Moving in With Fornicating Couple?

[Tis_Bearself]

When I have sex with the person you do not consider my wife we are not ‘fornicating’.

This thread isn’t about you and your wife.
If you’re going to take personally discussions involving the appropriate teachings and wordings used by the Church, perhaps you may want to avoid reading the threads where you disagree with the terms used.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Unmarried couple having sex?

Sexually active couple?

You could say “sex outside marriage” but honestly I don’t see the difference between that and “fornication”. To me it’s a sin no matter what cutesy name you give it. And if a person doesn’t think it’s a sin then he shouldn’t care what normal non-slang non-dirty dictionary word we call it.

 

[adgloriam]

You could say (…)

I’d go with:“intercourse outside marriage”, sounds altogether more pleasant (as far as wording goes).

 

[Inisfallen]

The way I initially thought of it was this: if I moved in, I would not be committing sin because I wouldn’t be aiding in it (they’ll still live together whether I live there or not). Is this logic correct? Or would I be committing sin in another way with this? Thanks

People sin. Your physical proximity to sin does not constitute sin on your part.

My advice would be not to worry about it.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

That would presume I know they are having intercourse as opposed to just committing sodomy all over the place

 

[adgloriam]

That would presume I know they are having intercourse as opposed to just committing sodomy all over the place

You do, at times, enjoy your shock value

 

[Norseman82]

Hello everyone,

Recently my sister kicked out her old roommate. She was hinting the other day that she would like me to rent from her instead of another friend (she wants someone who is family and she trusts me with her animals). The only potential issue I can see is that she lives in her apartment with her “fiance” (been engaged for a year yet no marital plans, you can see where I’m going here). However, she’d charge me really decent rent and I’d finally get to move out of my house.

The way I initially thought of it was this: if I moved in, I would not be committing sin because I wouldn’t be aiding in it (they’ll still live together whether I live there or not). Is this logic correct? Or would I be committing sin in another way with this? Thanks

Might you be thinking of the part of the Catechism that says that we share in another’s sin if we do not attempt to hinder when we have an obligation to do so (CCC 1868)?

The fact that you are asking this question shows that this situation is poking at your conscience. If you are uncomfortable with moving in with them, don’t do it.

Question: are you male or female (your screenname makes me think you may be male), and are you older or younger than your sister? Those factors may come into play as well.

 

[Norseman82]

The category of couples being discussed is ‘people having sex who are not married in the eyes of the Catholic Church’. This includes a huge number of people who are committed to life-long exclusive relationships. When I have sex with the person you do not consider my wife we are not ‘fornicating’.

If it’s wrong for me, it’s wrong for you, and it’s wrong for the world.

 

[Catholicman-maryland]

Thank you RandomAlias - I was really scratching my head before I read your reply. No, it’s not a good idea for a young Catholic who is serious about growing in his faith to move in with a couple who are just shacking up.

 

[Diaconia]

Jesus teaches that people who are not married should not be having sex.

When neither person is married it is called fornication - a sin against the Sixth Commandment of the Decalogue.

When one or both persons is married to another it is called adultery - a sin against the Sixth Commandment and a sin against the Ninth Commandment, to boot.

Those are God’s rules, not Catholic Answers, and not people posting on the forum.

If you are living in an unchaste manner, please seek out a priest for guidance.

I will pray for you,
Deacon Christopher

 

[Axsenex]

I think you know the answer for yourself but just to confirm it.

I’m not going to give you my opinion since it’s unnecessary addition to this so-called “Family drama” thing.

 

[FiveLinden]

This thread isn’t about you and your wife.
If you’re going to take personally discussions involving the appropriate teachings and wordings used by the Church, perhaps you may want to avoid reading the threads where you disagree with the terms used.

Umm- not so sure it isn’t about my wife and I. It is about what people cll people like us. So to that extent, it is about us.I am not so much taking it personally as drawing attention to language that divides people and provokes hostility.

 

[FiveLinden]

If it’s wrong for me, it’s wrong for you, and it’s wrong for the world.

I understand that this is your belief. All I am suggesting is that you avoid the use of language that divides people and harms discussion.

 

[SeriousQuestion]

I’m not sure that’s a common reaction.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Question: are you male or female (your screenname makes me think you may be male), and are you older or younger than your sister? Those factors may come into play as well.

This is a good point that I didn’t think of.

My initial reaction was that the OP couldn’t do anything about the situation and wasn’t encouraging it and also wasn’t tne owner or primary renter of the property in question, so no problem moving in, as he wasn’t responsible.

But I can see where an older sibling who felt protective towards a younger one might be very uncomfortable with the idea that little sister was doing something morally wrong and older sibling would have to just go along with it. Thinking of my mom’s relationships with her older brothers and sisters, I don’t think any of them would have wanted to move in and be in proximity to such an arrangement. (Not that my mom ever did such a thing, just using it for an example because I myself don’t have siblings)

 

[Tis_Bearself]

.I am not so much taking it personally as drawing attention to language that divides people and provokes hostility.

The reality is that just about every discussion about sin on this board “divides people and provokes hostility”. Next you will be wanting us to not use the words abortion, homosexuality, adultery, etc because they might upset somebody who does those things.

I don’t feel that a forum called “Catholic Answers” has to avoid using normal dictionary words for sins because somebody committing the sin might feel bad if they read “fornication”. If you feel bad, maybe it’s your conscience telling you that you need to stop sinning.

 

[RandomAlias]

I am not so much taking it personally as drawing attention to language that divides people and provokes hostility.

Where’s the hostility? The group of which you speak, monogamous sexually active unmarried couples, for want of a better term, is not persecuted. In today’s society they blend right in. Just turn on the TV or radio and get all the affirmation you want. Come to the CAF Moral Theology forum if you want Catholic teaching.

 

[TenEleven]

Recently my sister kicked out her old roommate. She was hinting the other day that she would like me to rent from her instead of another friend (she wants someone who is family and she trusts me with her animals). The only potential issue I can see is that she lives in her apartment with her “fiance” (been engaged for a year yet no marital plans, you can see where I’m going here). However, she’d charge me really decent rent and I’d finally get to move out of my house.

The way I initially thought of it was this: if I moved in, I would not be committing sin because I wouldn’t be aiding in it (they’ll still live together whether I live there or not). Is this logic correct? Or would I be committing sin in another way with this? Thanks

---

Save up your money and rent an apartment with a group of your peers. There are red flags all over your description of your sister’s situation, beginning with the fact that she “kicked out her old roommate”. Every story has two sides, but I have to wonder when a roommate situation ends in somebody being kicked out – was the roommate a bad apple or is it possible that your sister difficult to communicate / get along with?

By saving up your money and working towards an apartment to rent, you’re bettering yourself instead of dragging yourself down into a situation you know is not good. As others here have said, you’d go into this living arrangement thinking it’s inappropriate but your view may soften as time goes by until you start seeing it as acceptable because…you know…they loooove each other and are such good friends and what could possibly go wrong. You could also be “kicked out” without much notice for whatever reason your sister gives you.

Don’t jump into this renting situation with your sister just to escape your home life; you’d be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. No, go rent an apartment with your peers (all male if you’re male, all church-attending young Catholics, etc) so that you’re all on equal footing for rent and utilities. You’ll learn a LOT about yourself and about others when you share living arrangements, you’ll establish a credit/payment history and you’ll keep yourself out of moral jeopardy as well.

 

[BoomBoomMancini]

L

No, go rent an apartment with your peers (all male if you’re male, all church-attending young Catholics, etc)

I think this is generally good advice, but the second part may be a luxury the OP doesn’t have. In certain places and age cohorts, practicing Catholics get thin. I had a hard time finding godparents for my daughter because none of my friends are Catholic, or if they are they’re super nominal ones who haven’t been to church in years.

The odds of OP finding 2-3 other young, practicing Catholic guys who just happen to be looking for a roommate could be remote.

 

[FiveLinden]

The reality is that just about every discussion about sin on this board “divides people and provokes hostility”. Next you will be wanting us to not use the words abortion, homosexuality, adultery, etc because they might upset somebody who does those things.

"Abortion’ and ‘homosexuality’ are neutral words. "Adultery’ when applied, say, to a marriage between divorced people is a pejorative word. I am not suggesting that ‘you’ do not upset people for the sake of not upsetting them. I’m suggesting that you do not upset people pointlessly, or for the sake of upsetting them.

Where’s the hostility? The group of which you speak, monogamous sexually active unmarried couples, for want of a better term, is not persecuted. In today’s society they blend right in. Just turn on the TV or radio and get all the affirmation you want. Come to the CAF Moral Theology forum if you want Catholic teaching.

The hostility is on CAF.