sparkle:
Hi Kelly:
I know many disagree but I feel it is NOT your problem worrying about money. This is the job of a husband. Maybe the electricity will have to be turned off or you’ll have to show hubby the check you wrote for groceries bounced before he’ll grab onto his responsibility. I’ve been in your shoes, and am now matter of fact. I know it is not easy, rather it’s very hard because wives want to buffer things for their hubbies, but this is not the right thing, IMO of course. Men have become way too lazy, expecting women to pick up their bucket when they put theirs down. It’s terrible. In my case, because my H knows I’m too exhausted to work right now, with the kids and all, house, etc., he has accepted $$ from his mom which has been terrible. Control, etc., But I feel this is his problem all the same.
Good Luck!
Hi sparkle. Marriage isn’t easy is it?
I always believed that when it comes to marriage, you have to make yourself vulnerable in order to really love someone. Sometimes we get taken advantage of, or we’re hurt very badly, but sometimes we’re in ecstasy because our needs and wants are met. This is a risk we CHOOSE to take. When we wall ourselves off all the time, bad things breed… bitterness, contention, hatred, etc. When we allow ourselves to be open, hurt may come (and usually does) but we already knew that being hurt was a possibility. We are in control of what we do and the choices we make.
Vulnerability doesn’t always make us weak. Jesus allowed himself to be vulnerable to death and look at the outcome of that. Only good came as a result.
We must stand firm in our faith and lean on those who can uphold us when we’re too weak. Read Genesis 17:8-13. There are times we cannot uphold ourselves and need others to help us, especially when we are in dire situations. Moses needed the help of Arron and Hur in order to assure victory and still gave God all the praise in the end.
I understand what you’re saying and yes I feel the same way at times. There are times that I have to pick up the slack (it seems more often than not) but there are those rare times that my husband has actually stepped up to the plate and I was able to lean on him because I was just too weak to go on. When that happens, I know he’s sincere, it’s not a control tactic to just keep me in line and around for a while longer. I have a very close friend who also listens to me when I need her and many times I’ve come here to the forums for prayer and encouragement just so I know I’m not alone or crazy
My husband wouldn’t be going to professional therapy in order to change his mindset and attitude towards me, our marriage and life in general, if he was only trying to control or appease me.
In Genesis 3:16 we see what a woman’s role is with her husband. My sister in law says it’s our curse…
The Lord God said, “To the woman, he said: ‘I will intensify the pangs of your childbearing; in pain shall you bring forth children. Yet your urge shall be for your husband, and he shall be your master.’”
I tried taking control 8 years ago like you said. If it means having a utility shut off or bank fees to pay from bounced checks to get his attention…let me tell you,
it doesn’t work. I tried to force his hand and it backfired on us and I ended up getting more angry at him. We had utitilty companies at our door demanding money, the phone calls from our creditors were nasty, and we got evicted from the apartment. He signed up for the Air Force to make more money. He knew the situation and tried to do what he thought was best. I give him credit for that.
We were forced to move into my parent’s house and not long after he left for boot camp and tech school. He did something that I confess I didn’t do when he was gone, I was too bitter…he prayed for our marriage.
When he came home we filed bankruptcy, got up on our feet and moved out of my parents house 2 months after he was home. It’s been a hard struggle all this time, even after bankruptcy.
We bought our house 5 years ago and our mortgage is cheaper than rent. We refinanced 2 years ago and in 13 years our house is paid.
There are a lot of positives in my life but I tend to focus more on the negatives. That’s something I am working on. I talk to the therapist about that. In order for me to get better, sometimes I need to talk it out, the forums have been a blessing to me.
Marriage is an effort between the both of you, sometimes one more than the other. It’s just hard to see that when the scale on your side is weighed down with so much stuff and his seems to have nothing in it. But in the end, things do even out.
I pray that you will have blessings showered on you, especially in your marriage and that the 2 of you would be strengthened.
. Maybe 3 or 3 1/2 years (he goes part time) but I believe he’ll stick to his guns. It helps that his current job is very lenient with his schedule. He’s not had that before and that’s why he was able to take his last 6 classes this past year to finish his degree. His other jobs didn’t give him flexability for school.
State requirements usually require a teaching degree and certification.
