mixed marriage

[Verisimilitude]

Another viewpoint, TOBY1 if you care to consider.

Counseling can be a good thing and I am sure you will get a lot out of it.

I’m not a big believer in phsyc test type things, but they can be fun. I took this Belief-O-Matic test the first time well before last Easter. It said I was most close to a Quaker in religon with Catholicism like #7. I asked my wife to take it and she was Buddhist.

Somewhat odd if you consider both of us cradle Catholics married in the Church; me a semi-bad boy with a long detour in thought and deed, her a good girl from the south Pacific. She’s so funny. I suggested we check out a temple and she insists she is Catholic to the core no matter what she believes. We both had long been away from Mass except the high days…and a couple of years not even those days.

Anyway it got me thinking as things do. Was I really a Quaker? I thought about the questions in a fading memory kind of way over the next few months but their influence left me with uncertainty about what I actually believed. I had been doing personal study of God and and what others call god pretty much since Confirmation. I read a lot then and now, and there was a point in my life I did not want to make a decision about God at all. I think I tried to leave Him or imagine He didn’t exist…but He won’t let me go.

Not too long ago, the continuious contemplation of the results of that silly quiz bugged me and I sought to reconcile it. My Catholic/Buddhist wife was always willing to go to Mass, but she wouldn’t without me…so she didn’t go. That bothered me. Finally. Lent was approaching and…a return to the Sacraments for both of us.

About a month or so ago I re-took that test. It was similar but different questions. This time I paid more attention to the “High, Medium, Low” priority setting below each question. It makes a difference…if you believe in such things.

This time I rated Catholic/Orthodox tied for 1st, and my wife is now a Quaker. I’m lucky I admit. My wife wants to go to Mass for herself. She is not as interested in the details as I am but enjoys going. She has commented more than once, because we talk about it…how much more she understands Mass now than in all her years of in Catholic school growing up.

My point is this.
I would ask her not to go to Mass with you. Tell her to sleep in and go alone, or taker her to her church and drop her off while you go to yours. There is no need to pretend with each other, and there is no reason to be angry even if it’s somewhat disappointing. However you do it, meet after Mass and go to breakfast and enjoy the day together.

The invitation to join you to Mass is always open but conditional, and that is to show proper respect to the Mass as you have shown her services. As big a deal as these things are I would not make a big deal out of it.

I love my Buddhist/Quaker/Catholic wife and she loves me. It’s obvious we sometimes have issues working together (painting- she just doesn’t do it the RIGHT way), and she has since refused to take me mall shopping with her. Maybe you need to do something similar regarding your faith practices. Your example might persuade her in the long run to join you…it might not, but you might be happier together and that is important too.

 

[fcozen]

We are kind of in the same boat. Been married for 14 years, 6 months, 17 days to a non-practicing Christian and i don’t know if my wife will ever convert. Initially, i was praying that she will but i eventually offered this to HIM since it became obvious that this is beyond what i can do. I’m trying as much as i can to show her my faith with works, a lot of self sacrifice and humility- this is for me the hardest part with having 3 kids to raise and personally taking care of them since my wife is working and also attending school at this time. For strength and perseverance, i am trying to pray the Rosary and attend mass daily and most importantly, going to communion. In HIS time, i know in my heart that she will see the light of the Catholic faith and who knows, with HIS grace and mercy, my wife will finally embrace the faith. Lastly, persevere in prayer and go to daily mass if possible. I will be praying for your marriage…:tiphat:

 

[crenfro]

Is there anyone else out there who believe that mixed marriages can work? It’s making me have a hesitation to finish my conversion if in general people who are Catholic are that intolerat of mixed marriage. As a potential convert, it’s painful to realize how intolerant people can really be.

Congratulations on being in RCIA!

I am Catholic, my husband is an atheist, and we’ve been married almost 16 years now. We were married in the Catholic Church and I continue to (try!) to practice my faith. We help each other out. You’ll be just fine.

 

[1ke]

Toby,

Your marriage is not valid both because she has a prior bond and because you married outside of Catholic form-- and you need to refrain from the Sacraments until you either have your marriage convalidated (would require her prior marriage to be examined for nullity first) or separate from your wife.

I would suggest you talk to your priest about this.

No one can tell you what to do, but personally I would choose my faith above anything and anyone else. Go talk to your priest.

 

[TOBY1]

Another viewpoint, TOBY1 if you care to consider. …you might be happier together and that is important too.

Bless you and Thank you for your thoughtfulness and encouragement.

 

[TOBY1]

Toby,

Your marriage is not valid both because she has a prior bond and because you married outside of Catholic form-- and you need to refrain from the Sacraments until you either have your marriage convalidated (would require her prior marriage to be examined for nullity first) or separate from your wife.

I would suggest you talk to your priest about this.

No one can tell you what to do, but personally I would choose my faith above anything and anyone else. Go talk to your priest.

Thank you for bringing up this point up. My wife and I are not taking communion until this is resolved. I did talk to my parish priest about this as he was welcoming into the parish. My parish priest is willing to help but I guess the deeper problem is the mixed feelings about staying “married” since I feel I was not called into this marriage. Long story, but it may be that I have gotten married for the wrong reason. I must take otjm’s suggestion on introspecting my situation. And you’re also right I must talk to my priest.

 

[TOBY1]

We are kind of in the same boat. Been married for 14 years, 6 months, 17 days to a non-practicing Christian and i don’t know if my wife will ever convert. Initially, i was praying that she will but i eventually offered this to HIM since it became obvious that this is beyond what i can do. I’m trying as much as i can to show her my faith with works, a lot of self sacrifice and humility- this is for me the hardest part with having 3 kids to raise and personally taking care of them since my wife is working and also attending school at this time. For strength and perseverance, i am trying to pray the Rosary and attend mass daily and most importantly, going to communion. In HIS time, i know in my heart that she will see the light of the Catholic faith and who knows, with HIS grace and mercy, my wife will finally embrace the faith. Lastly, persevere in prayer and go to daily mass if possible. I will be praying for your marriage…:tiphat:

As I will be praying for yours. And thank you for reminding me of “HIS time” offering this to HIM.

 

[Abbadon]

Well I think what is most important is that two people can be happy together. My moms Catholic dad is Buddhist, religion was never a problem in there lives, three boys however were. Three boys who were loved far to much.

Yea in my oppinion coming from a mixed marriage it has been great. Wheather the church or anyone else thinks such a marriage is valid or not is irrelevant to me.

And if god doesn’t acknowlage the love my parents have for us and each other (which i think personally he is happy with us) but if he doesn’t hes just a massive w#$%*r . And if my parents go to hell for it i will voluntarily go there to…

 

[roseofsharon]

A Catholic has always been advised to marry within his faith because, as Catholics, we know and accept that the Catholic Church was founded by JESUS Christ. With the proliferation of so many churches today, there is a great danger of one’s losing one’s faith if one enters into a mixed marriage. You gave examples of conversions to Catholicism - I can, too!. However, the opposite is also true. Catholics not grounded in the faith have fallen away and risk losing their souls for all eternity.
One religion is not as good as another. JESUS Christ founded one Church. It alone has His Real Presence in the Eucharist. It alone, through the ministry of His priests, has the power to loose and to bind mens’ sins. May I suggest that you read Dominus Deus? It is not prejudice that motivates us; it is a love for TRUTH (who is a Person: JESUS Christ). May the Holy Spirit guide you as you continue in the RCIA.

I am currently in RCIA so please excuse my lack of knowledge and for my ranting.
I am unsure what to think about many of the responses to any thread that involves mixed marriage or even DATING out of your religion. I find this very shocking as it makes Catholics seem very narrow minded. I know two families who started out as a mixed marriage. My Aunt and Uncle were a mixed marriage, my aunt was Catholic and my uncle was Protestant. Several years ago, after at least 20 years of marriage and 3 kids he converted to Catholicism. That’s not the only case close to me where mixed marriages have worked. My boyfriends mother was an episcopalian and his father is Catholic. She said that she’d go to church, raise her kids Catholic… but she wasn’t going to convert. Well when my boyfriend was three she converted. Mixed marriages can work but both people must be willing to be flexiable. You can’t force religion on someone no matter how important it is to you. But, you can still share your religion with them, ask them to go to church with you one day, ask to on holidays, special events. If they don’t want to go say ok, then leave a standing invitation to go. Of course if your significant other hates catholicism then don’t marry but you wouldn’t marry if it was one of you hobbies they hated either. The it’s my way or the highway idea will not work with any issue in marriage.
Back to my point, sorry this is so long. Is there anyone else out there who believe that mixed marriages can work? It’s making me have a hesitation to finish my conversion if in general people who are Catholic are that intolerat of mixed marriage. As a potential convert, it’s painful to realize how intolerant people can really be.