I agree with her (even if a couple does find they have serious reasons to avoid while newlyweds, they still have to be ready to receive a child if God so blesses them with one).
Why are learning to live together, adjusting after marriage, etc. and having a baby mutually exclusive of each other, or, at least, exclusive enough that a couple should avoid having kids at first?
I am going to agree. Something that both my mother and I experience. was being pregnant and newly married (I had a honeymoon baby and mom’s pregnant by month 3 of marriage). And we both found that being pregnant and newly married actually made our marriages strong, cemented our relationship, and helped us adjust to living with our spouses. Everything was changing, so we got all those changes out of the way all at once.
(We moved 1000 miles away and I started law school and was pregnant all within a few weeks of getting married). But in all seriousness, husbands are really nice and accommodating when their wife is pregnant for the first time. 
Which makes learning to live together not stressful at all. 
I didn’t say they were mutually exclusive. I said that they both make each other more difficult. May not be true in all cases, but it was in mine.
Yeah, for the wife. It sure makes it easy to live when you are the one being coddled and waited on hand and foot.But in all seriousness, husbands are really nice and accommodating when their wife is pregnant for the first time.
gotta agree on this…but I’ll have to agree to disagree with the others…I believe this is why the Church left it up to each coupleWhy wouldn’t they be…we all know NFL is no guarantee of not getting pregnant, so your still open to life just learning to live with a new person…I’d rather do that one on one normally than pregnant…once the honeymoon phase is over -although I’m lucky ours really never ended- its a time -from when your first married- you will never get back- my advice to my friends that didn’t Co habit was to do this then have children, but again, the Church left the decision to each couple for
I don’t think adjusting to married life is necessarily not a serious enough reason to avoid initially. It may not be a good reason in all cases, which is why it is left to the couple to decide whether their circumstances are serious enough- but some people have a harder time than others dealing with change and too many things all at once can manifest itself in physical or mental health problems. One or both people moving, learning to sleep together, dealing with name changes (if applicable), figuring out how to shop and cook for two people, combining finances, getting used to sex, who does what around the house, etc. is a lot all at once, and some are better equipped mentally than others to handle it all. In addition, some people have not had good role models regarding marriage, and the beginning of marriage is really an exercise in turning around any negative behavior they’ve internalized and focusing on healthy ways to relate to one another as a married couple.
You sound resentful, which makes it more difficult to take anything you say seriously. I agree that being “coddled and waited on hand and foot” by a resentful man would make adjusting to a living situation difficult.
I am resentful. Not about taking care of my wife when she was pregnant, but about other things.
In another forum I find a woman being called a fool, and worse, because she’s delighted by the birth of her 19-year-old daughter’s first child. It is being said that 19 is too young. Our present-day system of being busy with university education or else being otherwise too impecunious to have children at that age seems to be indicted by the fact that so many people think that. The new grandmother says 19 is a good time for having children because one has strength and energy then. I am inclined to agree with the grandmother. I think if our ways of life make it unwise to have children at 19, then maybe our ways of life are unnatural and should be re-examined. (This particular 19-year-old got married in a Christian ceremony; her mother, now a grandmother, seems to be religious but not following any organized or systematic religion.)
to do if you didn’t immediately go from newlywed to learning how to handle a pregnant wife. They are both difficult and when you add them together,** it makes both of them even MORE difficult**.
I don’t understand the point here, having them too early will lead to divorce? Children don’t lead to divorce, parents do.
If the teams are losing, NFL may very well cause a lower libido… (sorry, bad joke)
You can be as ready to be married and mature as anyone in the world, but living with someone is still going to take some getting used to. That would be much easier to do if you didn’t immediately go from newlywed to learning how to handle a pregnant wife. They are both difficult and when you add them together, it makes both of them even MORE difficult.
See that is just it, I am trying to say we cannot assume we know what is a just reason for another couple. We don’t. You and your husband discerned you had serious reasons, and were even counseled by a priest. It is not wise to go around telling people they have just reasons as well, that they should avoid, when we have no idea if they should, and in fact, we might be encouraging selfish behavior instead. I am not refuting that the first year could be easier if a couple avoids, I sure think that living as a newlywed without kids would probably be easier than the months of morning sickness, followed by months of being big and not sleeping that well, followed by months of not sleeping and cleaning up spit up… yes, I do think it might be easier, but what is best? What is God’s will? Best/God’s will isn’t always easiest. We aren’t talking about what is easiest, what is the most fun, etc, we are talking about what is best for a marriage, and the best thing a couple could do for a marriage is try to figure out, and then follow, God’s will for them. We know for sure that in marriage, a couple should be open to (as in not avoiding) children, unless they discern they have serious reasons to avoid. That’s it. We cannot discern it for them, so telling them to avoid in order to enjoy each other without the responsibility of children is not a good idea. Saying people wished they would have had children later than what God sent them really doesn’t prove that God should have sent them later. A lot of people aren’t happy with God’s plans for them; it doesn’t mean God’s plans aren’t best.
Either way, if something is going on with your wife you help her overcome it, and she has to work towards fixing it… How does this change anything? Did you not know her before you married her to know if her behavior is characteristic of her or not? In fact, how do you know having more than one change at once won’t help the cause? It seemed to have helped in our case… Again, I am mentioning my case just to show we cannot make assumptions that about the need to wait as a newlywed for x, y or z reasons (which is what the OP brought up, and is the advice some people give out, to wait before having kids).
Again, Glad it helped for you - and was good for you and I’m really happy for you that you wanted those kids and didn’t mind giving up that time of getting to know your husband on your own without any pregnancy or child for the first year or two. Again - not what everyone believes God wants for them
See, in my rather limited an anecdotal evidence, is that waiting to have children, leads to a couple becoming set in their ways and complacent (like if you get married latter, it becomes more difficult to adjust to living together or having a baby (generally). Think about it. The older one becomes, one becomes set in their ways, they develop their own processes and ways that work for them. They work when they want to work, go out, stay in, clean, cook, eat out, save, spend on their own whims. Change just becomes more difficult in general, and having a child is one of the most difficult changes that most parents will experience. It might be better to undertake that massive change while one is used to making change and being accommodating. Think about it most young adults are moving a lot and accommodating roommates or family in their living arrangements. They have to be accommodating or they would be pretty miserable.
2371 "Let all be convinced that human life and the duty of transmitting it are not limited by the horizons of this life only: their true evaluation and full significance can be understood only in reference to man’s eternal destiny."161
), whether or not we enjoy being without children. Enjoying a decision we make does not mean we made the best decision. I do agree with you, people should do what they think God wants of them (and to figure out what God wants of them they need to form their conscience, they need to pray, they may need the guidance of a good spiritual advisor, etc).Marriage is ordered towards procreation, why would the default to have a stronger marriage be to avoid procreation?
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lifeisbeautiful;9075926:
Marriage is ordered towards procreation, why would the default to have a stronger marriage be to avoid procreation?
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Personally because I believe that a stronger marriage will be better for the children that will come later. Even if I didn’t have a health reason - that’s a “serious” enough reason for myself, my husband and my priest.
God Bless
Rye