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tuscany
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**The OP wasn’t talking about dressing immodestly.
How the OP said she dressed WAS modest, that’s why the comments for her to keep dressing how she is dressing (to wear what she wants). She said her shorts were near her knees, and she wears a T-shirt or tank-top. If anything, maybe drop the tank-top, but her boyfriend didn’t have a problem with the tank-top, only the shorts. He wants her to wear men’s basketball shorts. You know, the shorts with 2,395 feet of material. The OP said she wouldn’t be comfortable in those. That’s where we are.
You are dressed modestly, so you can either wear what is comfortable for you, or do what your boyfriend wants. But since you aren’t doing anything wrong, is his request reasonable, or is he insecure and controlling you ? Only you can decide.**
How the OP said she dressed WAS modest, that’s why the comments for her to keep dressing how she is dressing (to wear what she wants). She said her shorts were near her knees, and she wears a T-shirt or tank-top. If anything, maybe drop the tank-top, but her boyfriend didn’t have a problem with the tank-top, only the shorts. He wants her to wear men’s basketball shorts. You know, the shorts with 2,395 feet of material. The OP said she wouldn’t be comfortable in those. That’s where we are.
You are dressed modestly, so you can either wear what is comfortable for you, or do what your boyfriend wants. But since you aren’t doing anything wrong, is his request reasonable, or is he insecure and controlling you ? Only you can decide.**
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avemaria154
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I strongly disagree with this. One should always dress modestly and be humble. Your body is for your spouse if you have one, not for the whole world to see.
Exposing too much skin can cause men and even women to think impure thoughts which lead to sin. Our goal on earth is to help everyone get to heaven.
At least if a woman dresses modestly, men won’t be staring at her mid drift or the shape of her body in tight clothing. Maybe they’d focus on her face which is fine, and strike up a conversation.
Men think differently to women. If someone is asking you to dress more modestly, why not do it out of the love for other people and not selfish reasons?
Exposing too much skin can cause men and even women to think impure thoughts which lead to sin. Our goal on earth is to help everyone get to heaven.
At least if a woman dresses modestly, men won’t be staring at her mid drift or the shape of her body in tight clothing. Maybe they’d focus on her face which is fine, and strike up a conversation.
Men think differently to women. If someone is asking you to dress more modestly, why not do it out of the love for other people and not selfish reasons?
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LightBound
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So can not keeping custody of one’s own eyes.I strongly disagree with this advice. Dressing immodestly can certainly be a grave matter sufficient for mortal sin.
I would consider looking at the kind of clothes that women wear in organized sports such as soccer and basketball. I, personally, find that these women dress respectably and what they wear looks to be comfortable yet stylish.
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Walking_Home
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If a man has problems controlling his thoughts – he needs to work on himself – instead of depending on someone else to do the work for him.
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LightBound
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Oh say it isn’t so! Just when you thought it was safe to read the forums again!Oh boy this thread is quickly devolving into one of those threads again.
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avemaria154
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knightsofdivinemercy.com/2011/06/11/top-10-reasons-women-should-dress-modestly/
10 – Modesty reflects an understanding of who a woman truly is.
Modesty starts inside a person’s heart and mind. Who am I? Why do I exist? If a woman answers she is a beautiful daughter of God, then modesty will naturally follow.
9 – Modesty isn’t about dressing in unattractive clothes as some think it is.
There are too many options in clothing to not give modesty a try. Yes, it might not be the first thing on the rack you go shopping for, but it is worth finding clothing that brings out a woman’s beauty without revealing too much.
8 – Modesty attracts the kind of guys you ought to want to attract.
If a woman is afraid that she must turn a man’s eye by dressing immodestly, then she should ask herself just what kind of guy does she want to attract?
7 – Mary dressed modestly.
Truly there is no more beautiful woman who ever lived than Mary. Why wouldn’t any woman want to be more like her?
6 – It helps protect women.
A woman can still dress to be beautiful, but the mystery of a woman’s body is protected from being used. Modesty provides a needed defense against usage.
5 – It sets a good example for others.
Young girls and teens need good examples of beautiful women who are modest. The attacks of immodest are Legion and we need a good counter-example.
4 – Women are worthy of respect.
Respect can be easily lost when a woman tries to promote herself by being immodest.
3 -** It helps your brothers to avoid lust.
Women would be shocked if they were to enter the head of the average modern young man in a crowded room of immodest women. This isn’t to blame an immodestly dressed woman for a man’s sin of lust. But, men today need all the help they can get to fight lust and sin. Won’t you help them?**
2 – It shows true beauty.
A woman’t true beauty comes from her dignity of being made in God’s image. If any woman wants to truly reflect God’s beauty, it starts with modesty.
1 – It is a virtue.
Modesty is a virtue that helps control behavior so we do not excite the sexuality of another. It is also a fruit of the Holy Spirit. All of us could use more virtue in our lives.
10 – Modesty reflects an understanding of who a woman truly is.
Modesty starts inside a person’s heart and mind. Who am I? Why do I exist? If a woman answers she is a beautiful daughter of God, then modesty will naturally follow.
9 – Modesty isn’t about dressing in unattractive clothes as some think it is.
There are too many options in clothing to not give modesty a try. Yes, it might not be the first thing on the rack you go shopping for, but it is worth finding clothing that brings out a woman’s beauty without revealing too much.
8 – Modesty attracts the kind of guys you ought to want to attract.
If a woman is afraid that she must turn a man’s eye by dressing immodestly, then she should ask herself just what kind of guy does she want to attract?
7 – Mary dressed modestly.
Truly there is no more beautiful woman who ever lived than Mary. Why wouldn’t any woman want to be more like her?
6 – It helps protect women.
A woman can still dress to be beautiful, but the mystery of a woman’s body is protected from being used. Modesty provides a needed defense against usage.
5 – It sets a good example for others.
Young girls and teens need good examples of beautiful women who are modest. The attacks of immodest are Legion and we need a good counter-example.
4 – Women are worthy of respect.
Respect can be easily lost when a woman tries to promote herself by being immodest.
3 -** It helps your brothers to avoid lust.
Women would be shocked if they were to enter the head of the average modern young man in a crowded room of immodest women. This isn’t to blame an immodestly dressed woman for a man’s sin of lust. But, men today need all the help they can get to fight lust and sin. Won’t you help them?**
2 – It shows true beauty.
A woman’t true beauty comes from her dignity of being made in God’s image. If any woman wants to truly reflect God’s beauty, it starts with modesty.
1 – It is a virtue.
Modesty is a virtue that helps control behavior so we do not excite the sexuality of another. It is also a fruit of the Holy Spirit. All of us could use more virtue in our lives.
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austenbosten
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Okay I consider myself a conservative and I would call myself a dress-Nazi when it comes to Mass…but seriously is this girl supposed to wear a burqa to the gym? The way the OP posed the question assumes she’s already concerned about modesty. This sounds like a controlling and insecure BF.
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Walking_Home
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LightBound
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Did you even bother to read what she IS wearing? It IS modest!!!
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LightBound
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Did you even bother to read what she was wearing? It IS modest and she’s not showing her body for the whole world to see.
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LightBound
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E_7
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I suggest these type of pants. And these type of tops.What do you suggest for modest as well as practical exercise clothing?
I usually where mid-thigh length shorts and t-shirts or tank tops, but my boyfriend insists that my shorts are too short and when I wear yoga or running pants he says they are too tight. He suggested I wear men’s basketball shorts, but they are heavy and, to be honest, make feel a bit masculine. Any suggestions?
Watched the video!
Thanks for sharing.
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thewanderer
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While I recognize the importance of dressing modestly as an act of charity to men, men also have the duty of being charitable enough to women that they don’t guilt-trip women into wearing clothing that makes legitimate activity difficult or uncomfortable. The OP is wearing very reasonable clothing for workout wear. She is already being charitable to men and trying to help them by dressing modestly for the situation. Now it is the turn for men to be cahritable to women. They need to stop guilt-tripping them. At this point, if a man still has issues with this kind of workout wear then all they need to do is not go to places where women work out, you know, the whole avoid the near occasion of sin thing? Women only need to go so far in their efforts to dress in a way that will prevent lust, they can, of course, always go further if they so wish, but it is not an obligation. It is time for men to start realizing their own obligation to be charitable to women and not try to guil-trip them into wearing unnecessarily restrictive clothing.
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lerapt78
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OP, I would say it’s going to be hard to find anything as modest as a pair of men’s basketball shorts. If you’re wearing a t-shirt over yoga pants or spandex shorts, I think you’re OK. After all, a t-shirt is going to cover most of the bottom area. If you still feel uncomfortable, try choosing to work out on a piece of equipment that is behind a man instead of in front of him - it will be hard for him to drool if he has to crane his neck.
Pardon me for being blunt, but If the OP is excercising on a treadmill, most likely certain parts of her are going to bounce, regardless of how tight her bra is. This may also be arousing to men, but would it be fair to ask her not to jog? Again, if she is overly concerned about it, she could just work out in a corner or at least not directly in front of a guy. I think that would be a way she could be considerate of the men.
Men think differently than women if they are looking at other women. Just as women think differently than men when they are both looking at other men. If a woman is at a swimming competition and is looking at virile young men in Speedos, her thoughts are going to “go there” too. This isn’t the fault of men if she falls into lust and it is not their responsibility to cover up, IMO because their intentions are not to draw the eye of the female, but simply to wear a piece of clothing that is most conducive to underwater speed. As another poster said, context has to be considered, and the issue of immodesty has to take intent into account. I agree that modesty is a noble goal, but we have to draw the line somewhere. She wants to work out, not drive men into a frenzy, and the most comfortable workout gear is going to be somewhat immodest.
Pardon me for being blunt, but If the OP is excercising on a treadmill, most likely certain parts of her are going to bounce, regardless of how tight her bra is. This may also be arousing to men, but would it be fair to ask her not to jog? Again, if she is overly concerned about it, she could just work out in a corner or at least not directly in front of a guy. I think that would be a way she could be considerate of the men.
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wbrisc92
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Thank you for your well-thought-out response avemaria, I had not considered that woking out with my boyfriend in my particular attire could be causing him to sin. Thank you for the suggestions as well, capri sweats sounds like a good ideaI don’t think your boyfriend sounds controlling. Men do think differently than women. If her boyfriend thinks other men might be lusting after her and putting other men in danger of sinning, it would probably be best to not wear a tank top and maybe a t-shirt. Do you work out with your boyfriend? Maybe your choice of clothing is causing him to sin and lust after you. We have to think of others when we dress! I once heard a sermon that women should never show their shoulders, wear a top no lower than two fingertips from her collarbone, and wear something long enough to cover your knees when you sit down. This could be dressing guidelines for mass, but I’d advise to at least cover your shoulders and not wear a tight fitting top!
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wbrisc92
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Thank you for your response, it is nice to hear a new perspective. I have often heard how men are so easily tempted by the slightest of things, but as a woman, i’m not sure i will ever understand the extent of it. There are girls at the gym that dress in skin tight clothing from cleavage to cheeks and i understand that that is a distraction. Heck, it’s a distraction for me, but i always thought my bf was overreacting a tad when it came to gym shorts. Thank you for clearing that up and showing that it is not just my man that has a problem with it, but also many others.Hello Miss (I assumed you were a girl from what is in your post
If I may speak honestly with you, I struggle much with shorts that are mid thigh. In fact, I know lots of guys that do. The fact is, as soon as you go above the knee, it is very tempting. And yes, when a girl wears very tight pants that emphasize her form, that too is very tempting. It is also something that stays with a guy and bugs them for the rest of the day making them more prone to impure thoughts. Especially for some of my friends who are struggling with impurity, this is a major issue.
So what I suggest is wear gym pants like the ones guys wear. They have a relaxed fit and is actually comfortable for you too. It also doesn’t put anyone in to temptation. Just don’t wear something super tight. Get a normal size.
The priest in this sermon speaks about what forms of dress is tempting to men and how to avoid it. It might be helpful to you as well in deciding something for gym as well as your day to day life.
youtube.com/watch?v=PZHECJJbzPM
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HisIsTheCrown
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Boy, your boyfriend is a bit jealous. I guess you are very pretty and he wants no foreign eyes on you. Besides, he knows best. When running, he looks to guys eyes and he realizes that they are not exactly focusing on him: mine is a guy’s viewpoint and I have experience on this watching the adversary eyes…What do you suggest for modest as well as practical exercise clothing?
I usually where mid-thigh length shorts and t-shirts or tank tops, but my boyfriend insists that my shorts are too short and when I wear yoga or running pants he says they are too tight. He suggested I wear men’s basketball shorts, but they are heavy and, to be honest, make feel a bit masculine. Any suggestions?
All said, do not change. He should be proud of you as I am when other man appreciate my wife. I am not jealous for jealousy is, I think, a selfish feeling.
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Rose71
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It sounds to me that you are already dressed modestly and appropriately for the gym.
Why does this forum constantly fixate on ‘near occasion of sin’ and suggesting other people may be responsible for our own lustful thoughts? Why does nobody ever make the point that we have Free Will?
If I see a fit young man in Speedos, my brain will register him as a good specimen of manhood I can appreciate his fine physique…
I may (attraction is a funny old thing) entertain momentarily lustful thoughts …but…it would then be my choice and my responsibilty as to whether I indulged in those thoughts and started to fantasize about said lovely specimen. My choice - my responsibility!
Yes, men are primarily visual creatures and many will find it initially more of a task to focus their minds off a well-honed female physique - but the responsiblity is still with them. If you have a particular weakness for such things, it is your responsibility to work on it. Just like building up muscle tome and stamina, learning to focus the mind is something that comes with practice and effort: some have to make more effort than others, but that’s just life!
Wearing the most appropriate sports equipment for sports is sensible - not provocative.
Suggesting men are ‘incapable’ of controlling their lustful thoughts is patronising and silly! It’s like saying women are incapable of rational thought several days a month and ergo, if they choose to scream, cry, sulk and possibly resprt to physical violence - it must be the man’s fault for pushing her over the top
Yes, there are women who genuinely have an enormous struggle holding things together, but it’s still their responsibility to seek help and manage their responses. They still have a choice!
I think the boyfriend in this case sounds controlling. Why is lust seen as the ‘wasn’t my fault’ sin?
If you put a plate of cream cakes under his nose and he scoffed the lot - would you be responsible for his gluttony?
If his mum bought him a new set of super-snuggly bedding - would it be her fault if he couldn’t get up in the morning?
If he was the most amazing specimen of manhood in the world and you bought him a mirror - would it be your fault if he spent all day gazing at himself?
Whatever happened to taking responsibility for one’s own actions and responses?
Why does this forum constantly fixate on ‘near occasion of sin’ and suggesting other people may be responsible for our own lustful thoughts? Why does nobody ever make the point that we have Free Will?
If I see a fit young man in Speedos, my brain will register him as a good specimen of manhood
I can appreciate his fine physique…I may (attraction is a funny old thing) entertain momentarily lustful thoughts …but…it would then be my choice and my responsibilty as to whether I indulged in those thoughts and started to fantasize about said lovely specimen. My choice - my responsibility!
Yes, men are primarily visual creatures and many will find it initially more of a task to focus their minds off a well-honed female physique - but the responsiblity is still with them. If you have a particular weakness for such things, it is your responsibility to work on it. Just like building up muscle tome and stamina, learning to focus the mind is something that comes with practice and effort: some have to make more effort than others, but that’s just life!
Wearing the most appropriate sports equipment for sports is sensible - not provocative.
Suggesting men are ‘incapable’ of controlling their lustful thoughts is patronising and silly! It’s like saying women are incapable of rational thought several days a month and ergo, if they choose to scream, cry, sulk and possibly resprt to physical violence - it must be the man’s fault for pushing her over the top
Yes, there are women who genuinely have an enormous struggle holding things together, but it’s still their responsibility to seek help and manage their responses. They still have a choice!
I think the boyfriend in this case sounds controlling. Why is lust seen as the ‘wasn’t my fault’ sin?
If you put a plate of cream cakes under his nose and he scoffed the lot - would you be responsible for his gluttony?
If his mum bought him a new set of super-snuggly bedding - would it be her fault if he couldn’t get up in the morning?
If he was the most amazing specimen of manhood in the world and you bought him a mirror - would it be your fault if he spent all day gazing at himself?
Whatever happened to taking responsibility for one’s own actions and responses?
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SeekNFind
Guest
It’s not hard to imagine a man would have a problem in this immodest culture so if he is struggling with his thougths, he can only do so much until the next scantily clad woman walks by him. Everyone has that attitude “It’s all about me. I don’t care how my actions affect you.” We are told to not be “stumbling blocks” for other people and we will all be held responsible for our actions.
Back to OP, I wear capri workout pants and a t-shirt mostly.
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