Missing mass with relatives in town?

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LaSainte said:
Sorry, you quoted her in your response. I was responding to that.
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Oh okay, now I seem to understand, thank you for explaining. I thought you were calling me Juliane, when my name says Turtle Turtle. 😃
 
catharina said:
t’s not your call.
We can always fool ourselves.

Talk to your pastor. It’s his call.
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You all always say “talk to your priest, it’s his call” right up until he actually gives pastoral advice that you all think goes against what you perceive Church teaching to be. Then it’s all about priest-shopping and second-guessing. I just had a very devout priest tell me to go ahead and take communion at Easter because I had tried to go to confession beforehand and been turned away due to crowds. He said God knew my heart. What would those here have done I wonder? Probably written a tattle-tale letter to the bishop. The fact is, people on this board trust priests a LOT less than they think they do, but are always telling others to go tlk to their priest for the final word. Which is it?
 
Turtle_Turtle said:
Does Jesus not say what we do to the least of our brethern we do to Him???
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I was being sarcastic. Many people on this site like to throw out wild accusations and say you’re attacking the faith or better yet Christ Himself when they know for a fact you’ve done no such thing.

Juliane was certainly being dramatic when she brought up the crucifixion-I could practically hear my grandmother’s voice, “It’s a good thing Jesus didn’t oversleep for the crucifixion!”, or, “It’s a good thing Jesus wore shoes so he didn’t cut himself on a rusty nail and die before the crucifixion!”. Yes, that is highly dramatic talk, and when I called her on it, I was accused of mocking Christ. NOT the case. So yes, I retorted with a bit of sarcasm.
 
catharina said:
It seems you have just revealed your own attitude
toward the Catholic Faith. Good heavens.

:eek:
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Not at all, just my attitude towards those Catholics who feel the need to use hyperbolic and dramatic language to generate feelings and reactions of guilt. It’s pretty much the lowest form of Catholic argument, and unfortunately, not the least used.
 
LaSainte said:
Well, he needed to go to the dump because we had mass amounts of trash that the garbage men won’t haul. He needed my stepfather’s truck to do that because there were giant sheets of metal and debris. My stepfather was leaving that night. He needed to take down the door because it had to have all the hardware taken off, be sanded, repaired, allowed to dry, new locks installed, and remounted. You can see how this would take all day. He needed my stepfather’s help for all of this because 1.) he doesn’t know how to do this by himself and 2.) it takes 2 people to hang a door. They finished getting the door up at 8:30, at which point my family drove home and my husband and I spent the next 3 hours installing the locks and knobs.

And one week wouldn’t make a difference, no. But as I said, this was the only weekend for the foreseeable future that my stepdad could come to town to do it. They won’t be back in town for at least 6 weeks.

Again, the whole situation is far from ideal, but a mortal sin? I don’t think so. Out of our control.
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Were your relatives staying with you on Saturday night? If so, how about this solution?


  1. *]Get up 2 hours early Sunday morning.
    *]Start work 2 hours early.
    *]Take a 2-hour break later in the day to go to Mass.
 
LaSainte said:
Thanks for the replies all! No, my family is not Catholic. I just read on these threads all the time that a work shift or some such reason is valid for missing mass, and yet this work, which would have been impossible to do on ANY other occasion, is not valid. I don’t get that at all. The guys were literally working during EVERY single mass, even Saturday’s vigil, after which we had to drive across town to meet the rest of the family who we have not seen for almost 3 months. My husband and I didn’t get the locks on the front door until after 11 pm last night after working since 6:45 am (we almost had to just go to bed with no locks on the front door!). I’m just wondering where during all this with 2 babies and family in town we were supposed to find the time. As I type this my husband is outside STILL working on planting trees and I’m getting ready to give the kids a bath.

Are we supposed to kill ourselves to get to mass?
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Well some people have died rather than skipped Mass.

You need to speak to your priest. I understand you are putting your house up for sale, but somehow you’ve been living in it all this time with whatever repairs needed to be done. Yes, you were busy, very busy, this weekend. Nevertheless, you deliberately missed Mass when you had control over your schedule. The people who are scheduledto do shift work on a Sunday, do not have control over their own schedule.

I don’t think anyone is unsympathetic to how much work you had to do, but the answer to the question is not to be defiant, but to be sorry that you weren’t able to work things out so you could go to Mass. Go to confession and you will feel MUCH better.
 
Soler said:
Were your relatives staying with you on Saturday night? If so, how about this solution?


  1. *]Get up 2 hours early Sunday morning.
    *]Start work 2 hours early.
    *]Take a 2-hour break later in the day to go to Mass.
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  1. 👍 This is what our family has done in the past, when faced with a similar situation. If your husband absolutely couldn’t have gone to Mass even this way, then I would have gone alone and taken the kids. May not have heard much of it wrangling the kids, but we would have been there, and I have done this.
 
LaSainte said:
You all always say “talk to your priest, it’s his call” right up until he actually gives pastoral advice that you all think goes against what you perceive Church teaching to be. Then it’s all about priest-shopping and second-guessing. I just had a very devout priest tell me to go ahead and take communion at Easter because I had tried to go to confession beforehand and been turned away due to crowds. He said God knew my heart. What would those here have done I wonder? Probably written a tattle-tale letter to the bishop. The fact is, people on this board trust priests a LOT less than they think they do, but are always telling others to go tlk to their priest for the final word. Which is it?
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Most people that post on CAF concerning advice given by their priest do so because on a certain level they know the advice is contrary to actual Church teachings. They ask for advice on how to handle erronous advice given by their priest.

If you trust your priest and his advice, why would you have any problem going to him for advice on the situation? Why would it matter what we all thought if you trusted him to give you the advice you were seeking? If you truly thought you had a valid reason to miss mass this weekend, why even bother posing the question in the first place? Did you come here for validation, to argue, or to actually take a good hard look at the situation and how it could have been handled differently? Either YOU feel at peace with your decision and thus no need to even ask strangers on the internet for advice or confirmation OR you have a nagging feeling you may be in the wrong and that’s why you posted your situation. Which is it?
 
Soler said:
Were your relatives staying with you on Saturday night? If so, how about this solution?


  1. *]Get up 2 hours early Sunday morning.
    *]Start work 2 hours early.
    *]Take a 2-hour break later in the day to go to Mass.
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  1. Yes they were. They did work all day Saturday, from 9 am until after 5. They had no idea how long everything would take and Sunday evening mass was still an option at that point. They has no idea that the door would be such a fiasco. You know how sometimes you plan on like a Sunday evening mass and then something unexpectedly happens to prevent you from going? Does it put you in a state of mortal sin just because you didn’t go to an earlier mass? Of course not!
 
LaSainte said:
Feel free to excuse yourself from the conversation. I would just like ONE person to tell me how I could have reasonably scheduled my weekend so as to be able to attend mass AND have a front door.

Does it really come down to not being able to sell my house vs. missing ONE mass? Would all of you here, if you had to sell your house, either sell it for THOUSANDS less than you paid for it, having to take out a loan just to close, or possibly miss your opportunity to sell it AT ALL for the entire year to avoid missing ONE mass? Does ANYONE remember the parable about the sheep in the ditch? Sometimes practicalities preclude the obligation to attend mass.
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We have no idea what your house looks like or what the housing market in your area is like. we don’t know why you must sell or how much your are asking for. The OP said, “We had family over to help with some house repairs and missed Mass, is that OK?” Of course that is not OK.

A couple of things:
  1. you can speak to your priest ahead of time and ask him about a dispensation. That is something withinhis discretion. I am only familar with them being granted in situations where the person is travelling.
  2. a job, even one flipping burgers, is someone’s income. No Catholic should be happy with a job that means they can NEVER attend Sunday Mass. But when someone works a shift (everyone from a doctor to the burger-flipper), there will be situations where they cannot attend because of a schedule outside their control. That is the difference.
The CCC is online and searchable at the USCCB site. You can check there for information if you’d rather.
 
etmom said:
👍 This is what our family has done in the past, when faced with a similar situation. If your husband absolutely couldn’t have gone to Mass even this way, then I would have gone alone and taken the kids. May not have heard much of it wrangling the kids, but we would have been there, and I have done this.
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Well, care of infants is certainly a valid reason-we all know that. And as I said, the last time I went alone with the kids I lost one and had to leave the infant in his carrier on the ground while frantically searching for him. He wanders. I will not be doing that again. When they are older, sure.
 
LaSainte said:
You all always say “talk to your priest, it’s his call” right up until he actually gives pastoral advice that you all think goes against what you perceive Church teaching to be. Then it’s all about priest-shopping and second-guessing. I just had a very devout priest tell me to go ahead and take communion at Easter because I had tried to go to confession beforehand and been turned away due to crowds. He said God knew my heart. What would those here have done I wonder? Probably written a tattle-tale letter to the bishop. The fact is, people on this board trust priests a LOT less than they think they do, but are always telling others to go tlk to their priest for the final word. Which is it?
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Wow.

Suddenly I am “you all.”
No. I am not “you all” or a part of “you all.”

The CHURCH says:

"The Sunday obligation

2180 The precept of the Church specifies the law of the Lord more precisely: "On Sundays and other holy days of obligation the faithful are bound to participate in the Mass."117 "The precept of participating in the Mass is satisfied by assistance at a Mass which is celebrated anywhere in a Catholic rite either on the holy day or on the evening of the preceding day."118

2181 The Sunday Eucharist is the foundation and confirmation of all Christian practice. For this reason the faithful are obliged to participate in the Eucharist on days of obligation, unless excused for a serious reason (for example, illness, the care of infants) or dispensed by their own pastor.119 Those who deliberately fail in this obligation commit a grave sin."

That is the Church speaking. It is not a “you all” speaking.
No serious reason relates to your secenario -
so you are to seek a dispenstion from your pastor -
BEFORE you take the action of missing Mass.

People are speaking to you from the view of CHURCH TEACHINGS,
yet you dismiss them as difficult and tattle-tales.

You started this thread.
WHY? To hear truth or find “pseudo-justification.”
There is no justification for ignoring the laws of the Church.

This set of laws, observing the Sabbath, goes way back
to the Big Ten, the ten commandments.
 
LaSainte said:
Thank you for the kind words. Ordinarily, I do make my plans around the mass. Even when I am visiting family out of town and they have other plans I end up inconveniencing everyone else to the point where it is frankly embarrassing and inconsiderate so that I can go to mass. I know that I am dispensed because I was caring for my young children on top of everything else. Last time I tried to take them both alone, my 2 year old wandered off in church and I had to put my 6 month old on the floor by the font in his carrier and frantically search for him. Not again. My main question was about my husband, who spent all weekend working with my stepfather on things he just couldn’t do alone, like using my stepfather’s truck to haul trash to the dump, hanging doors, etc. My stepdad could ONLY be here this weekend. We would have rather been doing anything else. Mass would have been like a vacation in Tahiti.
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Bless your heart!:hug3: I often wonder if everyone realizes/remembers what it is like to be a mother of young children or a father trying to raise a family. It’s so isolating sometimes that when young families * can *manage to make plans at all, it’s just overwhelming.

Your experience of almost losing one baby in church and having to leave another by the font is heart-wrenching! The Blessed Virgin certainly understands that! We all recall her looking for her Son at the Temple, so you are in good company there. That must have been quite a moment for you.

As to your hardworking husband and your stepfather, that sounds like a desperately busy weekend for two very caring men. It was hard for you too! Now, add the little babies into the mix and our Dear Jesus and The Blessed Virgin Mary are looking down with great concern.:hug1:

I believe God wants us to go to Mass at* just such times,* and just work around it as best we can. Leave that door unhinged, park the dump trunk and go receive Him. (From what I hear, it sounds like Mass AND Tahiti are just what you need.) *Just allow Him to be the Lord of Time *and miracles can occur. God is Great. Especially at such trying times, we can all put His Mass first.:highprayer:

I know, when you’re going through real challenges with scheduling, it takes some experience to see a* real crazy time marathon coming.* I’m fifty seven and a grandmother, so if I see something like that coming, :frighten:I run for the hills, take a bromide/selzter and start crocheting more baby layettes for the local shelters. As soon as the church doors are open, I’m praying for peace! My husband is now 73, and if he sees anything even* resembling* something like that coming down the pike, he laughs with me, takes out a long, long book and shuts his door. I realize you can’t always do that! But we can all do our best. You and your family sound like you have just had some especially trying times lately. Your thread here may be helping many people with the same challenges. That’s a good thing!

Our Heavenly Father, Christ and the angels, they miss** US **when we miss Mass. Just at those moments when we do feel torn, that is the time to let Him win over everything. The times we live in are like no other. God is bigger than our perceptions of time constraints.

What I have come to think now is that the reason the Church:highprayer::angel1: gives us what feels like strict guidelines, is so we can put God first, and in addition, in doing that, we may very well just not take on so much or put so much on others. Time is so precious and pulls us in so many different directions. Your dear husband and stepfather are the kind of men that many women would give anything for to have around. It’s hard, but often it is our job to make sure we ourselves and our family are not completely over-whelmed. God certainly understands us! He made us with all our limitations.

I know you understand that rules about Mass aren’t purely legalistic, but the most loving instructions from a compassionate Father, Son and Holy Spirit who gave us our Church to guide us. Now you’ll be able to tell others what you’ve experienced, and you’ll certainly be empathetic but firm. There is a verse in the Bible about God being a “jealous” God, and by jealous, this means that He is the One wanting most to intimately commune with us and our families as our loving Father. He knows best! His Church instructs us, and I am glad he has forgiven me for any time I let that slip my mind.

He is Lord of all, including Lord of all Time. :heaven::harp:

Please come back and tell us how you are. You are beloved of God!
In Christ’s love,
Kathryn Ann
 
Mrs_Sally said:
We have no idea what your hose looks like or what the hosing market in your area is like. we don’t know why you must sell or how much your are asking for. The OP said, “We had family over to help with some house repairs and missed Mass, is that OK?” Of course that is not OK.

A couple of things:
  1. you can speak to your priest ahead of time and ask him about a dispensation. That is something withinhis discretion. I am only familar with them being granted in situations where the person is travelling.
  2. a job, even one flipping burgers, is someone’s income. No Catholic should be happy with a job that means they can NEVER attend Sunday Mass. But when someone works a shift (everyone from a doctor to the burger-flipper), there will be situations where they cannot attend because of a schedule outside their control. That is the difference.
The CCC is online and searchable at the USCCB site. You can check there for information if you’d rather.
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So getting PAID to miss mass=o.k.
Missing mass for a serious family obligation that can’t be rescheduled=hellfire.

Good to know.
 
LaSainte said:
So getting PAID to miss mass=o.k.
Missing mass for a serious family obligation that can’t be rescheduled=hellfire.

Good to know.
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Why the flow of ugly sarcasm?
IMO, it’s entirely inappropriate.
Posters speak of the Church and
you respond with volatile insults.

WHY?
Why did you open this thread, for that matter?
 
LaSainte said:
You all always say “talk to your priest, it’s his call” right up until he actually gives pastoral advice that you all think goes against what you perceive Church teaching to be. Then it’s all about priest-shopping and second-guessing. I just had a very devout priest tell me to go ahead and take communion at Easter because I had tried to go to confession beforehand and been turned away due to crowds. He said God knew my heart. What would those here have done I wonder? Probably written a tattle-tale letter to the bishop. The fact is, people on this board trust priests a LOT less than they think they do, but are always telling others to go tlk to their priest for the final word. Which is it?
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Nope. I for one tell people to take their priest’s advice. Your own pastor, who has the good of your soul as his responsibility, is the best person to advise you. If you carefully explained the situation to the priest before you went to communion, and you then followed his advice, you are good. The important thing is to ask before you take action, explain carrefully, and then do what your priest advices fully.

So in the Easter situation, he may have said to go to communion but make sure to get to confession as soon as possible afterward. He may have judged that whatever sin you committed was venial and therefore would be forgiven by receiving communion. He may have take the opportunity to absolve you since you had time to speak to him before Mass, even if it wasn’t a formal confession setting.

Speak to your priest now and trust his advice.
 
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