More, more, more!

[Gordon_Sims]

Up until the last few days, this year I’ve done pretty well at avoiding the stress that comes with listening to people I know succumbing to the ultra-commercial aspects of Christmas. Not just the complaining and worries that come with making sure they get their shopping & wrapping done on time, but the complaints and stress over needing to get thirty bajillion more things to cram under their already overstuffed trees. After some of what I’ve seen and heard over the last 48 hours, I’m ready to unplug the phone and shut down the internet for the next two days. One friend of mine complained because he’s already got too many things for his kids under the tree, but it’s almost all clothes and he feels this is the last year his boys will really be into certain types of toys, so he’s been running around the last two days trying to buy up every action figure and Lego set he can find. Another one’s worried that her granddaughter won’t like the laptop she bought her so she ran back out and bought her an iPod and an Android tablet (someone told her kids these days get upset if they don’t have both). I was talking to one friend and she’s dreading dinner with her in-laws because they told her they’d need two trips to bring all their kids’ presents. It’s enough to make me ill.

At the same time, it’s making me feel upset and guilty over what we’re getting our kids for Christmas. It looks like a lot more than we actually spent. We managed to luck into a few really great deals this year, so our youngest ones are getting twice the amount of clothes we were planning on, even though we came in under budget for them. We got their big gift from one of my mother-in-law’s former coworkers who spent a ton of money on her own granddaughter last year, then had a nasty falling out with her daughter-in-law and hasn’t seen her since. She sold us a very nice gift, opened but untouched, for a fraction of what we’d have paid at the store. We only got a handful of gifts for our older girls, but they’re much more expensive. However, we got everything for 30-60% off their regular price so we came in under budget for them as well. And except for one thing I bought my wife so I could get free shipping on something, everything I’m giving her are gifts I bought last year during after-Christmas clearance sales.

The one thing that makes feel good through all this is that every time we watch a Christmas movie, my daughters point out how it’s not conveying the true meaning of Christmas, or point to things that actually in keeping with the season. We’re going to Midnight Mass tomorrow night and I’ll probably read the Nativity story to the family tonight before bed. After that I think we’ll shut out the world for a few days so they can enjoy their haul, while we focus on our family traditions.

 

[EasterJoy]

The one thing that makes feel good through all this is that every time we watch a Christmas movie, my daughters point out how it’s not conveying the true meaning of Christmas, or point to things that actually in keeping with the season. We’re going to Midnight Mass tomorrow night and I’ll probably read the Nativity story to the family tonight before bed. After that I think we’ll shut out the world for a few days so they can enjoy their haul, while we focus on our family traditions.

You can’t make yourself not think a thing by trying not to think it. It is almost impossible. The only thing you can do is to substitute a better thought for a worse thought. The example I like is this: You can’t obey the command “don’t think of elephants”. The thing to do when you find yourself thinking of elephants when you don’t want to is to tell yourself “think of predators” or “think of how to explain how to make an omelette to someone who’s never made one.”

When the topic of Christmas presents starts bothering you,* transfer* your thoughts over to the nice parts of the season that you have going on already, and savor those. Many people don’t get any, after all!

 

[Tablefor9]

A nice side benefit to being the youngest of 14 kids is watching everyone else start to raise kids and say, “erm, no thanks,” when I saw something that wasn’t working.

So, way back when the first of our 7 came along we made our own family tradition WAY different than our families’.

Jesus was presented with 3 gifts by the Magi. Our children get 3 gifts each. We may purchase surprise big ticket items they will share (think oh-my-goodness wooden dollhouse that cost a car payment or a trampoline or a 4 wheeler) but INDIVIDUALLY, 3 plus their stocking.

They help wrap each other’s gifts once they are old enough to keep a secret like the grave, they perform service to others, we watch family movies, sing, cuddle with hot chocolate on rainy nights, and slowly decorate through Advent.

It’s about faith, and family, even if sometimes the gift buying is a mad race to the finish line

 

[Gordon_Sims]

We cut way back on our Christmas budget years ago, partially out of necessity but also because we didn’t want our kids to focus on it as a day for tons of gifts and nothing else, and because we saw what was happening with other people we know. We went to one friend’s house and her daughter had three huge boxes of gifts that they knew she’d never play with. This was on top of the tons of stuff that they knew she’d play with, or at least hoped she’d get around to playing with someday. Each of the boxes held more toys than our kids had gotten in total that year, and each one likely cost more than our entire Christmas budget. Yes, they’re free to do what they want at Christmas, but at some point you need to step back and see that something’s broken.

We do our best not to focus on it but some people really like to throw it in others’ faces. We also know that no matter how we handle our Christmas, some people we know will complain that we spent too much while others will say we didn’t spend enough (amid the various other complaints that always come up). More and more I get to thinking that my one friend has the right idea: he takes his family on a two week vacation each year, leaving shortly before Christmas and coming back after New Years. That way, by the time they see the extended family, everyone’s already exerted all their seasonal ill will on each other and they don’t have anything left for him and his kids.

 

[EasterJoy]

…We do our best not to focus on it but some people really like to throw it in others’ faces. We also know that no matter how we handle our Christmas, some people we know will complain that we spent too much while others will say we didn’t spend enough (amid the various other complaints that always come up)…

This shocks me a bit. I have never had anyone ask what we spend on Christmas, or ever indicate that it was their place to tell me that we spent too much or too little. I would be speechless if they did (as I was the one time a fellow guest at a wedding asked me what a dress I was wearing had cost me). They ask the children “if Santa brought you something special,” or something of that nature, but that’s all. I suppose I was brought up in a family where you did not speak about money, maybe that’s why. It just seems so crass to presume to tell someone that their gift-giving is inappropriate…do good manners not require anyone to bite their tongues any more? Again, maybe it is a regional thing.

More and more I get to thinking that my one friend has the right idea: he takes his family on a two week vacation each year, leaving shortly before Christmas and coming back after New Years. That way, by the time they see the extended family, everyone’s already exerted all their seasonal ill will on each other and they don’t have anything left for him and his kids.

This is just plain sad. How awful to be in one of those families that does not use Christmas to set aside ill will. Probably even the weddings and funerals are bad, too? How awful. I can see going away at Christmas, yes.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

This shocks me a bit. I have never had anyone ask what we spend on Christmas, or ever indicate that it was their place to tell me that we spent too much or too little. I would be speechless if they did (as I was the one time a fellow guest at a wedding asked me what a dress I was wearing had cost me). They ask the children “if Santa brought you something special,” or something of that nature, but that’s all. I suppose I was brought up in a family where you did not speak about money, maybe that’s why. It just seems so crass to presume to tell someone that their gift-giving is inappropriate…do good manners not require anyone to bite their tongues any more? Again, maybe it is a regional thing.

We used to go way overboard with Christmas when we were first married. After a few years we cut back, but due to things we already had on hand and a knack for getting great bargains, it still looked like we were going overboard. We got constant complaints about how much we allegedly spent, that we were lying when we told them it wasn’t anywhere near what they thought, and about how nobody could buy gifts for our son because we’d already bought them (not true, because when we sent out a list we said “DON’T BUY HIM THIS!” then gave a reasonable list of things to get him). A few years later, after our girls were born, it’s not that we cut back so much as our budget was now spread among more kids. While most of the complaints shifted to how unfair and borderline-abusive it was that we weren’t buying the same amount for them as we had for our son a few years earlier, other still complained that we were buying our kids too much and living outside our means (not that they had any way of knowing what we were spending or if it really was a financial burden). A few years later, we made a conscious decision (as opposed to doing it out of financial necessity) to cut our Christmas budget in half and to stop buying gifts for one another. The complaints on both sides continued. We no longer see several of the biggest complainers, but we still hear that we’re doing something wrong each year. It’s silly.

This is just plain sad. How awful to be in one of those families that does not use Christmas to set aside ill will. Probably even the weddings and funerals are bad, too? How awful. I can see going away at Christmas, yes.

We avoided the last couple funerals after my wife was verbally attacked by her own family at one of the last ones we went to for her side of the family. We figured if those folks, who are nowhere near as nasty as my side, can act like that at a funeral, we’re better off just sending a card, flowers or a donation. Then again, the last time we did that an email went out saying that we hadn’t actually given what we claimed. It’s no win sometimes.

 

[polki]

You might be interested in this article by Dr. Ray Guarendi in this Catholic radio newsletter. I thought he made some good points.

s3.amazonaws.com/TheStationoftheCross/Enewsletter/December%202013/December2013_WQOM_NL.pdf

 

[Gordon_Sims]

You might be interested in this article by Dr. Ray Guarendi in this Catholic radio newsletter. I thought he made some good points.

s3.amazonaws.com/TheStationoftheCross/Enewsletter/December%202013/December2013_WQOM_NL.pdf

Dr. Ray is usually pretty spot-on. I’m glad that we have a pretty good handle on things from our end. The kids were thrilled with what they got, even if it’s far less than some of the hauls they were seeing on Facebook throughout the day. We’ve actually managed to stem the flow from others, when helps as well. One battle we fought for years was with my in-laws. They always wanted to at least give the appearance of having given more, as though Christmas and birthdays were a contest. When my father-in-law was alive, quantity was always more important than quality. So while may parents might give the kids a nice $30 gift for their birthday, my FIL would make sure that they gave them several larger, cheap gifts. They might not be what the kids wanted, would probably seldom be played with and would fall apart within a year, but at least when they opened them they took up a lot more space than what my parents gave. Once he passed away I was able to get my MIL to understand that giving them one nice gift was a lot better than giving them lots and lots of cheap gifts. Unfortunately, she initially took that to mean she needed to buy them lots of nice gifts. She couldn’t afford it and our kids certainly didn’t need a huge stack of designer brand clothes topped with several expensive toys. She finally understands that the kids are going to be happy no matter what they open so she sets a budget and sticks with it, which not only helps her but cuts way back on what they get.

 

[EasterJoy]

We used to go way overboard with Christmas when we were first married. After a few years we cut back, but due to things we already had on hand and a knack for getting great bargains, it still looked like we were going overboard. We got constant complaints about how much we allegedly spent, that we were lying when we told them it wasn’t anywhere near what they thought, and about how nobody could buy gifts for our son because we’d already bought them (not true, because when we sent out a list we said “DON’T BUY HIM THIS!” then gave a reasonable list of things to get him). A few years later, after our girls were born, it’s not that we cut back so much as our budget was now spread among more kids. While most of the complaints shifted to how unfair and borderline-abusive it was that we weren’t buying the same amount for them as we had for our son a few years earlier, other still complained that we were buying our kids too much and living outside our means (not that they had any way of knowing what we were spending or if it really was a financial burden). A few years later, we made a conscious decision (as opposed to doing it out of financial necessity) to cut our Christmas budget in half and to stop buying gifts for one another. The complaints on both sides continued. We no longer see several of the biggest complainers, but we still hear that we’re doing something wrong each year. It’s silly.

We avoided the last couple funerals after my wife was verbally attacked by her own family at one of the last ones we went to for her side of the family. We figured if those folks, who are nowhere near as nasty as my side, can act like that at a funeral, we’re better off just sending a card, flowers or a donation. Then again, the last time we did that an email went out saying that we hadn’t actually given what we claimed. It’s no win sometimes.

Sometimes I think some family members have to find some way to cut down other family members, and they’d cut their tongues out before the complimented someone besides themselves. It makes one want to say, “Grow up, already, because you’re acting like a rotten little kid!” There is no use trying to please someone like that. Even if you agree with them, it doesn’t shut them up.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Sometimes I think some family members have to find some way to cut down other family members, and they’d cut their tongues out before the complimented someone besides themselves. It makes one want to say, “Grow up, already, because you’re acting like a rotten little kid!” There is no use trying to please someone like that. Even if you agree with them, it doesn’t shut them up.

I know a few who thrive on sarcastic put-downs. It doesn’t matter what you’re going through or what you may have done; if they comment on something at all it’s to make a nasty remark they intend as a joke. To some degree, it’s better than the ones who make nasty comments which are intended as nasty comments, but that doesn’t make it any less unwelcome or potentially hurtful. There are people with whom we used to be extremely close but we now avoid if we’re going through anything stressful for just this reason.

 

[Cat]

I think we all–myself included–need to be careful not to become cynical at Christmastime.

We know some very wealthy families, and the kids get cars, trips to Europe, etc. in their Christmas stockings. The gifts under the tree are even bigger and better than the stocking gifts!

But these families are also very generous and compassionate, and donate a lot of money to help local charities at Christmastime. And the kids are not uppity at all, but are down-to-earth and kindhearted. They fully recognize their good fortune and accept with pleasure their responsibility to help others.

And yes, we know wealthy families who wouldn’t give one dime to help a dying child right in their own front yard.

We know even more middle-income families (like us). Some are very content with what they have and generous to all who are less fortunate, while others are selfish and discontent with their pile of swag, and seek out ways that they can justify giving as little as possible to others in need.

And we know some poor families–some generous with the little they have, and some grasping and believing that everyone else owes them.

We all need to keep in mind that total expenditure on Christmas gifts is not an accurate indication of the state of the hearts of the people who buy or receive those gifts.

In the same way, we need to keep in mind that it’s possible and probable that families who celebrate Christmas with noisy and maniacal frenzy are no less focused on Jesus Christ than those who keep Christmas quietly and simply.

Let everyone be free to celebrate the birth of Jesus in their own way.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I think we all–myself included–need to be careful not to become cynical at Christmastime.

Let everyone be free to celebrate the birth of Jesus in their own way.

Cynicism is definitely an easy trap to fall into this time of year, especially when the worst of what we see is from our ostensibly Catholic friends. We’ve read about how difficult it was for them to even walk around their trees due to the number of gifts, and how cute it was that, despite the present-littered landscape, their kids still complained about not getting the right this or that in the right color. We then read about how, today, while scouring the stores for after-Christmas bargains, they bought the kids the missing gifts and the right colors. We’ve heard about the drunken celebrations, the horrible hangovers and the one friend who, in his blacked-out drunken state, knocked over the Christmas tree and destroyed a lot of his kids’ handmade decorations. And we’ve listened to the one friend who was stricken from a lot of her family’s Christmas card list because they found out she still sends a card to her estranged sister and her son. It’s hard to respect the way some of these people keep Christmas when the only time they’ll be on their knees this week will be while they’re worshiping the porcelain god.

On a bright note, I will say that our Midnight Mass was wonderful. We got there early, were able to pray in a relatively full but nearly silent church, listened to the choir as they sang a beautiful selection of carols before Mass, then wished a few old friends a Merry Christmas on our way out. Our Christmas definitely wasn’t all bad, and the good really helped to offset a lot of the other stuff we went through over the past week.

 

[Xantippe]

Less Facebook?

 

[maryjk]

Cynicism is definitely an easy trap to fall into this time of year, especially when the worst of what we see is from our ostensibly Catholic friends. We’ve read about how difficult it was for them to even walk around their trees due to the number of gifts, and how cute it was that, despite the present-littered landscape, their kids still complained about not getting the right this or that in the right color. We then read about how, today, while scouring the stores for after-Christmas bargains, they bought the kids the missing gifts and the right colors. We’ve heard about the drunken celebrations, the horrible hangovers and the one friend who, in his blacked-out drunken state, knocked over the Christmas tree and destroyed a lot of his kids’ handmade decorations. And we’ve listened to the one friend who was stricken from a lot of her family’s Christmas card list because they found out she still sends a card to her estranged sister and her son. It’s hard to respect the way some of these people keep Christmas when the only time they’ll be on their knees this week will be while they’re worshiping the porcelain god.

On a bright note, I will say that our Midnight Mass was wonderful. We got there early, were able to pray in a relatively full but nearly silent church, listened to the choir as they sang a beautiful selection of carols before Mass, then wished a few old friends a Merry Christmas on our way out. Our Christmas definitely wasn’t all bad, and the good really helped to offset a lot of the other stuff we went through over the past week.

Sometimes after reading your posts, I think you need to find new friends.

I have to say, I don’t know a single family that had any of the issues you posted about. No one.

Blacked out, drunken state?? On Christmas??

 

[CradleJourney]

In the same way, we need to keep in mind that it’s possible and probable that families who celebrate Christmas with noisy and maniacal frenzy are no less focused on Jesus Christ than those who keep Christmas quietly and simply.

Let everyone be free to celebrate the birth of Jesus in their own way.

For those who abide by the 3 gift idea, if it works for you, great! Personally, I can’t imagine it working in our family culture - but that’s okay. Our kids get way more than that - but the cost per gift is usually fairly low, plus we have each child get a gift for each of their siblings. It’s about style and tradition not a count of either gifts or money.

My success is that the kids are just as eager to pass out the presents they picked out and watch their siblings open them as they are to open their own. And unlike at least four of my friends, not one of my children has ever complained about either what they got or about not getting more.

Perhaps it’s because if they did, they know I’d take away what they had in a heartbeat

 

[EasterJoy]

Sometimes after reading your posts, I think you need to find new friends.

I have to say, I don’t know a single family that had any of the issues you posted about. No one.

Blacked out, drunken state?? On Christmas??

I wish I could say that. I count our blessings all of the time, because of stories I hear from people I know: people who finally had a good Christmas because alcohol was not allowed, people who quit spending the day with their family and are much happier for it, people who are relieved that some family member had a break-through or just stopped coming, and quit ruining family gatherings.

I must admit that I don’t hear from people who personally do this kind of thing. I especially do not know any parents who think it is “cute” when their children complain about anything, let alone that they don’t like their gifts. One of the advantages of staying off of Facebook, from what I gather.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Sometimes after reading your posts, I think you need to find new friends.

I have to say, I don’t know a single family that had any of the issues you posted about. No one.

Blacked out, drunken state?? On Christmas??

We’ve distanced ourselves from the worst offenders, and we no longer attend the parties where alcohol-fueled obliteration is the main focus (sadly, that’s not the main reason we don’t attend, but it plays a big part). Oddly enough, there was a time when I didn’t realize that the sort of drinking that went on at my family gatherings wasn’t common in all families. In my mid-20’s I went to a couple of my friend’s family Christmas parties. At one, the invitation said “bring your own drinks.” I showed up with a case of beer and a bottle of rum (all for myself). When I got there, nobody else had brought any alcohol. Embarrassed, I left mine in the car and drank water all night. At another, I asked beforehand and found out there’d be little or no alcohol so I brought soft drinks and juice. Someone else brought nothing but hard liquor, was the only drinker there and made a total fool out of himself. Those two parties made me realize not only that not all families make getting drunk a centerpiece of their celebrations, but that you could go to a family party, have a good time and still remember it in the morning. It didn’t lead to me condemning my family’s practices at the time, but back then there was still a bit of self-control, and I still drank. As luck would have it, about the time I quit drinking, the drinking at my family parties changed from very heavy social drinking to the sort of drinking you see in movies about crazy college fraternities. All the other problems aside, it’s hard to come up with any sort of justification for taking your kids to a family party where they make an announcement at the start of the night to let people know they’ve made accommodations for the ones who plan on passing out and the ones who plan on vomiting. I’m still not sure why my wife & I are the only ones who have a real problem with this.

As far as Facebook goes, only about half of what we’ve encountered this year has been on there, and we’ve actually avoided it quite a bit this week. The rest has been from emails and phone calls.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I wish I could say that. I count our blessings all of the time, because of stories I hear from people I know: people who finally had a good Christmas because alcohol was not allowed, people who quit spending the day with their family and are much happier for it, people who are relieved that some family member had a break-through or just stopped coming, and quit ruining family gatherings.

I must admit that I don’t hear from people who personally do this kind of thing. I especially do not know any parents who think it is “cute” when their children complain about anything, let alone that they don’t like their gifts. One of the advantages of staying off of Facebook, from what I gather.

I have a family member who asked about whether anyone though cutting back on the drinking might be a good idea at the bigger family parties. They didn’t condemn it or even suggest we actually do it; they just raised the question as a possibility and to get opinions. They were shunned for the next few months. What’s funny is that this happened years ago before the extreme drinking kicked in. What sparked the conversation is that one family member had been left off the invitation list for a string of cookouts over the summer because he’d gotten too drunk at an earlier party. The amount of drinking that got him “suspended” was far less than what is commonplace now.

The parents who get a kick out of how spoiled their own children are really bother me. My wife often reads my Facebook when I’m not around and, unbeknownst to me, she hid one of my friends from my timeline. I’m not sure when she did this but I realized a few days ago that her normal Christmas posts hadn’t shown up. I checked her page and found something she’d posted after her daughter’s birthday. She gives her kids lavish parties with tons of expensive gifts. She thought it was cute that her daughter had complained about every single gift she’d been given and demanded that it all be taken back and the right stuff be bought instead. My friend said, “That’s my girl!” or something along those lines, then loaded her daughter and all her gifts into the car, took her to the store, returned everything and bought her new versions of everything she’d returned. She felt the daughter deserved to be rewarded for being strong-willed and demanding what she wanted. To be fair, it’s better than the last time she did something similar. Then she didn’t bother returning the gifts and just bought her new ones instead.

 

[EasterJoy]

I have a family member who asked about whether anyone though cutting back on the drinking might be a good idea at the bigger family parties. They didn’t condemn it or even suggest we actually do it; they just raised the question as a possibility and to get opinions. They were shunned for the next few months…

If you and the member of the family who raised the question had a “dry” party–meaning one where no one had more alcohol than would allow them to legally drive–and no one but your family and that family would show up, would this be such a bad thing?

If you and this family were to say, “You know, we don’t mind drinking, but we’ve had it with drunkenness,” and cut off anyone who showed up at your parties drunk or had too much to drink while there, you’d still have each other. I suspect you’d have a really nice time, too. Who knows, you might gradually get partisans to come over to your side, and the drunks could “enjoy” each other, too.

The parents who get a kick out of how spoiled their own children are really bother me. My wife often reads my Facebook when I’m not around and, unbeknownst to me, she hid one of my friends from my timeline. I’m not sure when she did this but I realized a few days ago that her normal Christmas posts hadn’t shown up. I checked her page and found something she’d posted after her daughter’s birthday. She gives her kids lavish parties with tons of expensive gifts. She thought it was cute that her daughter had complained about every single gift she’d been given and demanded that it all be taken back and the right stuff be bought instead. My friend said, “That’s my girl!” or something along those lines, then loaded her daughter and all her gifts into the car, took her to the store, returned everything and bought her new versions of everything she’d returned. She felt the daughter deserved to be rewarded for being strong-willed and demanding what she wanted. To be fair, it’s better than the last time she did something similar. Then she didn’t bother returning the gifts and just bought her new ones instead.

How to raise a Paris Hilton…oh, only your friends don’t have limitless money! Oopsie! Do these people think they are impressing someone with their shameless self-indulgence? (And make no mistake, the mother you are describing wouldn’t be reveling in her daughter’s outrageous behavior if giving in to her every whim wasn’t a form of self-indulgence.)

That’s someone I would gradually “lose contact” with. You can’t teach a pig to sing. You just frustrate yourself and annoy the pig. When a friend is that seriously out of sync in the most basic philosophies that guide your life, sometimes that is the best thing. If someone does not understand that drunkenness in public is not attractive, that self-flattery is not attractive, that spoiled children being denied all opportunity to learn good manners are not attractive, and so on, you can’t teach them by telling them directly. No, they learn because gradually no one they would want to be around will want to be around them. They find themselves surrounded by competitors, not friends, because only someone in the same insane competition will keep listening to their insanity. If this friend was to meet you now, you would not seek each other out as friends, would you? No! Never! Remember this portion of A Christmas Carol, where Belle broke off her engagement to the young Scrooge:

*"…I have seen your nobler aspirations fall off one by one, until the master-passion, Gain, engrosses you. Have I not?"

“What then?” he retorted. “Even if I have grown so much wiser, what then? I am not changed towards you.”

She shook her head.

“Am I?”

“Our contract is an old one. It was made when we were both poor and content to be so, until, in good season, we could improve our worldly fortune by our patient industry. You are changed. When it was made, you were another man.”

“I was a boy,” he said impatiently.

“Your own feeling tells you that you were not what you are,” she returned. “I am. That which promised happiness when we were one in heart, is fraught with misery now that we are two. How often and how keenly I have thought of this, I will not say. It is enough that I have thought of it, and can release you.”

“Have I ever sought release?”

“In words? No. Never.”

“In what, then?”

“In a changed nature; in an altered spirit; in another atmosphere of life; another Hope as its great end. In everything that made my love of any worth or value in your sight. If this had never been between us,” said the girl, looking mildly, but with steadiness, upon him; “tell me, would you seek me out and try to win me now? Ah, no!”

He seemed to yield to the justice of this supposition, in spite of himself. But he said with a struggle," You think not?"

“I would gladly think otherwise if I could,” she answered, “Heaven knows. When I have learned a Truth like this, I know how strong and irresistible it must be. But if you were free to-day, to-morrow, yesterday, can even I believe that you would choose a dowerless girl – you who, in your very confidence with her, weigh everything by Gain: or, choosing her, if for a moment you were false enough to your one guiding principle to do so, do I not know that your repentance and regret would surely follow? I do; and** I release you. With a full heart, for the love of him you once were.”**

He was about to speak; but with her head turned from him, she resumed.

“You may – the memory of what is past half makes me hope you will – have pain in this. A very, very brief time, and you will dismiss the recollection of it, gladly, as an unprofitable dream, from which it happened well that you awoke. May you be happy in the life you have chosen.”*

 

[HouseArrest]

I know it can be frustrating to be around people who constantly disappoint, but maybe you can try to think more positively about them. Is there anything you admire about your family, friends? Does someone make a great pumpkin pie? Do you have a friend that finished a degree or other goal lately? How about an award at school for a nephew? Maybe if you focus and compliment on what you respect about them you’ll get along a little better, and maybe they will appreciate that you notice and want to do more good.

Maybe I’m way off the mark and they are too far gone. I guess I am just shocked because I don’t know anyone THAT horrible that I can’t find any good in them, eve the ones who replaced Jesus with their elf on a shelf.