Morality Questions Concerning Victims Of Rape, Incest, and Spousal Abuse

[centurionguard]

Why Is It The Catholic Church and Priests Give Little Thought Provoking Compassion Support More Than Is Presently Seen Today In Catholic Circles?

Canon Law makes very little statement about significant support in numerous help sectors, Special groups such as Catholic Women’s Groups and in particular note from my prospective from the biggest Catholic Men’s organization. Of course I’m speaking about the Fraternal Brothers of the Knights of Columbus.

2356 Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person. It does injury to justice and charity. Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life. It is always an intrinsically evil act. Graver still is the rape of children committed by parents (incest) or those responsible for the education of the children entrusted to them.

Sorry for saying this but is this the ONLY significance the Catholic Church can come up on showing remote support on behalf of Rape Victims (“women, men, and children”) ?
Is their a priest here on befalf of our beloved Catholic who can show some more compassionate insight ?

I suppose my being a very emotional heterosexual Male Rape Victim due to Gang Rape and torture in it’s extreme a gunpoint by two male savage assailants and a poor excuse for a disrespectful female assailant. Many here have followed My Rape Story posted in my own Prayer Intentions ("posts 53 and 54 (“The Day I Lost My Soul”) in (“Prayers for Victims of Rape, Incest, and Spousal Abuse”) My 30th Anniversary this year. It’s as bad as it gets speaking of my dear international friends here at Catholic Answers Forums who have given me Hope to press on with their beautiful prayers…
August 25th 1979 will never leave my shattered soul. My terminal illnesses are taxing my strength. But I continue in Hope, Love and Humility to share with others in support of those injured souls who are deeply scarred and shattered inside. Perhaps that is the blessing of my vocation til the Lord takes me home.

Still much much work is needed in the Catholic Church to reach out with their hearts and immortal souls. And I cannot stress this point enough in the Churches complacency to reach out to those Victims. THEY NEED YOUR HEART.

 

[Agatina]

I’m so sorry to hear about this abuse you suffered. I don’t know anything about this on a personal level but I hurt for you & offer my prayers for your peace in the name of Jesus the Christ.

 

[centurionguard]

I believe this prayer speaks on behalf of Victimized Souls who have suffered so much travesty in their heart through the trial of being Victimized by Rape, Incest and Spousal Abuse. Beloved Mother Theresa of Calcutta always had profound thoughtful reflections for Rape and Incest Victims. This was so dear to her beloved soul in life.

Dearest Lord; May I see you today and everyday, in the person of everyone that I meet. Though you hide yourself behind the unattractive disguise of irritable, the exacting, the unreasonable, may I still recognize you and say, “Jesus my friend: how sweet it is to serve you.” Lord give me the seeing faith, so my life may never be monotonous. May I always find joy in humoring the fancies and gratifying the wishes of each person I meet.

Oh Beloved Jesus, how dear your are to me, and what a privilege it is for me to be allowed to tend you. sweetest Lord, I appreciate what you have given me in life: my job, my family, my friends etc. Never permit me to disgrace it, by giving way to coldness, selfishness, and impatience.

Oh God while you are Jesus, inside each person I meet: please be a patient Jesus, bearing with my faults, looking only to my good intentions which are to love and serve you, in the person of each and everyone I meet.

Lord increase my faith, bless my efforts and works, now and forever more Amen.

 

[centurionguard]

I’m so sorry to hear about this abuse you suffered. I don’t know anything about this on a personal level but I hurt for you & offer my prayers for your peace in the name of Jesus the Christ.

Agatina; I appreciate your sincerity and taking time to contemplate from your inner heart.
It’s truly regrettable this post will get little air time. People wast far too much idle speculation
of sexual issues and the like and of course deliberating gay rights issues and trying to fathom the morality for themselves personally involved in such human weaknesses and sinful acts by experimentation. Don’t misinterpret my interests or bias as a gay basher because I am far from such judgment on this matter with the exception of abiding by morality from the Catholic Churches standpoint and Gods adherance to the Ten Commandments.

It comes time in ones life to put away shame with God’s supportive Sanctifying grace.
Rape, Incest, and Spousal abuse are imperatives that need to be brought into the light and seriously heard not debated in a compassionate civil manner with tactful support on behalf of others who are educated in such concerns and dedication for Victims who are afflicted deeply. People need a Heart that Listens to others.

 

[Prayer_Warrior]

As a victim of childhood incest, I can relate. Well, somewhat. Though I have not endured the violent assault on the body that you suffered, I have endured the emotional assault, the shame, the anger. But pain is unique to everyone; no one in this world has endured exactly your pain, even if they have been through the same sort of ordeal, because they are not you. I am sorry for your pain and can only pray that the Lord will come into each area of darkness and pain in your soul. My prayer for you and hopefully you will join me, is that the Lord will come into every specific memory of that event and even the parts you don’t remember, that He will heal every memory and every facet of every emotion associated with this tragedy. I pray He will heal any remaining feelings of anger, betrayal, rejection, sadness, loneliness, despair, failure, helplessness, shame, sorrow, fear, insecurity and resentment. If I may suggest: pray for Him the shed His grace into each particular area, one at a time. That has really helped me. I pray that He will bring His light into all those dark areas and that you will feel joy, contentment, elation, love, forgiveness, mercy, and most of all the peace that only He can give. You will know you are healed when you can pray with your heart for God’s forgiveness to the people who hurt you. I also pray for His healing mercy to come into your body and you will be completely healed of all of your illnesses.

As to why the Church doesn’t reach out more. Perhaps it is because people don’t quite know how to go about it. I’m sure there are priests that provide as much counsel and insight as they can when people come to them, but as far as them reaching out… perhaps they just don’t know what to do. Poor excuse, I know, but I think that may be a part of it. Furthermore, there may be a fear of making things worse. Let’s be honest, the scars run deep, many times victims suffer PTSD, if you get some well-meaning but ignorant clergyman in with a victim trying to counsel him or her, you could end up with a real mess. Just a thought.

Perhaps it is the vocation of those of us who have been through these traumatic events and survived with our faith in tact to try to bring it to the attention of our parishes? For example, somebody had to have started “Rachel’s Hope” which is a healing ministry in my area for those whose lives have been hurt by abortion. I don’t know who that person was-- but my guess is that it was someone who had an abortion, was devastated, came through it, and wanted to help others heal too. The more I ponder the matter, the more I think to myself that that is one good thing that could result from my experience or yours-- we could be the Lord’s instruments to help other people heal. But there again, I am not a licensed professional, only one who has been through an emotionally devastating event and come through it. I might be able to help someone, but I might make them feel worse by accident.

Truly, you are in my prayers. May God give you His strength to endure all your trials and may He bless you mightily for your courage in talking about this very painful issue. :hug1:

 

[Lorrie]

I just want to say that I think that’s the longest title I’ve ever seen on here.

 

[LilyM]

I just want to say that I think that’s the longest title I’ve ever seen on here.

I think it does quite possibly qualify for some sort of record. Not to take away from the seriousness and importance of the issue the poster raises.

What exactly do you think the Church should be saying on the issue that it hasn’t said, CG - and why in particular do you think that Canon Law or the Catechism are the appropriate places to put a discussion of the sort of issues you’re talking about?

I mean it’s not like secular institutions stick statements about sympathy and empathy and services for victims and whatnot in the middle of THEIR legal statutes or legal textbooks, is it? It’s not like they aren’t equally responsible for the same sort of issues either, but they handle them through other avenues.

As far as I can see the Catechism’s treatment of rape is about on a par (as it should be) with its treatment of other serious crimes against the person like murder or torture. Do you agree?

 

[centurionguard]

I think it does quite possibly qualify for some sort of record. Not to take away from the seriousness and importance of the issue the poster raises.

What exactly do you think the Church should be saying on the issue that it hasn’t said, CG - and why in particular do you think that Canon Law or the Catechism are the appropriate places to put a discussion of the sort of issues you’re talking about?

I mean it’s not like secular institutions stick statements about sympathy and empathy and services for victims and whatnot in the middle of THEIR legal statutes or legal textbooks, is it? It’s not like they aren’t equally responsible for the same sort of issues either, but they handle them through other avenues.

As far as I can see the Catechism’s treatment of rape is about on a par (as it should be) with its treatment of other serious crimes against the person like murder or torture. Do you agree?

and why in particular do you think that Canon Law or the Catechism are the appropriate places to put a discussion of the sort of issues you’re talking about?

Your criticism seems empty. Then of course you are NOT a Rape Victim either.
In which case you know very little about many aspects of Rape than you assume you do.
That in it self doesn’t surprise me in the least. This goes the same for the Catholic Church and its services or lack of for Victims themselves. You have not heard of my plight to find widely publicized rape services in the Catholic Church who would rather leave this matter in secular hands anyway.

 

[kage_ar]

Canon law does not say the Knights or women’s groups have to exist.

Please, contact your priest, Catholic Charities and or www.catholictherapists.com, someone who is trained in helping heal wounds will be there.

 

[centurionguard]

Canon law does not say the Knights or women’s groups have to exist.

Please, contact your priest, Catholic Charities and or www.catholictherapists.com, someone who is trained in helping heal wounds will be there.

Another empty comment ?

 

[kage_ar]

I am not a professional, there are Catholic professionals, to remind you where they are is all I can do - it is not empty, it is Christian sharing.

 

[johnnycatholic]

Your criticism seems empty. Then of course you are NOT a Rape Victim either.
In which case you know very little about many aspects of Rape than you assume you do.
That in in it self doesn’t surprise me in the least.

You did not answer his question. In fact one does not have to be raped to understand or relate to it. The vast majority of humanity has not been raped including the majority of councilors who help give therapy to victims. What you said does not answer the question of what you would like the Church to say further on the issue. The quote you gave from the catechism condemns rape and incest in the deepest possible philosophical way.
I can only assume that you mean the Church should set up some sort of rape and incest ministry. That is a good idea why don’t you get it started? You are part of the Church too ya know.

 

[centurionguard]

I am not a professional, there are Catholic professionals, to remind you where they are is all I can do - it is not empty, it is Christian sharing.

My apologies. If it was within my means and my waining terminal health was far better I would do as you state. I have in fact had other gentlemen here who reminded me of starting a Catholic ministry with the Church’s help of course.

 

[LilyM]

My apologies. If it was within my means and my waining terminal health was far better I would do as you state. I have in fact had other gentlemen here who reminded me of starting a Catholic ministry with the Church’s help of course.

Good to hear - I think what people in your situation need is practical help, over and above verbal statements, however sympathetic or empathetic.

I know when things go wrong in my life I heal best when I focus on helping others rather than on my own problems. Focusing on helping others who are in the same situation as yourself sounds ideal.

 

[centurionguard]

Canon law does not say the Knights or women’s groups have to exist.

Please, contact your priest, Catholic Charities and or www.catholictherapists.com, someone who is trained in helping heal wounds will be there.

The only critique that I will give concerning the thoughtful reference you supplied

www.catholictherapists.com

is that most catholic therapist are schooled in secular medical atmospheres and give adherence to applicable secular issues on psychotherapy with their broken patients through this same mode they are trained in lacking the Catholic interests. But what of the Knights of Columbus and Catholic Womens Groups ?
You seem to say they shouldn’t take an important interest to such an important ministry in the Church ? What gives in your assumptions here ? For this is far too imperative to just wast into mindful oblivion.
I will give credit to this site you implied. Thanks.

Peace
Chris

 

[kage_ar]

What I get from your post is that your frustrated that the Church does not REQUIRE, in Canon Law or some other official document, each Parish to have therapy for those who have experienced the crimes you list. The only things I can think of that are required by law are sacraments and religious education. The groups I mentioned are more organic in nature and not required.

The Church acts as a loving parent, when one of her children is hurt, she provides pastoral care through the priests. These priests are human, each Catholic is part of a larger family - the parish family. Each parish does what it has the staff, volunteers and resources to do. Using secular resources when we need to is where we trust our Catholic family to provide references

That was all.

 

[centurionguard]

What I get from your post is that your frustrated that the Church does not REQUIRE, in Canon Law or some other official document, each Parish to have therapy for those who have experienced the crimes you list. The only things I can think of that are required by law are sacraments and religious education. The groups I mentioned are more organic in nature and not required.

The Church acts as a loving parent, when one of her children is hurt, she provides pastoral care through the priests. These priests are human, each Catholic is part of a larger family - the parish family. Each parish does what it has the staff, volunteers and resources to do. Using secular resources when we need to is where we trust our Catholic family to provide references

That was all.

Much appreciated.You gave me something to go on. I have sent many letters to Catholic Womens Groups and the Knights of Columbus in which I am a member (“3rd degree”)
Though sincere replies were given not much to go on left me feeling empty.
I have recently sought setting up personal one to one meetings with a priest and a paricular woman in the parish whom I know is very compassionate and whom I have devoutly worked with many years in the past. She presently fulfills the role as Pastoral Ministry Team Co-ordinator: Social Justice. the Priest friend I also know is sincere.

 

[kage_ar]

Keep going, there is nothing more healing than helping others.

 

[centurionguard]

Part 1

The following is a guide for rape victims and for all who want to help them. Because a number of other sources cover basic information on rape, we focus here on providing information that will help you get support, protection, and justice in the aftermath of rape or sexual assault.

Part I, “General Tips”, provides you with some basic guidelines that should help you throughout the course of dealing with a rape.

Part II, “Preventing and Dealing with Mistreatment from Others” is designed to help you prevent and deal with abusive reactions that you as a rape victim may experience from others. Though many people’s responses to rape victims are improving, there are still too many people who tend to disbelieve, blame, ignore, or even turn against the victim. This section will not only help you prevent these reactions, it should also help you develop the positive support and help you deserve.

Part III, “Obtaining Justice and Protection from the Criminal Justice System”. No other crime is treated more poorly by the criminal justice system than rape. But don’t despair. Things are improving here too, even in the male dominated field of law enforcement. There are many things you and your support system can do to make the criminal justice system work for you. In Part III, we give you detailed information on how to get the justice and protection you deserve.

 

[centurionguard]

Part 2

Today, way too many rape victims continue to encounter the old sexist and racist responses to rape from family, friends, acquaintances, and authorities. As a rape victim, you may encounter some of these reactions, too. Things are definitely not perfect yet.

But it should help you to keep in mind how fast things are changing and what this means for you. Only a generation ago, as recently as 1970, there were no rape crisis centers and no national studies on rape. Police rarely took reports, rape victims rarely got justice, and a rape was almost always considered the fault of the victim.

Today our society is in the midst of making great changes in its understanding of the injuries and injustices of rape. What this means for you is that when you do encounter negative reactions from others you must not give up. It’s very important for you to remind yourself that there are other people right in your own town who do understand. There are people close by who are willing to fight for your rights, and people who are willing to help.

The fact that society is in transition also means that even those people who respond poorly to you can often be encouraged and educated to respond better. The old and the new understandings of rape coexist in all of us to one extent or another. Sometimes just by having an advocate or friend talk with the people who are giving you trouble, you can turn their behavior around.

So do not give up. Don’t fall into isolation and despair. When you run into people who treat you badly, don’t panic. If you’re willing to get back up and keep looking for help and support, you’re very likely to find it. You may not get a hundred percent of what you deserve, but you will find people who will listen. You will find people who will stand at your side, and people who will fight for your rights. And in the process of carrying out your own fight for justice and support, you’ll also be making it that much better for the women who come after you, just as thousands of women have done before you.