Moving in before being married and still want to be married in the Church

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stbruno said:
familyministries.org/www.inthespiritofcana.org/2.6.6.htm

This is the official church policy on cohabitation. But statistics if you examine the site for more information show a greater percentage of couple failure when they cohabit before marriage. When we do marriage prep, we remind them of the odds and therefore, they need to work even more on the idea of a marriage covenant to make their marriage succeed as God would have intended it.

Keep praying on it. If you truly love your fiance, I would strongly suggest making it a chaste relationship prior to a sacramental marriage.
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The same stats hold for teens and dating. Once they begin to have sex the relationship stops growing. Basically it goes from courting to finding the time and place to have sex. I tell these kids the quickest way to destroy their relationship is to start having sex.
 
Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut, everyone. Who said I was having sexual relations? Just kidding. I know cohabiting usually suggests sex as well. I know we can cease that - and I know I can go to confession over that and see what Father says about communion. I agree that being in a state of grace is amazing and needed when preparing for sacraments.

The marriage prep course opened my eyes and I did learn about the Billings Method and my fiance and myself were very open to it. I do pray and believe we can grow into a life that God wants us to live. Being faithful is difficult and wonderful at the same time.
 
The whole scenario begs the question" What are you wanting God to bless, since you have already entered into a ‘less than sacred’ arrangement?" What is the point of asking God to bless a union that has already been declared by the parties. Do you realize that this is the only sacrament conferred by the laity- as the two parties give it to one another, while the priest or deacon “officiates”?
Is God to be considered after the fact? Is this how you wish to start a life together, with God in the caboose, while you two are driving the train? I am not trying to burst your bubble, but the priorities are all wrong here, (and you can take it from me as one who did it myself, and have nothing to show for it but a painful divorce and sixteen years alone so that I don’t make some more mistakes! ) If this is real to you, then let God know that you are able to pull away for the time necessary to sincerely put His commands in their rightful place in your heart. Even on your wedding day, when you walk through that door of the church and march down that aisle, it is the guy hanging from that cross up front that is the “star of the show”, and we are all gathered there in WORSHIP. Failing to understand the import of this will only make a mockery of it. Love Him first, and you cannot lose.
I pray for your clarity and strength.
 
Here is another wonderful quote from the wedding forum. Some how I keep going back as the only sane Catholic voice on there:

"So here is my latest dilemna…

So our priest calls the apartment asking to talk to my fiancee, which personally I don’t think he knew he was talking to me since they never asked if we lived together. Well anyways, he had this attitude as if we should have been on him to meet and honestly, we were not in that big of a rush.

We know the ceremony is important, but to us, getting all the stuff that we know we are going to enjoy done is a lot more fun than sitting with a priest talking about scripture and what we want said during our ceremony.

I guess he just doesn’t get that he is not in the top 5 on our most important list.

The question is…does anyone know what is usually allowed in a catholic church as far as ceremony things are concerned so I don’t go in there and look like a fool?

John"

Does anyone else think that it is crazy that someone would call their sacrament of marriage as “not top 5 on our most important list” Unbelievable.
 
It does seem odd that they want to bother being married in the Church, if they deem the Church part of it of so little importance.

Many people nowdays get a friend or relative to get themselves “ordained” (via mail order or internet) so they can perform the wedding and make it more meaningful to the couple (rather than having a stranger involved). It sounds like this would work better for that couple than a Church wedding.
 
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ElizaE:
Does anyone else think that it is crazy that someone would call their sacrament of marriage as “not top 5 on our most important list” Unbelievable.
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Eliza, wouldn’t it be great if the Church required 6 months of Weekly “training” with a Pass/Fail system of grading for those wanting to be married in the Church? …It could only help! The divorce rate is so high, people really have “no idea” what they’re committing to when it comes to a Sacramental marriage.

I’m all for the Long preparation concluding with a Test! 😉
 
Here is another quote from a perspective bride

Personally I think God is perfect, but people are just not perfect. The people that wrote down how to live did that thousants of years ago, now adays there is so much more knowledge and the world has changed, the writings of the church have been wrong before!!! I mean the world isnt flat… our church has killed people because they believe it was round (luckily the church has changed that rule). I think some of the writings are guides. Just do your best living as much the way Jesus did and try not to sin. I believe in the big sins like murdering, stealing and such, but living together I find is just preparation for mariage. Because we already live together we know how it’ll be like so we wont be surprised and have a very stable and sound basis for our marriage.
I’m catholic, but our church has made mistakes in the past and it will keep on making mistakes because it’s run by people. People with the best intentions in the world but still people… so they make mistakes. I believe God is in your heart and in your heart you will know when you sin.
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I don’t understand her thought process. If she really believes this, why does she even want a Catholic wedding?
 
Why are so many people in this forum so judgemental? And pulling information off other boards and making fun of, or pointing fingers at them? THAT is what I don’t get.
 
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a_cermak:
I’m guessing these programs don’t require the couples to separate–that would be harmful to the children.
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Seeing parents live together before marriage isn’t good for a child, IMO. If the child is old enough to understand, explain why mom and dad are not living together before marriage. If it’s a small child, they won’t know that dad leaves after he/ she is in bed. —KCT
 
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Sina:
Why are so many people in this forum so judgemental? And pulling information off other boards and making fun of, or pointing fingers at them? THAT is what I don’t get.
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Aaccording to the news reports, there is a new ceremony just instituted in the Catholic Church for unmarried couples. Christoph Cardinal Schonborn, the archbishop of Vienna, has instituted a Catholic Church ceremony to bless “couples, fiancés and people in love” including homosexual partners whether they are married or not.
lifesite.net/ldn/2006/feb/06022007.html
 
I am not pulling things off other threads to make fun of people but to illustrate how people of my generation think. It is sad that people my age get further and further away from the Church and then justify it in their own minds. These are the people who will be raising the next generation of Catholic children. I think that we need to address this problem and not hide from it just so we won’t be labeled as “judgemental”.
 
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