Mixed-Faith Marriage in Outdoor Ceremony

[Kc906]

If I am following this correctly the problem is not that your fiance is a non Catholic Christian but that she left the Jehovah Witnesses, or her mother later joined the JWs and you want neutral ground so her mother will or might further bend the JW rules to attend a ceremony?

Did future mother in law give you the ideal or did you and your fiance think of this one?

My fiance is not a JW, but her mother and sisters are baptized JW’s (only the mother practices.) The MIL and FIL were married as Catholics; at some point after having kids the Dad then Mom started studying with the JW’s, but the Dad stopped and basically stopped practicing all together.

The Wedding ceremony would need to be in a place that does not have a Cross, Statues, or Stained Glass Windows in order for my fiance’s family to attend. She always wanted an outdoor wedding, so I would like to make that dream come true if possible. If it is not possible, then we would need to find a suitable Chapel that is an approved house of worship by the Church.

My fiance knows her mother all too well; she is a very conservative woman and is very much in step with everything the Watchtower has taught over the past 30 or so years. So we are trying to accomodate the Church’s requirements for me being a baptized Catholic, and those of her family.

 

[Kc906]

Our Lord’s holy Church can only accomodate to a certain extent. My diocese will not grant permission for an outdoor ceremony either (maybe no diocese does).

I concur with another poster – I encourage you and your fiance to begin the marriage preparation in your parish. This will help your fiance to better understand what the Church expects of marriage. It will help you to discern, hopefully with full conviction, your commitment to the faith over everything else, and help you to make a decision as to the actual wedding day and how you want to live as a Catholic husband and disciple from day one in your marriage.

Do everything with prayerfulness, and keep loving God and your fiance with joy and tenderness!

I know the title of the thread says Outdoor Ceremony, and I would love to have this for my fiance if possible. I discussed with 3 different parishes the possibility of having an Indoor ceremony in an appropriate house of worship, officiated by an ordained minister. 2 of the 3 parishes said it was not possible, that a Deacon or Priest would have to officiate. When I brought up the Dispensation from Canonical form, they mentioned that a Deacon or Priest would still need to conduct the ceremony, which no longer being in the Catholic form, does not make much sense to me along with the Canon Law examples others have provided. The 3rd parish mentioned that he has never seen a dispensation from Canonical form granted due to “family harmony,” which is the first check box on the form as reasons why, but he at least acknowledged we could submit the form.

My fiance is telling me that a ceremony conducted by Catholic Clergy would still be a roadblock for her family since it would be a Catholic ceremony; which is somewhat understandable. If I were to take my family to a wedding involving a JW and one of the elders were conducting the ceremony, I would be very hesitant to bring my children knowing that there are certain things that would be said that I wouldn’t agree with, and that I wouldn’t be teaching my children.

 

[quiet52]

I know the title of the thread says Outdoor Ceremony, and I would love to have this for my fiance if possible. I discussed with 3 different parishes the possibility of having an Indoor ceremony in an appropriate house of worship, officiated by an ordained minister. 2 of the 3 parishes said it was not possible, that a Deacon or Priest would have to officiate. When I brought up the Dispensation from Canonical form, they mentioned that a Deacon or Priest would still need to conduct the ceremony, which no longer being in the Catholic form, does not make much sense to me along with the Canon Law examples others have provided. The 3rd parish mentioned that he has never seen a dispensation from Canonical form granted due to “family harmony,” which is the first check box on the form as reasons why, but he at least acknowledged we could submit the form.

My fiance is telling me that a ceremony conducted by Catholic Clergy would still be a roadblock for her family since it would be a Catholic ceremony; which is somewhat understandable. If I were to take my family to a wedding involving a JW and one of the elders were conducting the ceremony, I would be very hesitant to bring my children knowing that there are certain things that would be said that I wouldn’t agree with, and that I wouldn’t be teaching my children.

I think you might need to speak with a priest on the diocesan tribunal staff to straighten this out.

 

[mcc804]

This is far more serious than planning a wedding that is as non Catholic as possible so as not to offend the bride’s mother. This is only the first battle in a likely series of battles that will be part of your married life. If you and your fiancee are afraid to offend her mother with YOUR Catholic faith now, what do you think it will be like when you have children and wish to have them baptised, or go through First Communion ?

Even if right now your fiancee seems to be understanding all of the Church’s teachings on birth control and education and upbringing in the Faith … I guarantee that if she does not convert to Catholicism, this will all come up again and it will be 10 times more difficult in the future. Unless a person has a sincere conversion to the Faith, they will not be able to understand and accept the Church’s teachings.

Your future MIL is testing the waters here and seeing how she might maintain control over her daughter’s life. You are trying to be a nice guy here, but I sincerely believe that this will not end with the wedding conditions.

I know it’s really difficult right now to imagine trouble ahead. But take it from some of us older, long married couples (23 years for us) … there are enough things that cause difficulties in marriage even when you are both Catholic. This is the BIGGEST most important issue and you need to take it extremely seriously. It’s not just some difference in a mild preference. It’s everything.

God Bless.

 

[maryjk]

My fiance is telling me that a ceremony conducted by Catholic Clergy would still be a roadblock for her family since it would be a Catholic ceremony; which is somewhat understandable. If I were to take my family to a wedding involving a JW and one of the elders were conducting the ceremony, I would be very hesitant to bring my children knowing that there are certain things that would be said that I wouldn’t agree with, and that I wouldn’t be teaching my children.

This is far more serious than planning a wedding that is as non Catholic as possible so as not to offend the bride’s mother. This is only the first battle in a likely series of battles that will be part of your married life. If you and your fiancee are afraid to offend her mother with YOUR Catholic faith now, what do you think it will be like when you have children and wish to have them baptised, or go through First Communion ?

mcc804 has a point. It seems you are bending over backwards for your future MIL. And she isn’t giving anything. How much more will you have to give up? How much more are you willing to give?

 

[PatriceA]

mcc804 has a point. It seems you are bending over backwards for your future MIL. And she isn’t giving anything. How much more will you have to give up? How much more are you willing to give?

I second this, once again.

This is just the wedding, this is just the beginning of a lifetime of accommodating the fiance’s family.

 

[Suslar]

Ok, I’m going to ask the silly question . . .
You seem willing to do whatever it takes - even so far as going to a JP, not having relations, and then trying to convalidate your marriage later.

So, here goes . . . .

Would you consider getting married in a Catholic Church one day and having the outdoor celebration for her family to attend the next day?

(Shoot, I suppose they could even be the same day - wedding Mass at 11am and outdoor ceremony at 1pm? or something like that?)

Then, instead of worrying about living in sin or compromising your own Faith, you’d be married and her family could then witness a “blending of the families” ceremony with lighting of unity candle and whatever traditions they want . . BECAUSE YOU’LL ALREADY BE MARRIED IN THE CHURCH

 

[Mangaartist]

What I’m getting from this is that you are very firm in wanting to raise your family Catholic. But then you are going out of your way to not get married in a Catholic church or a Catholic ceremony. Ask yourself if that is really the best way to start a marriage, and a Catholic family? To receive a sacrament? And all that just to appease your future in-laws. I’m not trying to be uncharitable, but if they aren’t comfortable with attending your wedding in a church, they could just go to the reception. The affirmation thing another poster mentioned might be worth looking into You shouldn’t have to give up having a Catholic wedding ceremony in a church because of them. I know I’m sounding harsh but I can’t find a softer way to put it.

 

[1ke]

Would you consider getting married in a Catholic Church one day and having the outdoor celebration for her family to attend the next day?

(Shoot, I suppose they could even be the same day - wedding Mass at 11am and outdoor ceremony at 1pm? or something like that?)

That is not an option. The Church expressly forbids this in mixed marriage situations.

 

[maryjk]

That is not an option. The Church expressly forbids this in mixed marriage situations.

A second ceremony is forbidden. An outdoor celebration isn’t.

But regardless, the OP needs to figure out how far he is willing to go, how much he is willing to give up.

At this point it seems like he is willing to give most, if not all, of it up. Right now he is trying to plan a wedding that has no hint of Catholicism.

 

[Suslar]

That is not an option. The Church expressly forbids this in mixed marriage situations.

Thank you.
I didn’t mean to suggest two wedding ceremonies - or pretending the 2nd one would be “the” exchange of vows. Just a second celebration that lets her family to share in the joy as they can.