Must newlyweds use NFP?

[EasterJoy]

Personal take - my wife and I hate NFP. Makes her feel like a lab rat. So we’ve never used it and we couldn’t care less. If you’re not actively looking to avoid, or having fertility problems, there’s no need for it.

The OP reported that it was an interesting habit for her, but your point is well-taken. While it could be argued that it is prudent to know what science allows you to know about your own body and fertility, there is no moral necessity to pursue that information where there is no immediate need for it. A woman certainly would not have to feel compelled to continue charting after she got an idea of how her body works and how the methods applies in her case, if she had no immediate intention to apply that knowledge in practical day-to-day choices.

 

[Nicko]

So using a condom then apologising in confession? Bad?

 

[Iheartcoffee]

I think it is important to chart and know NFP. You do not necessarily need to use it to try or not try for a baby. However, simply being able to chart and understand your cycles and what is normal or abnormal will make it much easier should you find yourself in a situation where you MUST avoid pregnancy.

I charted prior to getting married so that it wouldn’t be a hard or confusing thing when the actual possibility of getting pregnant would be a factor after the wedding. Sure enough, just a few months into our marriage I was matched as a stem cell donor for a man with a very serious form of leukemia. Getting pregnant is out of the question during the donation process because the drug that is used to mobilize stem cells could seriously hurt a growing baby. My husband and I used NFP very successfully and we did not have to worry about a surprise pregnancy while I waited for more word on when to donate my stem cells. Ultimately, the patient’s doctor decided another course of treatment would be better so my donation was not needed. However, I really love that I could be there for that man in his time of need to keep one more treatment option open for him.

In my opinion, it is still very important to chart and to know your body even during those times when you are leaving it up to God to decide when you get pregnant. You do not want to just start learning NFP or just start getting back into the habit of using NFP during a time when you have a serious reason to avoid pregnancy.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

So using a condom then apologising in confession? Bad?

Yes…

 

[ExGratia]

I think it is important to chart and know NFP. You do not necessarily need to use it to try or not try for a baby. However, simply being able to chart and understand your cycles and what is normal or abnormal will make it much easier should you find yourself in a situation where you MUST avoid pregnancy.

I charted prior to getting married so that it wouldn’t be a hard or confusing thing when the actual possibility of getting pregnant would be a factor after the wedding. Sure enough, just a few months into our marriage I was matched as a stem cell donor for a man with a very serious form of leukemia. Getting pregnant is out of the question during the donation process because the drug that is used to mobilize stem cells could seriously hurt a growing baby. My husband and I used NFP very successfully and we did not have to worry about a surprise pregnancy while I waited for more word on when to donate my stem cells. Ultimately, the patient’s doctor decided another course of treatment would be better so my donation was not needed. However, I really love that I could be there for that man in his time of need to keep one more treatment option open for him.

In my opinion, it is still very important to chart and to know your body even during those times when you are leaving it up to God to decide when you get pregnant. You do not want to just start learning NFP or just start getting back into the habit of using NFP during a time when you have a serious reason to avoid pregnancy.

Wow! You were practicing NFP so that you could give life (to someone already living). What a wonderful, powerful testimony.
The more I read from Catholic sources such as CAF, the more I see the beauty and usefulness of NFP and I’m thankful it exists even if I never really have to seriously apply its principles. We never know what the future holds for us or the ways we may be called to serve!

 

[Iheartcoffee]

Wow! You were practicing NFP so that you could give life (to someone already living). What a wonderful, powerful testimony.
The more I read from Catholic sources such as CAF, the more I see the beauty and usefulness of NFP and I’m thankful it exists even if I never really have to seriously apply its principles. We never know what the future holds for us or the ways we may be called to serve!

Thanks! I think it is always good to chart even when you don’t care either way about getting pregnant because you never know what may come your way.

 

[manualman]

So using a condom then apologising in confession? Bad?

Catholicism is not a legalistic religion. What you are describing is fraud, a classic example of confession without contrition. It’s a sacrament, not a magic act. God is neither fooled, nor mocked.

 

[ExGratia]

So using a condom then apologising in confession? Bad?

This poster obviously didn’t read what this thread is about. I think it’s best to just ignore!

 

[twoangels]

I think the Church really discourages people from condemning others for their use or lack of use of NFP. NFP requires sacrifice. It makes you take a step back and really think about what’s important. When you’re a virgin, everything you know about sex is based on what others tell you and can be rather abstract.

My husband and i intended on using NFP when we got married. We hated being in the situation we were in with the economy. My husband did not have stable employment when we got married due to the economy. He had finished his degree a few months after he proposed. We expected the engagement period to give him plenty of time to find employment. He found work with the Census, but that was not permanent.

We had every grave reason to delay having children, and I don’t think that meant it was wrong for us to get married. Then a friend’s husband of ours was laid off while his wife was 6 months pregnant. I realized that level of certainity and stability was an illusion. You do not know what is going to happen during those months of pregnancy. You can indeed seem ready and discover not all the pegs line up. Meanwhile my husband and I prayed a rosary where while i was meditating on the annunciation, I found myself dwelling also on the poverty of the Nativity. I felt like Mary knew that there was a level of financial instability going into her pregnancy. I felt like we were being beckoned to open ourselves up to a child. This of course was also motivated by the fact that I had vaginismus and NFP was making the stress of therapy worse. Together they were quickly hurting our marriage. So to try to consumate our marriage, we used our fertile time almost 2 months after we were married and conceived our daughter right away. My husband found employment in January of that year. My daughter was due in March but born in Feburary. God provided.

That’s not to say that things aren’t challenging now. There is always something and we definitely struggle, but our daughter is a great blessing.

So while we did discern to be more open to life, I don’t think that going into marriage with the intention of using NFP is immoral. I think expectations and goals change while you’re married. I think throughout marriage there is always the contraceptive mentality to avoid, but that if a couple clings to that mentality, it will hurt their marriage.

 

[spellinggirl]

So while we did discern to be more open to life,** I don’t think that going into marriage with the intention of using NFP is immoral. I think expectations and goals change while you’re married.** I think throughout marriage there is always the contraceptive mentality to avoid, but that if a couple clings to that mentality, it will hurt their marriage.

Bravo!

 

[Flluffycat]

NFP is a very useful tool–I’m not even Catholic but I used it go help me get pregnant…oops! I guess my husband had a part in it too

But seriously, it’s good idea–as someone else pointed out–to get the hang of it now, before you’re married so you won’t have to figure it out later.

A long and happy life to you1

 

[ryecroft]

Also, don’t forget that you are pregnant for approx. 9 months before a new baby arrives. Plenty of time to enjoy eachother without the responsibility of a child (for the most part).

But not plenty of time to enjoy each other without anything hanging over their heads. I expect you know quite well that once you’re pregnant, things change completely. It’s wonderful to have that year or two at the beginning of a marriage to get to know your spouse - to get to know how to live with each other without being sick because of pregnancy or worried about becoming pregnant. I’m so glad we did not get pregnant in our first few years. I have had so many friends who although they love their child(ren) so wish they would have put off having said child for at least a couple of years so they could get to know each other. To each is own and if you really feel you’re ready for kids in all ways, then that’s great, but realize not what you may be gaining but also what you may be giving up.
God Bless
Rye

 

[SusanneT]

QUOTE=ryecroft;9069768]But not plenty of time to enjoy each other without anything hanging over their heads. I expect you know quite well that once you’re pregnant, things change completely. It’s wonderful to have that year or two at the beginning of a marriage to get to know your spouse - to get to know how to live with each other without being sick because of pregnancy or worried about becoming pregnant. I’m so glad we did not get pregnant in our first few years. I have had so many friends who although they love their child(ren) so wish they would have put off having said child for at leRast a couple of years so they could get to know each other. To each is own and if you really feel you’re ready for kids in all ways, then that’s great, but realize not what you may be gaining but also what you may be giving up.
God Bless
Rye

Maybe it would be nice to have some time together and if that’s what happens then great but is that sufficient reason to delay deliberately ? I don’t think even parents ever feel ready for kids in “all ways” but if you don’t feel you are as ready as you need to be then surely you should wait a bit before getting married ? It’s not meant to be a one without the other option.

Maybe I was lucky in that I got married wanting and naively expecting to get pregnant. I would seek to criticise anyone for their personal choices but I do think it’s wrong to regard NFP as an automatic choice when you get married - the opposite should be true.

 

[28562]

Maybe it would be nice to have some time together and if that’s what happens then great but is that sufficient reason to delay deliberately ? I don’t think even parents ever feel ready for kids in “all ways” but if you don’t feel you are as ready as you need to be then surely you should wait a bit before getting married ? It’s not meant to be a one without the other option.

Maybe I was lucky in that I got married wanting and naively expecting to get pregnant. I would seek to criticise anyone for their personal choices but I do think it’s wrong to regard NFP as an automatic choice when you get married - the opposite should be true.

Well…if a couple does like they are supposed to and does not live together before they are married, there is a heck of a lot of adjusting to do after the honeymoon is over. You can be as ready to be married and mature as anyone in the world, but living with someone is still going to take some getting used to. That would be much easier to do if you didn’t immediately go from newlywed to learning how to handle a pregnant wife. They are both difficult and when you add them together, it makes both of them even MORE difficult.

 

[SusanneT]

Well…if a couple does like they are supposed to and does not live together before they are married, there is a heck of a lot of adjusting to do after the honeymoon is over. You can be as ready to be married and mature as anyone in the world, but living with someone is still going to take some getting used to. That would be much easier to do if you didn’t immediately go from newlywed to learning how to handle a pregnant wife. They are both difficult and when you add them together, it makes both of them even MORE difficult.

All that may be so, but is it really a justification to take positive action to delay, without a serious reason to do so ? Surely that is the very definition of a contraceptive mentality ?

 

[28562]

All that may be so, but is it really a justification to take positive action to delay, without a serious reason to do so ? Surely that is the very definition of a contraceptive mentality ?

To me, mom and dad learning how to live together and be happy is plenty serious enough to delay…we all know how detrimental parents that split up or stay together but don’t get along can be to the development of children.

 

[shainski]

hmmm.

My wife and i really were old when we got married. I was 44, she was 36. We knew many people in our age group who were looking into adoptions because of infertility.

We didn’t know how capable we would be. I remember how disappointed my wife was every time a new cycle came around knowing she wasn’t pregnant. Well, when i look back at it, it is quite funny - because while we worried, she did get pregnant within a couple months of our wedding. Our first child was born about three weeks prior to our anniversary. But for a month or so, sex was almost a chore. Once we let go of the pressure, then we were blessed with our first pregnancy.

Now we have 4 children (a span of 4 1/2 years). It all happened so quickly. We only used NFP during the months the doctor recommended that my wife not conceive - after a delivery.

And while it would have been nice to enjoy a little time together before the birth of our first (yes, the pregnancy did change everything) - and once the children were born, our lives have been like the perfect storm. Our youngest just turned 3 - we’re nearly out of diapers - and although we’ve lived in chaos for 7 years now, neither of us would trade it for anything else.

You have a great adventure ahead of you (and despite your protests, you are still quite young). Enjoy the journey.

 

[ExGratia]

hmmm.

My wife and i really were old when we got married. I was 44, she was 36. We knew many people in our age group who were looking into adoptions because of infertility.

We didn’t know how capable we would be. I remember how disappointed my wife was every time a new cycle came around knowing she wasn’t pregnant. Well, when i look back at it, it is quite funny - because while we worried, she did get pregnant within a couple months of our wedding. Our first child was born about three weeks prior to our anniversary. But for a month or so, sex was almost a chore. Once we let go of the pressure, then we were blessed with our first pregnancy.

Now we have 4 children (a span of 4 1/2 years). It all happened so quickly. We only used NFP during the months the doctor recommended that my wife not conceive - after a delivery.

And while it would have been nice to enjoy a little time together before the birth of our first (yes, the pregnancy did change everything) - and once the children were born, our lives have been like the perfect storm. Our youngest just turned 3 - we’re nearly out of diapers - and although we’ve lived in chaos for 7 years now, neither of us would trade it for anything else.

You have a great adventure ahead of you (and despite your protests, you are still quite young). Enjoy the journey.

You have really brought quite a smile to my face! I think the “chore” issue is the reason why my doctor said to just have fun and not worry about whether or not we conceive the first few months. When we got engaged, one friend prayed for many children and many adventures. A wise older friend said that when we have many children we WILL have many adventures!
All the best to you and yours and your many adventures!

 

[ExGratia]

And from what I understand, shainski, you are not old. All those children should keep you quite young!

 

[shainski]

And from what I understand, shainski, you are not old. All those children should keep you quite young!

well, i’m 52. So compared to the OP, i am quite old! With all the chaos in our house, i don’t have the time to consider whether or not 52 is old.

I started to think i was getting old when my wife and i were having a hard time staying up past 10 o’clock at night. But a few weeks ago, we went on a weekend excursion with two other couples (similar ages to us - and since they are childless, they wanted our kids to be there so they could enjoy the experience). We rented a big house with many bedrooms in a resort area (off-season here in Wisconsin)

I realized that my wife and i aren’t really that bad. After entertaining our children - both couples were in bed before us (and slept later).