Moral Dilemma - Contracepting

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I can tell you from first hand knowledge you are wrong. And I’ve heard it more than once on this forum too.
 
So you’re saying that couples shouldn’t talk to their pastor about marital issues regarding contraception and Church teaching?
 
No. I’m saying that no one should try to seek permission or approval to use contraception from a priest.

A couple should ask the priest what the Church Teaches. No one should try to tempt the priest to advise them to contracept.

Are Catholics going to their priests and asking “Fr. John Doe, can we use contraception in our situation?”? That would not be cool. They should ask, “Fr. John, does the Church permit us to contracept?”

It’s not a secret that contraception is condemned by the Church. Just research. Dont try to get a priest to cooperate with doing something against the Church.
 
My wife’s currently not open to this. The combination of her horrible childhood, lack of support system, unbelief in the Church’s teaching and so many Catholics around us contracepting forms her decision to currently not be open to it.
 
Agreed. Just hoping and praying to get my wife involved in a conversation about it with someone other than me.
 
I already know the teaching. The dilemma is that my wife perceives my decision as selfish which could ultimately drive a wedge between us and her and the Church. Hypothetically, what if this type of situation eventually caused enough strain to end a marriage where kids are involved and currently being raised in a Catholic community?
 
As several others have told you, you and your wife need to speak to the priest. Perhaps he will be able to gently convince your wife. In my experience, sometimes a spouse is too afraid of upsetting the other spouse to be able to handle difficult discussions, and that’s where outside help can be useful.

Wanting to avoid sin is not “selfish”. If your wife perceives that it is, then she needs spiritual guidance.

I have absolutely no idea why you both can’t practice NFP as someone else suggested, rather than you going through contortions trying to find a justification, which doesn’t exist, for you to contracept.
 
tal3210 said:
My wife’s currently not open to this. The combination of her horrible childhood, lack of support system, unbelief in the Church’s teaching and so many Catholics around us contracepting forms her decision to currently not be open to it.
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Yes, this is a huge problem. It just gets worse and worse. Its scandal. That’s why sin affects the whole Church.
 
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tal3210 said:
Agreed. Just hoping and praying to get my wife involved in a conversation about it with someone other than me.
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Chances are great, that the other person will support contraception.
 
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I strongly suggest a Church guided separation BEFORE it gets too late. A separation with a Church mediator and terms.

A love based separation, not a separation based on judgment and intentions to divorce. But to place some emphasis on the severity of what is happening.
 
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It seems there is a peer group who’s opinions are very important to your wife.

I would suggest that you contact the Family Life office at your Diocese for the names of some couples, or maybe your Parish does the “Pre Cana” model where there are mentor couples right in your parish. These folks are practicing NFP in the real world.

Start by simply having a conversation with the husbands in some couples. Simply having a support system yourself of other guys with skin on makes all the difference. It is not some random online person, these are guys you can have a beer with and talk about the nitty gritty.

Then, try to maybe invite the couple over for dinner, out to lunch. Introduce your wife to some other women who are using NFP to avoid pregnancy.

Find a training couple, I am always going to suggest Creighton because it is good for someone who does not want to do temping every day, but, find what will fit with your wife’s lifestyle. Just go in for one intro session.

At the very least, read the book “The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning”. It speaks of the real life stuff.
 
Ammi said:
I strongly suggest a Church guided separation BEFORE it gets too late. A separation with a Church mediator and terms.

A love based separation, not a separation based on judgment and intentions to divorce. But to place some emphasis on the severity of what is happening.
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Please, do not suggest separation like this over a hypothetical!
tal3210 said:
Hypothetically, what if this type of situation eventually caused enough strain to end a marriage where kids are involved and currently being raised in a Catholic community?
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Don’t get in your own head too much, spinning worst case scenarios. Talk to your priest, talk to a deacon, a Catholic friend (are you in the Knights of Columbus? That is a built in group of men from all walks of life, yes even the “old guys” have a lifetime of experience to share).

Scripture warns us about fretting over things that have not happened. Focus on today. Love your wife. Bring her flowers. Put the kids down early, turn on music and dance in the living room.

Make her an appointment for a massage and a manicure, you do kid duty while she has some self care time.
 
Fine, then we both agree the collection plate is a non-issue when discussing the morality of committing a grave sin.
 
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Yes, but the current situation is bad enough to warrant a healthy separation BEFORE it gets to that point. Already, his wife is rejecting Church Teaching, counseling, and meeting with a pastor, while imposing something against the will of her husband. That is not hypothetical.
 
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I appreciate this perspective. We have some friends that do practice nfp and we have done it in our marriage. So we’re not unfamiliar with it but she just doesn’t buy into the teaching fully and the friends who do it are struggling with it like we did. I also learned the teaching more fully just about 4 years ago so that changed things for us too. I know I need to talk to others but she’s not open to being a part of those convos right now. She’s well intentioned and an amazing person but she is frustrated. Just not buying into the teaching.
 
She’s not interested in talking with a priest about it. That’s not up her alley. Part of why it’s tough. We have done nfp before too and she hated it. We have friends that do it that also are not loving it. I think it’s like a lot of teachings. If one has never learned the why behind something then it seems arbitrary. I have read Aquinas and lots of theology. It’s a hobby of mine but not hers. She’s a better person than me I think but she’s not interested in learning more about the teachings. She just sees it as an unnecessary difficulty. Especially when other mass going Catholics are getting snipped and great Christian friends don’t think twice about contracepting.
 
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