Mom has come to hate the choices I've made how can I get her to support me in my choices

[MarkInOregon]

First of all, if you are in living in the USA, being a nurse or doctor could start to have diminishing returns very soon with that new health care law, and fiery discussion is occurring elsewhere on this forum.

Already has for a number of years now. And no one should become a Dr. for money–the hours for most are horrible, the debt load out of medical school can be extreme, there really can be a limited quality of life for most.

Old-fashioned parents need to wake up to the changing reality.

And new fangeled kids (no comment here re OP it a general comment) can’t expect to live at home until their late 20’s with their parents footing the bill while they indulge in an extended childhood.

Third, your career choice will be for the next 55-60 years for our generation. You need to find something that you enjoy doing, and believe me, you’re not doing anyone any favors if you are in the medical profession and don’t really want to be there.

Actually its been a while since a career choice was a 40 or 50 year choice for most people. Downsizing, technology, etc. have many people changing careers several times over the course of their lives. Even in my generation–many people have been forced into more than one career change.

It’s important to pay the bills with you job. You can always volunteer or have hobbies that incorporate things you love–if those things won’t pay the bills. Food and shelter are very important.

The peace of Christ,
Mark

 

[Xantippe]

MarkinOregon said:

“It’s important to pay the bills with you job. You can always volunteer or have hobbies that incorporate things you love–if those things won’t pay the bills. Food and shelter are very important.”

Yes!

Do we really think that tent-making was St. Paul’s “passion”? Probably not.

 

[PennyinCanada]

Mom has come to hate the choices I’ve made how can I get her to support me in my choices

I like much of the replies you’ve gotten so far, so I won’t be repeating that. I would like to touch on the idea of ‘how can I make someone support me in my choices’. You can’t make someone do anything, as you’ve found out. Sad, isn’t it? You can see the tactics your mom uses, like guilt and shame. Please, never do that to anyone. This is an awful example for you, and its what you are learning just by being there. It is her choice how she wants to behave, and you can watch and learn, and learn how to respond to these tactics. You can make the choice not to deal like that with others. So how can you make her happy? You can’t. You can take that weight off your shoulders, its not yours to carry.

I hope at some point you can go to RCIA. I came into the Church as an adult and I grew up with a mom with multiple addictions. I can tell you that going to confession and unloading all the bad things I learned was a great gift! God is there in the confessional, healing our hearts, freeing us to love people in a way that He loves. I know you can feel a certain kind of ‘chains’ your mother is putting on you. Love isn’t like that. Love supports, builds up, is patient, is kind, is guiding. It never does arm twisting. We don’t have to repeat the sins of our parents, thank God. (Well, we will do our own!! )

God bless you on your journey, and keep you. Hope you visit Catholic Answers often.

 

[underacloud]

confusedgirl, I may not know very much about nursing, but I know two things:

a) In most countries, it is not a great path to financial success. Nurses are typically modestly paid for the work they do.

b) It is not a career path for someone who does not have their heart in it. It is hard work, long and irregular hours, interacting with difficult people, and routinely witnessing horror and despair. If you do not want to be a nurse, you are absolutely correct to find another career choice.

 

[confusedgirl]

confusedgirl wrote:

“So when I told her that I want to do things like diagnostics and get my degree in molecular biology and told me how there was no future for me in that and definitely no money either.”

If you’re really good, that probably isn’t true.

“She asked why I was trying to leave and I told her that staying here would mean I wouldn’t get to make any choices in my future and I’d have to pursue a career I don’t really want as opposed to a career I dream of having.”

Does your current province really have nothing for you? Do you have to go back west for school? I’m not saying that you should stay where you are, but it seems very unlikely that it is impossible to study molecular biology in your current province. It seems like the personal issues (you want to go away) and the academic issues (you want to study molecular biology) are somewhat different.

“When I didn’t get in because the program was so competitive I had a shock period for a while and my mom blamed me because my grades were so low.”

If your grades were that low, you aren’t going to be able to succeed in molecular biology, either. Focus on school.

“I am a simple girl who doesn’t want expensive things, or to drive a fancy car, I just want to be able to do something that makes me happy and choose to do.”

You’re going to find that even basic food, shelter, utilities, clothing and transportation and loan repayment are fairly expensive, once you are paying for all of it yourself.

“There are choices like RCIA that i made for this year and my mom made take on her beliefs. I feel that Im being made into something mymom wants rather than who I want to be. How can I make this easier for the both of us?”

You achieve independence as soon as possible and start supporting yourself. Once your mom sees that your plan is working and you are financially independent, some of this will subside. Not all of it, but some. If she persists in regretting your career choices, you can tell her, “That’s your dream, mom, not mine.”

I am really smart in sciences and ive gotten better in math I currently have a 91. The reason I didn’t get in wasn’t my grades it was because I never took calculus and here nursing spots are very competitive I was rejected with an 88 average which is a 4.0 GPA. The schools I applied to had limited spots. If I took calculus I would have had an edge but I changed into a different math class last year which put me at a disadvantage.

In the city I currently live in there are very few lab research jobs available so if I want a job I would have to leave to go to another city. The reason I’m going out west is because I would have supportive friends and my godmother close where as in this province I’d be alone since I have no friends or family.

I am focused on my college courses but I do have to start sending in those applications so this issue surfaced because of that. Still maintaining a 4.0

By simple I didn’t mean I could live by spending little to no money I have worked out the budget and it is going to cost money. I meant simple like my mom wants me to be a nurse so I can make money and buy everything I want but there aren’t many material things that I do want.

I really appreciate your in put it made me think deeper as to why I’m wanting to do this

 

[Xantippe]

confusedgirl said:

“In the city I currently live in there are very few lab research jobs available so if I want a job I would have to leave to go to another city.”

Any kind of research science program or job is also going to be extremely competitive, most likely much more competitive than nursing. I can’t tell, because that’s not an area of expertise for me, but I’m a little concerned that your academic credentials might not match up well with your dreams of doing research science. On a happier note, I do know that (at least in the past) there were some rather nice Canadian graduate fellowships available in the sciences (I know a guy who had a very generous one some time ago when he was doing a doctorate).

Have you considered eventually applying for doctoral programs in the US?

Figure this out, step by step. Plan, plan, plan. Have a good talk with local professors and get their (name removed by moderator)ut with regard to your plans.

 

[Country_Gal]

I don’t know who is paying for your education. If your Mom is paying, and only wants to finance something that she thinks is a sure thing for employment down the road, then she has that right. I would then suggest you talk to a counselor and present to your Mom a comprehensive plan as to your educational goals and employment potential from that degree.

I have a daughter in her Freshman year of university. She initially wanted to pursue nursing (her idea). Now she has decided to pursue a psychology degree, and eventually become a counselor. Since I am financing a major portion of her undergraduate degree, I asked my daughter to present her plans to me. I happen to think counseling would be a great career for her because of her temperament. She has a very mature insight into human nature, and a great way with people.

It’s nice to have your parents help launch you into adulthood. But, it does make you accountable to them. If the parent is a manipulative or controlling type, it might be better to do it on your own, which means working your butt off and paying for your own education.

 

[SurlyMermaid]

Great guidance so far.

Something that helped me was having a lady, her kids were my age, as a mentor.

She was around when I was a teen and haven’t seen her in years. I didn’t realize til recently how much I learned from her! She was a godly,strong, giving woman. I hope you find someone to model good things for you as well!

:hug1:

SM