Mother in Law

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ymartinez1015

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I have posted a lot about my MIL lately. I feel like she is already causing tension and drama from far away and it is causing me unnecessary stress. I am not in a place to feel stressed as my husband and I are currently TTC our fourth child. She posted on my FB page how she is looking forward to challenging me to a Paella cooking challenge ( I am from Spain)and how she is looking forward to being in my kitchen. She said she will gladly judge my cooking. While this may not seem like nothing to most of you, to me it is a big deal. Advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
Tempest in a teapot.
She doesn’t sound crazy or malicious or anything to me.
You’re part of her family. She’s part of yours. The sooner you deal with it in a mature way, not obsessing about a visit that is eons from now…the happier you will be.

You don’t like her. We get it.

Maybe you’ve misjudged her? In all sincerity, I don’t see why you think she’s causing drama.
 
ymartinez1015 said:
I have posted a lot about my MIL lately. I feel like she is already causing tension and drama from far away and it is causing me unnecessary stress. I am not in a place to feel stressed as my husband and I are currently TTC our fourth child. She posted on my FB page how she is looking forward to challenging me to a Paella cooking challenge ( I am from Spain)and how she is looking forward to being in my kitchen. She said she will gladly judge my cooking. While this may not seem like nothing to most of you, to me it is a big deal. Advice would be greatly appreciated.
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In the fifty years that my mother-in-law has been my mother-in-law there have been times of tension. Both of us are managers and have strong opinions. She is now 95 and is dying. I love her dearly. She loves me dearly. I am so glad that, although the tensions existed we have been able to come to terms with each other. She tells me how much she loves me now and I tell her the same.

My only advice is to not place your husband - her son - between the two of you. It is a terrible place for man to be.
 
ymartinez1015 said:
I have posted a lot about my MIL lately. I feel like she is already causing tension and drama from far away and it is causing me unnecessary stress. I am not in a place to feel stressed as my husband and I are currently TTC our fourth child. She posted on my FB page how she is looking forward to challenging me to a Paella cooking challenge ( I am from Spain)and how she is looking forward to being in my kitchen. She said she will gladly judge my cooking. While this may not seem like nothing to most of you, to me it is a big deal. Advice would be greatly appreciated.
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An invitation is not a summons. You have every right to graciously decline her challenge. No explanations are necessary.
 
I don’t for one moment believe that this mother in law, who sounds a perfectly nice woman
is seriously “issuing challenges”… I imagine it was a sort of light hearted remark you might make to a Spanish daughter in law as a small joke…
 
ymartinez1015 said:
I have posted a lot about my MIL lately. I feel like she is already causing tension and drama from far away and it is causing me unnecessary stress. I am not in a place to feel stressed as my husband and I are currently TTC our fourth child. She posted on my FB page how she is looking forward to challenging me to a Paella cooking challenge ( I am from Spain)and how she is looking forward to being in my kitchen. She said she will gladly judge my cooking. While this may not seem like nothing to most of you, to me it is a big deal. Advice would be greatly appreciated.
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There’s no need to get stressed about it - the visit is in October. You don’t really have to think about it until then. Also, it’s a FB message and there’s no point in worrying about a FB message.

What is it that’s making you stressed? It all sounds like it’s coming from you feeling insecure again about how your MIL feels about you. I’d take the message at face value and assume a good intention - she wants to see you and taste your food. You can always make it with her, so you’re spending time together but focusing on something specific.

Lou
 
Why do you dislike her so much?
Don’t you think your life with your husband’s family is worth the effort to keep peace?
She doesn’t appear to be doing anything awful.
:confused:
 
pianistclare said:
Why do you dislike her so much?
Don’t you think your life with your husband’s family is worth the effort to keep peace?
She doesn’t appear to be doing anything awful.
:confused:
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I dislike her because she always makes my husband feel guilty for not always being in contact with her and because of her snarky comments.
 
pianistclare said:
Why do you dislike her so much?
Don’t you think your life with your husband’s family is worth the effort to keep peace?
She doesn’t appear to be doing anything awful.
:confused:
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I agree with you. It is a miserable place for a man to find himself between warring women.
 
ymartinez1015 said:
I dislike her because she always makes my husband feel guilty for not always being in contact with her and because of her snarky comments.
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What level of contact does she desire or expect?

What level of contact is your husband comfortable with?

What kind of comments of hers are snarky?
 
ymartinez1015 said:
I dislike her because she always makes my husband feel guilty for not always being in contact with her and because of her snarky comments.
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That’s every mother. In the history of the world. Since the beginning of time. Every. Single. Mother wishes her adult son would call her more often.
 
it’s HIS job to “manage” his mom, not yours.
She loves him, misses him.
Surely one day you will be in the same position, right?
Pray that God sends you a compassionate daughter-in-law.
Maybe even one who like to cook together in the kitchen too. 😉
Seriously, take the high road. It’s always worth it.
“Honor thy father and thy mother”.
A person could say she’s not real snarky, you’re real touchy. See what I mean?
It’s all perspective. Your perspective should be “she gave life to the man I love, I want a good relationship with her.”
try it.
It’s not so hard.
 
ymartinez1015 said:
I dislike her because she always makes my husband feel guilty for not always being in contact with her and because of her snarky comments.
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What does that have to do with you? Maybe your husband should contact her more. Maybe she should contact him more. Maybe she should get a cat. Either way, it’s not your fault that she’s unhappy with the amount of contact she’s getting. It’s not like you’re trying to keep him from contacting her.
 
Allegra said:
What does that have to do with you? Maybe your husband should contact her more. Maybe she should contact him more. Maybe she should get a cat. Either way, it’s not your fault that she’s unhappy with the amount of contact she’s getting. It’s not like you’re trying to keep him from contacting her.
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You are right, it is not my fault however she will send her son text messages guilt tripping her son and she will make comments such as “you know you have a mother .” Yes, my husband knows he does. This is becoming overwhelming.
 
jmjZelie said:
What level of contact does she desire or expect?

What level of contact is your husband comfortable with?

What kind of comments of hers are snarky?
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My husband contacts her when he is able or when she contacts him. She works nights, her day starts at 2pm. My husband is at work or busy with our family. She gets home around midnight and sleeps the whole day. Comments such as “are you still in love?” “Are you happy?”
 
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