Modern Day Dilemma

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JohnStrachan

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Last year our 17 year old daughter “came out” as a lesbian. This has caused nothing but problems as she takes delight in celebrated her sexual liberation to anyone. But this isn’t our biggest problem - sleepovers are. What is a parent to do? Now any sleepover is a potential sexual encounter. We wouldn’t dream of allowing our son to sleep with his girl-friend, so why would we do any differently with our daughter? Please help with realistic guidance.
 
let her know you’re aware of her sexual decision and you don’t need it drilled in your head. then pray for her. as for sleepovers, your house your rules.
 
If she wants to have friends sleep over, tell her you don’t want hanky panky under your roof, assign her and her friend separate sleeping arrangements, and if there’s any issues then don’t allow any more sleepovers at your house.
 
Pray for guidance.

Tell your daughter you love and respect her, then ask her to do the same, love and respect you as well as the rules for your home… then trust her.
 
I’d say no to sleepovers completely, for your daughter who delights in telling everyone her business!
 
My wife is leaning over my shoulder as I write this and laughing. Full disclosure, I left the RC church over a decade ago but still come to the forum for it’s moral guidance. I’m not going to rehash all those details here, but I appreciate the consistency of church teaching on morality.
 
I think you just tell her what you said about the potential for encounters you don’t want under your house. If she is gay, though, what about males? Does she have male friends she wants over?

Truthfully, you have to get too deep in the muck to try to figure out boundaries. Given that she is already 17, I would just say no sleepovers.

Once she is 18, she can do as she pleases as long it isn’t under your roof.

That is what I would advise you to tell her, given your feelings on the matter.
 
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JohnStrachan said:
Last year our 17 year old daughter “came out” as a lesbian. This has caused nothing but problems as she takes delight in celebrated her sexual liberation to anyone. But this isn’t our biggest problem - sleepovers are. What is a parent to do? Now any sleepover is a potential sexual encounter. We wouldn’t dream of allowing our son to sleep with his girl-friend, so why would we do any differently with our daughter? Please help with realistic guidance.
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No sleepovers and maybe another suitable alternative to distract her. Sleepovers are overrated anyways.
 
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Getting-no-sleepovers. That’s what I would call them.
 
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17 is too old for sleep overs. Tell her no. At that age, kids saying they are sleeping over with a friend are often going somewhere that parents aren’t home to party.
 
Does she have sleepovers at 17? I would say that if she wants to have friends spend the night, it can’t be in her room. They can sleep wherever guests typically sleep in your home.
 
As a former 17 year old, yes we still have sleep overs with our friends, in fact it never ended.

So, I’d advise you to either have a no sleepovers or sleeping over while you live under my roof policy only of you are okay with her moving out the very second she turns 18.

The other option is have a conversation. Tell your daughter you have raised her to respect others and their religions. That respect extends to her parents. Ask her to refrain from sexual activity in the house.
 
We teach our children as best we can but at some point we need to trust that our teachings were taken to heart. Tell her that you expect no hanky-pank, because it’s rude to have sex in another person’s house like that. And then trust.

And remember that just because she is a lesbian doesn’t mean she sees every other woman as a potential sexual partner. Or even every other lesbian as a potential sexual partner.
 
Rhubarb said:
And remember that just because she is a lesbian doesn’t mean she sees every other woman as a potential sexual partner. Or even every other lesbian as a potential sexual partner.
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This is true and I almost posted it myself, but the parents shouldn’t have the burden of trying to figure out who is and isn’t in their daughter’s “friend zone”. Also, if you had a son or daughter who had a close platonic friend of opposite sex, you still wouldn’t let them bunk in the same room.
 
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