B
BiologyBrain
Guest
This is going to be long, I apologize.
My husband was raised Jehovah’s Witness. His father was raised Catholic, but either not well-evangelized or just got “tired” of it prior to the JW days. His mother was raised Baptist prior to the JW and reverted back. His parents divorced when he was in his early teens. When I met my husband his father was non-religious, as was my husband. His mother is very strongly Baptist with some slight anti-Catholic beliefs. Neither parent objected to my Faith, nor did my husband. During our engagement my husband began RCIA, but did not finish. He was baptized, but not confirmed 3 years ago with our 2nd child. In the last couple years his father has reverted to JW. His mother is still a string Baptist. My husband has a lackadaisical religiosity. He also has an on-and-off relationship with his mother. Some days he seems to dislike her, but other days she’s his right hand. If I say anything against her on a day he’s ok with her, then he gets mad at me.
During his youth, my husband was sexually abused by a cousin on his mother’s side. His mother defended the abuser and denied that anything occurred. His niece has also been sexually abused, but by a non-related individual. This niece spends a lot of time with my mother-in-law. She has some attitude problems that seem to be a bit early since she’s just now 13. She’s also the product of a broken home. My MIL watches my kids at least once a week. I am kind of regimented with my kids as far as what I want them exposed to and such. However, my MIL has never really listened to my requests for my children. She fed my 4 month old breast milk only baby animal crackers & thought it was ok - even tho I expressly told her he got only milk & use the same pediatrician she did for her boys. She also cut both of my children’s hair (including my 3 yo little girl) without asking. She takes bubble baths with my 4 year old little boy against my wishes. She’s also watches various shows (including Dancing with the Stars) that I don’t particularly think are suitable for my young children. Due to my husband’s on-and-off relationship with his mom & differing discipline strategy (very little discipline from him), very seldom can I get him to be “on my side”.
Here’s my dilemma: I wrote her a message (I’m terrible at face-to-face confrontations) outlining some requests – no more bubble baths with my son, no haircuts, etc. She replied decently, but things just keep coming up that bother me with my kids and her. My son is very affectionate, to the point of almost giving hickies when he gives kisses. He also kisses everyone all over their bodies (including up & down my legs). Both of my children worship my MIL, even though she seldom spends time with my little girl, but lots of time with my son – to the point of making up stories about her doing things with them that I know someone else did. When they do spend time together she buys them all kinds of things & never disciplines them or tells them no. She feeds them all kinds of junk food and is constantly doing her Baptist evangelization through songs, visits to her church, etc. When they return from her house they are completely different children – poorly behaved: whiny, smart alack, selfish, and disrespectful. I don’t know how much time the niece spends there with my children and influence them.
I do everything I can to negate any negative influences when I’m around my kids, but I work full-time as the breadwinner in the family. However, my children like her better than they like me. They also like my husband better than me. They love my mother (who is definitely on the same page I am & in fact is very concerned about this situation), but of course my MIL still wins more accolades from the kids (and my husband). We go to Mass as a family - minus my husband - with my parents. We pray over meals & before bed. We have Catholic books that we read to the kids. Sometimes my husband does go to Mass with us too, but it isn’t frequent.
Does this MIL situation sound worrisome to you? Anyway, I have no idea what I can do about her (and my husband’s inability or lack of desire to help). Any ideas?
Thank you.
BTW I re-read my message & want to clarify that my husband is my children’s father. It seems kind of ambiguous the way I phrased it.
My husband was raised Jehovah’s Witness. His father was raised Catholic, but either not well-evangelized or just got “tired” of it prior to the JW days. His mother was raised Baptist prior to the JW and reverted back. His parents divorced when he was in his early teens. When I met my husband his father was non-religious, as was my husband. His mother is very strongly Baptist with some slight anti-Catholic beliefs. Neither parent objected to my Faith, nor did my husband. During our engagement my husband began RCIA, but did not finish. He was baptized, but not confirmed 3 years ago with our 2nd child. In the last couple years his father has reverted to JW. His mother is still a string Baptist. My husband has a lackadaisical religiosity. He also has an on-and-off relationship with his mother. Some days he seems to dislike her, but other days she’s his right hand. If I say anything against her on a day he’s ok with her, then he gets mad at me.
During his youth, my husband was sexually abused by a cousin on his mother’s side. His mother defended the abuser and denied that anything occurred. His niece has also been sexually abused, but by a non-related individual. This niece spends a lot of time with my mother-in-law. She has some attitude problems that seem to be a bit early since she’s just now 13. She’s also the product of a broken home. My MIL watches my kids at least once a week. I am kind of regimented with my kids as far as what I want them exposed to and such. However, my MIL has never really listened to my requests for my children. She fed my 4 month old breast milk only baby animal crackers & thought it was ok - even tho I expressly told her he got only milk & use the same pediatrician she did for her boys. She also cut both of my children’s hair (including my 3 yo little girl) without asking. She takes bubble baths with my 4 year old little boy against my wishes. She’s also watches various shows (including Dancing with the Stars) that I don’t particularly think are suitable for my young children. Due to my husband’s on-and-off relationship with his mom & differing discipline strategy (very little discipline from him), very seldom can I get him to be “on my side”.
Here’s my dilemma: I wrote her a message (I’m terrible at face-to-face confrontations) outlining some requests – no more bubble baths with my son, no haircuts, etc. She replied decently, but things just keep coming up that bother me with my kids and her. My son is very affectionate, to the point of almost giving hickies when he gives kisses. He also kisses everyone all over their bodies (including up & down my legs). Both of my children worship my MIL, even though she seldom spends time with my little girl, but lots of time with my son – to the point of making up stories about her doing things with them that I know someone else did. When they do spend time together she buys them all kinds of things & never disciplines them or tells them no. She feeds them all kinds of junk food and is constantly doing her Baptist evangelization through songs, visits to her church, etc. When they return from her house they are completely different children – poorly behaved: whiny, smart alack, selfish, and disrespectful. I don’t know how much time the niece spends there with my children and influence them.
I do everything I can to negate any negative influences when I’m around my kids, but I work full-time as the breadwinner in the family. However, my children like her better than they like me. They also like my husband better than me. They love my mother (who is definitely on the same page I am & in fact is very concerned about this situation), but of course my MIL still wins more accolades from the kids (and my husband). We go to Mass as a family - minus my husband - with my parents. We pray over meals & before bed. We have Catholic books that we read to the kids. Sometimes my husband does go to Mass with us too, but it isn’t frequent.
Does this MIL situation sound worrisome to you? Anyway, I have no idea what I can do about her (and my husband’s inability or lack of desire to help). Any ideas?
Thank you.
BTW I re-read my message & want to clarify that my husband is my children’s father. It seems kind of ambiguous the way I phrased it.
