Money and the severe lack of it

[kellyb32]

dMaria:

Dear Friend, I know exactly what you are going through. I am there every and each month. I have been married 19yrs and have been struggling more than have the time. We have 4 children. I am always behind on bills. I am the only one who takes care of the finances in the fam. So as you know we have the building on our heads. Or it sure feels that way. I
understand you. I will pray for you. Please pray for me.
If you can please write me.
LosRamos13@netzero.com
God Bless

I will pray for you and will email you soon. God bless you and thank you for your prayers.

Please read this word of encouragement that blessed and ministered to me:

One Step at a Time!​

Psalms 119:105
Thy word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path.

---

We can sometimes forget that Scripture was written in a time very
different from our own. We can forget, for instance, what “night” meant in
the ancient world, particularly to a largely rural people. For such
people, “night” really did mean pitch darkness. No electricity. No
residual city light reflected off the clouds. No matches if the candles
went out. Where was Moses when the lights went out? In the deep deep
dark. So the image of a lamp was particularly potent for an ancient Jew
because there really was a stark difference between day and night. To
call the word of God a “lamp” was really saying something, because
without that lamp, you were not in a lovely half-light of religious
sentiment, you were in pitch darkness with monstrous alien gods like Moloch or
Chemosh who demanded things like child sacrifice. That word was the
dividing line between madness and sanity. But it was also a very local
and homey sort of light. It was not like the sun, lighting up the
landscape for miles around. It was a lamp, illumining just enough to see
the next step to take. **Trust God to lighten your way today. You needn’t **
see the whole path, just the next step. Take that step and let God
take care of the rest.

 

[sparkle]

Hi Kelly:

You might want to look at the website www.fascinatingwomanhood.net. Click on bookshop and you can take a glimpse at the book. I, like you will not give up on my marriage, and family, despite the many numerous hardships and trials we have had. With each new day, God’s graces are new and fresh and “Great is Thy Faithfulness” --morning by morning new mercies I see…(my favorite hymn). Hang in there friend~~~

God Bless You~

 

[CARose]

Kelly,

It sounds to me like you and your husband are doing a great job of growing through these challenging times! Hurray! It even sounds like, when it’s all said and done, the two of you should be significantly stronger as a couple for having weathered this storm together!

I liked Lillith’s advice from earlier in the thread regarding using your bookkkeeping skills to help your husband see what’s going on financially, and helping him to gain a sense of control over what may seem hopeless to him. Some people are good at looking at raw numbers, others are better with pictures (pie charts), others do well with seeing trends (think line graphs). Some like to know there’s a budget and that by staying in it, you’ll be dug out in x yrs. Others want to know all their options (e.g., continue as we are, we’re going down at this rate, change credit card to mortgate refi - this happens, but house at risk, increase income x dollars / mo, pay off card in x months, …) for others, all those options are just WAY too overwhelming. It may help to better understand what triggers your husband to retreat into his shell, and what might help him to feel like he’s able to participate in a healthy manner. Since you have already managed to get out of a few tough scrapes together, he may be ok hearing that while things look tight right now, the two of you have a track record of managing to pull things out of the fire and you know that together you can do it again!

With your incredible skills at handling money (as evidenced by what you’re already accomplishing on so little), and your ability with bookkeeping, the two of you may be able to find some more common ground in communicating on finances.

Heck, he could be doing so much less (not that he should be doing less, but he could be), and he’s shown a real willingness to try to improve. And it sounds like he was sooo sweet at lunch today. Makes me want to just pinch him on the cheek!

It sounds like you’re headed in the right direction.

Good luck and God Bless,

CARose
P.S. I’d love to hear how you managed to transfer your credit card debt to such a low rate. PM me with the details if you would!

 

[sparkle]

Kelly: Forgive me for not reading all posts hereinabove, but do you own your home? If you do, it might be advisable to re-finance, taking some cash out. Homes go up in value so quickly these days. It really can be an answer to prayer in tough financial times.

God Bless You~~

 

[cainem]

not sure how best to advise you, most working families struggle to keep the lifestyle they want for their kids from time to time, but i think it is time for hubby to bite the bullet and get a second job, that is what i and most manually employed fathers have to do for a decent wage for their family (when it came to education i was definetly the black sheep of the family or i would be in mangement or some high paid it job), so when we agreed on a third child i got a second job, now that we are expecting our fourth child i went out and got a third job, (due on the 21 of sept), very tiring but worth it when you can pay your way and treat the wife and kids

 

[kellyb32]

sparkle:

Kelly: Forgive me for not reading all posts hereinabove, but do you own your home? If you do, it might be advisable to re-finance, taking some cash out. Homes go up in value so quickly these days. It really can be an answer to prayer in tough financial times.

God Bless You~~

Funny you said that. We refinanced 2 years ago for a 15 year mortgage instead of a 30, cut our payments down and interest rates in half. Because we have a lein on our house due to a government grant we qualified for to get home improvements (done a month after we refinanced), we are unable to do anymore refinancing and our equity is just not enough. I called the banks on thursday to see if we could consolidate our bills and take a few thousand out so we could redo the attic and make a third bedroom (never imagined 4 kids when we bought the 2 bedroom house 5 years ago!)

What is owed on the home (mortgage and lein) is more than what it’s actually worth if we were to sell…besides, the contract we signed to get the grant money to fix the house states that we must live here for 15 years. So we really can’t move or we owe $30,000 on top of what we still owe on our mortgage. I would be in an incredibly **deep **hole if we did that. So we stay put and live like sardines for now.

We’ll have to just continue doing what we’re doing and pray for the best. You can’t get blood from a stone is what my husband always says. We can only do so much and as long as we’re not skipping bills but making arrangements with everyone, we’ll be okay, just behind. But we’ll catch up someday…sooner than later I hope

God bless!

 

[kellyb32]

cainem:

not sure how best to advise you, most working families struggle to keep the lifestyle they want for their kids from time to time, but i think it is time for hubby to bite the bullet and get a second job, that is what i and most manually employed fathers have to do for a decent wage for their family (when it came to education i was definetly the black sheep of the family or i would be in mangement or some high paid it job), so when we agreed on a third child i got a second job, now that we are expecting our fourth child i went out and got a third job, (due on the 21 of sept), very tiring but worth it when you can pay your way and treat the wife and kids

I agree. I told him today that it’s inevitable, if he wants to get out of debt as badly as he says, he’s going to have to do something. I mean, I’m going to continue my job from home right after I have the baby. I don’t have a choice. I can’t afford to not get a paycheck. Disability won’t pay me squat because I make so little as it is and my job is easy enough and flexible enough that I could spend an hour a day to do my work. I don’t have to do it all at once. Once I’m healed, I will go back to work in the store as a clerk while continuing the bookkeeping from home. I’ll be able to work 8 hours a week (2 nights) to make extra cash and my boss is so wonderful that if my husband were to get a small part-time job in the evenings, he’d work around my husband’s schedule. My boss can’t offer me good pay but he makes up for it with his willingness to work around your family among other things. Not many places will do that for you.

I admire you for stepping up to the plate to care for your family. My dad was like that. He’d work mad hours and we’d only get to spend time with him when he was off for his vacations. Even then we didn’t do much because he’d be working around the house, fixing things up. He’s totally different now that he’s retired. He just adores spending time with the grandkids and is not anything like he was when we were growing up. No one can imagine my father getting upset or angry…well, now he doesn’t have the stress of working and taking care of a family like he used to. My dad never went to school either. He worked his whole life.

Unfortunately if you don’t have a skill and are excellent at it, today most employers want a college degree. My husband is working towards being a teacher. He’s starting his Bachelors in January but will take online courses whenever he can, plus he only goes part time.

It’ll take a lot of hard work and sacrifice. We’ll see what happens.

Your baby is due on my birthday! Congratulations! My baby is due on Oct. 22, but I have a history of early births…by as much as 9 weeks early. My son was closest to his due date, he was 3 weeks early. So who knows but the Lord when this baby will come.

May God bless you.

 

[Princess_Abby]

kellyb32:

I agree. I told him today that it’s inevitable, if he wants to get out of debt as badly as he says, he’s going to have to do something. I mean, I’m going to continue my job from home right after I have the baby. I don’t have a choice. I can’t afford to not get a paycheck. Disability won’t pay me squat because I make so little as it is and my job is easy enough and flexible enough that I could spend an hour a day to do my work. I don’t have to do it all at once. Once I’m healed, I will go back to work in the store as a clerk while continuing the bookkeeping from home. I’ll be able to work 8 hours a week (2 nights) to make extra cash and my boss is so wonderful that if my husband were to get a small part-time job in the evenings, he’d work around my husband’s schedule. My boss can’t offer me good pay but he makes up for it with his willingness to work around your family among other things. Not many places will do that for you.

I admire you for stepping up to the plate to care for your family. My dad was like that. He’d work mad hours and we’d only get to spend time with him when he was off for his vacations. Even then we didn’t do much because he’d be working around the house, fixing things up. He’s totally different now that he’s retired. He just adores spending time with the grandkids and is not anything like he was when we were growing up. No one can imagine my father getting upset or angry…well, now he doesn’t have the stress of working and taking care of a family like he used to. My dad never went to school either. He worked his whole life.

Unfortunately if you don’t have a skill and are excellent at it, today most employers want a college degree. My husband is working towards being a teacher. He’s starting his Bachelors in January but will take online courses whenever he can, plus he only goes part time.

It’ll take a lot of hard work and sacrifice. We’ll see what happens.

Your baby is due on my birthday! Congratulations! My baby is due on Oct. 22, but I have a history of early births…by as much as 9 weeks early. My son was closest to his due date, he was 3 weeks early. So who knows but the Lord when this baby will come.

May God bless you.

You might even put it to your husband in terms of, “If you worked extremely hard for the next semester, while you’re not in school, and worked either two jobs or even THREE jobs, imagine how less stressed you will feel when you start school and our heads are above water. We could get caught up on bills and it would be a distinct stopping time, so you’d know it wouldn’t last forever, but just be a few months of really hard work.”

Because if he does start school in January, that will just be more time away and he’ll have yet another excuse to not be working two jobs, if that makes sense.

You are in my prayers! Your patience is so admirable.

 

[cainem]

Your baby is due on my birthday! Congratulations! My baby is due on Oct. 22, but I have a history of early births…by as much as 9 weeks early. My son was closest to his due date, he was 3 weeks early. So who knows but the Lord when this baby will come.

i hope everything goes well with the birth and happy birthday when it comes, the hardest thing about this baby is agreeing on a name but we will get there lol.

 

[Viki59]

Kelly,
We are praying for you and your baby, it’s exciting that she/he is due any day now.
I work with Birthright, which in my area offers baby clothes and other items, like blankets, toiletries for baby, and so on, to expectant mothers. I see there are chapters of Birthright in New York, and am sure you could find one near you. Perhaps they could be of help with things you’ll need for baby. Their mission is to encourage people to have their babies, by making life a little easier for mothers. If you explained your situation a little, I’m sure they would help you.
You don’t have to be considering an abortion or adoption to request assistance from them. Just tell them that your baby is coming soon and finances are very tight.
God bless you.

 

[MaryBeth_Mac]

Have definately been there with the finances; not completely left there… I know that the struggles have been our crosses and the whisper of God to draw us closer to Him. And we have. We have been providentially dependent on God for our every need. He has come through, and has sent much unexpected help. I cannot tell you the amount of times we have prayed and been faithful and turned our broken hearts to God and out of the blue He provided every need. Including a priest that gave me Christmas money for my kid’s presents one advent season in the confessional!!! I know I cling desperately to His promises in Sacred Scripture of taking care of us. I do also know that that means trusting and SERVING Him! I have written out my needs and prayed over them and they were answered. My husband and I have also had to do our part; including ask for help sometimes. Our parish has helped us with the mortage payment. And also spiritual support. Our priest told my husband a story about pushing against a rock and how the man could never, EVER move the rock, but he continued pushing this enormous rock… until he noticed that he was developing a beautiful, muscular upper body shaped by every effort. The point is the pushing never stops until we see God face to face, but He shapes us and molds us and conforms us to His Image. We are His creation and He loves us- He loves us to brokenness… because then we are truly His. But He breaks us to know Who He is and what we are in comparison. He wants everything from us; and then He transforms us.
This week our lawn mower and weed eater broke, our dishwasher broke, and we woke up this a.m. with our fridge not running. We have no money to fix these things. It was a challenging day. For some reason the fridge is working now and the food is out of the cooler and in it. We borrowed a lawn mower and I pulled the weeds; and the dishes are being washed by hand. God is not running out and replacing these “things” for us miraculously. But we are His children-He loves us- we have food and our kids are healthy. Listening to Catholic radio someone said,“God wants to mature us…” My husband and I laughed. He wants to mature our emotions; He wants us strong and steady with eyes on Him. We have struggled long and hard to serve our God and we knew what to do; we held our breath and we were calm and we went on knowing He would work it out. I think tomorrow will be a great day.
Take your husbands hand and tell him that God wants everything from the two of you but He will continue to give you much more in return. Take a deep breath and pray for Him to lead. You know the rest by now.

 

[kellyb32]

MaryBeth Mac:

Have definately been there with the finances; not completely left there… I know that the struggles have been our crosses and the whisper of God to draw us closer to Him. And we have. We have been providentially dependent on God for our every need. He has come through, and has sent much unexpected help. I cannot tell you the amount of times we have prayed and been faithful and turned our broken hearts to God and out of the blue He provided every need. Including a priest that gave me Christmas money for my kid’s presents one advent season in the confessional!!! I know I cling desperately to His promises in Sacred Scripture of taking care of us. I do also know that that means trusting and SERVING Him! I have written out my needs and prayed over them and they were answered. My husband and I have also had to do our part; including ask for help sometimes. Our parish has helped us with the mortage payment. And also spiritual support. Our priest told my husband a story about pushing against a rock and how the man could never, EVER move the rock, but he continued pushing this enormous rock… until he noticed that he was developing a beautiful, muscular upper body shaped by every effort. The point is the pushing never stops until we see God face to face, but He shapes us and molds us and conforms us to His Image. We are His creation and He loves us- He loves us to brokenness… because then we are truly His. But He breaks us to know Who He is and what we are in comparison. He wants everything from us; and then He transforms us.
This week our lawn mower and weed eater broke, our dishwasher broke, and we woke up this a.m. with our fridge not running. We have no money to fix these things. It was a challenging day. For some reason the fridge is working now and the food is out of the cooler and in it. We borrowed a lawn mower and I pulled the weeds; and the dishes are being washed by hand. God is not running out and replacing these “things” for us miraculously. But we are His children-He loves us- we have food and our kids are healthy. Listening to Catholic radio someone said,“God wants to mature us…” My husband and I laughed. He wants to mature our emotions; He wants us strong and steady with eyes on Him. We have struggled long and hard to serve our God and we knew what to do; we held our breath and we were calm and we went on knowing He would work it out. I think tomorrow will be a great day.
Take your husbands hand and tell him that God wants everything from the two of you but He will continue to give you much more in return. Take a deep breath and pray for Him to lead. You know the rest by now.

Boy when it rains it pours doesn’t it? Then after all that you can still manage to find the rainbow after the storm. Thank you God for the mercies you give us!!

This is the word of encouragement I got today…something I needed to hear! It kind of goes hand in hand with what your priest said…

Tribulation can be a blessing!​

Deuteronomy 4:30-31
When you are in tribulation, and all these things come upon you in the
latter days, you will return to the LORD your God and obey his voice,
for the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not fail you or destroy
you or forget the covenant with your fathers which he swore to them.

---

When Israel first entered the Promised Land, they were given solemn
promises and warnings: promises that if they obeyed the covenant with
Moses they would be blessed and warnings that if they disobeyed, they
would suffer for it. And sure enough, the promises and warnings were
fulfilled in the history of Israel. But there was a curious imbalance
between the promises and warnings. If blessings were received they were
merely blessings. But if punishment took place it was not merely a curse.
It was another sort of blessing (albeit a painful one) aimed at
bringing Israel back to God. It began to look like, no matter how you sliced
it, God wanted to bless Israel. It’s the same with us. Even our
trials and tribulations are merely another way in which God sends us his
goodness, even the terrible goodness of being conformed to the image of
Christ Crucified. And such goodness means we are not abandoned or mocked
in our moments of pain. We are closer than ever to him who loved us
through the death of the Cross and on into the miracle of the
Resurrection—-a miracle we shall share as certainly as the sun rises in the
morning if we remain faithful to Christ Crucified.

 

[kellyb32]

Viki59:

Kelly,
We are praying for you and your baby, it’s exciting that she/he is due any day now.
I work with Birthright, which in my area offers baby clothes and other items, like blankets, toiletries for baby, and so on, to expectant mothers. I see there are chapters of Birthright in New York, and am sure you could find one near you. Perhaps they could be of help with things you’ll need for baby. Their mission is to encourage people to have their babies, by making life a little easier for mothers. If you explained your situation a little, I’m sure they would help you.
You don’t have to be considering an abortion or adoption to request assistance from them. Just tell them that your baby is coming soon and finances are very tight.
God bless you.

Thank you so much for all of your prayers. I’m pretty much set for clothes and things of that nature for the baby since I’m a packrat anyway. I also have an “unnatural” attachment to all things that my kids wore…I hate giving them up for sentimental reasons, besides… the hand me downs saved me lots of money when it came to my second daughter. The only Birthright organizations nearby aren’t really close to me…they are in Canada and at least an hour away. I’d do better to save the gas and shop at the local Walmart or Salvation Army store that’s 10 minutes from me. Thank you anyway for the suggestion!

God bless!

 

[Island_Oak]

MaryBeth Mac:

… I know that the struggles have been our crosses and the whisper of God to draw us closer to Him…

Your full post was a stunningly beautiful statement of faith. It brought tears to my eyes and a prayer of gratitude for your humility and courage to share it. Thank you for that precious gift.

 

[MaryBeth_Mac]

Thanks for the comment. Our God is a tough one isn’t He. That’s what He has to offer us; but sometimes I just lose that… and don’t we all need each other to keep us reminded of what we can have.

Kelly, very up-lifing. I was needing to hear that also! I hate tribulation and trials, but I love them… Aren’t we just like the biblical people in the old and new testament-we suck and then we get it, and then we suck again.

God bless your precious little baby and your family! Let’s spend today praising God for our every need that he is going to fulfill; (except the ones He has to hold back on for our perfection) When I had my four year old we had a huge gap from the last child and so I had no baby stuff. I got everything and barely had to buy her anything for the first 18 months. I would even think about something I might need-like a rocking chair and a sling, and the next day someone would call me with it…
Have a great day!