Mom wants me to date non-Catholic women

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AllSeasons

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My mom’s been saying this for a while now. She’s not Catholic, and I suppose I haven’t been successful in the dating arena, meaning that I’m not married yet. She thinks that my limiting my dating pool is, well, too limiting. I don’t want to open up my dating pool to non-Catholic women, because my faith is important to me, and I believe faith is very important to a successful relationship. I don’t think she understands, though. How should I approach this? Any advice would be appreciated.
 
It’s hard to find your soulmate using deductive reasoning. Try inductive: make a list of what you value - and if you know why it’s important to you - all the better. Just because a woman identifies herself as Catholic, there is no guarantee you will get along.

Good luck.
 
AllSeasons said:
My mom’s been saying this for a while now. She’s not Catholic, and I suppose I haven’t been successful in the dating arena, meaning that I’m not married yet. She thinks that my limiting my dating pool is, well, too limiting. I don’t want to open up my dating pool to non-Catholic women, because my faith is important to me, and I believe faith is very important to a successful relationship. I don’t think she understands, though. How should I approach this? Any advice would be appreciated.
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Better to date Catholic women only. Are you Catholic? Why don’t you apply for the seminary? Linus2nd
 
Do not tell your own mother to butt out, you simply do not talk to your own parent like that. She probably knows you better then anyone else and I am sure she just wants you to be happy, like any good mother. I believe communication is the key here. Explain to her that marrying someone whom you do not wish to get married to would make you feel miserable in the long run because it is not a part of what you desire in life.

Also: Is the amount of Catholics where you live really that small? If not, maybe this is simply a sign that you should widen the circle where you will meet Catholic ladies?

Apart from communication and actual dating, there is not much more you can do…

Yours,
Nils
 
Tell your mom thank you for her concern and interest in your future happiness, but you know what you want in a girl and will keep looking until you find the right one.
 
Linusthe2nd said:
Are you Catholic? Why don’t you apply for the seminary? Linus2nd
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I find that suggestion really frustrating. Just because someone has not been successful at dating means that they should automatically apply for the seminary. Seminary is a part of a calling, and so is marriage. This young man is clearly trying to get insight into how he should find the partner God intended for him.

As for the OP, I think you should consider Catholic dating sites. My mom is Catholic, but mostly by label, and she says the exact same thing about me limiting myself. I would have an account on CatholicMatch or AveMariaSingles myself if I were not in a transition stage of life right now, but maybe in a year or two when my living situation is more stable. I say: go for it!
 
There are Catholic dating sites, non-Catholic dating sites that have Catholic members, meetup groups and young adult Catholic groups.

Don’t give up on meeting someone who shares your faith. Settling for less than what you want will not lead to happiness. Especially when it’s something as important as religion. If you were looking for a certain physical appearance then I could see your mom saying you say you should open up your dating pool. But religion is super important. The purpose of the vocation to marriage is to lead your spouse and children to heaven and to help each other grow in holiness. You and your spouse need to be on the same page so you can be united for your children.
 
stephe1987 said:
Don’t give up on meeting someone who shares your faith. Settling for less than what you want will not lead to happiness. Especially when it’s something as important as religion. The purpose of the vocation to marriage is to lead your spouse and children to heaven and to help each other grow in holiness. You and your spouse need to be on the same page so you can be united for your children.
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Exactly. Never settle for less. I’m sure your mother wants grandchildren, but this is about you and whom you spend your life with. I’m married to a non Catholic and it is very lonely at times, and you can imagine that I have concerns about raising children in faith by myself. I don’t recommend this to practicing Catholics.
 
Not a very Christian attitude. Maybe God wants you to marry a non Catholic, or non Christian, and through your example (!!!) convert? 😃
 
If you have a non-negotiable ; that’s GREAT! Set realistic boundaries and limits; as others said, you don’t have to settle to something you are not comfortable with. Honestly, if you are a devout catholic, marrying someone that shares the same values and morals will most likely be on your top priorities.
Also, understand your mother’s position; she is coming from a non religious background, so this is something expected. She wants you to be happy and is probably telling you this as advice. While you might not perceive it to be the most suitable advice, just brush it off. If she keeps insisting, than just explain to her how you feel.
 
tomasocarthaigh said:
Not a very Christian attitude. Maybe God wants you to marry a non Catholic, or non Christian, and through your example (!!!) convert? 😃
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Sounds like a lovely theory by a person who is probably not married to a non catholic.:rolleyes:
 
tomasocarthaigh said:
Not a very Christian attitude. Maybe God wants you to marry a non Catholic, or non Christian, and through your example (!!!) convert? 😃
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Let’s flip that around. I wouldn’t marry someone knowing that they were hoping I would convert/leave the church. Or hoping that I would be less “serious” about it.

There have been times that I wondered if I would cave and consider marrying someone non-Catholic but your question made me think about it in a way I haven’t before.
 
I don’t agree to be rude with your mother, because God clearly say to honor our parent. Your mom loves you and even though she has your best interest at heart, she cannot understand your dream to raise your children in the Catholic faith.

I would do a gentle tactic and tell your mom that you love her very much but she needs to honor your desire.

For you, to increase your chance, why don’t you start volunteering or doing something that you love. You will meet people and women with common interest this way.

Trust God, he will put the right women for you if this is your path to have a family.

Blessings and love!
 
Nils said:
Do not tell your own mother to butt out, you simply do not talk to your own parent like that. She probably knows you better then anyone else and I am sure she just wants you to be happy, like any good mother. I believe communication is the key here. Explain to her that marrying someone whom you do not wish to get married to would make you feel miserable in the long run because it is not a part of what you desire in life.
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Yea, I’m sure she wants the best for me, but it’s frustrating that she doesn’t understand why I only date Catholic women and why my faith is important to me. I haven’t really talked to my mom about my faith. Unfortunately, I think she fears what she doesn’t understand, and she may feel that my faith is driving a wedge between us. Fortunately, my dad hasn’t really said anything, but then again, it’s possible that my mom is also speaking for my dad. Haha!
Nils said:
Also: Is the amount of Catholics where you live really that small? If not, maybe this is simply a sign that you should widen the circle where you will meet Catholic ladies?
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Well, it’s not like I haven’t been dating. It’s just that I haven’t found the one that I’m to marry yet. I suppose my parents want grandchildren, and they have started talking more about it in recent years. Even though they say there’s no pressure - as parents are wont to do - I’m definitely feeling the pressure.
 
AllSeasons said:
My mom’s been saying this for a while now. She’s not Catholic, and I suppose I haven’t been successful in the dating arena, meaning that I’m not married yet. She thinks that my limiting my dating pool is, well, too limiting. I don’t want to open up my dating pool to non-Catholic women, because my faith is important to me, and I believe faith is very important to a successful relationship. I don’t think she understands, though. How should I approach this? Any advice would be appreciated.
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“Mom, my dating life is my business and I would appreciate it if you would stop giving me advice.”

🙂

And then stop talking to her about it, and if she broaches the subject, just say, “I have told you, Mom, that I don’t wish to discuss this with you.” Repeat until she gets the message. Be kind, but firm. It’s time to cut that umbilical cord.
 
tomasocarthaigh said:
Not a very Christian attitude. Maybe God wants you to marry a non Catholic, or non Christian, and through your example (!!!) convert? 😃
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:eek:

No! Conversion is for the Holy Spirit, and Catholics are not meant to marry non-Christians with the intention of conversion. It is not infrequent that the conversion in such cases goes the other way, with the Catholic losing his or her faith and putting the soul into grave danger.

I hope that you were not being serious. You should never advise such a thing in a cavalier way. It is very important for Catholics NOT to marry outside of our faith.
 
AllSeasons said:
Well, it’s not like I haven’t been dating. It’s just that I haven’t found the one that I’m to marry yet. I suppose my parents want grandchildren, and they have started talking more about it in recent years. Even though they say there’s no pressure - as parents are wont to do - I’m definitely feeling the pressure.
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You wouldn’t happen to be an only child? If so, I can see why the parents are putting you under pressure.

I am one of 4 girls, and my parents are putting pressure on me only because they don’t like my sisters’ boyfriends, plus I am the only one who has expressed an interest in having children.
 
I would thank her for her concern and do what you want.

When I was a Catholic, I joined a singles group. I joined to do social activities with other singles, and ended up finding a boyfriend. We dated for a while.

I was in another singles group too. Both groups had a lot of women (good for you).

Be cautious with online dating. I heard of cases where people used Match.com and Christianmingle.com and ended up getting raped.

Get active in your parish. You can meet people there and maybe one of them will end up as a potential mate.
 
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