Mother is picking my career for me, what do I do?

[Nopales1234]

Thanks Cariethra, I was planning on minoring in Spanish anyway. I love it, I am doing four years of it in high school, and there is always someone that speaks it where I live. Funny, I also told Mom that I planned on minoring in Spanish. She told me to take something more useful, which is weird since the advantages of speaking it are obvious. What really gets to me is her insistence that those who go into biology, research, or any of the sciences will end up living under a bridge.

Is being a biologist really that bad of a job? Or performing medical research? I have bad people skills so I would probably do better in a lab. Having a husband would help, but, I am not too attractive and I have no personality to speak of. I will probably always be alone to face any financial burden.

I know that I have to make my own decisions, but, Mom is using her retirement money to pay me through college and I have to pay her back. She would never forgive me if I leave her in a retirement home, she needs at least a small home to live in. It is her due, to not be forgotten in a retirement home and to be paid back for the hassle of raising me. Thanks.

One: speaking as a mother you owe NOTHING but grattiude for being raised. And it’s NOT a hassle to raise children. It’s a sacrifice and a joy and the rewards are in heaven, not in my child’s bank account. If she chooses to fund your education out of secondary and expects you to pay for it, it better be in a legal contract. There is no guarantee you will get a job.

Two: you are one year away from being a legal adult. Why not start working on finding a job, an apartment, scholarships, and maybe a community college? It’s scary at first but it is AWESOME becoming an adult. If your mom doesn’t want to pay for a major you like, she doesn’t need to. Tell her to save that money for her retirement, that you are very grateful for everything, thanks but no thanks. Now you are free to pursue what you like, with no guilt attached. And I can’t stress enough how great it is to run your own life. Choices will be hat but its still an adventure.

Three: Consider taking longer to graduate college (smaller class loads) going to community college first, and taking out scholarships. AVOID LOANS LIKE THE PLAGUE THEY ARE!!! I went to a four year, I graduated, I have no job. I have a friend who studied to be a doctor…no job. But we both have debt and a lot of my college friends are workin factories and fast food to get by. And we envy the people who don’t have debt.

O- y que sigues aprendiendo español. Es una gran bendición poder a comunicar en otras idiomas.

 

[angelic06]

Thanks Cariethra, I was planning on minoring in Spanish anyway. I love it, I am doing four years of it in high school, and there is always someone that speaks it where I live. Funny, I also told Mom that I planned on minoring in Spanish. She told me to take something more useful, which is weird since the advantages of speaking it are obvious. What really gets to me is her insistence that those who go into biology, research, or any of the sciences will end up living under a bridge.

Is being a biologist really that bad of a job? Or performing medical research? I have bad people skills so I would probably do better in a lab. Having a husband would help, but, I am not too attractive and I have no personality to speak of. I will probably always be alone to face any financial burden.

I know that I have to make my own decisions, but, Mom is using her retirement money to pay me through college and I have to pay her back. She would never forgive me if I leave her in a retirement home, she needs at least a small home to live in. It is her due, to not be forgotten in a retirement home and to be paid back for the hassle of raising me. Thanks.

I know plenty of biology majors and none of them are living under a bridge or in a poorhouse. Most of them are quite well off (well…okay, most of them are dental or medical students or doctors, but at least one went into research). That being said, if you wish to study biology and go to medical school, do so only because you like biology and not because it is what “every premed student studies” or junk of the sort. I know a few people who went to medical school and did not major in a natural science. My own degree is in psychology and I plan on applying to medical school this year. I consider it a sorry pick, at least for me, because if I do not get into medical school, I would not be interested in going into the typical post-BA psychology fields, such as MA in counseling or MSW (social work). And even if I did get my MD, I have only an on and off interest in the medical field of psychiatry. As a side note and not to derail this thread, if I knew my premedical education was going to last this long (10 years as of now), I would have done music performance or sacred music with an emphasis in voice or organ. (I actually applied to the music program at the first school I went to—Baylor University in Waco—but did not get in because I was only half-heartedly interested in my primary instrument, the saxophone, which is what I played from sixth grade on. There actually was somebody else in my freshman class who majored in music and was premed.)

 

[Taurks]

When I graduated from high school, my parents offered to pay for college; I declined because I knew I would end up taking the classes they wanted me to take. I joined the military instead (Navy) and paid for my own school when I got out with the GI bill and didn’t owe anyone for college and majored in what I wanted to learn. Find a way to pay for college yourself, then you will not owe your Mom.

I agree 100% with the above.
Ultimately, you’re going to be 18, and you can choose what you want to do with your life. Your mom can’t force you to become a doctor. She can’t stop you from doing anything else, either. But she does control her own money. So, if you want to become something else, you always have that option, but you may have to pay for it yourself (which is possible: scholarships, loans, etc.)

 

[on_the_hill]

All I can offer is: if you don’t want to be a doctor, you won’t be a good doctor.

Maybe tell your mom that.

 

[Cat]

I won’t give advice regarding careers for particular individuals including the OP.

But I will say this: carrying student loan debt is dang foolish most of the time. Since the bankruptcy restructure in 2006, it is very very difficult to discharge them in bankruptcy. So the wrong decision around it can easily follow someone all their lives, mess with their ability to form families, prevent them from buying that first house and so on. With college costing what it does now, a college education must be looked at as an investment with a return and loans must be considered in that context. If a given family can afford to pay 4 years out of pocket, that’s cool. But most families do not have that luxury. Taking on sizable debt to be an English or art history major is just not a smart thing to do at all. If anyone in my family was considering that, I’d go yard on them.

Today, alternatives to college are definitely worth considering. For men, that might be the trades. For women, that might be the medical technology field.

If you’re talking “medical technology” such as in “working in a lab”, then that career requires a four-year college degree in Medical Technology, along with an internship in an accredited hospital lab.

If you’re talking “medical technology” such as in developing new technologies, that career requires a four-year engineering degree and probably more than that. I know people with M.D.s who are in companies that develop new medical tests, medical instrumentation, etc.

Other than that, I’m not sure what you’re talking about when you say “medical technology.” I don’t know of any jobs in “medical technology” that don’t require a college degree. You’re not talking about the surgical tech, are you? I don’t think that’s a degree-requiring career, but I don’t know for sure.

 

[dedo]

It is a good idea to talk and ideally observe people who actually do the careers you are considering.

It is normal for people entering undergraduate education to not know what they want to do.

It is also not uncommon for people entering medical school to not know what specialty they want to practice. Some people even decide they don’t want to directly treat patients so they become pathologists or do research.

If I had to pick two characteristics of people who successfully enter and complete medical school is that they are driven to push themselves hard over time, and that they had support groups that helped them. Sometimes this is family, and sometimes not.

Other than the pre-medical courses, medical schools do not require people to be biology or chemistry majors. So if you are thinking of medicine, your undergraduate degree can be in something you like, or in a field that could serve as a back-up employment option.
The main advantage to having a strong background in advanced biology and biochemistry is that it makes your first year of medical school easier.

One other suggestion is to try and work with your parents to find common ground. Many young people don’t think about the cost of education, the negative effects of loans, or on the income / lifestyle potential of different professions. The sooner you do that the better.

For example, if your parents are prepared to pay for your undergraduate education, but not graduate school, perhaps they might help with graduate school if you kept your costs reasonable in the undergraduate arena.

Good luck.

 

[Xantippe]

on_the_hill said:

“All I can offer is: if you don’t want to be a doctor, you won’t be a good doctor.”

Amen to that.

 

[dedo]

on_the_hill said:

“All I can offer is: if you don’t want to be a doctor, you won’t be a good doctor.”

Amen to that.

If you read the O.P.'s initial post she did not say that she did not want to be a doctor. She said that she would likely be looking at medicine if not for her mother’s pressure.

Medicine has by far the most options in terms of different avenues for study and practice, as well as income potential for people who enjoy biological sciences.

However there are also other options other than medicine, biological research, and pharmacy.

Other options that are associated with solid income potential include working for a pharmaceutical company, physical therapy, and hospital administration.

However, it is prudent for the OP to listen to people who actually did one of these professions.

 

[His_helpmeet]

St. Margaret Mary wanted to enter a convent. She had had rheumatic fever (heart inflammation that results from a strep infection) as a child, and she and her mother had promised that if she recovered, she would enter an order dedicated to Our Lady. When she grew older, her mother indicated that she did not want Margaret to enter a convent, and a priest told Margaret that the promise was made in haste and under duress, it wasn’t a real promise, and she was not bound by it. Later, a good priest said to one of Margaret’s brothers, “Doesn’t your mother realize that her children don’t belong to her and never will, that they’ve only be lent to her until they’re ready to do the work God has planned for them?” (Needless to say, Margaret entered the convent and became a nun.)

This is not your mother’s choice. My recommendation is that you not discuss any further college/university plans with her. If she brings it up, you can politely indicate that you’re making your own arrangements and don’t want to talk about it. It is far, far better, IMHO, for you to choose something you really enjoy than for you to choose something just to please her, end up hating it, and end up going back to school in a couple of years to choose something you REALLY want to do - especially because this could put you in a significant amount of debt, particularly if you end up going into medicine just because that’s what she wants.

If this is causing you severe mental health issues, it sounds as if you were right to go and speak to a counsellor about this problem. For you mother to tell you not to talk about these problems outside the family could be construed as walking a very fine line between avoiding embarrassment and emotional abuse. This is YOUR life, and YOUR future. You are not responsible for making HER happy. You need to do what YOU feel God is calling you to do. My suggestion is to pray about and discern God’s will for you. The Bible says you are to honour your mother and father. This does NOT mean that you turn into a complete doormat when it comes to issues that do not concern your parents. Meanwhile, I will pray for you as well.

 

[jimmy]

If you want to study biology then do that. You have 3 to 4 years until you need to worry about whether you want to be a doctor. Biology and premed are basically the same degree, so whether you want to go into research or medicine it will still be open for either one. Research at a university can be a very good job.

 

[Xantippe]

I just remembered something–there’s such a thing as a MD/PHD where you do both degrees and wind up as a doctor who is qualified to do research. As I understand it, it’s generally a very affordable way to go, although obviously much more work.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MD-PhD

 

[Fusiontron]

Get your own financial aid for college and then do what you want.

 

[Kindness]

OP I would like to suggest you check out the web pages of your State’s large flagship schools and see if they offer an undergraduate Honors College. You sound like you will graduate with a strong GPA and therefore you may be eligible for the Honors College. You sometimes need to apply early so check that out or call the Admissions office.

An Honors College is like a smaller College within a large University system. It attracts high achieving students and is a way for the state to retain students who might be swept up into Private Colleges or move out of state to receive an academically challenging education. There are many great advantages to attending an Honors College - it’s easier to get to know other students as Honor College students usually are put in the same dorms. HC are offered courses, seminars and opportunities that the regular student body is not. An example is at the Honor College for the University of South Carolina Honor College students get the opportunity to do an internship in congress in DC (as undergrads). There is more support and advice regarding your academic choices and often financial aid offers are higher if you qualify for the Honors College.

It’s like the opportunities you would be offered at prestigious Private schools but with a State school price tag. If you can mention which state you reside in I can give you some suggestions. I work as a college counselor.

 

[GraceSofia]

I’m a 56 year-old woman with two adult daughters. . .

I said, “Useless degree in biology,” and I meant that…

A medical technologist works in the hospital laboratory doing tests. …

The reason we hire them is that we are so short-staffed that we have to hire our students to do all the work! There is a huge shortage of medical technologists in the U.S.!

That means jobs.

Many of the other health care careers are short-staffed, too. Nursing, X-ray, respiratory tech, physical therapy (that’s one of the fields that has a CRITICAL short-staffing issue–without a certain number of staff PTs, a hospital has to limit the number of beds that they open)…

Seriously, do some research. Look into all these other options. Go to a hospital and ask to speak with someone in human resources about health care career options. Most hospitals are so short-staffed that they have people hired to recruit people like you into health care–some hospitals have programs that pay back your tuition if you commit to working for them after you graduate!

As for “doing what you like,” it sounds nice on paper (or on a computer), but you really have to have a means of making money. You can’t live without it. …

It is not fun to be poor and have no money and no means of earning money in the U.S. Your mother may be overbearing, but believe me, she is only worried about seeing her daughter end up poor, and I don’t blame her.

This post contains a lot of wisdom. Go back and read it again, is my advice.

How about going for nursing? Since your mother is willing to pay for 4 years of education? Then you will be independent and making fairly good money. She knows that there are a lot of unemployed people out there, but health care is something people ALWAYS need.

Medicine is a good career, with a good salary. You’re probably going to be safe and secure.

I grew up around a great many British Asian friends whose parents had very clear career goals for them. From as long back as they could remember, they ‘wanted’ to be a doctor, pharmacist, accountant, etc. Most of them now are happy, married, and wealthy. The existential crisis that affects middle class white folks just doesn’t seem to hit them the same way. I’m not entirely sure why, and I’m not saying I would push my own children as hard as your mom is pushing you, but I wouldn’t criticise either.

Another good post.
Our youngest son’s good friend was an Indian (Asian) guy, and they always moaned about how controlling his parents were. You know what? I wish now we’d been that controlling with our son.

 

[GraceSofia]

Oops, sorry, OP, what I also wanted to say was, since your mother will pay for four years of university, if you do nursing, you will be independent and making your own money after four years.

 

[Cricket2]

It is not up to your mother to decide your career for you. This is a huge mistake that parents make. Your career or vocation comes from God, and He will allow you interest in things that will lead to Him.

If you are truly interested in Biology you can indicate that as your Major and for the first two years just focus on that. I am a past Biology student and have a BA in the subject. I wanted to work in genetic research but found too many things that would put me at odds with the teachings of the Church so found a different career path.

You can also do an “Undeclared Major” the first year. Believe me, more students change their planned major than not. By having an undeclared major you can focus on core curriculum with little difficulty in having classes that apply to all Majors. Who knows, you might take a class in psychology and decide that being a psychologist is for you, or a chemistry class and decide you want to work in that field.

Tell your mom you appreciate her concern, but you will investigate many career options while in school and she need not worry. The reality these days is that most people will have no less than 7 different careers in a life time. This is due to layoffs, mergers, company failures, folks finding other interests. So don’t lock yourself into one area of study or idea for the future. Be flexible. That works better in life anyway.

 

[Cricket2]

It is not up to your mother to decide your career for you. This is a huge mistake that parents make. Your career or vocation comes from God, and He will allow you interest in things that will lead to Him.

If you are truly interested in Biology you can indicate that as your Major and for the first two years just focus on that. I am a past Biology student and have a BA in the subject. I wanted to work in genetic research but found too many things that would put me at odds with the teachings of the Church so found a different career path.

You can also do an “Undeclared Major” the first year. Believe me, more students change their planned major than not. By having an undeclared major you can focus on core curriculum with little difficulty in having classes that apply to all Majors. Who knows, you might take a class in psychology and decide that being a psychologist is for you, or a chemistry class and decide you want to work in that field.

Tell your mom you appreciate her concern, but you will investigate many career options while in school and she need not worry. The reality these days is that most people will have no less than 7 different careers in a life time. This is due to layoffs, mergers, company failures, folks finding other interests. So don’t lock yourself into one area of study or idea for the future. Be flexible. That works better in life anyway.

Silly me I meant to add something to the above: If you so go for the sciences plan on studying no less than 8 - 10 hours a day after classes. If you take a 5 credit hour bio class you typically have to study 5 hours a day to have a chance at an “A” and that does not include lab time. I have tutored many students who had no idea just how much study was needed in college versus High School. HS is a picnic. College is not.

 

[90Domer]

Thanks Cariethra, I was planning on minoring in Spanish anyway. I love it, I am doing four years of it in high school, and there is always someone that speaks it where I live. Funny, I also told Mom that I planned on minoring in Spanish. She told me to take something more useful, which is weird since the advantages of speaking it are obvious. What really gets to me is her insistence that those who go into biology, research, or any of the sciences will end up living under a bridge.

Is being a biologist really that bad of a job? Or performing medical research? I have bad people skills so I would probably do better in a lab. Having a husband would help, but, I am not too attractive and I have no personality to speak of. I will probably always be alone to face any financial burden.

I know that I have to make my own decisions, but, Mom is using her retirement money to pay me through college and I have to pay her back. She would never forgive me if I leave her in a retirement home, she needs at least a small home to live in. It is her due, to not be forgotten in a retirement home and to be paid back for the hassle of raising me. Thanks.

Hassle of raising you? Children are our most prized possession from God. Further, if you look at the current sorry state of our healthcare industry, becoming a doctor does not offer you the financial value it once did. Many long hours for less reimbursement. Research the trends in medicine, esp as it pertains to Obamacare. Good luck

 

[GraceSofia]

This is not your mother’s choice. My recommendation is that you not discuss any further college/university plans with her. If she brings it up, you can politely indicate that you’re making your own arrangements and don’t want to talk about it. It is far, far better, IMHO, for you to choose something you really enjoy than for you to choose something just to please her, end up hating it, and end up going back to school in a couple of years to choose something you REALLY want to do - especially because this could put you in a significant amount of debt, particularly if you end up going into medicine just because that’s what she wants.

Not discuss it with her mother?! Her mother is going to PAY for four years of college. Did you miss that? He who pays the piper picks the tune. Her mother is rightly concerned that when her daughter graduates, she has a degree that will enable her to support herself.

The OP needs to discuss with her parents and find something that satisfies all of them.
I also would advise her to use those four years to come out with a degree that will enable her to get a job or a sure paid entry for grad school so that she can become independent as soon as possible.

I’m a parent of adult children, and from experience and from observation, I see that kids who were forced into something that would give them a good career have better lives and end up happier than kids who meandered aimlessly and graduated in underwater basketweaving. The exception is when a person truly knows what he/she wants to do, and in that case, the parents will have done better to allow and help with that goal, provided it is a serious career goal.

 

[dedo]

Not discuss it with her mother?! Her mother is going to PAY for four years of college. Did you miss that? He who pays the piper picks the tune. Her mother is rightly concerned that when her daughter graduates, she has a degree that will enable her to support herself.

The OP needs to discuss with her parents and find something that satisfies all of them.
I also would advise her to use those four years to come out with a degree that will enable her to get a job or a sure paid entry for grad school so that she can become independent as soon as possible.

I’m a parent of adult children, and from experience and from observation, I see that kids who were forced into something that would give them a good career have better lives and end up happier than kids who meandered aimlessly and graduated in underwater basketweaving. The exception is when a person truly knows what he/she wants to do, and in that case, the parents will have done better to allow and help with that goal, provided it is a serious career goal.

Excellent advice and perspective.

Also, I disagree with the “doomsday” predictions about medicine. There is no question that medicine will change. However, the worst case scenario is that medicine will begin to look like some European countries such as Germany where medicine is still a good career choice for people who are drawn to it.

Medicine is not for everyone and it is also not the quickest way to personal wealth. I believe that studies show that the most common paths to wealth in the U.S. are entrepreneurship and business executives.

In a circle of friends that I know, there is a physician, two physical therapists that owned their own business, and two people that worked for drug companies. The physical therapists, and drug company executives retired in their early 50’s and the physician is still working.

If you read a book on wealthy people, many of them are people who have normal occupations that invested well.

So seeking an undergraduate degree that you can use to support yourself is important. However, it is also important to look at all the options and do the leg work about realistic job prospects and incomes in each field. Life after school can be hard so you want to be prepared.

Good luck.