Modest swimwear as an example for my daughter

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Serap said:
My swimdresses are definitely covering more than what’s “necessary” and they are very modest.
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*But what I am trying to understand is how do you know what is necessary and what is very modest?
How do we as catholics and as women created in the image and likeness of God go about finding out what God believes is very modest? Then how do we reflect this in our actions.
*
 
RachelKH said:
so many people go around wearing what they think is fine, good, acceptable clothing and styles, when they are really truly immodest and wrong. it is not really something people can just say ‘i think it is fine for me’ and be right.
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*Dear RachelKH,

This reminds me of a quote our priest used on Sunday in his sermon. I believe it goes like this; “If you don’t act the way you that you believe, then you will surely begin to believe the way that you act.” I believe the quote is from Archbishop Fulton Sheen. When I reflect on this quote and what you wrote here it really does make me stop and ask myself.
Are we creating the guidelines for modesty through our own desires and perceptions or are we learning what God desires for us and then basing our guidelines around this understanding.
 
rmbrulotte said:
Some of the choices on that site are too modest. Part of the purpose of modesty is to not draw attention to ourselves. I only see a couple of things on that site that would not draw undue attention. There really is no reason to wear a swimdress that goes past the knee, or a swimshirt that goes all the way down to the elbow, unless, of course you had some sort of UV problem. I know a girl who must protect as much of her skin as possible due to many irregular moles and freckles, so long swimshirts are definitely needed for her.
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*Dear rmbrulotte,

I agree that we should not be doing things to draw attention to ourselves. But is that an excuse to not seek out and do God"s will of how modest we should be?*
rmbrulotte said:
We needn’t go to an unhealthy extreme, but rather make sure that we respect our dignity before God, and that of others around us. Muslim women are very modest, but I think that most of us would agree that it is an unhealthy extreme.
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*This line here is how I believe we should be basing our decisions of modesty on. I am just not quite sure how to go about reconciling this with church teaching.
I do not believe it should be based how we are before others. Maybe I am misunderstanding what you are saying.
What I am beginning to wonder about is can anyone really be too modest?
How does God say we are too modest?
One of the things I believe I am trying to understand is how do we go about finding and understanding how God desires us to be modest?

If it is by respecting our dignity before God how do we go about understanding what this means?*
 
AmberDale said:
modestswimwearstore.com/?p=12

This are cute 🙂 They don’t make plus size though…
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*Dear AmberDale,

Thank you for sharing.
My daughter and I have been looking for a two piece in this style for a couple of years now.
These are very cute and like Serap said they are girly. She loved them as soon as I showed them to her.
All we could ever find were one piece dresses that my sister had introduced me to.
*
 
PatriceA said:
Am I too assume you don’t want to find any common ground that everyone in this thread can agree on?
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*You can assume whatever you want.
My only desire is to understand what God desires of me and to do my best to fulfill His will. Is this common ground that every one on this thread can agree on? *
 
Onegin said:
While I agree with you that modesty is - at least in part - somewhat dependant upon social norms (what is modest in the US isn’t modest in Pakistan, for example) I would draw the line at topless bathing. Rather than saying that topless bathing is modest for those people (which, to me, is a relativist stance), I’d say that it is socially acceptable if not per se modest.

Nitpicky, I know, but if modesty is really THAT subjective, then those who adhere to base standards of modesty become little more than legalists.
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According to the American Heritage Dictionary modest means:

mod·est (mŏd’ĭst)
adj.
  1. Having or showing a moderate estimation of one’s own talents, abilities, and value.
***2. Having or proceeding from a disinclination to call attention to oneself; retiring or diffident.
  1. Observing conventional proprieties in speech, behavior, or dress.
  2. Free from showiness or ostentation; unpretentious.***
  3. Moderate or limited in size, quantity, or range; not extreme: a modest price; a newspaper with a modest circulation.
Using this definition as a guideline then one could say that topless sunbathing is “observing conventional proprieties” for that culture. It would not be in our culture.
 
I don’t know any serious swimmers who wear halter tops. Halter tops are useless for serious swimming, provide lousy and imbalanced bust support, and are not at all healthy for one’s neck, upper back, and posture. I’d not be caught dead in one of those; halter tops are physically unhealthy. A well-constructed one piece for swimming with a tied sarong skirt and ankle bracelet for beachwear elegantly beats those hands down.
 
Set an example - have your daughter wear female board shorts and a surf shirt/rash guard.

The dress is feminine/pretty - but shorter than a mini, and equivalent to wearing a nightie in public.

Trust me - most every man is thinking sexual thoughts about it.
 
simple_soul said:
But what I am trying to understand is how do you know what is necessary and what is very modest?
How do we as catholics and as women created in the image and likeness of God go about finding out what God believes is very modest? Then how do we reflect this in our actions.
Click to expand...
Stop being passive aggressive in your judgements towards me. You already mentioned in the beginning that you thought my swimdress was immodest.

ENOUGH!
 
simple_soul said:
*Dear rmbrulotte,

I agree that we should not be doing things to draw attention to ourselves. But is that an excuse to not seek out and do God"s will of how modest we should be?*

*This line here is how I believe we should be basing our decisions of modesty on. I am just not quite sure how to go about reconciling this with church teaching.
I do not believe it should be based how we are before others. Maybe I am misunderstanding what you are saying.
What I am beginning to wonder about is can anyone really be too modest?
How does God say we are too modest?
One of the things I believe I am trying to understand is how do we go about finding and understanding how God desires us to be modest?

If it is by respecting our dignity before God how do we go about understanding what this means?*
Click to expand...
I hope I didn’t leave you with the impression that I am trying to come up with excuses for not being modest. What I want you to understand is that modesty is not all about covering up your body. To draw an analogy from another Church teaching, I would say that modesty is sorta like the marital embrace. It is multi-faceted and you can’t separate some facets from is without frustrating the very nature of it. I can’t remember who, but it was a Saint or a priest, who said that modesty in speech and action is actually more important than dress.

There are no hard and fast rules for modesty and the Church has not laid any down because it is very cultural. For our culture, if you want some rules, this link might help : sexrespect.com/modesty.html.

No can’t judge what is modest by what others think. But, when I put something on, I ask myself if it is going to draw attention to me, certain parts of my body, enhance my femininity, (no, I don’t mean show off my chest, but rather I ask “do I look like a woman”) or potentially arouse the men I may interact with during the day. I try to draw attention to my face and head, (eyes are the “window to the soul”) by wearing a bit of makeup and fixing my hair, or maybe wearing a nice pair of earrings.

When you say you wonder if one can be too modest, I wonder if you are dealing with some scrupulosity. I don’t mean to judge you, and please, don’t take that into offense, but I know plenty of people who have taken things in Church teaching to an extreme that is neither healthy or useful, but rather can be damaging to them, the people around them, and cuts them off from spiritually nourishing relationships with other very devout Catholics. 😦
 
rmbrulotte said:
I hope I didn’t leave you with the impression that I am trying to come up with excuses for not being modest. What I want you to understand is that modesty is not all about covering up your body. To draw an analogy from another Church teaching, I would say that modesty is sorta like the marital embrace. It is multi-faceted and you can’t separate some facets from is without frustrating the very nature of it. I can’t remember who, but it was a Saint or a priest, who said that modesty in speech and action is actually more important than dress.

There are no hard and fast rules for modesty and the Church has not laid any down because it is very cultural. For our culture, if you want some rules, this link might help : sexrespect.com/modesty.html.

No can’t judge what is modest by what others think. But, when I put something on, I ask myself if it is going to draw attention to me, certain parts of my body, enhance my femininity, (no, I don’t mean show off my chest, but rather I ask “do I look like a woman”) or potentially arouse the men I may interact with during the day. I try to draw attention to my face and head, (eyes are the “window to the soul”) by wearing a bit of makeup and fixing my hair, or maybe wearing a nice pair of earrings.

When you say you wonder if one can be too modest, I wonder if you are dealing with some scrupulosity. I don’t mean to judge you, and please, don’t take that into offense, but I know plenty of people who have taken things in Church teaching to an extreme that is neither healthy or useful, but rather can be damaging to them, the people around them, and cuts them off from spiritually nourishing relationships with other very devout Catholics. 😦
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great post. you gave me much for thought.
 
The biggest modesty issue women face is that if they do not learn to sew their own clothes they will always be at the mercy of what’s out there on the market…
and what’s out there on the market is most often very well designed to exploit women worldwide financially and inhibit them socially and physically (ever try to run in high heels? ever had a shoddy swimsuit fastening come unglued at the beach? ever notice how women’s clothes are more expensive than men’s and their sizing is a joke?).

A woman finds a nice swimsuit with a skirt she feels comfortable in around her hips… finally!
She has been searching so hard and so long through all that merde of the marketplace designed for women consumers that she won’t even notice the stress of the halter on the back of her poor neck until she has worn it for several hours and ends up cursing it…
It was designed that way you know… deliberately…
so that she would have to go out searching for another one.
Merchandizing garbage to women is big business…
and women buy it, and keep buying it… at the mercy of exploitative corporations exploiting female slave labor sewing it…
and dissatisfied women elsewhere buying it…
because women don’t feel competent to sew their own and so keep putting up with this system.

The biggest thing anyone can do to keep one’s teenage daughter from being exploited by the merde of the markeplace… (for a lifetime!)… is to teach her that she can sew her own swimsuit, perfectly to fit and in any fabric she might choose… in an afternoon…
and force corporations out exploiting everybody on the block to either be more socially responsible to women…
or go out of business.
 
now that is really getting to the heart of the issue and the solution for everything! i needed your wisdom! going to get a sewing machine and some lessons for me and my 4 daughters!!! hugs of appreciation!
 
I’m not surprised, though a bit saddened, at some of the massively over the top posts in this thread and I’m looking at you former Catholic and you simple soul. The latter’s posts are more troubling to me since that poster seems to assume that she knows exactly what God wants as far as modesty goes despite him not whispering it in her ear, and we’re all wrong.

Would I want my daughter, 12-13 years from now (she’s 1) wearing ridiculously inappropriate swimwear? No. Would I allow her to wear tiny bikinis and all of that? Not a chance. But are there commercial one piece and two piece suits that cover up enough to be modest but feminine, practical and allow for tanning? Sure and the OP found a good one.

I don’t want my daughter, or my wife for that matter, to be objectified. And I don’t want them wearing something that shows a lack of respect for their bodies. But I also don’t want them to be wearing stuff that makes them feel like they need to be super covered lest they tempt men into sin. That’s a terrible mindset to have. We have these bodies as a gift from God. We’re supposed to keep them healthy and respect them, but we are also not to be ashamed of them nor are we supposed to be in constant worry that we’re going to make someone else sin unless we wear shapeless clothing.

Men are always going to look, no matter what you’re wearing. And that’s not because we’re all leering perverts or anything like that, but because we’re visual creatures, much moreso than women. Just stay away from thongs or anything else that blasts “NOTICE HOW LITTLE I’M WEARING” and you’re fine. Ladies, it’s up to us men to act like gentlemen and not dwell on lustful thoughts which are going to pop up no matter what you’re wearing.
 
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