Mom wants to pay for a semester at Ave Maria

[hasikelee]

P.s. I should add that my half of the bargain right now is to have 100% freedom with the wedding and I want to pay for it. He still seems uncertain about that aspect, but I have this girlie girl dream of the big, beautiful wedding in the pretty church with all my friends and family…you get the picture…and I really want to be in charge of it all.



Just in case you think I’m shirking.

Actually, I am. I’ve never been so spoiled since I’ve been with him.

 

[Damascus]

I think I see one area future MIL might be upset about…

the wedding …You paying and having control… Hmmm

GOOD FOR YOU! DO IT!

 

[KathleenElsie]

1. We are both in our early twenties.
2. He is paying for his own education. His parents paid for about 1.5 years worth of college, but once they found out he was taking science courses, they withdrew the support. Right now he is taking his basics at a community college and going full time at a university. I don’t know how! lol. So far, careful budgeting and his grades have kept him out of debt other than semester to semester on a credit card.
3. He is living on his own right now in an apartment next to school and work, and owns two cars. I work with the same company so we will actually receive full benefits at a 20% discount. He and I are still covered under our parents’ insurance due to being in school full time.

He is putting weekly savings away in a money market so that right after we are married, we can buy a little house with a big down payment. That way, even if he is on a stipend or working part time, he can still afford the monthly payment and expenses so I wouldn’t have to work. This is possible because there is a “historic” area about 5 minutes from work that has just teensy houses. The neighborhood is lovely and these houses are literally 1 and 2 bedroom summer houses that are very inexpensive. Just perfect for a new family!

1. I am a year behind him in school, but with some accelerated classes, I will graduate about 4 months after we are married, and he wants to have an MBA that same semester as well. So we both pray that with God’s blessing, soon after our wedding I will be able to become a mother without worrying about working or school, although I want to continue both until/if I do become pregnant.

His decision to complete an MBA in business and prepare for medschool seems really smart to me because he will be completed with his business education right after marriage and able to find a job along that pathway if so required by circumstances. That way we aren’t worrying about years and years of education/residency without any other ability to make ends meet.

You both seem to have it together. If you had said late teens and just starting school I would have advised you to wait.

My first child is married to her high school sweetheart. They wanted to marry when she was 18 and we told him no when he cae and asked. They accepted our decision.

Ten years later they got back together. Both had remained unmarried and matured. They worked and went to school. When he asked again, after they were again dating we were glad to say yes. Infact when he started to date her again he even asked if we would mind. I think he was scared of me LOL. They have been married now 15 years and have three wonderful children. We love them all and we even made the decision to build onto our home so we could stay together. God blessed us with a wonderful son.

So God Bless and remember marriage is forever.

 

[ReginaNova]

haskilee–Are you really open to hearing other sides or do you just want to hear affirmation of your way of seeing things? Because it sounds like you are a very sweet, young girl who is very in love with your fiancee and who sees your future in-laws as your adversary in getting and keeping what you want.

Although my kids are teens, I am probably the same age as your fiance’s parents. As a result of my age and life experiences, I am more aware of the bumps in the road that young couples face. And both my life experiences and the statistics show that the younger you are when you get married, the higher the likelihood of divorce.

Another pitfall is that a strained relationship now with the people who will be your in-laws for life is a bad way to start off married life. These people will be grandparents to your children, and they can and should help you in the inevitable crises of life. You may think you don’t and won’t need them because you don’t want them now. But if you alienate them now, you probably won’t have them to help you when you do need them. Or you will probably continue to resent them and won’t want them even when you could use their help at some point.

There are lots of people who will counsel you that your future in-laws are “toxic” and that you should pursue what you want and keep away from them. But consider that what you do in these early years of your relationship with your now fiance, soon to be husband will affect the rest of your life with the in-laws and your marriage.

A huge part of marriage is compromise with your spouse and learning to subordinate your desires and needs for a larger goal. May I kindly suggest that this is critical too in dealing with his family–who will be your family before too long?

 

[hasikelee]

haskilee–Are you really open to hearing other sides or do you just want to hear affirmation of your way of seeing things? Because it sounds like you are a very sweet, young girl who is very in love with your fiancee and who sees your future in-laws as your adversary in getting and keeping what you want.

Although my kids are teens, I am probably the same age as your fiance’s parents. As a result of my age and life experiences, I am more aware of the bumps in the road that young couples face. And both my life experiences and the statistics show that the younger you are when you get married, the higher the likelihood of divorce.

Another pitfall is that a strained relationship now with the people who will be your in-laws for life is a bad way to start off married life. These people will be grandparents to your children, and they can and should help you in the inevitable crises of life. You may think you don’t and won’t need them because you don’t want them now. But if you alienate them now, you probably won’t have them to help you when you do need them. Or you will probably continue to resent them and won’t want them even when you could use their help at some point.

There are lots of people who will counsel you that your future in-laws are “toxic” and that you should pursue what you want and keep away from them. But consider that what you do in these early years of your relationship with your now fiance, soon to be husband will affect the rest of your life with the in-laws and your marriage.

A huge part of marriage is compromise with your spouse and learning to subordinate your desires and needs for a larger goal. May I kindly suggest that this is critical too in dealing with his family–who will be your family before too long?

I think I am being very critical and looking for a lot of analyzing on this thread. Am I uncharitable to them? No. But also what is not accompanying this thread is almost 8 years of history with this family in a group, with almost 5 years of that being his girlfriend/fiancee.

I have tried to hold my head up high and stand firmly against many things they have done, while still maintaining charity and respect as they are my elder and my future husband’s parents.

Nonetheless, on a forum, it is great to let down that “brave” front and let out some of the feelings I have when they do things like this. Bumps in the road aside, the atrocious and at some times even illegal things they have done are certainly not an example of age or maturity, nor are they an example of Catholic or parental love.

I have tried to be open when considering their actions. My DF complains I am too open and he is more apt to be suspicious. I’m not in a tizzy over them wanting to do this because he is completely independent of them and makes his own decisions on this. Sometimes I think they still believe they can tell him what food to eat, that he has to quit his job, that he can’t do this or that. I think they believe he went from being their extension to mine and that’s not true.

I also think that I have helped him to forgive them and learn to have a relationship with them. Before we were engaged, he was not on talking terms with his family and was content with compltely disowning them. This was caused by some physical abuse by his father after he refused to agree with him regarding his sisters. (They wanted to be nuns).

Anyways, I know I am dealing with people not fully stocked here, and for that I am sorry as I desperately wanted the cozy idea of a loving MIL and a respectable FIL, a big extended family and grandparents for my kids. Now I am worried about things like if they visit, will they beat up my kids, or do the things they have done to him?

So, yeah, on some level I want affirmation that they are scary and unpredictable and that I need experienced answers on here.

 

[hasikelee]

And Regina, you are all too right about strained relationships. His family has worried me at times to points where I think “yes, I feel called to marry him, yes he is wonderful, but his family is scary and maybe I should give this beautiful relationship up rather than risk being near them.”

It is probably the only strain in our relationship. My family is very nice and has pretty much adopted him. It hurts that we can’t continue to follow the traditions in my family of big get togethers.

I do know that I am young and feel that all too much. It is why I hope posting here can inform me of pitfalls and enable me to make prudent decisions, or at least I can hear other sides of stories and other points of view.

 

[ReginaNova]

1. Your fiance is in community college, owns two cars, has a job, and his parents have withdrawn their support.
2. You are both on your parents’ insurance. (I assume you mean health insurance.)
3. Your fiance plans on getting an MBA, then a medical degree.
4. You are planning and intend to pay for your wedding yourselves in less than 10 months.
5. Your fiance’s parents are offering to pay for one semester at Ave Maria University–a Catholic university–and you object.
6. You are both in your “early twenties”. (I am thinking 20 or 21?)
7. You “have this girlie girl dream of the big, beautiful wedding in the pretty church with all my friends and family…you get the picture…and I really want to be in charge of it all.”

This is what I gleaned from your posts on this thread. Correct me if I got anything wrong.

As I wrote this, I saw that you added another post that included this comment:

but his family is scary and maybe I should give this beautiful relationship up rather than risk being near them.

To which I would reply that I am not suggesting that you give him up at all. But consider delaying the wedding until you both ready emotionally, financially, and in terms of your educations and career to lead an independent, committed married life together. And use that time to establish the best relationships you can with each other and with your respective families so that you can launch your married life with the firmest support.

 

[lotusblossom]

Haskilee-

I would like to give another opinion. Getting along with your in-laws is not necessary for a wonderful marriage, esp. if your future spouse recognizes the conflict and does not side with them. My mom has in-laws that did not warm up to her (partially b/c my dad’s two other brothers were already divorced/had wives that were awful by the time my mom came into the scene) and were cordial, but as time went on, were outright bitter towards her and the grandchildren (all of them, not just my family) never had any real relationship with our grandfather. My parents have a wonderful marriage with its usual bumps and pains. You know them best.

I’d also say that they might turn around, esp. once grandchildren enter the scene. I didn’t always get along with my ILs. During wedding planning, I was in tears over the conflicts with them - regarding anything and everything. However, once the wedding was over and we were married and I found out we were expecting, we both worked on getting along better. I learned to bite my tongue to prevent silly arguements and to not take things personally. Sounds like you are already doing this anyway.

Anyway, from what it sounds like, they’re more being manipulative and making last efforts to put their opinions in.

 

[maria29]

**hasikelee,

I will say that at least he’s going to Medical School which seems to have more programs out there that will help pay off your student loans. My husband had looked into it a couple of years ago and it extremely possible to graduate and get your student loans paid off in 3 years. Some of the programs cover anywhere from $10,000-75,000 of your medical student loans.

You never said really why his parents want him to go to Ave Maria so badly? **

 

[Ridgerunner]

I

it also links to other “strange” management at the Ave Maria School of Law, and to other now destroyed projects of the ex pizza maker.
.

I know this is off topic, but I can’t let it go, lest people think some very wrong things and think ill of a very good school. Four professors at Ave Maria School of Law (AMSL) who were dismissed from their former jobs, were hired by the “pizza maker”, Mr. Thomas Monaghan, because he believed what they told him about their dedication to establishing a “real Catholic law school”. They have attempted to start a rebellion among other teachers and the students and, like any rebels, have persuaded some. The Board of Governors is composed of very, very honorable people, including Cardinal Egan. Rebels always publish their bile, and find an audience and echoes among the resentful and the bitter, whereas honorable people do not. This fight is about who is going to control the “pizza maker’s” money. The rebel profs want to control it. It’s a terrible shame. If anyone wonders why it is so difficult to persuade people of means to support new Catholic enterprises, all they need to do is look at the experience of Thomas Monaghan, who has vowed to give away all of his billion-dollar fortune to Catholic causes, and is finding out the hard way that it’s very difficult. AMSL has a better bar passage rate than the U. of Michigan. In my state, all AMSL graduates passed the bar, vs. 80-something percent from the state university. 100% are employed. My son graduated from there, and my daughter is there now. Scholarships are the second or third most generous in the nation. Both of my children are extremely grateful for the experience of attending AMSL. Neither sympathizes with the rebels. Neither pays attention to the propaganda against the school, because they know better.

 

[hasikelee]

hasikelee,

I will say that at least he’s going to Medical School which seems to have more programs out there that will help pay off your student loans. My husband had looked into it a couple of years ago and it extremely possible to graduate and get your student loans paid off in 3 years. Some of the programs cover anywhere from $10,000-75,000 of your medical student loans.

**You never said really why his parents want him to go to Ave Maria so badly? **

Yes, that is one thing that seems positive about the idea of going into debt. His grades are fairly good and have net him scholarships with SLU and WashU, and my grades got me into the Medical Scholars program, so hopefully we can finish out with minimal damage.

Besides that, once you become a doctor those loans just don’t look too bad, KWIM?

His mom hedged the question. All she gave were vague responses: “I want you to see if you find another girl” “You deserve some time off” “God told me to propose this”

If I were to be suspicious or uncharitable of them, I would hazard two things:

1. His 2nd oldest sister for the past 3 years of her college education at SLU has been DYING to go to Ave Maria. They have forbidden this at all costs; she has no job, no money, just got her license 2 months shy of turning 20, etc etc. If I were to be mean spirited and judgmental, I would say they are playing games between him and his sister. Once she finds out about this offer, she will be devastated.

Or, a less evil and more practical reason is that girl #3 put her foot down and threatened to leave if they didn’t back off and let her go to Ave Maria. (She is advanced and just turned 17 but is going to the…you got it…spring semester).

Probably they just want him to go down there and watch his kid sister to make sure she is protected and stays safe. The girl has no checkbook, no credit, no license, etc.

Anyways, that is what occurred to me and so I actually felt he should pack up and go. I mean, the school is not accredited so that does mean lost school time, but it’s only one semester. A nice place, warm, beach nearby. He would have to quit his job and break his lease, but those are minor things compared to the fun that goes on at that school. Those kids know how to party, and I am a party pooper. No drinking, no crazy people, very quiet life with me.

Hmm, maybe that’s it. You know, they have always encouraged him to have an exciting lifestyle. Drinking, dating, partying, lots of friends, traveling…things I don’t do. Maybe it’s like a bachelor thing his mom wants for him.

I don’t see why it has to be Ave Maria, but maybe that ties in with DD #3.

Oh well. I feel better talking about it. It’s hard to keep it all couped up!

 

[hasikelee]

1. Your fiance is in community college, owns two cars, has a job, and his parents have withdrawn their support.
2. You are both on your parents’ insurance. (I assume you mean health insurance.)
3. Your fiance plans on getting an MBA, then a medical degree.
4. You are planning and intend to pay for your wedding yourselves in less than 10 months.
5. Your fiance’s parents are offering to pay for one semester at Ave Maria University–a Catholic university–and you object.
6. You are both in your “early twenties”. (I am thinking 20 or 21?)
7. You “have this girlie girl dream of the big, beautiful wedding in the pretty church with all my friends and family…you get the picture…and I really want to be in charge of it all.”

This is what I gleaned from your posts on this thread. Correct me if I got anything wrong.

As I wrote this, I saw that you added another post that included this comment:

but his family is scary and maybe I should give this beautiful relationship up rather than risk being near them.

To which I would reply that I am not suggesting that you give him up at all. But consider delaying the wedding until you both ready emotionally, financially, and in terms of your educations and career to lead an independent, committed married life together. And use that time to establish the best relationships you can with each other and with your respective families so that you can launch your married life with the firmest support.

It’s hard to gauge yourself and I won’t try. But I do have enough saved up for my wedding and I intend to spend it. Whether that will be the typical huge wedding or a destination wedding with family only, I don’t know. But I am ready for it.

Money went from being a worry for us, to being one of our biggest strengths. Once we started working together investing and saving, things really took off. He had a weakness for awhile with high risk investing, but I got him to invest the majority in safer stashes and keep the fun to a minimum, KWIM?

I prefer to ride out the continuation of student benefits by being insured under my parents. No reason to pay for additional insurance when there definitely aren’t children on the way.

I appreciate your continued contribution of good advice and good posts! I am a big advocate of long relationships and long engagements and I’m glad to hear others believe the same. I know I have been scorned more than once for saying that if you can’t stay in control before marriage, it’s only going to get worse, so that’s a bad reason to hurry it up. But even I have a limit and after 10 months it will be just shy of 6 years. That is plenty enough time of waiting for me.

 

[ReginaNova]

Df really dislikes the school. He thinks it is not legitimate and it doesn’t offer much for what his goals are.

I have known it does not have accreditation with the ECA or whatever that acronym is, for awhile because I was considering the school my junior year.

If Ave Maria University in Florida doesn’t have accreditation it is most likely because it is a brand new university. The first students entered in August 2003 so there hasn’t been a graduating class yet. The web site notes that accreditation is pending.

Furthermore, note that most “Christian”–read: Protestant evangelical colleges-are NOT accredited by any nationally-recognized accreditation body because they do not seek accreditation and are unwilling to submit to outside accreditation reviews. These would include Bob Jones Univ. and Pensecola Christian.

 

[maria29]

Yes, that is one thing that seems positive about the idea of going into debt. His grades are fairly good and have net him scholarships with SLU and WashU, and my grades got me into the Medical Scholars program, so hopefully we can finish out with minimal damage.

Besides that, once you become a doctor those loans just don’t look too bad, KWIM?

His mom hedged the question. All she gave were vague responses: “I want you to see if you find another girl” “You deserve some time off” “God told me to propose this”

I find this a little odd, i hope he asked her why he should find another girl while being in the middle of a relationship. “you deserve time off” is that meant to be from you or just the stress of school etc…

If I were to be suspicious or uncharitable of them, I would hazard two things:

1. His 2nd oldest sister for the past 3 years of her college education at SLU has been DYING to go to Ave Maria. They have forbidden this at all costs; she has no job, no money, just got her license 2 months shy of turning 20, etc etc. If I were to be mean spirited and judgmental, I would say they are playing games between him and his sister. Once she finds out about this offer, she will be devastated.

**Maybe she should do the same and put her foot down as well? Does she live at home? **

Or, a less evil and more practical reason is that girl #3 put her foot down and threatened to leave if they didn’t back off and let her go to Ave Maria. (She is advanced and just turned 17 but is going to the…you got it…spring semester).

This is a different sister right? Why is his sister so into going to Ave Maria? What is she majoring in? Maybe she should look at going to Franciscan at least they are accredited! Ar least she won’t be responsible for any student loans if Ave Maria doesn’t make it and has to close…

Probably they just want him to go down there and watch his kid sister to make sure she is protected and stays safe. The girl has no checkbook, no credit, no license, etc.

How is she going to pay for anything if she has no checkbook? Bank account, etc…

Anyways, that is what occurred to me and so I actually felt he should pack up and go. I mean, the school is not accredited so that does mean lost school time, but it’s only one semester.

**One semester is a big deal, if you get out of the routine of studying your major, he may find it harder to get back into it. So his parents have offered to pay for that semester, are there strings attached to this offer? **
A nice place, warm, beach nearby. He would have to quit his job and break his lease, but those are minor things compared to the fun that goes on at that school. Those kids know how to party, and I am a party pooper. No drinking, no crazy people, very quiet life with me.

Hmm, maybe that’s it. You know, they have always encouraged him to have an exciting lifestyle. Drinking, dating, partying, lots of friends, traveling…things I don’t do. Maybe it’s like a bachelor thing his mom wants for him.

I don’t see why it has to be Ave Maria, but maybe that ties in with DD #3.

Oh well. I feel better talking about it. It’s hard to keep it all couped up!

 

[kage_ar]

Last Sunday’s readings for some meditation…

Sirach 3: 2 - 7, 12 - 14 2 For the Lord honored the father above the children, and he confirmed the right of the mother over her sons. 3 Whoever honors his father atones for sins, 4 and whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure. 5 Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children, and when he prays he will be heard. 6 Whoever glorifies his father will have long life, and whoever obeys the Lord will refresh his mother; 7 he will serve his parents as his masters. 12 O son, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives; 13 even if he is lacking in understanding, show forbearance; in all your strength do not despise him. 14 For kindness to a father will not be forgotten, and against your sins it will be credited to you;

 

[hasikelee]

maria,

He doesn’t talk to his parents and is uninterested in asking them questions or probing. He simply said to her that he will think about it and left.

His first sister lives at home. She is severely depressed, on medication and receiving counseling.

His second sister is just now getting into this long-time feud of school/work/independence. I think she is coming into this situation with her eyes open after seeing what happened to her two older siblings. She isn’t doing it the smartest way as she has never been allowed to have a job or any “real world” experience/education, yet threatens to pack up and leave.

She has a bountiful scholarship and while that won’t cover all expenses, I can see how it makes it promising enough for her to do what she is trying to do.

They are bent on going to Ave Maria because they believe it is the only one “traditional” enough and good enough. Also, we were all in a homeschooling group through childhood and the teen years, more than half of this group is at that school. Including her uncle and one of her best friends.

I am thinking about all of this and enjoy talking about it with others. But the final decision is up to him. He has hastily declared a huge NO way. I do want him to think about, however, as his mom did present it calmly and it would help out his little sis.

Who knows, maybe this is all God’s idea through his mom. Maybe he will go down and bump into a girl, find a different passion in school, mend his family’s feud and live a better life. KWIM? I can’t see the future!

 

[1ke]

H–

You and your FH are the ones with your heads screwed on straight. The rest of his family is nuts. For heaven’s sake, don’t encourage him to get tangled up in his parents’ power plays with their daughters. They are pitting their children against one another now to maintain control of them. How sad.

Your FH has the right idea-- stay away and live a great life. Sounds like you two have solid plans, are financially sound and responsible, and quite mature spiritually and emotionally.

Don’t second guess yourself or your FH. A detour to Ave Maria would only put him behind on his career goal, mix him up in a big family mess, and postpone a lovely future with a wonderful woman.

 

[ReginaNova]

Who knows, maybe this is all God’s idea through his mom. Maybe he will go down and bump into a girl, find a different passion in school, mend his family’s feud and live a better life. KWIM? I can’t see the future!

First, what does KWIM mean? (I am thinking “know what I mean”.)

Second, it strikes me as odd that you are planning a wedding (down to the day) yet your plans are either for a big church wedding OR a destination wedding in Cozumel. You are fending off your future in-laws and acknowledge that God’s will may be for your fiance to “bump into a girl” and “mend his family’s feud and live a better life”. Are they aware that you plan to marry in less than a year? Are you going to involve them in the wedding? Surely, they are invited to the wedding.

It sounds to me like you are fighting God’s will (and his family’s will) and a lot of other things that are working against you.

If I am reading what you are posting right, then you really need to consider stepping back. “Let go and let God.”

 

[hasikelee]

First, what does KWIM mean? (I am thinking “know what I mean”.)

Second, it strikes me as odd that you are planning a wedding (down to the day) yet your plans are either for a big church wedding OR a destination wedding in Cozumel. You are fending off your future in-laws and acknowledge that God’s will may be for your fiance to “bump into a girl” and “mend his family’s feud and live a better life”. Are they aware that you plan to marry in less than a year? Are you going to involve them in the wedding? Surely, they are invited to the wedding.

It sounds to me like you are fighting God’s will (and his family’s will) and a lot of other things that are working against you.

If I am reading what you are posting right, then you really need to consider stepping back. “Let go and let God.”

Yes, you have it right, KWIM means “Know what I mean”

Why do you think it is odd to be indecisive over whether I will have my wedding in my hometown or a destination wedding? The reason I can’t decide is one would be a big, invite everyone wedding whereas with a wedding in San Miguel, I can only afford to fly down about 30 people total, including our immediate families.

We both have big extended families so I am torn over wanting to say our wedding vows in a church and place special in my life, and also not wanting to exclude relatives and friends. But that is another thread!

I also don’t see anything in my life as fending off the in-laws. If it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t even know if he were still alive. I try to get together with his mom to plan holidays, go to movies and stay up to date with everyone. He would be glad to never see or talk to them again and is still working on forgiveness so as not to fall into bitterness towards them.

They are of course invited to the wedding and in another thread I mentioned how his parents are going to plan out a big rehearsal dinner-giving them responsibility and honor in the wedding while tactfully avoiding any control issues.

Anyways, there is a fine line between defending and clarifying. If you feel that my posts show I am fighting these people or ignoring God’s will, I appreciate the contribution even if I remain confused where you found this out.

And on another note, one thing I have considered for awhile and the thing that has continued to allow me to reach out to them and still have a relationship with them, is that I wonder if they have simply different cultural or familial ideas. Simply because they do things differently or expect their kids to do things differently doesn’t mean they are bad.

For example, DF’s father was told what school to go to and what to study. He didn’t work; his parents paid for school, picked out an apartment for him, paid expenses, etc. We are not talking about an 18 year old in this situation, but rather a married man in law school. Along with this financial support came the expectation that the parents called the shots. The decision of when to conceive my now fiancee was decided by his grandmother, as was when to get married and how to shop for food.

I personally think doing things like that is seriously twirly. But it’s not as if I can judge them for having traditions and customs different from me.

I will always, however, stand by my DF. As much I think it would be fun for him to go to Ave Maria for awhile, it is up to him to decide.

 

[gmarie21]

hasikelee, Um, something no one has touched on but sent red flags in my head, you two should take some time for more discernment b/c it sounds as if your fiance is planning on marrying a gentler version of his parents. He asked you how he should respond to his parents? If he were mature and ready to be married, he’d not need to ask you exactly what to say. You also have told him exactly what to do with money. He’s getting and MBA and then going to Med School. Where is there going to be any time for your marriage? What if your plans don’t work out as you hope, what if you have to work when you have a new baby to support your family? Will he grow resentful when you tell him what to do, just like his parents? You want full control of your wedding, but it isn’t just your wedding, it is also his and I’d be concerned if he weren’t willing to participate in the planning. It just seems from your post that you are telling him what to do too much considering he is coming from a controling family.

P.S. I come from a controlling family and well, some of the things you wrote would send me running in the long run.