what we were doing was most certainly dating (or “going out” as we call it). Everyone around us also thought we were dating! I felt guilty and still very confused that I could’ve misinterpreted things so badly but I swiftly brought that “friendship” to a close. That’s when I finally understood what all my American friends were complaining about because they seemed to have constantly confused and vague “relationships”. It was also difficult for me as I had not been looking for a relationship and had not been involved with anyone for quite some time.
Fast forward a few months, I had firmly decided there was NO WAY I would date or get involved with any American man and couldn’t wait to get back to a country with straightforward interactions. That’s when I met a man who I knew really liked me but I made it crystal clear I had no interest at all. We became good friends, he had a great sense of humor was very kind and lots of fun. To cut a long story short we have been happily married for 16 years. When I look back maybe my encounter with Mr A was to truly help me discern the real and wonderful qualities of Mr B. I can’t say my husband is the most devout but he really believes and is caring, honest, kind, reliable, hardworking, fun - those qualities that you can really build a marriage on. And I almost missed him because I kept telling myself he wasn’t my type (more introverted than me) and I’d just felt mislead by Mr A and was convinced: NO AMERICANS! God’s joke is on me as now I have three little American citizens to care for each day!
Try not to let this past experience burden you. It’s his loss right? Don’t become fearful of life and relationships. Now you have gained new insight into what you want and need in a relationship. We all make mistakes, sometimes we’re immature, sometimes the other person is. Have confidence - maybe God is preparing you to be aware when a really genuine man shows up. We have to be vulnerable to really show ourselves to another person, sometimes they don’t appreciate us in the way we expected but don’t be ashamed of being vulnerable. Jesus definitely let himself be vulnerable. Don’t nurture the pain, be brave and trust that God has wonderful things in store for you. God bless you x