I used to abstain from receiving Communion most weeks. One day the priest told the deacon to take me outside and give me a good talking to. He did, I was astonished at how I had been so repressed by what I thought was definite damnation, which the good deacon described as at worst ‘venial’ sin.
I was educated to believe that you MUST NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE receive communion unless you were absolutely holy and free from any kind of defilement from sin. As a kid remember going to bed early on Saturday night so as to minimise the risk or ‘sinning’ before Sunday morning.
The dear nuns at school, the school register was marked every Monday morning, you had to say if you went to confession, mass and holy communion. Now you were just too honest not to lie so it was very embarrassing to say ‘confession mass but no communion, I sinned in the 12-hours between’!
The wonders and mystery of childhood…oh and all the hang-ups!!!
I listened to what the deacon had to say and…ignored it! The education is inground too deep to change now. I miss communion most weeks but at least the fear of sin is one sin I do not have to worry about.