Moving to another pew when someone sits in front of us, a scandal?

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Hi all,

I’m such a person that if people that are dressed immodestly for Mass sits in front of us where we can see them, I get up from the pew without thinking it twice and move somewhere else where it doesn’t distract me or hubby. I do not want to give the devil the pleasure of tempting me by watching the immodest or by not paying attention to Mass for being annoyed.

I could care less if it is seen rude by others in Mass. But is it scandalous of us to get up and move from pews just when these immodest married couple arrived?

It is not just the wife who wears short dresses and her undergarments are marked, and her child grabs her and pulls her dress up a few times , but the husband too wears very tight shirts and very tight khaki pants that accentuate his butt. It is not only annoying to have this couple in sight, but also repulsive.

Thoughts?
 
E_7 said:
Hi all,

I’m such a person that if people that are dressed immodestly for Mass sits in front of us where we can see them, I get up from the pew without thinking it twice and move somewhere else where it doesn’t distract me or hubby. I do not want to give the devil the pleasure of tempting me by watching the immodest or by not paying attention to Mass for being annoyed.

I could care less if it is seen rude by others in Mass. But is it scandalous of us to get up and move from pews just when these immodest married couple arrived?

It is not just the wife who wears short dresses and her undergarments are marked, and her child grabs her and pulls her dress up a few times , but the husband too wears very tight shirts and very tight khaki pants that accentuate his butt. It is not only annoying to have this couple in sight, but also repulsive.

Thoughts?
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I favour long shawls to be distributed at the door by the ushers, for those who show up to Mass looking like they were expecting a day at the beach. The posts coming behind me will show that I am in a tiny minority. 😃
 
I would not care a bit if somebody moves away from me for finding me and my family " repulsive " for one reason or another.
I would probably not even notice if I am at Mass.
 
E_7 said:
Hi all,

I’m such a person that if people that are dressed immodestly for Mass sits in front of us where we can see them, I get up from the pew without thinking it twice and move somewhere else where it doesn’t distract me or hubby. I do not want to give the devil the pleasure of tempting me by watching the immodest or by not paying attention to Mass for being annoyed.

I could care less if it is seen rude by others in Mass. But is it scandalous of us to get up and move from pews just when these immodest married couple arrived?

It is not just the wife who wears short dresses and her undergarments are marked, and her child grabs her and pulls her dress up a few times , but the husband too wears very tight shirts and very tight khaki pants that accentuate his butt. It is not only annoying to have this couple in sight, but also repulsive.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
I don’t think anybody sitting in front of you would realize what you were doing. Now, if they sat down beside you and you bolted, that might be more noticeable.
 
E_7 said:
Hi all,

I’m such a person that if people that are dressed immodestly for Mass sits in front of us where we can see them, I get up from the pew without thinking it twice and move somewhere else where it doesn’t distract me or hubby. I do not want to give the devil the pleasure of tempting me by watching the immodest or by not paying attention to Mass for being annoyed.

I could care less if it is seen rude by others in Mass. But is it scandalous of us to get up and move from pews just when these immodest married couple arrived?

It is not just the wife who wears short dresses and her undergarments are marked, and her child grabs her and pulls her dress up a few times , but the husband too wears very tight shirts and very tight khaki pants that accentuate his butt. It is not only annoying to have this couple in sight, but also repulsive.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Likely the person in front of you is giving you far less thought than you are giving them. Rude? Probably not given your reasoning. Scandal? I don’t think so. A little strange? In my opinion, yes but if thats what you need to do then knock yourself out.
 
Sit in the front seat - with me. I sit there because there are fewer visual distractions. However, it doesn’t do anything for the aural distractions. 😦
 
I know that my toddler has pulled on my shirt and flashed my bra at least once during Mass. She’s lifted up my skirt once in a parking lot too, though I don’t usually wear skirts without leggings underneath. If you find that repulsive, then by all means take your fragile nerves somewhere less distracting because it ain’t gonna get any better.

She’s going to turn around and smile at you over and over again. She’ll stand on the kneeler and bounce up and down chanting “Gloria, Gloria, Gloria!” . She thinks “Let It Go” is an appropriate offertory hymn as long as you sing “Amen” at the end. She will expect you to shake her hand at the sign of peace, even though she’s had it in her mouth and it’s a tad bit moist. If you decline she will call attention to your fussiness by yelling “Hey! Peace!” and all the little old ladies will give you a look that says, “What’s the matter with you? Shake the adorable little girl’s hand!” If you leave early or have to use the facilities, she will call attention to that as well by shouting, “Bye Bye! Thank you!” And when people walk past after receiving, she will inform each person that goes by, “It is Christ!”. It will be cute at first, but after two or three verses…

Yeah, you might as well get out now while you can.
 
No. My confessor encouraged me to do the same with loud/distracting children at Mass.
 
Sit in the front row.

Problem solved. You’re welcome. 😉

And the priest will feel less lonely too. They love having people closer to the front.
 
Allegra said:
I know that my toddler has pulled on my shirt and flashed my bra at least once during Mass. She’s lifted up my skirt once in a parking lot too, though I don’t usually wear skirts without leggings underneath. If you find that repulsive, then by all means take your fragile nerves somewhere less distracting because it ain’t gonna get any better.

She’s going to turn around and smile at you over and over again. She’ll stand on the kneeler and bounce up and down chanting “Gloria, Gloria, Gloria!” . She thinks “Let It Go” is an appropriate offertory hymn as long as you sing “Amen” at the end. She will expect you to shake her hand at the sign of peace, even though she’s had it in her mouth and it’s a tad bit moist. If you decline she will call attention to your fussiness by yelling “Hey! Peace!” and all the little old ladies will give you a look that says, “What’s the matter with you? Shake the adorable little girl’s hand!” If you leave early or have to use the facilities, she will call attention to that as well by shouting, “Bye Bye! Thank you!” And when people walk past after receiving, she will inform each person that goes by, “It is Christ!”. It will be cute at first, but after two or three verses…

Yeah, you might as well get out now while you can.
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What parish do you attend? DH and I will be there Sunday; our children are grown so we no longer provide the show but still enjoy kids at Mass.

Kris
 
Allegra said:
I know that my toddler has pulled on my shirt and flashed my bra at least once during Mass. She’s lifted up my skirt once in a parking lot too, though I don’t usually wear skirts without leggings underneath. If you find that repulsive, then by all means take your fragile nerves somewhere less distracting because it ain’t gonna get any better.

She’s going to turn around and smile at you over and over again. She’ll stand on the kneeler and bounce up and down chanting “Gloria, Gloria, Gloria!” . She thinks “Let It Go” is an appropriate offertory hymn as long as you sing “Amen” at the end. She will expect you to shake her hand at the sign of peace, even though she’s had it in her mouth and it’s a tad bit moist. If you decline she will call attention to your fussiness by yelling “Hey! Peace!” and all the little old ladies will give you a look that says, “What’s the matter with you? Shake the adorable little girl’s hand!” If you leave early or have to use the facilities, she will call attention to that as well by shouting, “Bye Bye! Thank you!” And when people walk past after receiving, she will inform each person that goes by, “It is Christ!”. It will be cute at first, but after two or three verses…

Yeah, you might as well get out now while you can.
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I think my toddler may have been trying to cause a wardrobe malfunction at Mass this morning, come to think of it.

She also kept trying to appropriate the folding chair of the college student in front of us (she’d squeeze in while he was standing up), she tried to monopolize TWO folding chairs at once in a totally packed out church, and (I’m hoping no one else could understand this) she was complaining loudly of a diaper wedgie. She also started yelling “I’m not going to bed!” at the “Our Father,” that being her primary association with the prayer.

Both middle kid and I are REALLY excited about heading back to the parish across town with the nursery.
 
The first time you do it, they’ll think nothing of it. The second time you do it, they’re may start to scratch their heads. The third or fourth time, they may start thinking you don’t like them.

At our parish, over half of the people go to their regular pews like cows going to their stanchions. If there is some problem with the front row, your best bet might be to find people who don’t distract you, and sit behind them.
 
I don’t think it would cause scandal. When I find myself thinking judgmentally of the clothing choices of the people in front of me (we have an anything goes parish- people show up in everything from suits to shorts to carharts with duct tape on them) I try to remind myself it’s none of my business and surely God is happy they just came to Mass, especially considering the low attendance outside of Christmas. To me, it’s an exercise in humility, because my judgement of them is surely coming from my own pride. If I find it really distracting, I try to spend more time with my eyes closed in prayer.
 
I don’t think it’s wrong to move. I have moved for lesser offenses like the tall and large couple who sat directly in front of me, blocking my view, when there were only about a dozen people in the entire church so lots of seats.
 
I have moved before too. Usually to get a better seat. Closer to the front so I can receive the eucharist from the priest.
 
I don’t think it’s wrong to move, and I don’t think anyone cares, but it seems a little fragile to me. I’d just ignore them, but then I always sit in the front row unless a special occasion like a baptism requires that I sit elsewhere. I am almost always the ONLY person in the front row as well. I don’t know if people just avoid the front row, or if they avoid me. 😃 (I’m not at all scary looking!)

I do think people should dress appropriately at Mass. They wouldn’t wear beach attire to dinner with the president, at least one hopes they would not, so they should be just as respectful of God. I don’t mean they need to wear expensive clothing, just nice, modest dress. Even if they wear the same thing every week. It’s Mass, it’s not a fashion show.

What bothers me more is the noise from screaming babies and young children. We have FOUR soundproof rooms for parents to take noisy babies and children, and they don’t utilize them as they should. I can ignore scantily dressed people at Mass by just not looking at them, but I can’t ignore an ear-piercing scream that occurs at the consecration. And that happens in the church I attend.
 
I’ll take what seems to be the minority opinion.

While it’s better to move than to be extremely distracted, I would kindly suggest that you might try to find a way to better deal with it. Being a mid to rear pew sitter, we often have people sit in front of us that are quite distracting - from shirts with printed messages, to the ones who decide to do their nails during mass, to the ones writing in their checkbooks, to infants, to even someone watching tv during the service. Obviously there’s some immodestly dressed as well, but it’s not something that’s a big issue for me, personally but the others mentioned can drive me crazy.

Anyway - the thing is, that we all (with all our imperfections) are members of the church family. And if at all possible, imo, it’s better to stay put then to move. I’d rather work on teaching myself how to focus on mass than cause someone’s feelings to get hurt, create gossip in the community, and create a distraction to others. Not to mention, with my luck, the couple would sit in front of me only moments before mass would begin and if I tried to move, I’d end up doing so during the processional! Or end up making the people behind me feel like I was avoiding them for some reason - and causing them to feel hurt/upset.

As someone else posted, most people seem to sit in about the same spot each week - so if these immodestly dressed people are even semi-regulars, simply sitting in a different section would probably prevent them from ever sitting in front of you again.

So would I consider it a scandal? Definitely not. But not exactly welcoming, and possibly a source for future friction.

So it comes down to what you are able to tolerate - move if you must 🤷
 
CradleJourney said:
I’ll take what seems to be the minority opinion.

While it’s better to move than to be extremely distracted, I would kindly suggest that you might try to find a way to better deal with it. Being a mid to rear pew sitter, we often have people sit in front of us that are quite distracting - from shirts with printed messages, to the ones who decide to do their nails during mass, to the ones writing in their checkbooks, to infants, to even someone watching tv during the service. Obviously there’s some immodestly dressed as well, but it’s not something that’s a big issue for me, personally but the others mentioned can drive me crazy.

Anyway - the thing is, that we all (with all our imperfections) are members of the church family. And if at all possible, imo, it’s better to stay put then to move. I’d rather work on teaching myself how to focus on mass than cause someone’s feelings to get hurt, create gossip in the community, and create a distraction to others. Not to mention, with my luck, the couple would sit in front of me only moments before mass would begin and if I tried to move, I’d end up doing so during the processional! Or end up making the people behind me feel like I was avoiding them for some reason - and causing them to feel hurt/upset.

As someone else posted, most people seem to sit in about the same spot each week - so if these immodestly dressed people are even semi-regulars, simply sitting in a different section would probably prevent them from ever sitting in front of you again.

So would I consider it a scandal? Definitely not. But not exactly welcoming, and possibly a source for future friction.

So it comes down to what you are able to tolerate - move if you must 🤷
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I go to a REALLY big church, one of those semi-circular ones. Our pastor never seems to be overly upset by crying babies (maybe he just really likes kids, I don’t know), but I do know if anyone tried to do their nails, watch TV, or something similar during Mass, he would stop and toss them out. He’s done it for less. He does like to have control of his congregation.😃

I have to admit, I was kind of shocked when I read your post. If someone is going to do their nails at Mass, write checks, or watch TV, why bother to even go? (Rhetorical, I don’t expect you to answer that question.) I’ve seen a lot at Mass, but never that! Wow.
 
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