Mom wants me to date non-Catholic women

[AllSeasons]

You wouldn’t happen to be an only child? If so, I can see why the parents are putting you under pressure.

Yea, I’m an only child. How did you know? I hope I didn’t come across too much as one. LOL!

I am one of 4 girls, and my parents are putting pressure on me only because they don’t like my sisters’ boyfriends, plus I am the only one who has expressed an interest in having children.

Interesting. I definitely would’ve thought that with 4 daughters, you wouldn’t be feeling too much pressure from your parents. I guess the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so to speak.

 

[Sarcelle]

I find that suggestion really frustrating. Just because someone has not been successful at dating means that they should automatically apply for the seminary. Seminary is a part of a calling, and so is marriage. This young man is clearly trying to get insight into how he should find the partner God intended for him.

As for the OP, I think you should consider Catholic dating sites. My mom is Catholic, but mostly by label, and she says the exact same thing about me limiting myself. I would have an account on CatholicMatch or AveMariaSingles myself if I were not in a transition stage of life right now, but maybe in a year or two when my living situation is more stable. I say: go for it!

I agree. A failure to get married is not a call to the priesthood or to the convent.

 

[Sarcelle]

Not a very Christian attitude. Maybe God wants you to marry a non Catholic, or non Christian, and through your example (!!!) convert?

You mean like missionary marriage? What about not being unequally yoked?

Yes my mother did that. She was a devout Catholic who married my father who was an atheist. It was she who converted to atheism.

 

[AllSeasons]

I would thank her for her concern and do what you want.

When I was a Catholic, I joined a singles group. I joined to do social activities with other singles, and ended up finding a boyfriend. We dated for a while.

I was in another singles group too. Both groups had a lot of women (good for you).

Be cautious with online dating. I heard of cases where people used Match.com and Christianmingle.com and ended up getting raped.

Get active in your parish. You can meet people there and maybe one of them will end up as a potential mate.

I do belong to a young adults group. But most of the people there are already married/attached. Haven’t really found anyone I’m really interested in there yet.

 

[Margarete_Faust]

Yea, I’m an only child. How did you know? I hope I didn’t come across too much as one. LOL!

No, you didn’t come across as one. I just assumed that your mother would not be on your back so much if you had siblings that were producing grandchildren (or at least were candidates to do so in the near future).
In my case, my sisters have all declared that they do not want to have children. My mom knows I am the only hope in the family.

 

[AllSeasons]

No, you didn’t come across as one. I just assumed that your mother would not be on your back so much if you had siblings that were producing grandchildren (or at least were candidates to do so in the near future).

True. Now that I’m in my early thirties, they’re certainly more open about discussing this topic. But really, I’m not a baby/grandchildren machine. LOL!

In my case, my sisters have all declared that they do not want to have children. My mom knows I am the only hope in the family.

Yea, totally understand what you’re going through. I would think that as a woman, the pressure is probably even greater. Why do your sisters not want children?

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

Tell her to butt out.

Yes, but not quite in those words.

Parents are due respect, but with regard to this matter, it deals with your life, nor hers. You are free to choose your own spouse.

 

[Slowride]

My mom’s been saying this for a while now. She’s not Catholic, and I suppose I haven’t been successful in the dating arena, meaning that I’m not married yet. She thinks that my limiting my dating pool is, well, too limiting. I don’t want to open up my dating pool to non-Catholic women, because my faith is important to me, and I believe faith is very important to a successful relationship. I don’t think she understands, though. How should I approach this? Any advice would be appreciated.

If you are asking such a question, maybe you are not mature enough as a Catholic man to marry.

 

[AllSeasons]

If you are asking such a question, maybe you are not mature enough as a Catholic man to marry.

Right. You got that all from a single question.

 

[Margarete_Faust]

True. Now that I’m in my early thirties, they’re certainly more open about discussing this topic. But really, I’m not a baby/grandchildren machine. LOL!

Yea, totally understand what you’re going through. I would think that as a woman, the pressure is probably even greater. Why do your sisters not want children?

My older sister seems to be more interested in financial wealth, while the other two have blatantly stated that they don’t like children (which is funny, since one of them seems to get along very well with children).

I guess there is some pressure, but I am 25, so there is time. It’s the actual process of dating as a Catholic woman that I find frustrating. I am not fighting a biological clock… I just want the process to end so I can stop wasting my time with the “game” of dating, because I really don’t find it all that exciting and fun.

 

[AllSeasons]

My older sister seems to be more interested in financial wealth, while the other two have blatantly stated that they don’t like children (which is funny, since one of them seems to get along very well with children).

It’s unfortunate that your sisters do not like children. However, it’s perhaps better that they’re not planning on having children given their disposition. Must be tough on your parents, though. The upside is you’re probably your parents’ favorite now. LOL!

I guess there is some pressure, but I am 25, so there is time. It’s the actual process of dating as a Catholic woman that I find frustrating. I am not fighting a biological clock… I just want the process to end so I can stop wasting my time with the “game” of dating, because I really don’t find it all that exciting and fun.

I’m curious - why do you not find dating “exciting and fun?” I agree that it can take time to find the right person, but unfortunately, “dating” - or courting - is pretty much the only process of getting to know the other person, and finding out whether that person is the right one for marriage. There’s just no way around that. It can be frustrating, but it can also have its moments. If you can be yourself around each other, and can always have fun with each other, I think that’s a very good sign that it can lead to more. And really, the process of getting to know each other can be “exciting and fun.” Of course, there can be hurt feelings when things don’t work out, but I suppose what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, right? And it’s possibly God’s way of showing you what you are NOT looking for in a spouse. So in a sense, “dating” is also a learning process.

Having said all that, I’m by no means an expert in dating, or I’d be married by now, instead of posting on this forum about my mom wanting me to date non-Catholic women. So, take it with a grain - or a pound - of salt.

 

[Frank_Drebin]

Tell her you’ll consider it when she becomes Catholic. If she does, she won’t want you to any more.

 

[AllSeasons]

Tell her you’ll consider it when she becomes Catholic. If she does, she won’t want you to any more.

Haha! That’s a good one!

 

[spunjalebi]

As far as dating not being exciting and fun, think about it. When people date, a lot of people expect that you are going to have sex before marriage. Even so-called Catholics expect this! Behaving chastely while seeking a marriage partner is one of the most difficult things on the planet…more difficult than the splits!

I am one of those quirky “trads” who is more inclined to lean toward traditional courtship and minus a lot of the secular dating habits, but then again I am not one to speak because I have been married for a while.

As far as the OP-- I too, experienced a lot of those issues myself. I am a convert Christian, so when I thought about marriage years ago I was not going to marry anyone but a Christian. I became a Catholic through my own volition, and not by the hope from my husband that I would convert. When I did, he was awfully happy about it, so it was a plus for both of us. But if heaven forbid, I ever became a widow and wanted to remarry, it would have to be to another Catholic.

My faith is simply too important to me to sway on this issue. I wholeheartedly believe in the teachings of the Church and I place my trust in the Magisterium when it comes to our stance on many issues, such as contraception, abortion, gay marriage, social justice, etc. I can be more flexible with looks than I can be with my faith. My husband doesn’t fit what I would have ideally desired in looks (height) but with faith it is a better match. I think about when I used to be a Protestant and all the strife we experienced in our marriage, and I’d never want to go back to those days.

 

[Margarete_Faust]

As far as dating not being exciting and fun, think about it. When people date, a lot of people expect that you are going to have sex before marriage. Even so-called Catholics expect this! Behaving chastely while seeking a marriage partner is one of the most difficult things on the planet…more difficult than the splits!

Exactly. The chastity thing is a deal-breaker for a lot of people, even those who consider themselves to be “Catholic” by label. Even finding a Catholic who shares my values does not mean we are compatible as life partners. The pool is very small, and requires a lot of patience and trust.